MAJOR RANT

[caz1]

CANNOT believe it - just cant believe it - the Fxxxing do gooders (ie the government) have today decided to remove ALL donor anonymity for eggs and sperm donors - because they feel that its right for teh child born of donor gametes to know that they have "two father" or "two mothers". and that at 18 they shoudl be able to go and knock on the door of their donor and introduce themselves. I mean WHAT a load of crap. Sorry but I feel really strongly about this nanny state stuff. I mean who the F*CK are these people to tell US - who have probably done more sole searching about this subject than they EVER will - how to love our lives and how to bring up our children.
Anyway probably all academic- because the majority of people will just stop donating

God - I'm upset - as you can tell!

Meanwhile they have also agreed that lesbian couples should be allowed IVF without any male figure being present - I have no problem with that because I thinkits THEIR business and NOONE elses - but hey, how come thats absolutely bloody fine and using a donor has to be everyones business ?? Its all just TOO politically correct and totally inpractical

I just think people should be allowed to tell their children when and if they want - which (calming down a bit now) I suppose you still could. But I think it would stop me telling if I knew that there was a person out there actually waiting to meet them at 18.??

God I dunno - its just really hit a raw nerve - I'm just so worried that the already tiny number of donors will just completely vanish. And I'll never get the chance to have the privalege of the dilema of whether to tell or not tell.

Nightmare eh?

REALLY sorry to rant -off on hols for a few days so will promise to be calm on collected on return!

Take care

Cazxx

ps - VERY happy to be told that I've got the wrong end of the stick!

[alypraying]

Hi Caz
As I'm waiting for donor eggs I can understand your rant, I'm so fed up with the HFEA always doing their best to make the process MORE complicated resulting in LESS donors. Ithink the choice to tell your son or daughter that they came from donated eggs/sperm is still your choice and I really don't know if I would tell him/her. this may be wrong but I guess I'd have to make that decision when their older. It does seem that the Goverment is doing everything possible to make IVF extemely difficult and adds to the stress and heartache we all feel.
Anyway thought I'd let you know how I feel.
Good luck with the donor
big hugs
Aly
x

[sharoninsomerset]

Hi Caz,

It's your old Buddy. Haven't posted in ages but still keep up with it all when I can. Saw how upset you were and had to post for you.

It's upsetting news! I'm not sure what the implications are exactly, looks like they have the right to find their biological parents, but I don't think that you would be forced to tell them if you don't want to. The regulations don't come into force until April 2005, does this mean that if you get pregnant now with donor sperm/eggs, then this regulation doesn't apply?

Obviously more info. will come out in the next few days. But I think it will effect donors numbers, which is just terrible.

I hope it works out for you anyway sweetie.

I'm on my 4th try We haven't told anyone this time (well only everyone on this site now!!) Just want to go through it without the stress of worrying about family and friends as well! I'm due for transfer on the 6th with assisted hatching and 3 embryos (if we get them) so fingers crossed!

Take care for now
Lots of Love
Sxx

[millie19]

So its definite then? But as Sharon said, it wouldn't mean that you would be forced to tell, that would still be your decision. But also there is now the fear that people won't donate. What a nightmare! If that law doesn't come into force until 2005, would it affect donors who are donating now? I am not absolutely sure how it works but doesn't the sperm have to be kept for six months before using it for further checks? then I think they can be used for up to 10 pregnancies? I am assuming that the law will apply to any child conceived after April 2005?

Can the existing donors withdraw their consent for their sperm to be used in light of this new law??

So many questions - as previously said, this just makes life much harder for those of us where donation is our only option.

Would love to hear from anyone who has answers to any of my questions.

Love

Millie xx

[caz1]

HI all - just a quick post
I dont think its retrospective so if you get pg before april 05 they remain anonomyous - but what happens if you want a sibling after April 05 from the same donor - I guess you cant (because that donor may NOT want to be identified!)

YOu are right - you can of course choose to never tell - and to be honest I think this just makes our decison for us -.....i think its very unlikely we'd ever tell now. Not sure thats the affect the HFEA wanted - but its what'll happen (in Sweden more and more people apparently arent ever telling their children - this , simce donor lost the right to remain anon)

Still angry about it - noone EVER seems to make the point that 10s of 1000s of kids are donor born and never know it and never have any deep mental problems - of course every now and again you hear of a donor child having problems - but you hear of plenty of other kids having problems with their parents too. Why is it that because we are infertile the government feels it has the right to tell us the best way to bring up our children. What a load of b*llocks.!!

