Hi everyone
Having just finished our third unsucessful attempt at IVF we are considering what to do next. Still feel pretty numb at the moment - really kept such a positive attitude convinced it would help so all feels a bit unreal at the moment. Can't sleep as you go over and over everything in your head - if only someone could tell us why things don't work out. Feeling very bitter towards the clinic as they pushed us towards DE treatment saying we were such ideal candidates (I am now 41) and we had about 70 - 80 % chance of success - huh, what went wrong then!
Sorry that's my rant finished, for now anyway.
A friend asked me if I had ever thought of adopting yesterday and I although I have I don't know anything about it and where to start?
We are British but now living in Spain so could we use the UK system?
Would love to hear from anyone else who has or is considering adoption, it's such a difficult one to contemplate and DH isn't too sure at all. Although I know if we met a baby that needed a loving home it would make everything seem right and maybe that's what was meant for us all along? Or maybe we are just not meant to be parents - I really dont' know it's all so confusing.
Love to hear from someone with some advice.
Lol
Ali x
adoption - to adopt or not?!
adoption - to adopt or not?!
Me 41, DH 44
IUI in UK approx 1998 -tive
April 2006- 1 embie - ICSI - BFN
May 2007 - donor egg tmt in Mallorca, 2 embies, - BFN
May 2008 - FET DE 1 embie - BFN
IUI in UK approx 1998 -tive
April 2006- 1 embie - ICSI - BFN
May 2007 - donor egg tmt in Mallorca, 2 embies, - BFN
May 2008 - FET DE 1 embie - BFN
Sunseeker,
I wish there was something I could say that would make things all better for you.
On our 4th IVF cycle we finally got pregnant. The 3 previous cycles I didn't even make it to egg retrieval - they were cancelled because I was a poor responder. This last time we finally had 2 follicles that were ready together and we decided to go for it. There was only 1 egg and that little thing held in there and we became pregnant. We were ecstatic. But at the 1st u/s they found a slow heartbeat and the baby was a week behind in growth. At the 2nd u/s, the baby had died. It took my body a few days to miscarry. It was the most horrible thing I've ever been through.
To have our hopes brought up and then dashed like that made it feel like the earth was spinning out of control. We were/are heartbroken.
We're having the same questions. Do we adopt? Do we try IVF again? We really can't afford it expecially considering it's not a sure thing. Whereas adoption is. Do we just give up the baby idea altogether? Is it meant for it to be just us two for the rest of our lives? I don't know how to begin to make the decision.
It's only been 2 weeks since the miscarriage but I'm feeling pressured because of my age. I just turned 42. If we go for another round of IVF will we have any better outcome? My eggs are old. I don't want to use donor eggs because I want the baby to be ours. But...does that really matter? My heart is telling me it doesn't matter. Once that baby comes home with you, it's yours. Completely. I have a good friend that I babysat her daughter from birth to about 2 years old and I love that girl like she's mine, so I know that being related by blood isn't what makes you love a child.
I wish you the best of luck with your decision. I truly understand how hard it is.
Kristy
I wish there was something I could say that would make things all better for you.
On our 4th IVF cycle we finally got pregnant. The 3 previous cycles I didn't even make it to egg retrieval - they were cancelled because I was a poor responder. This last time we finally had 2 follicles that were ready together and we decided to go for it. There was only 1 egg and that little thing held in there and we became pregnant. We were ecstatic. But at the 1st u/s they found a slow heartbeat and the baby was a week behind in growth. At the 2nd u/s, the baby had died. It took my body a few days to miscarry. It was the most horrible thing I've ever been through.
To have our hopes brought up and then dashed like that made it feel like the earth was spinning out of control. We were/are heartbroken.
We're having the same questions. Do we adopt? Do we try IVF again? We really can't afford it expecially considering it's not a sure thing. Whereas adoption is. Do we just give up the baby idea altogether? Is it meant for it to be just us two for the rest of our lives? I don't know how to begin to make the decision.
