So I am on my way to say I am done with all of this stuff, at least for awhile. I just can't do it anymore. I went for my baseline u/s and b/w yesterday and of course my E2 level was too high to begin stims. They want me to stay on lupron for another week and go for another u/s and b/w next Thursday. They don't want to increase my dosage of Lupron to 20u because on my 1st cycle I was over suppressed on 20u. I asked if I could do 15 u and seeing that there is no specific protocol for 15u I am unable to do this. On my 2nd cycle I went through this same thing. I was on 10u Lupron for 5 or 6 weeks and they were unable to suppress me. UUUGGGHHH I just hate all of this. So I am taking matters in my own hands. I am going to take 15u, hopefully it won't screw me up too much and maybe it will help suppress me so I can get on with this cycle. This is the last time I can cycle this year. Hopefully DH will have another job so I won't have his insurance next year. If I do get canceled then i am going to switch RE's and take about 6 months off. My other plan is to forget having kids, save a lot of money and retire early. Plan b is sounding better and better everyday.
Sorry to vent. Hope everyone is doing good.
Chris
AUG/SEPT BUDDIES!
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to_have_fun08
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 2023
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 4:50 pm
- Location: Illinois
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turtlesonastump
- Regular
- Posts: 261
- Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2008 6:19 pm
- Location: Mobile, AL
Chris - Man, that sucks. I remember all the trouble you had last time getting your E2 levels down. I am so sorry. It is hard to figure what to say. I really hope 15 lupron does it for you. If not a 6 month break might work. Have you tried any Chinese herbs or anything to get your E2 levels down? Didn't Rinnie do that? I can't remember. I'll be praying your levels go down. I really hope you do not give up all together, though I know how frustrated you must be about your levels. Try to keep your PMA up through this tough time.
Veronica-34 DH- 49
IVF1a 2/08 ectopic before stims
IVF1b 5/08 canceled before ER
IVF1c-6/08 BFN
IVF#2 8/08 BFP!!:D 1st @ 52; 2 @ 1305
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;20704;80/st/20090513/dt/-1/k/dbbc/preg.png[/img]
IVF1a 2/08 ectopic before stims
IVF1b 5/08 canceled before ER
IVF1c-6/08 BFN
IVF#2 8/08 BFP!!:D 1st @ 52; 2 @ 1305
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;20704;80/st/20090513/dt/-1/k/dbbc/preg.png[/img]
Hey Chris,
You sound very frustrated and with good reason. Im not sure what to say except that I am so sorry its been such a difficult road for you. I would say not to give up hope, but the fact is you need to do whats best for you!
I told my DH, before we started IVF, that I woud go 3 rounds and if it didnt work I was going to call it quits and we would either adopt, or decide to just love eachother. Its jsut what I had to do after 8 years of TTC and all the heartbreak of the miscarriges.
Personally I think your a real fighter, and I think you have allot of fight left in you and if you can hang in a little longer I truly belive you will be rewarded with your dream. I think your having a rough time right now and rightfully so. We cant all be super positive all the time, not with IVF...its not easy and I truly think that woman who even embark on this journey are super woman.One last thing I would like to share is this. Often just when I have been ready to quit or give up in life on something I wanted bad, all of a sudden it seemed like doors opened and I could see my goal in sight or a new found strength would appear which is just what i needed to get over the hump............I hope this will be the case for you-
so vent ll you want.......it no doubt sucks what your going through..Its what we are all here for, the good, the bad, and the ugly
Much Love Chris............
You sound very frustrated and with good reason. Im not sure what to say except that I am so sorry its been such a difficult road for you. I would say not to give up hope, but the fact is you need to do whats best for you!
I told my DH, before we started IVF, that I woud go 3 rounds and if it didnt work I was going to call it quits and we would either adopt, or decide to just love eachother. Its jsut what I had to do after 8 years of TTC and all the heartbreak of the miscarriges.
Personally I think your a real fighter, and I think you have allot of fight left in you and if you can hang in a little longer I truly belive you will be rewarded with your dream. I think your having a rough time right now and rightfully so. We cant all be super positive all the time, not with IVF...its not easy and I truly think that woman who even embark on this journey are super woman.One last thing I would like to share is this. Often just when I have been ready to quit or give up in life on something I wanted bad, all of a sudden it seemed like doors opened and I could see my goal in sight or a new found strength would appear which is just what i needed to get over the hump............I hope this will be the case for you-
so vent ll you want.......it no doubt sucks what your going through..Its what we are all here for, the good, the bad, and the ugly
Much Love Chris............