Anyway....Sharon!! So good to hear from you babe - good luck with everything- is SO hope it all works out for you. Please do keep in touch - you might need somewhere to vent yr feelings if yr not telling anyone in teh "outside world"!!

Taek care

Cazxx

[july ann]

hi girls

ivf is always in the new's at the moment but I think it is funny that this has been brought up now when the goverment are testing the water's for free ivf tmt.This sort of press just make's people that have no problem getting pg think the whole thing is wrong and the positive stuff is left out of the new's.

well I have donated my eggs and it would not stop me from doing it again. I have seen and felt what it is like not to have children but the young men who donate will think twice.

I feel if that people will use other way's which have not got the strict codes that are in place now i.e buying sperm of the internet. This could lead to far more problems. Are they going to blood test every baby that is born to make sure that the father the woman say's is the father is the father. You only have to watch trish in the mornig to see how many woman do not know who the father is...

well that is my rant over with hope I have not gone on to much. I think I could talk about this all day.

caz have you watched the video from the donor network which talks to children from donated eggs and sperm.

well catch up soon

july ann

[diane30]

hi girls

i think it is from april 2oo5 that donors loose anon
as im already pregnant with di it wont effect me this time, but i prob wont be able to use same one again if i wanted bro/sister
its really going to make things worse there is already a shortage as i found out when i was having my tmt

doc told me they dont use one donor any more than 3 times otherwise there would be brothers and sisters all over the place

anyway i think this is terrible and is going to have a terrible effect on people wanting sperm and egg donars

love di

[Traci]

HERE BLOODY HERE CAZ

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Traci]

WE should all get our banners and show em!!!

[Lorraine]

Oh Caz -
Just when you think you've come to a decision and are making peace/getting comfy with it - then another curved ball is thrown at you!!

David and I watched the news last night and were talking about all of those couples who would now be affected - we talked about you - as we often do - its funny he often asks about you Sharon and Jo as though we are all old friends - I think he THINKS he knows you too - even though he's never even read anything on the board!

We were thinking of the impact this would have on you and wondered how you were feeling. You are so right to feel anger - I think it is very understandable - especially with regard to your fears about the availability of donors.

I think as the other girls have said - in the end it will still be your personal choice how you deal with this issue. Whilst you are right to give the idea of DI such great thought and intense scrutiny - I would have thought how you deal with any child born with that help will always be something that you then have to 'feel' your way through later (sorry if thats a little too naive - remember it comes from someone - who has no real understanding of the situation you are in) But I just think whilst it's important to have thought through the differing options - in the end it will depend on what you feel is right for you and your child at that time.

The truth is Caz you have a warm, generous, loving heart and any child you have will be blessed by that - in the end your actions will come from a pure place and because of that you will do no wrong - I am sure of that - so have the courage of your convictions my friend!

I wish you and all the other girls on the DI thread much happiness.
Take Care.
Lorraine.
xxxxx

PS - OMG! Sharon you secretive squirrel - I have left you a post on my life after thread!!!!!

[millie19]

Lorraine, you are so right in what you say. I have been blessed with a daughter following DI treatment and we are now attempting to conceive another and all of us in this situation battle with the decision of 'telling'. Its so hard and although you say you have no experience of this particular situation, you have hit the nail on the head. We love and cherish our daughter more than anything in the world, and whatever our decision, I have always felt that everything will turn out for the best because, as you say, whatever happens, any decisions we make are from the heart and based on what we truly believe is best for her.

Love Millie x

[caz1]

HI all!
THanks so much for replying - Sharon - you are such a star thanks so much for keeping track with my woes!

I feel a bit less mad now that I know I'm not alone in my thoughts - lets hope someone from the government and HFEA is doing their homework and reads things like this chat room before they make any decisions on our behalf.
I dont think they realise that they have only been looking at one side of teh story because people who are "private" by defination havent come forward so readily with their views. Still post hutton I guess it seems like the government and their cronies are only ever interesting in one side of teh story!

I was thinking that surely there should just be a 2 tiered system like in teh USA - when a donor can choose to be anon or open - and people choosing donors can choose and anon donor or an open one. that seems quite sensible to me - but I'm sure I'm missing teh point!

Take care all

Cazxx

ps - I am still totally confused about whether to be open with people or not about how I conceived (you guys excepted I sort of dont think its most peoples business!?)- but I certainly wouldnt feel comfortable with meeting the donor EVER!