Dec/Jan Cycle buddies!!!!

[JennLB25]

Sorry, I have to vent and I'm at work and can't vent to anyone here (the attorney's don't want to hear it).

Ya know, in my life, if something can go wrong - it will!!

I just found out that I have two lumps on my thyroid (one on each side). I now have to go to a specialist to see if they are malignant. Come on already. I've waited 11 years to get this close to a BFP and now I may have to wait longer!! I swear, the (devil) is wearing me thin and he's loving every minute of it. GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! I don't know how much more I can take!!!

My RE said that as long as my thyroid is working correctly and as long as the lumps are not malignant, we can move forward with the Lupron in December and IVF in January.

Anyway, just had to vent for a minute. Sorry girls, my PMA went out the window real quick this last week.

Hope you all are having a better week than I am!!!

Good luck on your cycles.

[wishing4baby]

JennLB25, i am so sorry for what you are going through. You will be in my thoughts and prayers that everything works out and you can start your cycle as planned. Try to focus on staying positive. You deserve that BFP!!

[JennJenn]

Sorry to hear that JennLB25. It will be ok. I know it's easier said than done, but we are hear for you.

The FedEx man just knocked on my door and gave me this ginormous box. I was startled for a second. I knew the meds were coming, but i was sort of overwhelmed. I start Lupron on the 12th. I separated all of the meds into separate bags so that it is not that much of an issue for me. I am not that nervous about the Lupron. I am terrified about the PIO. It now seems real. I am scared.

[wishing4baby]

JennLB25, i am so sorry for what you are going through. You will be in my thoughts and prayers that everything works out and you can start your cycle as planned. Try to focus on staying positive. You deserve that BFP!!

[amfmbaby]

hello ladies I have been MIA it has been a crazy week between family and work. I had a funeral and then putting in as many hours as I can. My company goes by ETO earned time off and it is prorated. I want as many days off during my cycle as possible. Had appt with my primary he gave me the go ahead for round 2 I am meeting with RE Tuesday to discuss new protocol and hope to have my dates soon.

jennlb25 so sorry to hear about your situation go ahead vent away I have good ears (eyes). I know how hard it can be to keep PMA when it seems like life is getting in the way of plans. Try to focus on your cycle and keep eye on the prize. We are all here for you.

Jennjenn I am so with you I was terrified of it all and the big box is scary. Its amazing how much stuff we get and have to use but you will soon realize it is going quick and you get nervous about running out I didn't think that would happen. I hated the PIO not from the pain but the bruising and sensitivity best advice use ice and lots of it.

wishing4baby congrats on preparing for FET I am date envious and cant wait till Tuesday to get going.

well ladies I hope time goes by quick and before we know it we will all be reporting BFP I am off to work. Oh and SPROUT AP is amazing I don't think I have ever felt that relaxed in my life. Well be doing it again and trying to get DH in to.

[MOH]

I just found out today that my first IFV has failed. My 2WW was crazy with anticipation, fear, hope and emotions. My DH was SURE all along that not only was I pregnant, but actually pregnant with twins. I on the other hand, was sure nothing is going on eventhough my BBs were soooo sore and I felt really different and strange.

So, it looks like I am headed towards a second IVF cycle sometime in Dec-Jan.
I feel drained...

I am 41 so time is really not at my side...

[JennLB25]

MOH Sorry to here about your let down! If you have the financial means to do a 2nd IVF, then I pray that you get your BFP on that cycle!! Keep your head up, the next one just might be the one!

amfmbaby If in the end I find out that my thyroid is ok, then we could possibly be on the same cycle if you start meds in lad December and have ER and ET around mid January. GOOD LUCK AT RE!!

wishing4baby Thanks for the support. It does help a little to know I have women going through the same emotions I am and that can understand how I'm feeling. THX!!

