Pregnancy Reduction

not hopeless yet · Post by **not hopeless yet** » Thu Dec 11, 2008 3:20 pm

Just wanted to say - stay strong! My sis-in-law had triplets and her doctors asked her 1/2 dozen times about reduction even though from get-go she rejected the idea. There are risks for a triplet preg but there are also risks from reduction. It is such a personal decision that you and DH have to make the decision together and stick with it. You mentioned "accepting whatever God gives you" so it sounds like you have your answer. Best of luck!

peaceforme · Post by **peaceforme** » Mon Dec 29, 2008 1:24 pm

Good for the original poster for seeking out information on this very difficult decision. I do get the feeling, however, that those who are giving medical advice based on religious beliefs have never held a sick or dying premature baby in their arms. Severe illnesses can be caused due to prematurity, of which a triplet has a high likelihood. Triplet pregnancies are more risky than twins, and twins are high risk in themselves. Also, if we were going to "accept what God gives us" then we would not be seeking out IVF, would we? We would accept the infertility that god gave us. I believe that way of thinking allows us to not take responsibility for what happens to us. When would we stop accepting what god gave us? 6 babies if 3 embryos all split into identicals? The bottom line is that we must not wear rose colored glasses when deciding the fate of a pregnancy. I know I would try to be informed and do what I could to ensure a healthy pregnancy and birth.

Cocoa · Post by **Cocoa** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 3:28 am

Peaceforme... I don't remember giving or reading "medical advice." Also, for a believer, seeking out a doctor to help with a medical condition such as infertility in order to have a baby does NOT negate God's role. If you are an atheist that is fine but please don't redefine the intent of the responses because there are those out there with faith responses. I understand the pain of a sick and dying child - I personally understand the pain of having a "special" child born full term - both are devastatingly painful - for many of us we accept it as God's plan or just accept it as a part of life. It's a responsibility that comes from being human and for some it's a responsibility that comes from being a human that went through fertility treatments. Please understand the responses given were given from the heart - no one provides "medical advice' and no one expects that a woman in a SR position will not make the decision that is best for her.

I believe one seeks advice from others to be sure they have thought of all factors. If, as a responder, I feel that in a case like SR a very important factor is the possible pain in knowing that one of the babies is "missing" after the others are born, then that is what I will point out - others have other points of view to share. That's what we are here to do - share. I respect that you had the point of view of prematurity and the possible complications therein to share but please don't dismiss others' points of view as wrong... thanks...

xxxCocoa

lynniecat · Post by **lynniecat** » Wed Dec 31, 2008 4:55 am

A friend had to reduce 4 to 2 babies. She would likely have lost all four and potentially her life by not making that tough decision. For medical reasons, this was the right choice for her. If you are religious, then you need to take your belief into account when making your decision, but I think its important to think of your health and the health of the babies as well. I suppose this thread will cause a lot of disagreement between the religious and non-religious people. If you think each embryo is a life, then its really hard to destroy that life, if you do not feel that its a life at the embryo stage, then its a different decision to make. Only you will know how you truly feel about this.

If faced with this decision I am not sure what I would do, but I think now that I would keep twins and possibly triplets, but use SR for any over 3.

Good luck with your decision and I understand why its so hard. The important thing is to work with your doctors and be as healthy as you can with either decision you make.

Ultimately, only you, your family and your doctors can make the decision and it will be based on your own view of life, religion and morality.

Marina_A · Post by **Marina_A** » Sun Jan 11, 2009 9:50 pm

I have agree with Tobee and somewhat with Peaceforme.Yes,we all went through #'s IVF and obviously want to have babies,but sometimes it doesn't really go the way we expected.In my case,first time I didn't even want to hear about putting more then one to avoid multiple pregnancy.I had to be honest with myself-I wanted only one child because this is all I can handle without stressing out and making our life very difficult...We don't have any help from the family,I can't rely on anybody else,our house is not big enough for having 3 more kids and we can not afford to buy a bigger one,what if one of us lose our jobs,our financial situation after going through infertility treatments(we've spent around $ 60 000 so far and have a huge bill from the hospital when I lost my baby last year),my older son going to college pretty soon and his college fond is gone already... is very tough and I'm thirty eight and my husband is 51.Well anyway,I've lost that baby at 16 weeks.Next time I had to agree to 2 embryos.And guess what- I got PG with 3-one split into identical twins.I was offered SR also.
I tried to research as much as I could on SR.There is not a lot of info on this subject,because people don't really talk about this for different reasons.Many women sent me PMs about their experience.
What I found out was not pretty.This is not an easy procedure.There are risks involved like with everything else.But for myself I knew either way I can not keep all 3 babies.I'm a responsible person and can't just put everybody at risk-all my babies and myself and our future.Of course,everybody wants to have a healthy children and I'd rather give them a better chance then risk everyone's life.But in my case,fortunately,nature took care of this problem and I did not have to do the SR.Baby A stop growing between 7 and 8 week.Either way,there is a possible complications.My doctors told me that it's going to be reabsorb or just dry out,but this is not always the case.I had some bleeding at 12 weeks and still spotting.They don't really know where it comes from,but it seems like from that 3rd sac.So I don't know what's going to happen,we are taking one day at a time,but I really hope that two other babies will do fine.The idea of twins grew up on me pretty fast

