I just really need to have a rant. I didn't want to do it on FCB thread as I'm worried about being really negative. I'm not negative about my cycle (I'm currently the owner of 16 follies), but just feel sooooo low.
Last weekend we were meant to go to a christening. I declinced as I really couldn't face it, especially as I knew there would be several people there who were pregnant. Dh went and I just moped around the house all day.
And then this weekend dh had arranged to meet up with some friends yesterday. Both couples are expecting their first child. So again I declined, and spent the day crying. I just dont think I could face it. I don't think dh understands how I feel.
I am also not phoning anyone as I am just too miserable to speak to people, and worried that I will just burst into tears.
Do other people feel like this?
Is it the drugs having this much affect, or am I always going to be like this?
Hope I am not the only one. If I am, maybe I should give counselling ago!!!!
From Sophie-Jane
not really coping.
Jane you poor thing yes you are one of many and your not a freak 
and you are not alone cause we are here to give you{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ big cyber hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
it is most probably the hormones being cruel to you , you are dealing with a huge time in your life right now and of course you are going to be anxious and scared to the thought that you will never be a mum but it will happen , you must try and stay as possitive as you can I know its hard but it does help get you through this ordeal , Yes councilling is there for a reason , USE IT as much as you feel the need , there are lots of us that use them and feel much better after, anyway you rant as much as you like
Take care
Trace x
and you are not alone cause we are here to give you{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ big cyber hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}it is most probably the hormones being cruel to you , you are dealing with a huge time in your life right now and of course you are going to be anxious and scared to the thought that you will never be a mum but it will happen , you must try and stay as possitive as you can I know its hard but it does help get you through this ordeal , Yes councilling is there for a reason , USE IT as much as you feel the need , there are lots of us that use them and feel much better after, anyway you rant as much as you like
Take care
Trace x
1st cycle own eggs Neg
2nd cycle own eggs Neg
3rd cycle cousins eggs Neg
4th cycle unknown donor eggs Neg
Going to have sisters eggs Feb 06
NEVER GIVE UP!
2nd cycle own eggs Neg
3rd cycle cousins eggs Neg
4th cycle unknown donor eggs Neg
Going to have sisters eggs Feb 06
NEVER GIVE UP!
Hey Sophie-Jane
You can rant to us anytime. Theres not much to say apart from it is really hard. You've come a long way so far though and everyone has these spells. I found it hard to cope a couple of months back and like you argued with dh constantly, he is a great support but I don't think he will ever understand fully whats it like, thats what is so good about this website.
For me I felt that I'd lost control of most aspects of my life, postponing social things, worrying how to handle work, panicing about my studying and just being a general b***h everytime I opened my mouth. I ended up deciding that it was for the best if I was signed off work for the full three weeks and being honest with my boss. I feel much better now than I did and seem to handling everything ok but I still have my moments and dh still drives me nuts, he was moaning over the weekend about not being able to go out for a few pints after the football yesterday (cause we need good sperm on Monday) and always makes stupid comments about how he can fit this all in to his work (yet he wants this maybe a wee bit more than me and wouldn't dream of missing an appointment/scan that I have). Its the age old thing men can't do two things at once, ie think and open their mouth.
Whats important is that he's there for you when you need him and just like us being crabit, its ok (once in a while) for them to be a wee thoughtless and not understand.
Hang in there, just think what it'll be like if you end up one of the lucky ones and as for heading for divorce I can honestly say that I feel our relationship is now stronger for all this (doesn't stop me wanting to slap him for watching too much football rather than making me a cup of tea though).
You'll be fine.
Lots of Love
Wendy
You can rant to us anytime. Theres not much to say apart from it is really hard. You've come a long way so far though and everyone has these spells. I found it hard to cope a couple of months back and like you argued with dh constantly, he is a great support but I don't think he will ever understand fully whats it like, thats what is so good about this website.
For me I felt that I'd lost control of most aspects of my life, postponing social things, worrying how to handle work, panicing about my studying and just being a general b***h everytime I opened my mouth. I ended up deciding that it was for the best if I was signed off work for the full three weeks and being honest with my boss. I feel much better now than I did and seem to handling everything ok but I still have my moments and dh still drives me nuts, he was moaning over the weekend about not being able to go out for a few pints after the football yesterday (cause we need good sperm on Monday) and always makes stupid comments about how he can fit this all in to his work (yet he wants this maybe a wee bit more than me and wouldn't dream of missing an appointment/scan that I have). Its the age old thing men can't do two things at once, ie think and open their mouth.
Whats important is that he's there for you when you need him and just like us being crabit, its ok (once in a while) for them to be a wee thoughtless and not understand.