It's only been 2 weeks since the miscarriage but I'm feeling pressured because of my age. I just turned 42. If we go for another round of IVF will we have any better outcome? My eggs are old. I don't want to use donor eggs because I want the baby to be ours. But...does that really matter? My heart is telling me it doesn't matter. Once that baby comes home with you, it's yours. Completely. I have a good friend that I babysat her daughter from birth to about 2 years old and I love that girl like she's mine, so I know that being related by blood isn't what makes you love a child.
I wish you the best of luck with your decision. I truly understand how hard it is.
Kristy
Kristy
I don't know what to say, I am so sorry for you, it must be absolutely heart breaking to lose the baby you longed for and thought you had at last. Life can be so cruel.
I know exactly what you mean when you say how difficult it is to make a decision on what to do next. DH and I were talking last night and we were saying how easy it is for so many people, they only casually think "shall we try for a baby" and hey presto it happens - and that doesn't count for all those accidents out there either!! Whereas we have to go through heart wrenching decisions on whether we should use our eggs, donor eggs, adopt, or do nothing.
I always hope someone will tell me what to do but of course that never happens, its our decisions, it would just be a lot easier wouldn't it!
I wouldn't rule out donor eggs though, if you have carried that baby for 9 months and give birth, then it's your baby make no mistake. We were advised by our clinic that because of my age and quality/quantity of my eggs that we were ideal clients for donor egg treatment, we had about 15% chance with my eggs and 75% with donor so we decided to go for it. As you know it hasn't worked out for us but you may be luckier - I don't know whats wrong with me, those little embies just don't seem to want to stick in there.
We have decided to go and see the clinic again but unless they can come up with some concrete answers/suggestions we won't try again. We are also going to speak to a doctor here who has adopted 3 girls from China to hear his side of the story and then maybe we will be able to make a balanced decision.
I am also conscious to count our blessings, we have a lovely home, are both healthy, have 2 wonderful scatty dogs and 2 fab cats, so we have a lot to be thankful for.
Take care, its very early days for you yet so don't rush any decisions and consider all options.
lol
Ali xx
I don't know what to say, I am so sorry for you, it must be absolutely heart breaking to lose the baby you longed for and thought you had at last. Life can be so cruel.
I know exactly what you mean when you say how difficult it is to make a decision on what to do next. DH and I were talking last night and we were saying how easy it is for so many people, they only casually think "shall we try for a baby" and hey presto it happens - and that doesn't count for all those accidents out there either!! Whereas we have to go through heart wrenching decisions on whether we should use our eggs, donor eggs, adopt, or do nothing.
I always hope someone will tell me what to do but of course that never happens, its our decisions, it would just be a lot easier wouldn't it!
I wouldn't rule out donor eggs though, if you have carried that baby for 9 months and give birth, then it's your baby make no mistake. We were advised by our clinic that because of my age and quality/quantity of my eggs that we were ideal clients for donor egg treatment, we had about 15% chance with my eggs and 75% with donor so we decided to go for it. As you know it hasn't worked out for us but you may be luckier - I don't know whats wrong with me, those little embies just don't seem to want to stick in there.
We have decided to go and see the clinic again but unless they can come up with some concrete answers/suggestions we won't try again. We are also going to speak to a doctor here who has adopted 3 girls from China to hear his side of the story and then maybe we will be able to make a balanced decision.
I am also conscious to count our blessings, we have a lovely home, are both healthy, have 2 wonderful scatty dogs and 2 fab cats, so we have a lot to be thankful for.
Take care, its very early days for you yet so don't rush any decisions and consider all options.
lol
Ali xx
Me 41, DH 44
IUI in UK approx 1998 -tive
April 2006- 1 embie - ICSI - BFN
May 2007 - donor egg tmt in Mallorca, 2 embies, - BFN
May 2008 - FET DE 1 embie - BFN
IUI in UK approx 1998 -tive
April 2006- 1 embie - ICSI - BFN
May 2007 - donor egg tmt in Mallorca, 2 embies, - BFN
May 2008 - FET DE 1 embie - BFN
-
claudjohnson
- Newbie
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Tue May 13, 2008 2:16 pm
I am so sorry to hear what has happened. However, don't lose hope. Take doodah66's case for example, her IVF became successful in the fourth attempt. It is normal to feel so frustrated though after several attempts, but as they say, as long as we're still living, there's still hope.