ME: 39 DH: 46 :) TTC for 8 years
3 miscarriages (concieved naturally)
3 blasts transferred - 1st IVF - BFP !!
Beta 1,2,3 = 497 /4056 /16,896 - TWINS!
[img]http://bd.lilypie.com/QDMbm5/.png[/img]
3 miscarriages (concieved naturally)
3 blasts transferred - 1st IVF - BFP !!
Beta 1,2,3 = 497 /4056 /16,896 - TWINS!
[img]http://bd.lilypie.com/QDMbm5/.png[/img]
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to_have_fun08
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 2023
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 4:50 pm
- Location: Illinois
Thanks so much TooBee and Turtles - I am better now. I know this will eventually work. It just won't ever be easy. What I did to deserve all of this, I don't know but I will just keep chugging along till I get what I want. Hope you both are doing good.
Chris
Chris
Chris 40- DH 41
6 IVFs Cycles - BFN's
DE Cycle 2/2011 -BFP Jacob born 11/11/11
FET 7/2012 - BFP - Kaylee due 4/3/13
6 IVFs Cycles - BFN's
DE Cycle 2/2011 -BFP Jacob born 11/11/11
FET 7/2012 - BFP - Kaylee due 4/3/13
Hi Chris!
I am so sorry to hear that you have extra problems to deal with.
Perhaps I won't be much of an uplifter right now as I'm struggling with my own PMA at the moment.
I want you to know that I think about you a lot and totally understand your frustration with the whole IVF thing.
Sometimes you have to do what you feel is right and by increasing your dosage to 15 IU, you might suppress your ovaries just enough.
I liked Toobee 's message and I needed to read that as well for myself.
She's right, you ARE a fighter and you will have your Christmas BFP. I also believe that doors open when we least expect it. But sometimes it's hard to hang on until those doors start cracking open.
We are lucky to have each other right now. We all understand each other like no one else does and that's a huge comfort.
I'm glad you're all here because the support from my family and friends is just not there, except for a couple. It does make me feel even more sad and lonelier. I guess people don't know what to say or they think that we'll just have to try again. Except that they don't understand that this is our ONLY possibility of having a child.
My PMA has left me for the last couple days and I'm not used to feeling like that. Tomorrow I turn 40 and it's killing me. It is not a good number for IVF and it has me worried. If I had children I would not care one bit about that number but that's no longer the case. I know that women have children after 40 but I can't seem to find my usual optimism. I know my doors will open soon...I just hope they open up sooner than later and I hope your doors do the same for you Chris!
So Chris, here I'm venting as well. The part that's so hard is that we have absolutely no control. I spoke about all that before...about letting go. We can learn to let go but we can't stop fighting...we just can't. We have to keep going after our dream.
I'll be there by your side all the way.
Love to you and all our sisters!
Valerie
I am so sorry to hear that you have extra problems to deal with.
Perhaps I won't be much of an uplifter right now as I'm struggling with my own PMA at the moment.
I want you to know that I think about you a lot and totally understand your frustration with the whole IVF thing.
Sometimes you have to do what you feel is right and by increasing your dosage to 15 IU, you might suppress your ovaries just enough.
I liked Toobee 's message and I needed to read that as well for myself.
She's right, you ARE a fighter and you will have your Christmas BFP. I also believe that doors open when we least expect it. But sometimes it's hard to hang on until those doors start cracking open.
We are lucky to have each other right now. We all understand each other like no one else does and that's a huge comfort.
I'm glad you're all here because the support from my family and friends is just not there, except for a couple. It does make me feel even more sad and lonelier. I guess people don't know what to say or they think that we'll just have to try again. Except that they don't understand that this is our ONLY possibility of having a child.
My PMA has left me for the last couple days and I'm not used to feeling like that. Tomorrow I turn 40 and it's killing me. It is not a good number for IVF and it has me worried. If I had children I would not care one bit about that number but that's no longer the case. I know that women have children after 40 but I can't seem to find my usual optimism. I know my doors will open soon...I just hope they open up sooner than later and I hope your doors do the same for you Chris!
So Chris, here I'm venting as well. The part that's so hard is that we have absolutely no control. I spoke about all that before...about letting go. We can learn to let go but we can't stop fighting...we just can't. We have to keep going after our dream.
I'll be there by your side all the way.
Love to you and all our sisters!
Valerie
40 years young
1 ovary shy of a pair
IVF #1 May 08- chemical
Ivf #2
ER: 08/24 ET: 08/29 3 blasts :-)
BETA (10dp5dt)~ 275 Beta#2(12dp5dt)~ 720
MC @ 10 weeks.