Hang in there, just think what it'll be like if you end up one of the lucky ones and as for heading for divorce I can honestly say that I feel our relationship is now stronger for all this (doesn't stop me wanting to slap him for watching too much football rather than making me a cup of tea though).
You'll be fine.
Lots of Love
Wendy
Oh Sophie-Jane, of course it's Ok to rant and it's always Ok to get peeved with DH! That's what they're there for, aren't they??
I would say counselling has got to be worth a try. I've read posts from people who say just having someone who understands really, really listen is great. Anyway, it can't hurt can it?
.....and of course it's the hormones, couple them with all the people around you, blissfully going about their way getting pg naturally etc. and it's no surprise. We're all full to the brim of chemically produced hormones, think how whacky some women are with PMS - we're juggling so many more!
Keep positive, you've lots and lots of follicles waiting to give you hope!
love
Debra.
I would say counselling has got to be worth a try. I've read posts from people who say just having someone who understands really, really listen is great. Anyway, it can't hurt can it?
.....and of course it's the hormones, couple them with all the people around you, blissfully going about their way getting pg naturally etc. and it's no surprise. We're all full to the brim of chemically produced hormones, think how whacky some women are with PMS - we're juggling so many more!
Keep positive, you've lots and lots of follicles waiting to give you hope!
love
Debra.
Sophie-Jane, poor you honey!
Ranting is what this site was invented for and we have ALL done it at some point. I'm guessing if you are at the 16 follies stage you are obviously in the middle of tmt and therefore at the height of taking all the drugs........these make you freak out and be overly emotional and totally irrational. You've just got to go with it....its like having the worst pmt ever!!
Your dh needs to recognise that you are feeling shitty because of the drugs and expect for you to be horrible to him (mine has got used to it!), and totally irrational about your behaviour.
Keep posting on here and we'll all help to make you feel sane and more cheerful. This stage does pass and you will feel better. Is this your first tmt?
I hope your tmt is successful and then you'll soon forget how you are feeling right now and will soon be feeling f*ckin fantastic!!!
Lots of love and big hugs.
nikola.xxxx
Ranting is what this site was invented for and we have ALL done it at some point. I'm guessing if you are at the 16 follies stage you are obviously in the middle of tmt and therefore at the height of taking all the drugs........these make you freak out and be overly emotional and totally irrational. You've just got to go with it....its like having the worst pmt ever!!
Your dh needs to recognise that you are feeling shitty because of the drugs and expect for you to be horrible to him (mine has got used to it!), and totally irrational about your behaviour.
Keep posting on here and we'll all help to make you feel sane and more cheerful. This stage does pass and you will feel better. Is this your first tmt?
I hope your tmt is successful and then you'll soon forget how you are feeling right now and will soon be feeling f*ckin fantastic!!!
Lots of love and big hugs.
nikola.xxxx
hihi sophie-jane, can i just say that yes u are normal, goodness me
all the drugs u have in your body of course u are going to be
emotional, i have spent many a day last years sobbing my heart out
thinking that nobody understood, and to be honest apart from a
couple of friends who have had fertility probs and the girls on this
site i dont think people realy do understand.
As for avoiding friends who are pregnant, i was exactly the same,
i lived next door to my lovely brother and sister in law, 2 toddlers
whom i adore, but sometimes i just couldnt face them, and it was
heartbreaking sometimes when i heard them playing in the garden
with their friends, i just use to go indoors and cry.
I do hope u feel a bit more positive this week.
alison xx
all the drugs u have in your body of course u are going to be
emotional, i have spent many a day last years sobbing my heart out
thinking that nobody understood, and to be honest apart from a
couple of friends who have had fertility probs and the girls on this
site i dont think people realy do understand.
As for avoiding friends who are pregnant, i was exactly the same,
i lived next door to my lovely brother and sister in law, 2 toddlers
whom i adore, but sometimes i just couldnt face them, and it was
heartbreaking sometimes when i heard them playing in the garden
with their friends, i just use to go indoors and cry.
I do hope u feel a bit more positive this week.