But, if you've already considered the option of adoption, that is okay. I think you have to consult the British Embassy there in Spain so they can assist you better on the legal matters regarding adoption.
I wish all will be okay.
But, if you've already considered the option of adoption, that is okay. I think you have to consult the British Embassy there in Spain so they can assist you better on the legal matters regarding adoption.
I wish all will be okay.
Click Here - 7 tips to Save up to 75% with Assisted Fertilization in Argentina with world renowned experts.
Hi!!
I know I can not offer adoption info for your area since I live in the US but I did want to tell you my story.
I had a ectopic pregnancy in 04 losing my tube. It was determined my best option was IVF to by pass my tubes. I got pregnant 1st try and everything looked great. Lost that pregnancy at 8 or 9 weeks. Did FET with remaining embryos... -ve. Started looking into Adoption but when I went back for my followup clinic offered me a free go. Got preggers again but had a loss early on. I was done I did not have it in me to do another cycle even though we have 8 frosties. The doctors wanted to do futher testing to see if they could figure out why I miscarry. I thought I would at least do the test.
While I am waiting for the test to come back (took several weeks) I found the most beautiful baby boy waiting to be adopted. I had looked at those beautiful babys all the time but never felt the urge to call about any of them until this one. He was waiting to be adopted but several families had called about him. The agency required you to be 'paper ready' (homestudy, fingerprints, background checks so on) before they would let you accept a referral of a child. We started the process of getting paper ready knowing that this child would most likely be adopted by the time we were done. Everything went quickly, we were paper ready in 2 weeks.
Called the agency and our son was waiting patiently for us and we formally started the process to adopt him!!! He was ours! After we started the process I got a call from the Fertility Dr with my lab results. They knew why I miscarried. I have clotting disorder that can me easily fixed. They even asked when I wanted to start my FET cycle. It was the 1st time in my life I knew exactly what I was meant to do. I told them no thanks but I had a son waiting on me already!
Our son has been home since October and he is the love of my life. I know adoption is not for everyone but it was for us!
Good Luck in whatever you decide. You will do what is best for you it just may take time to work through all the emotions to make the best decision for yourself!
I know I can not offer adoption info for your area since I live in the US but I did want to tell you my story.
I had a ectopic pregnancy in 04 losing my tube. It was determined my best option was IVF to by pass my tubes. I got pregnant 1st try and everything looked great. Lost that pregnancy at 8 or 9 weeks. Did FET with remaining embryos... -ve. Started looking into Adoption but when I went back for my followup clinic offered me a free go. Got preggers again but had a loss early on. I was done I did not have it in me to do another cycle even though we have 8 frosties. The doctors wanted to do futher testing to see if they could figure out why I miscarry. I thought I would at least do the test.
While I am waiting for the test to come back (took several weeks) I found the most beautiful baby boy waiting to be adopted. I had looked at those beautiful babys all the time but never felt the urge to call about any of them until this one. He was waiting to be adopted but several families had called about him. The agency required you to be 'paper ready' (homestudy, fingerprints, background checks so on) before they would let you accept a referral of a child. We started the process of getting paper ready knowing that this child would most likely be adopted by the time we were done. Everything went quickly, we were paper ready in 2 weeks.
Called the agency and our son was waiting patiently for us and we formally started the process to adopt him!!! He was ours! After we started the process I got a call from the Fertility Dr with my lab results. They knew why I miscarried. I have clotting disorder that can me easily fixed. They even asked when I wanted to start my FET cycle. It was the 1st time in my life I knew exactly what I was meant to do. I told them no thanks but I had a son waiting on me already!
Our son has been home since October and he is the love of my life. I know adoption is not for everyone but it was for us!
Good Luck in whatever you decide. You will do what is best for you it just may take time to work through all the emotions to make the best decision for yourself!
Jeck
1st IVF 3/06 lost @ 8w3d
FET 7/06 -ve
2nd IVF 10/06 lost @ 5w4d *8 Frosties Left
Became a Mommy through Adoption!!!!