JennJenn Thanks for the support as well! About the meds, all I have so far is the Follistim and Lupron but I was surprised they came in such a big box. I have no clue what other meds were ordered for me. That's if they were even ordered (due to this new development with my thyroid). Good luck with your cycle, I pray you have news of a fantastic Christmas gift this year!!!! Once your cycle is over, I'll hopefully just be starting mine. I'm scheduled to start Lupron around the 30th of December (depending on my cycle and the thyroid problem).

THANKS LADIES!

Good luck on your IVF cycles!

[MOH]

JennLB25 - Thanks you so much for your kind words! We are fortunate to have the means to go through as many cycles as required. The thing is being 41 does not exactly allow me the luxury of having 5 or 6 cycles.
I had only 2 good eggs retrieved and both fertlized and transferred perfectly. I am just so afraid that I will run out of eggs soon...

Trying to stay optimistic... this board certainly helps.

[JennLB25]

MOH CONGRATS on having the funds for all the IVF's needed. I understand though you don't feel time is on your side.

Me and DH only have this one shot at IVF. Our insurance changed and they actually cover one IVF per lifetime. We don't have the financial means to do more than this one IVF.

DH and I have talked though about the possibility of having more EMBIES than we need. RE seems to think that could be a possibility. So, we've decided that if we have more EMBIES than needed, we want to donate them to another couple like us who are struggling to have that MIRACLE child. That is, of course, if we can get our first try to work. I'm praying it does work the first time because DH and I would not be the only ones blessed with this IVF, we would possibly be able to bless someone else. We have waited a LONG 11 years to get this close to a BFP.

Good luck with your cycle. Hopefully they can get your meds right so that you produce many quality eggs!!!!

[ann d.]

Hello... I hope you don't mind me joining your group. I am going to be stimming December 5th with a ET for Dec 17th. As you can see from my signature, this is my 2nd fresh cycle.

I was catching up on your previous posts and just wanted to say good luck to everyone on this crazy emotional journey. I have been on this website before and have always found comfort in knowing there are other women going through the same journey.

Now... I have to get this off my chest. It's been bugging me all day. I had a horrible night last night. My DH is out of town in Vegas. So I decided to have some old girlfriends from high school over. Wouldn't you know it, that one of them is now preggers? It was a bit of a shock because she's not married nor was planning this. She knows of my IVF journey and felt horrible telling me she is pregnant. Then I felt bad that she felt that way. Weird, huh? I was elated for her because I know she's always wanted a baby and she does plan to marry the father-to-be soon. I also found out that a couple of other girls from my high school (close friends of hers) are also pregnant and due around the same time. I was okay hearing that and put a smile on my face when she told me. However, when my girlfriends left, I couldn't go to sleep and found myself crying in bed all alone. I think I slept for 3 hours! I started feeling sorry for myself, wondering why I'm going through this, what have I done wrong?? Thinking everything you're not suppose to. I was miserable. And DH isn't here to comfort me. I didn't want to tell him b/c he already feels that he is to blame for our infertility. I don't to ruin his good time in Vegas with my pity party but I sure miss him. I feel alone in my pain. I thought posting my story would help me feel better.

Today I had an accupuncture treatment, and I hope that helps me with tonight's sleep. I have tried putting those horrible feelings aside and telling myself that my time will come. I keep saying, "I cannot gauge my happiness by comparing my life with others." For a few moments I felt good, but not any longer. I know I will feel better. I have to get my PMA back and out of this funk! Sorry for the downer post!

Ann

[wishing4baby]

Welcome MOH and Ann d.

MOH, so sorry about your recent BFN. I understand the disappointment. My DH and I were convinced I was pregnant with twins the first time and the negative was so painful. But as soon as you start stimming for the next round, your sense of hope and excitement will come back. It's a fresh start with another chance at getting to your BFP.

