The Over 40 Crowd

[chriss]

Hi Amy,
Words can't describe what I want to say to you. I am here for you, we all are. Give yourself time. No need to make decisions now. I am so very saddened by this and I feel deeply for you.

-chriss

[teachertam]

Amy: So sorry to hear your sad news. I hope you and DH feel better soon.

Tammy

[Catharine]

Hey Everyone

Just wanted to check in and see how everyone is.

Amy-how are you? been thinking of you.

Chriss-I've been missing your bursts of sparkling PMA.

JenB-How are you and DH. Sadly I can relate to his work stress. I hope there's resolution soon.

Andrea-how are you holding up?

Sonia-how are things? Is June still your target date?

Luanne-must be close to greeting those babies.

Hi to all the other ladies reading the posts here.

A quick update here, had first Ob appt. It went well. It felt like a piece of cake compared to the RE appts. It's a totally different ball field so to speak. Next week in for some usual blood panel tests and U/S. I still have some spotting but they seem unconcerned by it as it is not a lot nor is it bright pink to red. We did get to see the baby on a portable U/S in that appt. The quality was not as good as the RE's. But we could see the little bugger moving around. It look like he/she was doing star jumps for the camera Soon I'll be donw with the PIO, Yipppeee! My poor buttocks are bruised from the evening shots. I'm hoping that the spotting will stop once I no longer am self injecting.

Wishing everyone all the best. Take care of yourselves.

Catharine

[Kiwi expat]

Hi ladies

Wow-it has been a quiet week! Hope that means you are all busy and looking forward to a fun weekend...

Catharine - So nice to hear you and the baby are doing so well. Can I just ask a quickie? When you were on DHEA, did you take it all thru your stimming cycle together with your medication? And if so, when did you stop taking it - after you got your test results; or just after after ET?

The reason why I'm asking is because my doc is proposing a (radical?) FET by preparing my lining using a cycle of low dose stimming drugs. I've been on DHEA for a couple of months as a last resort to help improve my natural lining thickness. Apparently I fall into the group of 7-8% who respond poorly to the regular method of preparing the lining with synthetic estrogen (how typical of me ). I went into a bit of a panic mode as this may mean I can only receive a DE or have FET whilst I still have regular periods and can still ovulate. So there is a real urgency for me to proceed while time marches on...

Anyway, to cut a long story short - I thought I'd throw in quick cycle before I start work so I don't have the stress of a new job at the same time. Trouble is, I've already committed to a job of sorts (not really one I want tho) and now have to tell boss I can't start for a another month! I am now stressing out over that , but I haven't signed my contract yet but am more afraid of their reaction. Oh well, that's life - it's never straight forward is it?!! I've also been eating too much, drinking too much, and partying too much for the last few months (all the things you shouldn't be doing to prepare yourselves for the next cycle...). But it was all in the good name of 'therapy' for me as I was in quite a state as you all know!

I hope everyone is well. Big hi to Chriss, Amy, Sonia, Jen, LuAnne and everyone else logging in...

Have a fantastic weekend - I'll be going cold turkey and cutting out all the good things

Chat soon x
Andrea

[Catharine]

Andrea-you sound so upbeat
I took the DHEA up till transfer then stopped. In addition, I ate lots of pineapple and 'whole fat' yogurt, Dannon le creme leading upto the transfer and through the 2ww. Actually still eating the yogurt, not so much the pineapple; I'm kind of repulsed by it at the moment--hormones. Good for you for getting a cycle in before the start of a new job. Don't worry about them, this is more important. Keep that PMA going.

So, as my pregnancy is becoming more real to me, still a bit in disbelief and nervous that it's still too early to celebrate, I find myself researching the screens coming up. Will the worry ever end? I suppose this is the beginning in reality. My mum says she still worries about me.

Some tangent news. I've declined renewing my 6 month contract at work. First, if I were to elect to tell them of the pregnancy I would be released anyways. So I've eliminated that stress. Second, being a contract worker I am not privy to payed sick-leave, vacation, let-alone 'maternity-leave'. Finally, the boss is very rarely here to show any leadership or commitment to the business. Hence, the moral here is very low with undertones of synicism. Besides, I've a nursery to prep. We have 4 bedrooms full of junk it will take awhile for me to get a cleared room for this purpose. I can always pick up temp work here and there, teach night course what ever.

Wishing everyone a wonderfull weekend.

Cheers!
Catharine

[chriss]

(That one was for you Catharine!) Glad things are going well. Very cool to have seen the baby on the sonogram!! Keep up the PMA, you are doing it. Sounds like a good decision you made about work. Less stress is the best.