1 ovary shy of a pair
IVF #1 May 08- chemical
Ivf #2
ER: 08/24 ET: 08/29 3 blasts :-)
BETA (10dp5dt)~ 275 Beta#2(12dp5dt)~ 720
MC @ 10 weeks.
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turtlesonastump
- Regular
- Posts: 261
- Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2008 6:19 pm
- Location: Mobile, AL
Val - Happy early birthday!! 40 is just a number. You got pregnant just a short time ago and you will be able to do it again!! I am sorry you are not getting the support from your family. I have some insensitive people in my family. (I heard "Aren't you pregnant yet?" for years.) that is why I am so glad we have this message board and friends like you. So get your PMA back soon!! I am thinking of you.
Well, today was a really bad day for throwing up. The Zofran doesn't seem to do anything. My doc gave me phenegran, but I am afraid to try it. She said it will make me loopy and tired. I was at the docs yesterday and found out I lost 3 pounds!!
Not good. I thought things would be better in the second trimester. No u/s 
but I did listen to the heartbeat on the doppler thingy. She had a hard time finding it at first. Made me nervous. I found out I won't get another u/s for around a couple of months
I fly out to Washington tomorrow. That is going to be one long flight and I really, really hope I don't get sick. I can just see asking whoever sits next to me and my son, "I need to get past you because I am going to throw up."
They don't even feed you on the flight!! 
My mom doesn't have internet connection, gasp, so I will be out of touch for about a week. So take care girls, I will be thinking of you.
Well, today was a really bad day for throwing up. The Zofran doesn't seem to do anything. My doc gave me phenegran, but I am afraid to try it. She said it will make me loopy and tired. I was at the docs yesterday and found out I lost 3 pounds!!
Not good. I thought things would be better in the second trimester. No u/s but I did listen to the heartbeat on the doppler thingy. She had a hard time finding it at first. Made me nervous. I found out I won't get another u/s for around a couple of months I fly out to Washington tomorrow. That is going to be one long flight and I really, really hope I don't get sick. I can just see asking whoever sits next to me and my son, "I need to get past you because I am going to throw up."
They don't even feed you on the flight!! My mom doesn't have internet connection, gasp, so I will be out of touch for about a week. So take care girls, I will be thinking of you.Veronica-34 DH- 49
IVF1a 2/08 ectopic before stims
IVF1b 5/08 canceled before ER
IVF1c-6/08 BFN
IVF#2 8/08 BFP!!:D 1st @ 52; 2 @ 1305
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;20704;80/st/20090513/dt/-1/k/dbbc/preg.png[/img]
IVF1a 2/08 ectopic before stims
IVF1b 5/08 canceled before ER
IVF1c-6/08 BFN
IVF#2 8/08 BFP!!:D 1st @ 52; 2 @ 1305
[img]http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;20704;80/st/20090513/dt/-1/k/dbbc/preg.png[/img]
Turtles~ Thank you very much. 
I do know it's just a number but it has me really bummed out. So unlike me that it caught me by surprise.
You are really not having an easy time with your m/s!! Can you try and get an aisle seat so that you can just bolt out of your seat whenever you need it. I'm sure they would accommodate you knowing that you're pregnant.
I understand your concern about losing weight but if you're throwing up, that's normal.
I know you're not going on this trip for a fun matter but you will get to spend some time with your family.
I hope you get to feel better really soon. Perhaps you have to give it another week or more before you will get better. Hang in there tight, have a wonderful trip and we look forward to having you back.
Wow! I can't believe you won't have another US for another two months. But I know you will be fine!
Love!
val
I do know it's just a number but it has me really bummed out. So unlike me that it caught me by surprise. You are really not having an easy time with your m/s!! Can you try and get an aisle seat so that you can just bolt out of your seat whenever you need it. I'm sure they would accommodate you knowing that you're pregnant.
I understand your concern about losing weight but if you're throwing up, that's normal.
I know you're not going on this trip for a fun matter but you will get to spend some time with your family.
I hope you get to feel better really soon. Perhaps you have to give it another week or more before you will get better. Hang in there tight, have a wonderful trip and we look forward to having you back.
Wow! I can't believe you won't have another US for another two months. But I know you will be fine!
Love!
val
40 years young
1 ovary shy of a pair
IVF #1 May 08- chemical
Ivf #2
ER: 08/24 ET: 08/29 3 blasts :-)
BETA (10dp5dt)~ 275 Beta#2(12dp5dt)~ 720
MC @ 10 weeks.
