Do you feel 'connected'?

[MLB]

I am 28 weeks, and one of my relatives keeps asking me if I feel any more 'connected' with the baby. I think she means bonded, which I do not feel....so I say 'no' and this makes her very upset. She says she has never met another pregnant woman that says she does not feel connected to her baby. So I am wondering, am I abnormal?? I do feel bonded with friend's babies and I am very excited when the little one inside me moves, but I have not met him/her and cannot honestly say that I feel overly connected to him/her.

To make it worse, this person ended the conversation cautioning me to be aware of postpartum depression, implying that I will have trouble bonding with the baby at the very least.

What would you say to someone that you are related to that says things like this??

Thanks,

[sharishu]

MLB,
Is this person for real??? I would tell her that you are feeling perfectly normal emotionally, and there are many moms who need time to bond with baby even once they are born. I DON'T know many moms who feel sooo bonded with the fetus. You are right- you haven't met him/her yet, so it's all quite abstract, except for kicks and flutters. I feel the same as you. I am sick of relatives giving unsolicited, know-it-all advice, so your post struck a nerve with me. Relax, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, and tune out all unnecessary blabber.

Shari

[geckogirl]

I feel exactly the same way you do. It is exciting to feel him move and watch by belly grow but, no, I do not feel "connected" to him yet. A friend asked me the very same question last week and I was flabbergasted. How can I "bond" with someone I haven't met yet? I am sure I will once he is born. Don't let this obnoxious, know-it-all, relative get you down! You are normal!

[chelly180]

I would tell this relative to back the f*** up and mind their own f***ing business! Just kidding, I wouldn't really say it but I would sure think it!

Is this your 1st baby? This is my 1st, I am 9w6d...and quite frankly I don't know what to think of this pregnancy. Of course I am not as far along as you, but I think its normal for your 1st pregnancy to feel like you are. I would tell the relative that their comments hurt your feelings and you are taking this pregnancy one day at a time and you don't appreciate them hedging bets on you have postpartum depression. If they can't give you the positive emotions you need during this time, then just don't communicate with them.

When I first told my MIL that i was expecting, all she did was talk about how horrible the labor is and how aweful her birth experience was b/c they didn't have any drugs. Really??? Did I REALLY need to hear that ???? I told DH it upset me and he told his mom to back off.

Good luck!
Michele

[riogirl71]

Don't let anyone make you feel bad about this. I feel very connected to the idea that we are having a baby but to be honest, I don't feel "connected" in a bonding sense yet. Of course it is awesome to feel him kick and move and I am loving the idea that we will have a son. But the fact that I am not "connected" yet does not make me a bad mom. There are so many things that we worry about, it and being on this board I think we know too much. So maybe we are waiting to see his/her face. No one should judge you for that!

[sugabeanzs]

UGH! People! Sheesh. I have the same "problem" you do with connection. Yes, I know I am pregnant but some days dont feel like I am. I know I want these babies and will love them...but it is hard when they are inside of you and you do not see them every day. I felt the same way but when we had a little scare a few weeks back I cried and cried and knew that wow, there may be a little connection there. So tell them to leave you alone you are not the only one out there with this situation.

[SDtrying]

I would tell her- "perhaps all your friends are concerned that you might be judgmental and that they are just telling you what they think you want to hear rather than the truth"

hee-hee. just like chelly said- i wouldn't say this myself either- but i would certainly think it!!!