Hi Andrea, Catharine is right, this is what is most important now. I think we all have had to let work take the back seat at one point or another. That's just the way it has to be right now. This is only a "time in our lives." Some day things will get back to "normal." Glad you had fun eating, drinking, and being merry for a little bit. Now you are ready to get back into it full force. (Got it all out of your system... right?) Glad that you are back with us.


How are all the rest of you guys? Hope you are all well.

I've been pretty busy. Was up at my sister's for a couple of days visiting her & my two nephews. One of them is potty training right now, it was pretty funny. The little one is 7 months and he cries all the time. She has her hands full!


I've been going to new RE and things seems to be moving along. All the bloodwork and paperwork is in and we have things pretty much sorted out over there.



I am off of work this week for school holiday, so I've been enjoying the outdoors.



Any of you reading the book from Oprah's book club by Eckart Tolley? It is pretty interesting. DH and I are both reading it. Just curious what any of you think.



Missing hearing from you all. I haven't been on much either. Look forward to your messages.



-chriss

[Kiwi expat]

Hi all

Catharine - thanks for the great tips. Sounds like you have the perfect little project coming up, organising your nursery! Congrats on quitting your job too! I'm not really that upbeat but was just trying to put on a happy face and get some PMA going for this cycle...

Unfortunately things aren't going quite to plan. They found a small fibroid right next to the lining in the uterus in my scan today and it seems it will have a negative effect on any implantation if I go ahead with FET this month. So all is cancelled for now, & it's back to my regular doc for a second opinion and probable operation (gulp!).

I think I was being just a bit too clever trying to squeeze in another cycle before I started work - never mind. Just starting to get used to all the set backs life is throwing my way at the moment and quite frankly the way things are at the moment, this sort of news is becoming just a typical day for me... I have an apt this afternoon with my old doc (I love him to bits! so looking forward to getting his expert opinion on things) and we'll take it from there. - Sorry guys to be such a downer.

Hope everyone else is doing ok - not a lot of action at the moment huh?
Chriss - thanks for your cheery posts! They are such a mood lifter. What is this Eckart Tolley book on Oprah? I tried to log onto the book club web site and it wouldn't let me get any further. Sounds quite inspirational.

Anyway, enjoy your week off and Hi to everyone else!

Andrea

[Catharine]

Hey all
Andrea, hang in there. Do you recall what type of fibroid? I had to have a few polyps removed last year for the same reason. It's good that they found it so it can be removed. Sending you some PMA

Chriss-luv the sparkles bursting with PMA

I had an ultrasound today, wow how big the little bugger has grown. heart rate: 149. He/she was very active during the session, flexing leg muscles and arm muscles, then back and head muscles. So far every thing looks like its going according to nature's plan, phew! We'll know more in a couple of weeks after the measurement numbers have been crunched and compiled with the blood test results. I couldn't tell if we're having a girl or a boy, it's still a wee bit early for that, 12 weeks. At nineteen weeks I'll have another scan assessing the anatomy. I forgot to mention last time, I'm afraid I'll be having a scheduled c-section. Back in fall 2005 I had a huge fibroid, size of 5 month pregnancy, removed; it was within the musculature of the uterus. For removel they had to cut through multiple layers of the muscle to extract the bugger. Thankfully they did, eleviating all my back pain that I thought was a runners injury Anyways, the docs feel that the uterine wall is weakend from that prior surgery and thus want to avoid uterine rupture by performing a c-section. I knew this was a possibility but some how I feel I am going to miss out on pushing the little guy/gal out crazy I know.

Everyone take care. Sending out more PMA to all.
Catharine

[chriss]

Hi guys,

Andrea, what did RE say about it all? Sorry that you have to wait a little longer. Did old RE shed any light? Oh yea, the book is called A New Earth, by Eckhart Tolle. It's very good, all about living in the "now". It's a little bit of a tough read... and very spiritual. I read it slowly and often have to pause or re-read sections. I have found that it helps me. THere is another one that he wrote earlier called The Power of Now. (Very similar). If you do pick them up, let me know what you think. If you are interested in checking out the "classes" you can access them on oprah.com and download them. It is intersting to hear him dicuss it all with Oprah. See what you think.

Catharine, glad that you and baby are doing well. Heartbeat sounds good.
About the scheduled c-section, I know hou had your heart set on a regular delivery, so that must be tough. I know that you know this already...but I'll say it... trust your doctors, they know what is best. And I know that you do. Look how far they got you, right??? How are you feeling?? Hope that you are enjoying being pregnant!

Hi everyone, where have you all been? Missing you.

-chriss

[Sonix]

Hi everyone!