1 ovary shy of a pair
IVF #1 May 08- chemical
Ivf #2
ER: 08/24 ET: 08/29 3 blasts :-)
BETA (10dp5dt)~ 275 Beta#2(12dp5dt)~ 720
MC @ 10 weeks.
to_have_fun - I meant to post to you on the Oct/Nov/Dec, but oh well, here I am. I just can't imagine the frustration you are feeling about this whole thing. Have you been doing the 15 iu? I'm thinking I would do the same thing in your circumstances. As for plan b....I know what you mean. After my m/c DH and I decided we would just forget the whole thing and move to a caribean island or Hawaii. But then the dream for a baby crept back in.....
I really hope this works out for you....keeping you in my thoughts and hoping for the best!
Val - That is why I've depended so heavily on this board - people just don't understand and they tend to say really stupid things. After my last cycle I told someone who in the past was extremely close to me - and she brushed it off and said, "oh well, just adopt" like it was fricking nothing! It's hard. I'm a caseworker in a social services office and everyday I see these people come in with their new born babies looking all happy and they can't even afford to support them and it makes me sick! Okay, now I'm venting too! Sorry......
You know, I really do love you guys!!!!!!
Jill
I really hope this works out for you....keeping you in my thoughts and hoping for the best!
Val - That is why I've depended so heavily on this board - people just don't understand and they tend to say really stupid things. After my last cycle I told someone who in the past was extremely close to me - and she brushed it off and said, "oh well, just adopt" like it was fricking nothing! It's hard. I'm a caseworker in a social services office and everyday I see these people come in with their new born babies looking all happy and they can't even afford to support them and it makes me sick! Okay, now I'm venting too! Sorry......
You know, I really do love you guys!!!!!!
Jill
me 38 dh 36
mc twins 20wks 2000, ectopic 4/2005
1st ivf May 2008 cancelled before ET
2nd ivf/icsi BFP, mc, D&C 9/8/08
3rd ivf/icsi, BFP, mc, D&C 1/5/09
4th ivf DE, BFP!
mc twins 20wks 2000, ectopic 4/2005
1st ivf May 2008 cancelled before ET
2nd ivf/icsi BFP, mc, D&C 9/8/08
3rd ivf/icsi, BFP, mc, D&C 1/5/09
4th ivf DE, BFP!
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to_have_fun08
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 2023
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 4:50 pm
- Location: Illinois
Val - You have been such an inspiration for all of us on this board. You are right, the doors will open for us soon. I know this is hard especially with you turning 40. That bad bad number. Turtles is correct, it is number and you were PG not to long ago so anything is still possible. Yes, you are correct that we are lucky to have each other. This is the only place I can express my feeling and have people that understand A: what I am going through and B: what I am talking about. All my friends and family know what I am doing but whenever they ask and questions I have to explain the procedure over and over and seeing that this is my 4th cycle, I really am tired of explaining. I think DH knows the best by he is a guy and of course not really any help. So seeing that it is your birthday is still want to say "Happy Birthday" even though you probably don't want to be reminded.
Jill - That must be really hard to see all those new born babies. I couldn't imagine doing that every day. Then knowing that a lot of those mothers didn't plan on getting PG and don't need to have kids. Infertility just sucks. Sorry I am still a little jaded today. Thanks to all of you for keeping me sane.
Turtles - Hope you don't get sick on your plane ride. I would try and get an aisle seat just in case. We will be waiting of you to get back.
Jill - That must be really hard to see all those new born babies. I couldn't imagine doing that every day. Then knowing that a lot of those mothers didn't plan on getting PG and don't need to have kids. Infertility just sucks. Sorry I am still a little jaded today. Thanks to all of you for keeping me sane.
Turtles - Hope you don't get sick on your plane ride. I would try and get an aisle seat just in case. We will be waiting of you to get back.
Chris 40- DH 41
6 IVFs Cycles - BFN's
DE Cycle 2/2011 -BFP Jacob born 11/11/11
FET 7/2012 - BFP - Kaylee due 4/3/13
6 IVFs Cycles - BFN's
DE Cycle 2/2011 -BFP Jacob born 11/11/11
FET 7/2012 - BFP - Kaylee due 4/3/13
Happy Birthday Val
Hey Val,
So sorry to hear your so glum on your birthday! I also know the feeling of that biological clock ticking horrificaly loud in our ears. I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time, it really breaks my heart for you more than you know because I know the pain and will never forget it. One thing I have learned through out the years is not to expect people who never had fertility issues or never expereinced IVF to have a clue how hard this process is and how heartbreaking it can be. I include family in this and people you expect to be sensitive or understand especially those close to you. They really dont get it or can even undertsand he magnitude of our pain or losses. Thats why I turned to these boards myself, I hear the same story over and over by countless woman in our shoes. Thats why I came to this board because without you ladies I would have had a mcuh harder time dealing with IVF and now the paranoias of pregnancy. I had to learn to not discuss my fertility issues with my family and most of my freinds. I learned it was so easy for them to say hurtful things even when they were trying there best to understand or be supportive. They really cant grasp it especially our Moms generation I have found. I also realized that its frustrating for those who love us , see us go through such pain because most of the time they feel helpless.