alison xx
Hi Sophie- jane
think the girls have said most of it but i just wanted to add my bit too you are totally normally we all have been through the rough times and all them drugs to your body wont know where its at, my dp is also wonderful but he really doesnt understand either dont think any one does at all unless they have been through it all just remember we are all here for you whenever you need a good rant iv done my fair share of ranting on here to,
i have my i.v.f consultation on monday the 1st march i have recieved funding and should get all the dates when i can start not realy sure as this is my first try im having icsi and im absolutely def sure i will be on here having a good old rant and rave arrggggggggghhhhhhh the nerves are starting to get to me now
i look forward very much to you telling me its all ok and that you have a great big fat +++++++++++++++++ive
((((((((((((((((((((((((big hugs ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
and remember you are SUPERWOMAN we all are if we can all go thro this hell then we can all do absolutly anything
good luck to you hun
Love Ang xxxx
think the girls have said most of it but i just wanted to add my bit too you are totally normally we all have been through the rough times and all them drugs to your body wont know where its at, my dp is also wonderful but he really doesnt understand either dont think any one does at all unless they have been through it all just remember we are all here for you whenever you need a good rant iv done my fair share of ranting on here to,
i have my i.v.f consultation on monday the 1st march i have recieved funding and should get all the dates when i can start not realy sure as this is my first try im having icsi and im absolutely def sure i will be on here having a good old rant and rave arrggggggggghhhhhhh the nerves are starting to get to me now
i look forward very much to you telling me its all ok and that you have a great big fat +++++++++++++++++ive
((((((((((((((((((((((((big hugs ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
and remember you are SUPERWOMAN we all are if we can all go thro this hell then we can all do absolutly anything
good luck to you hun
Love Ang xxxx
Hi Sophie-Jane,
it's really hard and you are not the only one. i used to get so angry with my dp about the smallest thing during the treatment, you are so on edge and however anyone tries they cannot understand if they have not been there. and men do not have all the physical and emotional side effects, all the mood swings and pains and aches that just make everything so hard. as for not feeling like talking to people, these attempts take so much mental and emotional toll sometimes i just could not be bothered to be social. I also feel that visiting babies is more than one can reasonably ask. My dp went to visit a colleague who had just given birth a week or so after i had a m/c and it made me cry my eyes out just thinking about it. so you see i think your feelings are pretty normal...it would feel so much better when you get lucky and you have a good chance with 16 follies!
good luck and take care,
juliana
it's really hard and you are not the only one. i used to get so angry with my dp about the smallest thing during the treatment, you are so on edge and however anyone tries they cannot understand if they have not been there. and men do not have all the physical and emotional side effects, all the mood swings and pains and aches that just make everything so hard. as for not feeling like talking to people, these attempts take so much mental and emotional toll sometimes i just could not be bothered to be social. I also feel that visiting babies is more than one can reasonably ask. My dp went to visit a colleague who had just given birth a week or so after i had a m/c and it made me cry my eyes out just thinking about it. so you see i think your feelings are pretty normal...it would feel so much better when you get lucky and you have a good chance with 16 follies!
good luck and take care,
juliana
Hi sophie-jane
im feeling much the same as you as i never had these side affects with my last treatment i think im getting double the dose, i keep losing things i put them away in the wrong place and then stress when i cant find what im looking for i keep snapping nearly had a ruck in tesco with dp because he thought it would be funny to muck about well normally it would be but not that day, everyone keeps asking me if im ok and i just say yeah but really want to shout no and have a good cry but did that last week and i could not stop was crying for about an hour on and of and thats just not me i had to go out with really red puffy eyes.
every morning my partner gives me my injection and calls it the moody juice im hoping they will start to ware off soon when i start my next injection which hopefully will be thursday, so hopefully we will both be feeling good and back to ourselves soon i think you are a few weeks ahead of me good luck with everything
Susan
im feeling much the same as you as i never had these side affects with my last treatment i think im getting double the dose, i keep losing things i put them away in the wrong place and then stress when i cant find what im looking for i keep snapping nearly had a ruck in tesco with dp because he thought it would be funny to muck about well normally it would be but not that day, everyone keeps asking me if im ok and i just say yeah but really want to shout no and have a good cry but did that last week and i could not stop was crying for about an hour on and of and thats just not me i had to go out with really red puffy eyes.
every morning my partner gives me my injection and calls it the moody juice im hoping they will start to ware off soon when i start my next injection which hopefully will be thursday, so hopefully we will both be feeling good and back to ourselves soon i think you are a few weeks ahead of me good luck with everything
Susan
Thank you all so much for your posts. It really frightened me that I am so moody and miserable. The nurses tried to warn me when we first started but I thought that as I never got pmt then the drugs wouldn't affect me either. Ha Ha how naive am I?
I did wake up in a better mood today. I am off work now for a week and a half and this has chilled me out a bit. Mind you I was so chillded this morning that I nearly missed the cut off time for the blood test!
Thanks again all of you. I am so glad you are there. You've made me feel normal, so I'm off to tell dh this (if I can find him, I think he's taken to hiding in the shed!).
Love to you all, and cheers for your time.
from Sophie-Jane
I did wake up in a better mood today. I am off work now for a week and a half and this has chilled me out a bit. Mind you I was so chillded this morning that I nearly missed the cut off time for the blood test!
Thanks again all of you. I am so glad you are there. You've made me feel normal, so I'm off to tell dh this (if I can find him, I think he's taken to hiding in the shed!).
Love to you all, and cheers for your time.
from Sophie-Jane