Ann d, I totally understand what you are saying. I have never been a jealous person, but everytime I hear of someone pregnant, and there are a lot of them on my DHs side of the family, I get so jealous and sad for myself. I am happy for everyone but sad for my DH and I. I get nervous bc my little sister has recently started trying to get pregnant, and although I pray that my sister doesn't have to struggle with infertility like I do, I know that deep down I will be a little sad when it only takes her a few months. I will be sooo happy for her, but again, sad for me.

It makes me feel like a horrible person, but I think we have the right to feel a little down for ourselves every once in a while.

I hope November goes quick, because the wait is killing me.

[ann d.]

MOH- I'm sorry about your BFN. I know how devastating it must feel. These IVFs can really kick us around emotionally. My DH was also very sure it worked for us the first time around. When we got our BFN, I wasn't sure if I was more upset about not being pregnant or that his hopes were crushed. My heart just ached. Wishing4baby is right. Once your next cycle starts, your sense of hope and PMA will come back. Things will get better!!

wishing4baby Thank you for your reply. I am starting to feel better... only a little. My DH just called and I really tried to act positive and cheery, but it didn't work. I didn't say anything to him about the news of my girlfriend, but he knew something was up. I had to get off the phone quickly because my voice started to crack as I was holding back tears. I had a good cry afterwards. I can't wait to see him Monday so I can share with him what's going on.

I'm getting anxious to start stimming for my next round. On my first IVF, we had 11 embryos. I hope that we can make that many this time around, all good ones. My RE says we're going to shoot for 5 day blasts, but it depends on how many good quality ones we get. The last ones were 3 day embies.

Are you girls doing 3-day or 5-day embies??

Ann

[sprouthaus]

Hi Gang!

Thought I'd bring our thread back to the top : ) Sorry I've been MIA. I have been traveling for work and while I'm back at home this week, I leave for vacay on sat.

Anyway - welcome, welcome to all who have joined in my absence - I look forward to getting to know all of you! Too much has been going on for me to give a personal note to each - just trust that I'm hear for each of you!

As far as my personal journey - I have now had 6 acupuncture treatments since my BFN in October. I LOVE it! I have time for a few more treatments before my stim start (Dec. 6) and then my protocol changes. I have read a few books on Traditional Chinese Medicine and I'm trying to make other lifestyle changes as well. Diet, yoga, relaxation, etc. Additionally, I'm trying to work on being grateful and thankful for my life today and just be open to receiving whatever the world gives me. I have to say - this is the hardest part because I want a baby!!!!!!!!!!!

Since there are quite a few of us on here now - let's get a list started with everyone's dates so that we can keep track of the 'goings ons' and cheer each other on. Send me your dates, or approximate dates and I'll get this started!

xoxo

[sprouthaus]

by the way: To answer your question re: 3 or 5 day embies. If I had a choice - I would choose 5 days and so would my RE. But the sad fact for me with my first cycle was this: I had 10 eggs retrieved, 8 fertilized. By day 2, it was obvious that 6 of them were not going to make it - which left just 2 embies; hence - we did a 3-day transfer.

My RE had said if all eggs fertilized and developed well - she would've pushed out to day 5. At this point, it is easier to grade the embies and really tell which ones are the rockstars. BUT, since she would've transferred only 2 embies either way - we already knew on day 3, which 2 embies were the best.

I'm hoping the TCM will help improve egg quality next time around! Plump juicy eggs grow!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wishing4baby]

So it actually happened. My little sister is pregnant. They have been trying 1 month.

I am so excited for her and our family, as it will be the first baby. I also wouldn't want her to have to go through what I am struggling with, but when I found out last night, it made me feel so hopeless and upset for my situation.

I have changed my diet, I only drink water, we have spent tens of thousands of dollars on IVF and acupuncture, and 2 fresh and 2 FETs later I am still not pregnant. I feel so hopeless.

I also feel like a total jerk for being jealous of my sister. A lot of crappy feelings come with this infertility stuff.

I am hoping my PMA will come back soon. I need it with my FET coming up. Thanks for listening to me vent.