I just want you to know that I am here for you, and I adore you. You will get through this and I firmly believe you will have your very own baby VAL...you will pull out of this funk and be stronger than ever to push forward. Its just in your nature. As much as you may be feeling overwhelmed by the moutain still left to climb, you have gotten closer with each cycle. If you cycle again I REALLY belive with all my heart you will reach the summit and there will be your baby waiting for you. You got all the goods to get there, you just need to get your mind right again. And getting your mind right is half the battle.
Big Hugs Girl and Big Love-
TooBee
Hey Val,
So sorry to hear your so glum on your birthday! I also know the feeling of that biological clock ticking horrificaly loud in our ears. I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time, it really breaks my heart for you more than you know because I know the pain and will never forget it. One thing I have learned through out the years is not to expect people who never had fertility issues or never expereinced IVF to have a clue how hard this process is and how heartbreaking it can be. I include family in this and people you expect to be sensitive or understand especially those close to you. They really dont get it or can even undertsand he magnitude of our pain or losses. Thats why I turned to these boards myself, I hear the same story over and over by countless woman in our shoes. Thats why I came to this board because without you ladies I would have had a mcuh harder time dealing with IVF and now the paranoias of pregnancy. I had to learn to not discuss my fertility issues with my family and most of my freinds. I learned it was so easy for them to say hurtful things even when they were trying there best to understand or be supportive. They really cant grasp it especially our Moms generation I have found. I also realized that its frustrating for those who love us , see us go through such pain because most of the time they feel helpless.
I just want you to know that I am here for you, and I adore you. You will get through this and I firmly believe you will have your very own baby VAL...you will pull out of this funk and be stronger than ever to push forward. Its just in your nature. As much as you may be feeling overwhelmed by the moutain still left to climb, you have gotten closer with each cycle. If you cycle again I REALLY belive with all my heart you will reach the summit and there will be your baby waiting for you. You got all the goods to get there, you just need to get your mind right again. And getting your mind right is half the battle.
Big Hugs Girl and Big Love-
TooBee
ME: 39 DH: 46 :) TTC for 8 years
3 miscarriages (concieved naturally)
3 blasts transferred - 1st IVF - BFP !!
Beta 1,2,3 = 497 /4056 /16,896 - TWINS!
[img]http://bd.lilypie.com/QDMbm5/.png[/img]
3 miscarriages (concieved naturally)
3 blasts transferred - 1st IVF - BFP !!
Beta 1,2,3 = 497 /4056 /16,896 - TWINS!
[img]http://bd.lilypie.com/QDMbm5/.png[/img]
Toobee and Chris~ You both have me in tears!!! You are so wonderful and I can't thank you enough!!!
The best messages I've had all day! You touch my heart so deeply and give me hope and through the tears make me smile.
I'm getting ready to go out to dinner and I will write more later on.
Lots of love....I wish I could meet you for dessert tonight and chat away.
HUGS!
Val
The best messages I've had all day! You touch my heart so deeply and give me hope and through the tears make me smile.
I'm getting ready to go out to dinner and I will write more later on.
Lots of love....I wish I could meet you for dessert tonight and chat away.
HUGS!
Val
40 years young
1 ovary shy of a pair
IVF #1 May 08- chemical
Ivf #2
ER: 08/24 ET: 08/29 3 blasts :-)
BETA (10dp5dt)~ 275 Beta#2(12dp5dt)~ 720
MC @ 10 weeks.
1 ovary shy of a pair
IVF #1 May 08- chemical
Ivf #2
ER: 08/24 ET: 08/29 3 blasts :-)
BETA (10dp5dt)~ 275 Beta#2(12dp5dt)~ 720
MC @ 10 weeks.
Happy Birthday Val!!!!! (It is truly already your birthday over here as New Zealand is a day ahead of USA!!! )
I can totally relate to how you are feeling about turning 40. I am on the cusp myself. And the thought of it makes me feel a desperation I dont like to admit. I have always wanted to be a Mum and I feel sick that the window is closing on me. Everybody says that is not the case--but after studying so many conception charts showing ages you cant help but worry. We just have to keep the faith because there are tons of ladies--many on this very board--who have conceived into there 40s. I know this is easier said than done--especially with shaky PMA. But if there is any justice in the universe--you will be a Mum soon! Because you will make the BEST Mum ever. You have been so caring and nurturing to me and all of us--you embody Motherhood. So I know it will happen for you.
