HELP!!

[Tris]

I dont know where to start...just crying and totally down while writing this I just need some advise so I have to ask...if anyone can share their stories...

Ive done 5 IVF´s (within 3 years)- 3 resulted in a BFP, 1st I mc´d then last July I got an ectopic and now again just when I thought everything was OK (HCG started low but then doubled in time) looks like another ectopic! My HCG is rising slowly now but then during my first US today, the doc doesnt see a sac!!!!...same thing as with my 1st ecto...rising HCG but no sac!!! its like the last ecto experience starting all over again!!! Im really LOST, ANGRY, FRUSTRATED...DH and I even started to fight since I feel so alone in this...my family doesnt even know Im going through all this!!! ....its just too much!!! ...I dont know whether to stop, or what

Talked to my doc to ask WHY???!!!!! I obviously get PG and I even have frozen eggs now...but the ++++ and then failures after are just taking its toll...We see again next monday how my HCG goes and now Im even hoping it goes down!!! or I fear another operation! The 1st ecto they saved the tube but doc advises now that in order for this to not happen again...maybe I should REMOVE BOTH!!!! ITS LIKE A JOKE...I feel like a lab rat....blood tests non-stop, UP, DOWN, HAPPY, SAD! Its like Im an experiment!!! So Please HELP...anyone? I saw a post here about another girl with the same dilema...on whether to remove both tubes...I dont know really...remove both tubes??? isnt that major? wont I have to stay in bed for a long time??? will it hurt...so many questions...why cant it just end now, I accept a BFN but ecto???, so i CAN MOVE ON...do i have to suffer for wanting to have kids so much??? I mean its even Christmas soon?? Sometimes I just think Im not meant to be a mother.....

So any advise would help...its just so frustrating...just a copule of weeks ago I had a BFP and happiness....which can suddenly turn to horror and now all 3 BFP´s with horror outcomes!!...and I cant help but think that IM CAUSING THIS TO MYSELF!!! should I also STOP NOW...go on....any stories of success after expriencing MANY failures...just write...for now I think Ill wait to just read your stories...too down to go on....will rest....Thanks for sharing

[NY4thtry]

Tris,

You poor thing.. not that this helps but I totally know how devastated you feel.

I just had chemical on my 5th IVF ...


First of all things will calm down with DH .. these things are hard on them also particularly because they do not know how to deal ... unfortunately as it is with everything .. we the women have to be the strong one.. and you even have to kiss up to them a bit..

My DH has had a hard tme and i okanned a date for us tonight even though he should be the one sending flowers etc as i deal with the dissapointment of a chemical

As for the medical questions.. where are you located .. do you really trust your re? have you gotten a second opinion..

How old are you?

The girls on this board are here for you and please take care of yourself ...

Big HUGS

NY

[Liam'sMommy]

How far along are you? Maybe it is too early to see the sac.

I am so sorry if it isn't. You have done nothing to deserve this. It just happens to good people for no good reason.

I am praying your little bean is snuggling in right where it should be and you will see the sac on your next us.

HUGS, Kelly

[SilverAngel679]

What was your beta at the time of the ultrasound?

They can't see a sac until it's over 1,000. I know that for a fact because the same thing happened to me with my first pregnancy.

The beta's where slow to rise and at 5w5d when they usually see a sac there was nothing, but the beta's where only like 850.

Then 3 days later at 6w1d they saw the sac and the beta's where like 1,200. Still way behind for the date of pregnancy but progress was being made.

I'm sorry to say that I lost that pregancy at 14 weeks, but I was a case where slow rising beta's had the worst outcome there could be.

Having said that, there a lot of women out there who have terrible beta's that never do what they should and many of them go on to have beautiful healthy babies.

Don't give up yet. I know your scared and disappointed and so angry and you have every right to be, but don't give up hope until there's nothing left to hope for.

If your betas where less than 1,000 at the time of the unltra sound then it makes perfect sense that they wouldn't see anything.

But you said that you doubled in time at some point, and just so you know, I never did that and still had a pregnancy that lasted almost into the 2nd trimester.

Lot's of baby dust and big HUGE hugs!!!

[Tris]

Thank you all! I feel better now waking to a new day...shows you life still goes on....

My beta was 1,500!!! so maybe they should have seen a sac already? I read from other sites that sometimes sacs cant be seen until 2,000. Anywayz my doc actually said its NOTHING...that there is NO PG!!! so I stopped the meds and stopped HOPING! but today i go to the ER for a 2nd opinion (since its a weekend here just for peace of mind before I start my treadmill again....another thing its like I got fat for nothing!!! since Ive been just sitting around and being careful... ) Oh and to answer the question if I trust my doc....actually YES! Ive done ICSI with him 4 times and he is the only one that helped me get a PG 3 times...90%! Its just an ectopic is really unfortunate...beyond his control and the 1st one I mc´d at 8 weeks after seeing the HB!!! so he´s techniques have worked on me...my first clinic didnt even pay attention! they werent warm, I saw diff docs who just looked at my charts and in the end they hardly even got eggs! Like they were experimenting!!! so YEAH I like my doc...he is in Marbella, Spain and I see tons of women get PG with him

I just turned 38 last week, DH is 33- are we young still? can i still ever conceive??? So these were the sad things which really made me so DOOOOWN yesterday....I just celebrated my bday, xmas coming and another year of failed ICSI!!! who wouldnt freak out.