.
Anyway,this is your personal desigion and nobody can shame you or tell you what to do.You have to take in consideration all the things that matter.
Your lifestyle,can you simply afford it,what if one or all of them will have dissabilites-do you honestly have it in you to give care for the rest of your life,etc.These are all very important things and you have to be very honest with yourself and your husband-and what about him?Is he ready?

I'm glad I didn't have to make this hard choice and nature decided for me.It is very tough to willingly kill your child,it goes against everything we do here-we try so hard to get pregnant and now we have to kill one of the babies!
My doctor told me to wait up to 12 weeks and then decide-maybe nature will take care.
I wish you luck whatever you decide to do!

kerpupples · Post by **kerpupples** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 4:55 pm

I fully respect people's religious convictions for themselves when they make choices like this one. But I think if the original poster here held that same conviction she would not have had to seek out this advice to begin with. I also agree that it's awfullly easy to preach an approach to a dilemma when you've never had to face such a decision for yourself.

And Cocoa - with all due respect, your belief in God's role in the creation of IVF babies is just that - a belief. The definition of faith is something that you believe in which cannot be proven, so to lay your faith down as fact for all others here to unquestionably accept is bound to be met with skepticism.

Now, tryinginsac - this is one of the most personal decisions you are ever going to have to make. I would ask all the questions I can about risk to you and the babies if you carry all three to term vs. undergoing SR. Situations like baylorbear's are certainly something to take into consideration. Also, maybe you could tell the doctor that you are actuall OK with having 3 if it is not too risky and ask him/her to frame his/her advice in a more objective manner.

From the tone of your post, for whatever your reasons are, it does not sound like SR is something you would be comfortable with. I know sometimes it's hard for us to go against our doctor's advice but if that's the way you feel then don't be afraid to voice that. They are the professionals, but it's your and your babies' that are impacted by the decision.

Good luck sweetie!

Cocoa · Post by **Cocoa** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 5:20 pm

Hi Kerpupples:

I appreciate your feelings but I also feel that the "tone" of your response was undue. If I have incorrectly interpreted it please forgive me.

I did explain that the original poster was asking for others' viewpoints. You decided what she believed in your latest comment here. You may be wrong. I expressed my point of view, she may not agree. All of that is fine...yet we do NOT have to comment on one another's points of view that WOULD be tantamount to preaching. My faith is right for me, I shared that point of view. I do remember seeing posts by those who do not factor in faith. I did not comment on their point of view because that is who THEY are. And just for clarity, I was speaking to the original poster in my first response and it is up her to her to take it or leave it correct? We must all be a little more respectful of both points of view. In other words, my post did not need to be met with skepticism.

Cocoa

alreadyblessed · Post by **alreadyblessed** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 5:44 pm

If I may jump in ladies....I can understand how passionate everyone is about this very difficult subject. The bottom line is that much like politics, and abortion rights, a subject like this is most definitely going to spark some emotions. To argue back and forth about religious beliefs with this is crazy. You will never change the other persons way of thinking, and that is o.k. When tryinginsac started this post she was looking for advice from anyone who entered this forum. The one thing we all have in common is the IVF factor. Aside from that, our lives may be very similar or completely different. We have to respect eachothers opinions, although we may not necessarily agree with them. Religious people will give their opinions, athiests theirs etc etc. Ultimately tryinginsac and her DH will weigh everything and make their own decision which I don't think will be based on any one post they read on this thread. I think she was just looking for some opinions and some support at a difficult time. So lets take the gloves off for a minute and remember that we have ALL gone down a difficult road in one way or another. Stay well ladies!!

kerpupples · Post by **kerpupples** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 5:56 pm

Thanks alreadyblessed. Most excellent point. There's plenty more I could say on the subject but this is not the venue.

Tryinginsac, I did not mean to detract from your discussion and decision and apologize for doing so. What I said to you still stands so please ignore anything else that I said in my last post.

alreadyblessed · Post by **alreadyblessed** » Tue Jan 13, 2009 3:38 pm

kerpupples~ Good for you.

I was just looking, and tryinginsac started this post back at the beginning of December. I'm wondering if she has already made her decision. Whatever it is, I hope she is doing well. See you on the "cupcakes and ice cream" board.

Pregnancy Reduction

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