Maybe you should go back through and read your own wonderful, inspiring, supportive posts from the past cycle and pretend they are all directed at you. I think that may help your PMA.
I am working on my PMA myself. I joined a gym and am trying to get my body back into shape and loose this daggone IVF weight! I started taking herbs again and went to see my AP. She gave me a free treatment for grief which was really sweet--she has turned into a friend over the months. I still have not had my follow-up appointment and dont know my game plan for my next cycle. I am a bit worried it is going to be a while as basically everything in NZ shuts down for the holidays during both December and January. I just hope the clinic keeps running--but you know all those Docs will wanna go on holiday!
I had a real setback last weekend as my Hubbs invited his soccer buddy and wife to dinner on Saturday. Well it turned out she is 37 weeks pregnant! They were both so excited and she kept putting my hand on her belly to feel the baby move. Neither of them noticed i was tearing up (except my poor DH who felt terrible!) It was such a tough night and I had to try so hard to not cry while they were there. But I cried all day on Sunday and have felt pretty depressed since then.
I suppose I am feeling more like veteran IVF barbie now--i've lost the fearless hope of Newbie IVF barbie.
)I can totally relate to how you are feeling about turning 40. I am on the cusp myself. And the thought of it makes me feel a desperation I dont like to admit. I have always wanted to be a Mum and I feel sick that the window is closing on me. Everybody says that is not the case--but after studying so many conception charts showing ages you cant help but worry. We just have to keep the faith because there are tons of ladies--many on this very board--who have conceived into there 40s. I know this is easier said than done--especially with shaky PMA. But if there is any justice in the universe--you will be a Mum soon! Because you will make the BEST Mum ever. You have been so caring and nurturing to me and all of us--you embody Motherhood. So I know it will happen for you.
Maybe you should go back through and read your own wonderful, inspiring, supportive posts from the past cycle and pretend they are all directed at you. I think that may help your PMA.
I am working on my PMA myself. I joined a gym and am trying to get my body back into shape and loose this daggone IVF weight! I started taking herbs again and went to see my AP. She gave me a free treatment for grief which was really sweet--she has turned into a friend over the months. I still have not had my follow-up appointment and dont know my game plan for my next cycle. I am a bit worried it is going to be a while as basically everything in NZ shuts down for the holidays during both December and January. I just hope the clinic keeps running--but you know all those Docs will wanna go on holiday!
I had a real setback last weekend as my Hubbs invited his soccer buddy and wife to dinner on Saturday. Well it turned out she is 37 weeks pregnant! They were both so excited and she kept putting my hand on her belly to feel the baby move. Neither of them noticed i was tearing up (except my poor DH who felt terrible!) It was such a tough night and I had to try so hard to not cry while they were there. But I cried all day on Sunday and have felt pretty depressed since then.
I suppose I am feeling more like veteran IVF barbie now--i've lost the fearless hope of Newbie IVF barbie.
43 high FSH 13.4
IVF1 May 08 BFN
IVF2 Sep 08 BFN
IVF3 Feb 09 BFP! beta 151
DD born Nov 09!
IVF4 June 11 BFN
IVF5 Oct 11 canceled 1 follie
IVF6 Jan 12 BFP! beta 171
MC 10.5 weeks after HB at 7.5 - gutted
Natural BFP!
MC 9.5 weeks - gutted again
IVF1 May 08 BFN
IVF2 Sep 08 BFN
IVF3 Feb 09 BFP! beta 151
DD born Nov 09!
IVF4 June 11 BFN
IVF5 Oct 11 canceled 1 follie
IVF6 Jan 12 BFP! beta 171
MC 10.5 weeks after HB at 7.5 - gutted
Natural BFP!
MC 9.5 weeks - gutted again
So many emotional posts today!!! I guess I feel all your pains and understand them so well. It does make me sad for you and all I want to be able to do is to take your pain away.
SueQiwi~ That must have been so hard to handle. Having a 37 weeks pregnant woman wanting you to feel the baby. In the state I'm in right now, I know that tears would have been streaming down my face. You were very strong to not shed a tear. My heart goes out to you as I know you have had such a tough time with your bfn.
