I feel like it's never going to happen! Any advice?

[snapper]

Sorry to crash your board. I never came on here...was only on the IVF board. Then I peeked on your board and realized how much better it made me feel to read all of your success stories.

I just feel like it's never going to happen. Do any of you have any advice to give me on how to stay positive. I have moments when I feel positive...but, the moments of worry far outweigh those.

Anything you could say to help me get through this time in my life would be so much appreciated.

Thanks.

[Vickyp]

Hi Snapper

I read somewhere that IVF is one of life's most stressful experiences (inc divorce, death, etc) and without a doubt a big part of that is trying to stay positive. It's completely normal and okay to feel down sometimes but you must must know that even in the most difficult situations it can and does very often happen.
The trouble with IVF is that it makes trying to be unstressed really stressful - you know it's not good for conception but sometimes it's hard not to be.
All I can say is that I spent thousands of hours & £'s, on IVF and in the end I have been SO lucky and now have a little boy and a girl on the way. You must never give up hope it does work.
I did lots of yoga and had acupuncture as well whilst I was trying and the yoga particularly helped me relax - which I'm sure make success more likely. I suppose the whole way through I always thought it would work but of course after each failure, mscarriage etc I had a massive weep but then tried to think positively and carry on. It is totally gruelling of course but you must try and keep in mind that it works for thousands of people every year - why not you? Read lots of success stories and believe in yourself and your ability to get pregnant. GOOD LUCK and take care. Love Vicky

[riogirl71]

Vicky- there are numerous posts on this board from girls that got pregnant on their n th attempt, some even as high as 9 tries. Please keep the hope and the PMA that your miracle will happen! I wish you tons of baby dust!

[children]

Hi Snapper,


Don't know how many times that you have tried and don't know how old your are, but many of us have not even started to try until way over 40 and our stress is unbearable sometimes - apart from the nature of ivf put you under desperation, we also need to count in days not in months or years for our fertility disadvantages. It is indeed very hard.

Many people who are not doing ivfs always believe that you will become a parent one day, they all see ivf is only a pass to get there, you won't need to do this forever. However, for some reasons, we ivfers never see the same, we see only hopeless, stress and desperation after each failed cycle. The thing annoyed me the most was my DH was among those "optimistic group".

Now I have already one child and one ongoing pg through 5 ivf cycles at age 46, I look back and could not believe what kind of dark ages that I had passed before - I cannot believe how many cries that I had after my failed ivf cycles, the worst thing was there was no explanation to either successes or failures. My best way to deal with hopeless times was to read online on other people's stories. I found several infertility blog sites that I read constantly and hope to get encouraged by their strength, and it did help to know I was not alone in this game.

I also tried to stay positive by doing regular exercises (running and swimming) and practice yoga.

Hope that you will find a way to stay positive. All the best!

[alittlegrace]

Snapper,
Hi. I want to take a minute to encourage you, because I know how difficult IVF is.
My husband and I have a wonderful , healthy 15 year old son that was conceived naturally and quite simply. Since his birth, we had an extremely difficult time having more children. We suffered five m/c's and a stillborn little girl due to a cord accident. After we lost our daughter I could not get pregnant and could not understand why.
When I turned 34 we decided to see a specialist for one more try. I found out I had diminished ovarian function and even on all the IVF med's the RE could not get me to produce more than one or two eggs, and she could not get my E2 levels up high enough to even be sure there were eggs in the follicles. She told me she was reluctant, but that she would work with us for one more cycle; she also told us not to get my hopes up.
THe third cycle started out horrible, and my E2 level only went up to 270. I had three follicles and begged her to try retrival. After much convincing she did and got two eggs. Both took and I am now 24 weeks pregnant with twins. My RE was and is shocked, and told me she has never heard of someone with that low of and E2 level to get pregnant.
Don't give up hope, you have to beleive even when things seem impossible. I did a lot of praying and spent my two week wait resting as much a possible.

I hope this helps,

A little Grace

[alittlegrace]

Snapper,
Hi. I want to take a minute to encourage you, because I know how difficult IVF is.
My husband and I have a wonderful , healthy 15 year old son that was conceived naturally and quite simply. Since his birth, we had an extremely difficult time having more children. We suffered five m/c's and a stillborn little girl due to a cord accident. After we lost our daughter I could not get pregnant and could not understand why.
When I turned 34 we decided to see a specialist for one more try. I found out I had diminished ovarian function and even on all the IVF med's the RE could not get me to produce more than one or two eggs, and she could not get my E2 levels up high enough to even be sure there were eggs in the follicles. She told me she was reluctant, but that she would work with us for one more cycle; she also told us not to get my hopes up.
THe third cycle started out horrible, and my E2 level only went up to 270. I had three follicles and begged her to try retrival. After much convincing she did and got two eggs. Both took and I am now 24 weeks pregnant with twins. My RE was and is shocked, and told me she has never heard of someone with that low of and E2 level to get pregnant.
Don't give up hope, you have to beleive even when things seem impossible. I did a lot of praying and spent my two week wait resting as much a possible.

I hope this helps,

A little Grace

[snapper]

I can't thank you ladies enough for sending me your stories and your encouragement. It's so hard to be the only one who is going through this...I have no friends or family who have been in my position. "Talking" to everyone on this board makes me realize that I'm really not alone and that others have endured this and came out on the other side.

Thank you so much.

[amysbabies]

Snapper I'm kinda like you ~ none of my family or friends have or had trouble conceiving...everyone either has healthy children or are pregnant now..and even though they say they understand and know what I'm going through I know they really can't know.

This board makes me feel like I'm not the only one and to stay strong because so many women out there are in the same boat. I don't know how I would have handled 2 miscarriages w/o everyone here.

[Mellie_1233]

I'm so sorry for what you're feeling. It really is an incredibly difficult thing to go through. I had no idea until I actually experienced it.

There were a couple of things that helped me. First, I reminded myself that there would be a time in my life when I would be happy again. I was gonna be a parent. If IVF didn't work, there were other options such as egg donation or adoption. Even though we want to be positive, these alternative options gave me a lot of comfort. I knew that no matter what happend, that 5 years or so later I was going to be a mother and that when I had that baby in my arms it wouldn't matter how it got there. I remember thinking that people getting treatment for things like cancer don't have that guarantee. It somehow gave me a lot of comfort to know with certainty that I was going to have a happy ending no matter what I had to go through to get there.

Also, I started seeing a counselor for the first time in my life. She reassured me that I was a resilient person and that I was handling a tough situation well. She listened. I did a lot of crying in her office. She helped me come up with a plan to get through the day. Sometimes I brought my DH and it helped us understand each other better. It was very helpful.

Finally, at some of the worst times, I "assigned" myself 10 minutes to cry every day. I would come home from work, and even if I felt relatively ok I would just force myself into the dark place and cry for 10 minutes straight and then it was over. I really tried to "let go" for the evening. This strategy helped quite a lot. This was something that a friend of mine was told to do by a therpist when her father died. It was somehow cathartic and allowed me to get through the rest of my day.

Hang in there! We were all where you are now at one point.