I thought I was doing well...

[snapper]

I was doing so well...trying to stay positive and it was pretty much working. Then, yesterday I found out a girlfriend was pregnant, this morning I got a baby shower invitation, and this evening my sister-in-law gave birth to her first baby.

It just feels like too much right now and I don't know how to handle it. I know I'll have my positive moments again, but I feel pretty hopeless and sad for tonight.

Any words of inspiration for me?

[amysbabies]

O Snapper .... I can completely relate to how you're feeling sweetie... my eyes are red and puffy as I write this....

A friend and I had planned my best friend's baby shower before I miscarried and made a teary diapercake and tried my best to be happy and cheery for her at her shower. Another friend of mine is also pregnant and keeps talking about her pregnancy details to me which at the moment (I'm sorry to her but) I could care less. AND yet another friend of mine who thank goodness lives miles away in another state is also pregnant ...

I too had thought that I was over it and ready to move on...I was tear free for weeks...until today. I went for a methotrexate shot this morning and have been feeling kind of drab since.... then on t.v. I see a commercial with a mom and a new baby and the tears start flowing.....so I start looking at my one and only u/s pic at 5 wks and remember how happy I was and how I thought that this was my time after all these years...and how happy DH was and how he used to talk to my tummy. I realize that I'm not over it... and I need more time...as much time as it takes.

I'm sorry that I don't have any inspiring words for you .... I just thought I'd share and let you know that you're not alone.

I believe God has a plan for all of us.... sometimes the road is bumpy and sometimes it's smooth...sometimes it's not the plan that we want or think should happen.

[valerie68]

Hi Snapper,

I totally relate to you as well. It is so hard for us IVF girls to receive such news and no amount of preparation is ever enough when we are faced with such that reality. Wow, and that's a triple whammy for you.

I found out last month that my cousin was pregnant and as I adore I figured I would be thrilled. I was but I was devastated at the same time. I cried my eyes out as if my heart had been torn out. I stayed heartbroken for a few days until I decided that I needed my energy to concentrate on what I was doing and not waste energy on something I could not change. I felt happy for her and tried not to think about anything else and her pregnancy until I felt more healed.

Is there anything I can say to make you feel better? I don't know. Feelings are feelings and we have to let them live and deal with them. We each have to find a way to find a solution within ourselves and feel better. I concentrate on myself and it has worked for me. Am I totally over it yet? No, absolutely not, but I feel better. Perhaps it will work for you too.
Just cry if you need to.... it relieves our greatest pains.
I would go see the new baby and hold him and hug him, knowing that one day soon it will be your time. I see babies and I totally melt and my first instinct is to hold, hug, love them and not feel any bad feelings at all.
Maybe that would help you!

I hope you feel better soon and know that we are always here to listen and support you.

HUGS!!

Val

[meg12]

Snapper...maybe I am stepping on toes here since I was blessed with a healthy baby one year ago but I just had to tell you that I think we all know how you feel. I can't tell you the number of times in the years we were ttc that I cried after someone told me they were pregnant---it makes you feel like such a horrible person because you are happy for them but you have such a humongous feeling of jealousy. And that jealousy just really leads to a lose of hope and the deepest depression that I truly don't think anyone who hasn't struggled with infertility can understand.

But I am testament to the fact that it can change so fast. Life is so amazing at the complexity and speed of change. I hope that you get to know the ups of IVF soon and in the mean time, I pray that you can get through the lows.

(PS--here's an evil little secret. I still get that horrible, jealous feeling in my stomach whenever someone takes their fertility for granted. You know, those people who are having kids left and right and don't seem to really care about any of them or the ones that say we might get pregnant next month if we feel like it and then fricking do with no problems----I want to just smack them when I know there are so many people like you out there that would be such awesome parents......I just don't understand how life can be so unfair sometimes!!!!!!! sorry for the venting session!!!!)

[amysbabies]

How are you feeling today Snapper? I'm feeling better than I did yesterday...

[snapper]

amysbabies

Still a little shaky for now. I'm up and down. Thanks so much for asking...it really helps so much to talk to you ladies. I'm going out to dinner tonight and decided that I deserve a nice, cold margarita...just one...

Hope you are doing well!

[amysbabies]

Heck YES Snapper!! You do deserve a cold strong margarita!! Wouldn't I love one too but on this Metho I'm not allowed.....

I'm so glad I found this board too....

[stefanie]

You are exactly where you should be. That was a lot to take in. And even though you are happy for these people, it gets to be a lot.

I have a friend (pregs) who annoyingly makes me rub her belly 'for luck' every time I see her. I don't want to. I don't want to be her pathetic friend who needs HER magic. I know she means well, but I hate it.

You will have a family one way or another. Your path is taking a long time,, but when it happens, you will not whine or complain or be obnoxious about it, because in this time you have learned about real gratitude for the small things, and how to give to others (like posting here).

Compare and despair (my mantra)
Step back. that was a lot to take in. You are not a bad person for feeling this way.

I had one a couple weeks ago (in my 2ww) where friends (actors) sent me their baby announcement that was in PEOPLE MAGAZINE. and they knew what I have been going through. It was a bit much.


thanks for posting on this topic.
stef

[godivagirl]

I can so relate. My SIL just popped out her 3rd all under 4 years old. She is like a freakin pez dispenser for babies. We didn’t even see number 2 when it was born, I just couldn’t bare it. Thank god they live out of town. My husband is named after his father, the name goes back 5 generations. My BIL and SIL named the new one, their first boy, Frederick the family name. Like everyone had given up on me. I felt awful, like failure, and our major issue is male factor! Mine is just tubes!
So you are not alone, you are soooo no alone. We can feel your pain, roll around in it and we all try to hide it.