I never, ever thought that 40 would make me feel so bad but it just slapped me in the face because I know that the end of having my own baby is getting closer. I also know that I have a good chance of getting pregnant again but it's really hard to forget the statistics. So Sue, we both are in the same boat. When is your B-Day?
The miscarriage is hitting me much harder now than a week or 10 days ago. I know I will sulk for a while and let it live in me and then I will be back on my feet with tons of PMA. That is the way I usually deal with it. My PMA is not gone, it is tucked away in a drawer. And so is yours Sue!!! I mostly feel lost, restless and sad. I assume that I will have to work through it and slowly open the drawer and get that PMA back. I wish I had some good words of encouragement for you but I'm not there yet myself. I know that we can support each other and make sure we get through this.
You girls are so sweet to feel the way you do towards me and I appreciate your comments a lot. I know we will all be wonderful Moms!!!
With all the people that do not understand us and IVF, the person that understands me the most is a man. An amazing person, my best friend. I find it odd that it is a man and not a woman. It is a person I feel safe with my emotions and will always find gentle, caring support. I wish my Mom would understand me better but that's not the case.
I know that I found my strength with all of you incredible ladies and I know I would not be where I am if not for all of you. This is the place I truly feel the safest with my emotions.
I agree that the people surrounding us feel helpless. All is needed is a great big hug...no need for words as it is all expressed in that simple gesture. I have learned through this how to show compassion and say the right words in tough situations. I'm more comfortable expressing all that.
I can't thank you all enough...I love you all so much.
May all our Mommies-to-be always be safe!! Take good care and soon I will have more uplifting posts.
Hugs and much love!!
Val
SueQiwi~ That must have been so hard to handle. Having a 37 weeks pregnant woman wanting you to feel the baby. In the state I'm in right now, I know that tears would have been streaming down my face. You were very strong to not shed a tear. My heart goes out to you as I know you have had such a tough time with your bfn.
I never, ever thought that 40 would make me feel so bad but it just slapped me in the face because I know that the end of having my own baby is getting closer. I also know that I have a good chance of getting pregnant again but it's really hard to forget the statistics. So Sue, we both are in the same boat. When is your B-Day?
The miscarriage is hitting me much harder now than a week or 10 days ago. I know I will sulk for a while and let it live in me and then I will be back on my feet with tons of PMA. That is the way I usually deal with it. My PMA is not gone, it is tucked away in a drawer. And so is yours Sue!!! I mostly feel lost, restless and sad. I assume that I will have to work through it and slowly open the drawer and get that PMA back. I wish I had some good words of encouragement for you but I'm not there yet myself. I know that we can support each other and make sure we get through this.
You girls are so sweet to feel the way you do towards me and I appreciate your comments a lot. I know we will all be wonderful Moms!!!
With all the people that do not understand us and IVF, the person that understands me the most is a man. An amazing person, my best friend. I find it odd that it is a man and not a woman. It is a person I feel safe with my emotions and will always find gentle, caring support. I wish my Mom would understand me better but that's not the case.
I know that I found my strength with all of you incredible ladies and I know I would not be where I am if not for all of you. This is the place I truly feel the safest with my emotions.
I agree that the people surrounding us feel helpless. All is needed is a great big hug...no need for words as it is all expressed in that simple gesture. I have learned through this how to show compassion and say the right words in tough situations. I'm more comfortable expressing all that.
I can't thank you all enough...I love you all so much.
May all our Mommies-to-be always be safe!! Take good care and soon I will have more uplifting posts.
Hugs and much love!!
Val
40 years young
1 ovary shy of a pair
IVF #1 May 08- chemical
Ivf #2
ER: 08/24 ET: 08/29 3 blasts :-)
BETA (10dp5dt)~ 275 Beta#2(12dp5dt)~ 720
MC @ 10 weeks.
1 ovary shy of a pair
IVF #1 May 08- chemical
Ivf #2
ER: 08/24 ET: 08/29 3 blasts :-)
BETA (10dp5dt)~ 275 Beta#2(12dp5dt)~ 720
MC @ 10 weeks.
Val~I hope you had a super birthday--you deserve it. What did you do to celebrate? I hope you were able to have a little joy during this tough time. I will be turning 40 in May--so I am 6 months behind you. Just like you, I think I would be fine with the big 40 if I was already a Mum. But since we aren't Mums yet the age feels so heavy because of what it implies fertiltiywise.
I wanted to let you know that Rinnie resurfaced and she is pregnant!!! She is also 43!!! I found this quite inspiring--check it out on her Traditional Chinese Medicine over 35 thread. There is hope.
