how do you get over the feeling...

[mikeandjess]

kbat - I am so sorry to hear about all of your BFN's. I don't think that there is any way to completely get over the disappointment maybe just time and support from other people. I know exactly how you are feeling. I also do not have any other options either, adoption, surrogate, ect. This is my last chance at a family too. I have 5 frosties left and the doctor told me that my chances were about 25%. All we can do now is hope for a miracle. I will hope and pray for you!

[sammycat]

Hi Kbat,

I feel for you so much and I understand your desire not to move to donor eggs or adoption, however, I think if one's ultimate desire is to have children, donor eggs is something to look into. I know what you're probably thinking "I DON'T WANT TO, AND I WANT MY OWN BIOLOGICAL CHILD". I have been going through this for 9 years and after my most recent failed IVF attempt have decided to try an attempt with donor eggs. I would always get so upset when people would try and tell me this in the past, but at this point do I want to be childless or not? With using a donor, you're still the one to carry the child, it's your immunity, your blood mixing with baby and the genetic material is still 1/2 your husbands. The baby never even ever has to know you used a donor. Being a Mom should be so much more than DNA and DNA is not what makes a family.

I was always bitter when people told me this in the past, but if you REALLY want to be a Mom, one has to consider other options.

[2ndtimer]

Hi KBat,
I haven't posted in a long while but something about this thread & some of the things you said really struck me. First of all, god bless you for surviving 6 IVF's. I tried 3 IVF's & 2 FET's before I got lucky and had my miracle baby. I know the pain you're going through(and yet I don't) because for so many years I was right there in the same boat. How do you get over wanting a child so badly??? I'm not sure how. I'm just very, very thankful that it finally worked for me(tears are coming to my eyes now). And I feel so badly for you.
My one advice is to STOP volunteering at the children's hospital. That type of stuff never ever worked for me. I volunteered at elementary schools, etc, thinking that would help fill the hole in my heart. It just reminded me of what I didn't have and made me feel worse. My good friend who was also childless became a Big Sister volunteer -same result, it just depressed her further. It's like a raw nerve & every time you get reminded of children it just going to hurt more. Looking back, the things that made me feel better over the 7 years that I tried to conceive where the type of things that you can't do with kids, like traveling, partying like teenagers, taking evening classes, sleeping late. Anything that you can't easily do with kids or where kids aren't as likely to be around. Find yourself some hobbies that bring fun back into your life. I took art classes & enjoyed staying up late working on paintings & drinking wine. I think you should give yourself permission to be really self-indulgent. I mean, why not?
Take care,
2ndtimer

[momtobetobe]

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to send a virtual hug.

[Angela37firsttimeivf]

Hi Kbat, I know what you are going through. I've had 6 rounds too, all without success. There is no way that the wound is ever going to heal completely, but you do honestly get to a point where you feel positive again. Our last try was in May last year, before we decided to give up and go for the adoption route. I realise this is something you may not want to consider, I felt like that too, but do you know what, if you really want a child in your life, do you really have to give birth to it? The pregnancy only last 9 months and can be difficult, plus you have to lose weight afterwards, and all that. We are nearly approved now, and I don't know how long it's going to take, but it's just given us such a boost, just getting off a road which was obviously leading nowhere, and having new hope. I don't know if you are religious, but I believe that it was God's way of showing me where he really wants me to head. Having said all that, it's turned me around so much that I am actually considering trying a seventh time now I have another option open, although I said I would never go through all that pain again, but who knows. Never say never. As for working with children and all that, I know it doesn't really help. You have to be in a good place mentally and if you are still grieving, it's not a good idea. Please don't give up hope, give yourself the time to grieve, and may God open your eyes to other options that may be even prove to be the better option. Just think of how you will be giving a child a chance that may never have one otherwise... Love, Angela.