Feeling very low...

[nali1278]

I've been a regulalr visitor to this message board for some time and just reading some of the stories here not only has given me hope, but makes me realise how brave women going through ivf treatment are. So thank you all.

I am on my 2WW and on my 3rd ivf cycle. I had the ET under sedation as my previous ETs have been quite difficult and my RE thinks this might have been why the previous 2 attempts didn't result in pregnancy. She said that the ET had been smooth and easy compared to the previous times. I should be hopeful I guess but I just feel so low, so anxious and I have a gut feeling that I will get my period soon. I am so frustrated with myself and my body and wish I had a medical condition to blame - but I don't as I have unexplained infertility.

I would really love to hear some words of comfort and hope from anyone who has come out of this journey happy and with what they hoped for. Good luck to all trying...

[alreadyblessed]

Hi nali!
I have done IVF two times, and had two success stories. I have a 4 y/o little girl from IVF, and I am currently pregnant with a little boy from IVF as well.
Although the road was not always easy, I was fortunate to become pregnant with each IVF attempt. There are many women on these posts that have gone down a similar road to yours and may be able to share stories of similarity. I will be praying for a BFP for you and your DH, and hope that this is the one for you.
Much luck!!!!! God bless!!! Hang in there.

[esperanza]

Hi Nali!

I understand your feelings. My first two IVF cycles failed. The third one resulted in this little one I'm carrying, however, I remember crying and feeling scared and discouraged before my bfp. I was having so many flashbacks and was getting ready for another bfn. My mom was visiting during those days and she couldn't understand my feelings. She actually got upset and said "why do you have to be so negative?"...

In any case, I just want to say that your feelings are normal, AND I want to invite you to keep your hopes up...you just never know! Here's a little something for your spirit:

[nali1278]

Thank you both so much for your beautiful thoughts - I feel better just reading what you have written! I will try to keep my chin up but I do have this sinking feeling that I am going to get my period soon. But as my doctors says, "there are more options" so I guess I will just have to keep trying...

[loopie]

Dear Nali-

the 2ww just plain sucks and makes us think all sorts of crazy stuff! There are so many hormones racing through you right now, it is hard to feel positive- especially when you know the devastation of a bfn- but there is hope for that BFP!!!! you are PUPO right now- keep up the PMA!!!!

I'm sending some good baby karma your way- and hoping to hear the good news soon!

best - loopie

[birdie]

Hi Nali,

I know just how you're feeling. I've endured two IVF cycles and two BFNs. I'm on bcps now and am scheduled to do another cycle in January. I know the feeling of utter hopelessness and the feeling that this will never work. I too have also had people tell me to have a positive mental outlook but it's so hard when you are so scared of getting another negative. I don't respond well to the stim meds so I haven't had a lot of eggs to work with and I panic thinking that my time is almost up. I've been really depressed since the last BFN, just waiting to begin a new cycle and trying my darndest to keep some hope alive. Thank God I have a wonderful husband who is so supportive and is the one who has the positive attitude because I sure don't. Going on this board helps because I like to read about the success stories of women who were told they would never get pregnant. It helps me to have the will to try again. As they say, it only takes one good embryo and I try to hold out hope that maybe someday I could be that lucky lady. This past year has been the longest year of my life but I know that someday, when I have my own biological child or if I end up adopting, all this pain will be a distant memory. Try to keep yourself busy during the 2ww and hang in there! I have my fingers crossed for you for a BFP. We're all in this together!

[Warren Dew]

The two week wait is really difficult. Get your husband to give you regular hugs if he isn't already.

My wife managed to keep her optimism through the first three IVF cycles. On the fourth one, she says, she had pretty much given up hope and was just going through the motions. And then that fourth one was the one which actually worked!

So yeah, hang in there. Don't worry about the "unexplained" part - my wife's infertility was "unexplained" for two years. When it was finally diagnosed as endometriosis, we found out "no one really knows what causes it and there's no cure." Not really that different from unexplained infertility. I know the uncertainty is difficult, but maybe think of it as that same condition millions of other women have?

[birdie]

Warren Dew - nice to see a post from a husband. We ladies get so caught up in this IVF thing that sometimes we forget that this is hard on you guys too. It must be hard to have to watch your wife go through this and not be able to do anything but hope along with her and be supportive. My husband has said that if it were possible he would take all these drugs and go through the retrieval, transfer, etc. in my place. But since he can't, all he can do is stand by me and be supportive, which I really do appreciate even if it doesn't seem it sometimes. Thanks for contributing to the discussion!

[nali1278]

thanks again all. my husband is wonderful and patient and tolerant and I do demand regular cuddles which he is more than happy to give! But I agree that we as women get so caught up in the whole IVF thing that partners do tend to get neglected. I do realise it must be as traumatic for my husband as it is for me - maybe even more for him since he has to watch me going through this. I guess that all of us, once we come out of this IVF journey will be stronger human beings...and that's a good thing if nothing else...

[mally]

Hi Nali,

I am presently on my 2WW, after the first one failed. What I learnt from my previous one, was the importance of us to have faith in God. Afterall he is the creator of human beings, i.e if you belkieve in it. Tell him to protect your embryos, perpetually through out each developmental stage, and then stay postive as much as possible.

I am using that as a weapon right now, and that stops me from being negative, but rather remaining optimistic, as the power of the mind and tongue, is influential, in the success of this treatment .

Wishing you the best of luck.

mally

[wishing_4_blessings]

Hi nali I am sorry to hear that you are down but hang in there. Although this is my first IVF cycle, I know what you mean about the 2ww. It is definitely a dreaded wait. Just hold on, your BFP is coming like Mally said, just believe in. Like the others, I will be praying for you.

[Welshgirl38]

Hi Ladies,

I too am on my 3rd 2ww - im currently 5dp3dt of 2 embryos 1 x 8 cell and 1 x 6 cell ... im going crazy and having a really really bad day .... i keep searching the internet for stories or sites that will give me hope and tell me what my symptoms are .... but they all say the same thing - could be ur implantation, could be AF .... arghhhhhhh!!!
This will be the end of the road for us guys should this not work, so every day we pray that our embies want to hang about for 9mths .... its so hard getting the bfn's and i KNOW i couldnt go thru this again .... Good luck hun, let us know how u get on - when is ur test date???

Becky Xxxx

[nali1278]

thanks again all you wonderful people - you just help make this process so much more bearable. Welshgirl, please don't give up. I've read stories about women who've gone through 6-7 ivf cycles and it's worked eventually. This is such a waiting game and I think the worst thing (for me at least) is sometimes having a feeling of utter hopelessness and desperation because I feel I have lost control of my body. I have started keeping an 'ivf diary' and on really bad days it is a good way of letting out all my feelings on paper instead of taking it out on DH! Good luck all and lotsa baby dust xxxx

[Sara30]

Hi nali

I can understand the feelings of frustration and how it feels when you think it will never work. I am on my third attempt and we have been lucky this time and are pregnant but this time last year my world fell apart when our second attempt failed and the consultant said it was the end of the road for us and I could never have my own biological children. It was the end of 6 long years of heartache. However hope is never fully extinguished and my sister stepped forward for us and gave me some of her eggs, which has resulted in our third attempt.
There are other options and other ways forward no-one can make you feel better when you are feeling low but we can all support each other and lend our shoulders out when others need them.
Sending you lots of positve thoughts and keeping everything crossed for you.

Take Care
Lee