Is the man that you speak of who understands you the best your DH? I am thankful as this whole infertility mess has brought me and my dear Hubbs closer too. He has really been my rock. And he has shown me what he's made of when the rubber hits the road! We are closer now than we ever have been. I hope it is the same for you and that he is a comfort to you.
Chris~What is the latest on your E2 levels? I sure hope they come down soon so you can finally begin stims!! Good grief--there is enough waiting around already--I can't imagine coping with another unexpected hold-up! Stay strong and keep us posted.
TooBee~I hope all is well with the twins. I just wanted to say I really love your posts and find a lot of inspiration in them.
Stacy~Congrats on passing your genetic testing! That is a huge hurdle. Sit back relax and enjoy being pregnant.
Renee~Have you sussed out your cycle-timing yet? I sure hope it works out for you while DH is in town! I feel for you being faced with going through this on your own. I think I would be like you and go it alone too if I had to decide. Maybe DH will be coming home to a baby bump the next time!
Hi Turtles and everybody else. Thanks for being there.
I wanted to let you know that Rinnie resurfaced and she is pregnant!!! She is also 43!!! I found this quite inspiring--check it out on her Traditional Chinese Medicine over 35 thread. There is hope.
Is the man that you speak of who understands you the best your DH? I am thankful as this whole infertility mess has brought me and my dear Hubbs closer too. He has really been my rock. And he has shown me what he's made of when the rubber hits the road! We are closer now than we ever have been. I hope it is the same for you and that he is a comfort to you.
Chris~What is the latest on your E2 levels? I sure hope they come down soon so you can finally begin stims!! Good grief--there is enough waiting around already--I can't imagine coping with another unexpected hold-up! Stay strong and keep us posted.
TooBee~I hope all is well with the twins. I just wanted to say I really love your posts and find a lot of inspiration in them.
Stacy~Congrats on passing your genetic testing! That is a huge hurdle. Sit back relax and enjoy being pregnant.
Renee~Have you sussed out your cycle-timing yet? I sure hope it works out for you while DH is in town! I feel for you being faced with going through this on your own. I think I would be like you and go it alone too if I had to decide. Maybe DH will be coming home to a baby bump the next time!
Hi Turtles and everybody else. Thanks for being there.
43 high FSH 13.4
IVF1 May 08 BFN
IVF2 Sep 08 BFN
IVF3 Feb 09 BFP! beta 151
DD born Nov 09!
IVF4 June 11 BFN
IVF5 Oct 11 canceled 1 follie
IVF6 Jan 12 BFP! beta 171
MC 10.5 weeks after HB at 7.5 - gutted
Natural BFP!
MC 9.5 weeks - gutted again
IVF1 May 08 BFN
IVF2 Sep 08 BFN
IVF3 Feb 09 BFP! beta 151
DD born Nov 09!
IVF4 June 11 BFN
IVF5 Oct 11 canceled 1 follie
IVF6 Jan 12 BFP! beta 171
MC 10.5 weeks after HB at 7.5 - gutted
Natural BFP!
MC 9.5 weeks - gutted again
-
to_have_fun08
- Valued Contributor
- Posts: 2023
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 4:50 pm
- Location: Illinois
SueQiwi - I go back on Thursday for another u/s and b/w. I have been taking 15 u of Lupron and now think I might take it down just a bit. I don't want to over suppress. I figure if I am still not suppressed then I can still up my Lupron for another week. We will see how it goes. It is really hard to decide what to do because I want to be suppressed but I don't want to over do it and not have a good cycle with stims. Thanks for checking up. Glad to see you are doing better since your BFN. Have you decided what you will be doing yet?
Hope everyone else had a good weekend. I so hate Mondays. Tomorrow is Veteren's day. I don't have the day off but all the government people I work with will so it will be a ghost town at my job. Plus, I won't be able to get any work done because the people I need to call will all be off. So it will be an easy day for me. Then 2 more days to go till my dreaded blood sucking and vaginal probing.
Chris
Hope everyone else had a good weekend. I so hate Mondays. Tomorrow is Veteren's day. I don't have the day off but all the government people I work with will so it will be a ghost town at my job. Plus, I won't be able to get any work done because the people I need to call will all be off. So it will be an easy day for me. Then 2 more days to go till my dreaded blood sucking and vaginal probing.
Chris
Chris 40- DH 41
6 IVFs Cycles - BFN's
DE Cycle 2/2011 -BFP Jacob born 11/11/11
FET 7/2012 - BFP - Kaylee due 4/3/13
6 IVFs Cycles - BFN's
DE Cycle 2/2011 -BFP Jacob born 11/11/11
FET 7/2012 - BFP - Kaylee due 4/3/13