Sperm motility and Genetics

[Confused]

I have a question in regards to male infertility. I am currently dating a lovely man with a view to getting married shortly. He recently made me aware that his brother and wife are having problems concieving and have done for the last 3 years. His brother has poor sperm motility and the fact that he drinks and smokes really does not help his situation. His brother and wife have now started a course of IVF treatment but the first cycle failed.

I have recently been reading up on the topic and i am beginning to worry that this is a genetical problem, which may affect my boyfriend too. The age difference between my boyfriend and his brother is over 8 years, which makes me wonder whether his mother and father (father in particular) had problems concieving too, which makes me question whether or not it is a heriditary problem, or just a lifestyle problem due to the fact that his brother drinks and smokes excessively.

I have asked my boyfriend on numerous ocassions to speak to his brother and find out whether or not his brothers consultants have told him whether or not it is a genetical problem or something else. I know this sounds very selfish of me, but theres nothing in the world i want more than children, and i would prefer to know upfront whether we will have problems concieving early on in a bid to do something about it now rather than years down the line when i begin to lose all chances of natural conception due to age. I have been extremely sensitive when raising the subject with my boyfriend. He seems to be worried about losing me if there is a problem, which makes me wonder whether he is intentionally witholding information from me, or denying himself (and me) the right to know in fear of getting bad news. This is causing me more stress than anything.

Any advise and information would be most useful.

Thak you,
Confused

[loopie]

hi confused

well, you have a lot of questions that need answering and asking!

1stly - is this the man you would like to spend the rest of your life with?
Does he want children at some point for sure?
Does he want them sooner than later, and does he know that no kids is a deal breaker for you?
Is he willing to have a sperm test?
have you had any fertility testing done?
Would you and soon to be DH be ok with a sperm donor if he has a serious problem that IVF cannot help?
Are you perhaps jumping the gun worrying about what might not be a problem at all?

my 2cents:
I'm not sure how I'd feel being asked to discuss my sibs infertility and what is wrong specifically, so his lack of motivation may be a desire not to pry, not a desire to elude. Something you might try is getting to know the SIL- and ask her what's going on (women can be much more open about this stuff) - I doubt many men want to discuss the old "shooting blanks" thing if that is what is going on.

Finally, I am not of the opinion that his brother's situation has much bearing on yours. My dh's sibs all have had kids very easily, and his bro has 3, of course they had them years ago, so age can become a factor, but I'm guessing my Dh's morphology and #s situation is unique to his family and nothing to do with lifestyle.

anyhow, enough of my ranting, hope you can find the answers you seek.
best to you!

loopie

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[TwinMommy]

I will say that my husband has "dented" sperm. Not bad but it is there and we did ICSI as a precaution to it. Anyways, the doctor told us that it is genetic. Him and his brother are 5 years apart so maybe their father had it as well? But as you can see they still had two boys with dented sperm. Our fertility issues were mine so if there is a lack of motility it may not be that bad as to where you will never get pregnant. You can always just have him tested once you are married and want to start having children if you do not get pregnant within 6 months to a year of trying.

But if this is the person you want to be with then you need to be delicate of course with the whole situation and explain to him your feelings but keep saying that it does not effect your relationship and you wanting to marry him. You just want to be prepared. If this is the man you want to marry then I would say do not worry about it until the time comes. Worry about it then. There is so much modern medicine out there that if motility is the problem, it is not a bad problem that can not be solved with IVF or Artificial Insemination.