Checking back in and have missed you over the last few weeks. Sorry for being such a rubbish 40ies buddy just recently but I have been popping in to read again. It went all quiet here after Amy’s last post. It’s been over a year since my last BFN but sometimes they just hit me like they could be mine. I’ve also been away - on two business trips – which I’m glad to have out of the way before my next (4th) attempt at a run for transfer. Thanks to Chriss, Catharine and Andrea for keeping up the PMA around here!

Amy – just want you to know that I’m missing you and hope you are OK. Whatever you’ve decided to do, hope you and DH are feeling better now. Thinking of you.

Chriss – glad to have you around spreading the positive vibes. Good news about all the new expert advice you are getting. I feel good about the progress you are making. Everything seems to be falling into place. Do you have a schedule for re-start of treatment?

JenB – how are you doing with sorting things out with DH’s job? Makes you realize how supportive our DH’s are and how they are actually being incredibly strong for us. Whilst I am so often just preoccupied with me DH just seems to get on with life and I know he will be the one who will play a major part in getting us through this together if we end up having to settle for Plan B. Take good care of yourself and your DH – you so deserve things to go well for you.

Andrea – how you feeling? Sorry to hear about your fibroid problem? I can relate to what you say about this sort of news becoming just a typical day. Hope your docs get it sorted for you and get to start treatment again soon. Don’t worry too much about the new job if it’s not really the one you want anyway, but I know that is easier said than done. Hope you have managed to juggle things and are feeling better about it. Sending you some positive vibes.

LuAnne – any news??? So looking forward to hearing about how you and the babies are getting on. All the best!

Catharine – Congratulations on getting to that 12 week mark! Glad to hear all is going well and you’ve been able to make those important decisions about work. Less stress so that’s good. How’s the nursery planning and preparation work coming on?

With the help of 10 days on meds AF arrived on Thursday and we’re going straight into the transfer cycle this time. Started injecting again. Ouch! A new protocol this time is keeping my hope alive. If it was a regular lining problem I think my docs would have it sorted by now. Our specialist here confirmed during our appointment this week that my problem with lining not holding out is not very common. He insisted we keep him informed on our progress so sounds like I am quite an interesting medical case.
I’ve been trying to get my head round how this new protocol could work but this hormone stuff is all so incredibly complicated. Just when you think you’ve grasped it, the rug gets pulled from under your feet and you’re struggling again to find out how all the pieces fit together. Anyway I have my first scan on Thursday which will be cycle day 8. Just keep moving forward, right?!

And to Anna , Tammy, Bev, Yasmina and everyone else reading – take good care of yourselves. Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Love
Sonia

[chriss]

Sonia,
Yes, just keep moving forward. Sounds like your situation is uncommon so that makes you special!

Glad that they are all keeping an eye on you. Yes, you are right, just when you think you understand how a hormone works, you find out how a different hormone affects the original hormone you thought you knew all about. It is amazing how much we have learned as we've gone through all of these treatments. We've become experts. I've had my share of feinds and family come to me with their questions, especially after they have just been to a doctor. Sometimes I wonder if it is all that good to know so much. Ignorance is bliss.

Stay focused on this working. All this time, effort and patience will pay off. We are in it for the long haul, right?

Hi everyone. Thinking of you guys.

-chriss

[Kiwi expat]

Hi ladies - just popped in to say Happy Mondays...! And nice to hear from you Sonia!

Thanks Chriss for the book information. Will cruise by the book shop later in the week and see if they stock it out here.

Had another scan in the weekend and the fibroid has managed to morph into a UFO of some sort! (Unidentifiable fibroid object!!!). Like you Sonia, my RE is closely monitoring me and actually called me his 'interesting' case! I felt like yelling "I don't want to be interesting - I just want to be NORMAL...!!!" It now no longer looks like a fibroid, but has the consistency of a fluid filled cyst - in the uterus? What's going on? RE seems to think it may be hormonally influenced as I had been on low dose stims for a week before they found it Only time will tell - Next scan this Wednesday...

Catharine - thanks for keeping all our hopes up with your pregnancy updates. It's given me some courage when I heard about your fibroid story and now, look at you! Don't worry about the C-section too much. I know it is disappointing not to have the choice, but trust your doctors' advice as the most important thing is that you and your beautiful baby are happy and healthy at the end of the day.

Sonia - Best of luck for this cycle. At least the business trips in between treatment tend to take your mind of things and makes the time go faster. I know it did for me at my last job.
I can totally relate about feeling like the rug is being pulled out from under your feet, just as you start to get back up time & time again. Try not to worry - we're all going through this together and I have my fingers and toes crossed for you this month - your new protocol sounds really promising!

LuAnne - have you had your twins yet?!!

JenB - How are you my dear?

Amy - sending you big hugs...

Hi to everyone else loggin in today.

Andrea

[Catharine]

Happy Monday

Just 2.5 days left of work
But then what? no worries I've lots of home repair projects to organize: line up interviews with potential contractors and all.