By the way I am actually considering SURROGACY!!! and will write a new topic to seek advise! Does anyone have any information where I can do it in the New York - Boston area? I live in Spain by the way but am considering it so as not to waste time anymore....I will also have those tubes removed...finally decided since I still have FET´s. Ive read great things about KAIVAL clinic in India which was even featured in Oprah...surrogacy with everything - meds, etc. cost only as much as an ICSI here!!!

So please if you have any advise on a REASONABLE place in the states to do surrogacy with good secure laws...I will consider it there first since I go there more often....

Again many thanks...I hope a miracle happens and suddenly ill see a sac...but Im actually ready now for the worse....after 3 years of trying with nothing...youre heart slowly turns to steel and expect little Im just happy theres still some HOPE out there....I just wonder how long and far it will take me.....many thanks again for taking time!

[Liam'sMommy]

Check out this site. It may give you some hope while you are still in limbo land. It gives all kinds of cases where people were thought to have blighted ovum, ectopic etc but they found the sac a little later than usual.

http://www.misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com/

[JDC]

I had an ectopic in 2005 and I started to see my RE Jan 2008. Before they would do IVF they recommended I remove the one tube I had left due to hydrosalpinx (fluid in the tube). Have you had an HSG test done which would reveal such a problem? Apparently the fluid causes ectopics and can also be toxic to embryos. The tubal removal surgery for me was done laparscopically so the recovery was a week or so, not too bad. It is worth it to know I will not have an ectopic again.

I wish you all the best.

[Tris]

Thanks Liam´s Mommy....the site was so helpful and some stories were shocking...got me to doubt my doctors! And JDC I decided if this is another ecto...Ill have both tubes removed!!...I mean who am i kidding? I dont think Ill ever get PG naturally which is the only reason for the tubes they say.... "to transport the egg"..... so if I will still do IVF in the future and my waiting FET, I guess this is the only way to play safe since ecto looks like my prob now

Well I went to the ER today and my HCG is UP to 3,730!!! from 1,500 yesterday!! more than double...and still no sac! I am not in pain, no bleeding...so again wait and see...I just want to get on....

So thanks again all for taking time! I wish you all success in your own cycles please keep me updated! Hugs & Kisses!

[antskat421]

I'm so sorry to hear what your going through.But seriously change your doctor ,I've had both of my fallopian tubes removed .One from an etopic,so I don't under stand why your doctor wouldn't put it in your uterus.You have scared tubes.He sounds like a quack.This should of been changed the first time you had an etopic.But don't give up,I know its hard and what a roller coaster to ride but all this just means you'll be a better Mom for not giving up.If cost is a factor you should check out this website I found www.makemeamom.net.

[jenniferdp]

I just want to add that a friend of mine tried for YEARS and 10 IVF's to get pregnant. She finally switched to RMA/NY and the doctor before he did anything asked her why she still had her tubes? she was suffering from a couple of ectopics but mainly the embryos just not sticking. Anway, he told her he would not even consider performing IVF on her until her tubes were removed. She followed his advice HESITANTLY and then did IVF. He wanted to out back 2 b/c he said she WILL get pregnant this time. She sad no way put back 5 b/c I have been down this road before. SHe got regnant with Quadtruples, she wound up having a reduction and now has two GORGEOUS 12 twins!

The point is, sometimes our tubes are more trouble than they are worth, and the bottom line is they are not required in order to get pregnant!
Best of luck!

Jenn

[Tris]

Jenn you dont know how happy you made me with this story....well today i am a totally diff woman from when I first posted this topic...as you will see, I was so so down in the start....but then DH and I really had a talk and life is beautiful anyway regardless! Ive even started to plan my projects, our xmas travel and almost forgot about my neverending "when to give birth" dilema! I also decided to really remove my tubes since I also have FE´s waiting which is a gift in itself from God and yes I wouldnt want to jeaopardize them with another ecto cuz of bad tubes.....

So thanks again for taking time.... this really added ++++ to our talk with DH today that to remove both tubes is the best way to go if again this is another ecto.....I was of course hesitant at first cuz its part of all of us women! but yes after much thought its really more a CURE than a curse Thanks again for taking time....

[jenniferdp]

I'm so happy you are feeling better. Wishing you a glorious Thanksgiving and sprinkling tons and tons of baby dust your way

Jenn

[Liam'sMommy]

Tris, remember you still have a little time on your side but not a lot. If this doesn't work and you really want biological children and money permits you need to get her done. Get the tubes out and cycle. I say that because unless you have twins number two could be a real challenge unless you do everything as fast as possible. I just brought that up because of your age comment. You are in my prayers. KUP

Kelly