1st IVF 3/06 lost @ 8w3d
FET 7/06 -ve
2nd IVF 10/06 lost @ 5w4d *8 Frosties Left
Became a Mommy through Adoption!!!!
we have adopted 6 of our foster children and we are now very proud grandparents.
at times it hurts . i try and stay away from the should of would ofs
and the what ifs and the whys.
we have a foster home for boys. my foster parents started the ranch. there are so many kids that need a family.
you can e-mail me any time.
at times it hurts . i try and stay away from the should of would ofs
and the what ifs and the whys.
we have a foster home for boys. my foster parents started the ranch. there are so many kids that need a family.
you can e-mail me any time.
we werent blessed with our babies to raise here but we our blessed with our grandaughter
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!
Jeck
Thank you so much for sharing your lovely story, you were so unlucky and then became so lucky. You must have meant to become your little boys Mum & Dad, how old is your son now?
We are still very much in a dilema but haven't got around to making any appointments to speak to either the clinic about why it didn't work or the town hall about adoption. We thought we would speak to them both and then try and make a considered decision. I know, like you, if we were to see a baby who needed a loving home we wouldn't hesitate but it's getting to that stage that scares me.
Anyway, thanks once again it has helped me see how anything is possible.
lol
Ali x
Thank you so much for sharing your lovely story, you were so unlucky and then became so lucky. You must have meant to become your little boys Mum & Dad, how old is your son now?
We are still very much in a dilema but haven't got around to making any appointments to speak to either the clinic about why it didn't work or the town hall about adoption. We thought we would speak to them both and then try and make a considered decision. I know, like you, if we were to see a baby who needed a loving home we wouldn't hesitate but it's getting to that stage that scares me.
Anyway, thanks once again it has helped me see how anything is possible.
lol
Ali x
Me 41, DH 44
IUI in UK approx 1998 -tive
April 2006- 1 embie - ICSI - BFN
May 2007 - donor egg tmt in Mallorca, 2 embies, - BFN
May 2008 - FET DE 1 embie - BFN
IUI in UK approx 1998 -tive
April 2006- 1 embie - ICSI - BFN
May 2007 - donor egg tmt in Mallorca, 2 embies, - BFN
May 2008 - FET DE 1 embie - BFN
Hi Sunseeker
I also live in Spain and am considering adoption (once again). Although my first cycle of ICSI was positive and I now have a little boy, today I got the result of my 2nd failed cycle in attempt for a brother / sister.
Before starting IVF for the first time DH (Spanish) and I went to an adoption meeting run by the Junta de Andalucia, which is basically an orientation meeting. Your local ayuntamiento will be able to pass on info. What we were told 3 years ago was the only way to adopt would be via another country (things might well be different now) and that it is a lengthy process approx 2 years.
My sister has adopted in the UK and through her experience I imagine it would be difficult to use the UK system unless you are living there because of the routine visit that is made to check the residence of the adoptee. However saying that maybe there is some system for expats. Most of the paper work would need to come via the uk if you decided to adopt via Spain. So either way there will be a lot of to ing and fro ing.
I´m sorry it´s not a lot to go on but what ever decision you come to will be the right one. Good luck x
I also live in Spain and am considering adoption (once again). Although my first cycle of ICSI was positive and I now have a little boy, today I got the result of my 2nd failed cycle in attempt for a brother / sister.
Before starting IVF for the first time DH (Spanish) and I went to an adoption meeting run by the Junta de Andalucia, which is basically an orientation meeting. Your local ayuntamiento will be able to pass on info. What we were told 3 years ago was the only way to adopt would be via another country (things might well be different now) and that it is a lengthy process approx 2 years.
My sister has adopted in the UK and through her experience I imagine it would be difficult to use the UK system unless you are living there because of the routine visit that is made to check the residence of the adoptee. However saying that maybe there is some system for expats. Most of the paper work would need to come via the uk if you decided to adopt via Spain. So either way there will be a lot of to ing and fro ing.
I´m sorry it´s not a lot to go on but what ever decision you come to will be the right one. Good luck x
Me 39 DH 37 DS 21 months
1st ICSI Nov 2005 BFP
2nd ICSI Jan 2008 BFN
3rd ICSI April 2008 - BFN
1st ICSI Nov 2005 BFP
2nd ICSI Jan 2008 BFN
3rd ICSI April 2008 - BFN