Andrea-LOL on the UFO. Do you know if your UFO is synonomous with polyp? Like fibroids, uterine polyps are estrogen sensitive. In fact, the symptoms of polyps are very similar to fibroids. I'm sure your doctors will sort out everything.

Chriss-totally relate on the issue of beining the tomb of IVF: friends and family come with all their questions. I agree, sometimes ignorance is bliss. Keep up the PMA.

Sonia-sounds like your on your way. Will be thinking of you this week

Back onto reading too much info. I think I didn't mention the last appt the tech took several measurements of the fetal nucal fold at the neck. It was interesting to watch. Thankfully, several measurements were taken, baby was very energetic making the process difficult at best. I can see how a mis-measurement might occur if the profile isn't just right. From all my readings. The measurement I observed is right within 'normal' development. But then at our age what is normal? I will hold the faith that all is well. PMA Now we just have to figure out the best time to tell the family. Mum's day is next week, I'll be 14 weeks along. However, our local family is all booked up therefore no family celebrations. This is fine we wanted to get past 16 weeks preferably 18 weeks before we spill the beans. This will give us time to prepare for the looks of horror. Our family is quite opinionated on such matters.

A big hello to those I missed at the start of the post.
Wishing everyone all the best
Catharine

[summerbaby]

big hello to everyone and a huge thanks for all of your kind words and support.

to sonia - best of luck to you with your scan this week! I'll be thinking of you.

to catharine - happy to hear your pregnancy is going so well. wishing you smooth times ahead. enjoy your free time after your work ends to get those projects that are hanging around finished up, so you can get ready for the arrival of your bundle of joy.

to luanne - wishing you all the best for a smooth delivery and joyous arrival of your twins this month!

to andrea - sorry to hear about your fibroid/fibroid-type thing you've got there - do hope the doctors can get rid of it without too much trouble and that you'll be on your way again soon!!!

to chriss - best of luck with your next cycle! have my fingers crossed that this is the one for you.

to jenB - hope you are well and are getting things sorted out. almost time to start packing for your summer holiday! nice to have something to look forward to like that. enjoy!

to everyone, thanks again for all of your support and heartfelt messages. they really meant a lot to us. I can't say that we are over it just yet -- it is hard. There are still some days when I am so depressed I don't want to get out of bed, but I do and work on moving forward.
We were so positive, that the negative just hit us like a ton of bricks. We hadn't talked much about the fact that this was the last one, but we also knew it deep down inside.

After lots of talking and deciding that we really want to be parents, we have decided not to close the door completely and to look at other options.

We thought about going the DE route, but I think we are terribly afraid of another negative and kind of see it as another type of IVF lottery that also just might not work?...One thing I did find interesting about my research on DE is that IM in Barcelona doesn't even try "regular" IVF on women over 42 as the success rates are too low (mind you that there, like here, they can only transfer 2-3 embryos) and they go right to DE...

In his final letter, my RE didn't give any explanation about why he thinks it didn't work. In my opinion, if it is an implantation problem due to whatever, then even trying with donor eggs would be costly - I'm just wary that another doctor would just advise us to try it to see if it works, even if my body won't accept it in the end and we'll be again sitting there with another negative.

So, (to make a long story longer!) we've signed up to go to a seminar on adoption later this month. Whether we'll be seen as too old for this venture here in Germany remains to be seen. But we are excited and optimistic that this could work for us.

Wishing all of you all the best, lots and lots of baby dust and hoping we'll all realize our dreams on our journey to become parents.

I'll check in every now and again to see how everyone is doing!
Take care! xx Amy

[Catharine]

Amy-I know it is hard. My heart goes out to you and DH. I apologize the irony of me responding. Sometimes the lack of some explanation of why things are not working as expected just makes it harder to accept. Last year one of these wise women, whom I can not exactly recall, had some wonderful words of comfort, IMHO. They kind of went something like this, "In the grand scheme of life 'god' has a plan for you and DH. Have faith in the path he is taking you on. In the end you will be rewarded." I hope the seminar goes well. I can tell you from personal observations of my DH's brother and DH's brother's wife [DW ] the joy of parenting they experience everyday in raising their four adopted children: the oldest 25, followed by 12y, then 6 y and finally 1y. They had gone as far as IUI treatment but being devote to their religion felt that 'god' had a higher plan for them as adoptive parents. It is obvious to all who know them and the family how caring and nuturing parents they are. They listened and were rewarded more than they could have imagined before the children entered their lives. I just hope I will be as good as they are, I am comforted in knowing they are a wonderful resource to have on the sidelines for when I have questions.

Hi to everyone else. All the Best,
Catharine