Self-esteem and emotional health

[birdie]

I'm sure all you ladies out there going through the ivf process have felt what an enormous toll this takes on your emotional health. I've been at this for about a year now, waiting to start a new cycle in Feb. The hardest part about this is what it has done to my self-esteem. For someone who didn't have the greatest self-image in the first place, this has really hit me hard. I have a wonderful supportive husband who has remained calm throughout this whole process but he just can't understand why I worry and cry so much. I've tried to help myself feel better by going on this board, reading books on infertility, eating right and exercising, and doing things that make me happy. With all that though, I still can't shake the feeling of utter worthlessness, that I'm a failure. I feel so unattractive, so unfeminine that I can't do what is the most basic thing a woman is "supposed" to do. I can understand intellectually why I feel this way and I know that to an extent it's normal for what I'm going through. I know I'm doing everything I can at the moment to make our dream of having a family happen but I just wish I could feel better about myself. How is this ever going to work if I have such a crappy attitude? It does help to hear other people's experiences and the things they've done to try to help themselves feel better. I just feel right now that there is no end in sight to this emotional roller coaster. I want the old me back!

[NY4thtry]

All i can say is that i know how you feel TOTALLY and you have to stay strong.

My husband married a hot sexy blond who was 5'9" 124 lbs and ripped.. 18 months later and 6 ivfs i cant even look at a picture of myself and most of my clothes dont fit.. Thank god for my Lulu Lemons..

My DH has also been supportive but noone can really understand what these hormones do not only to our body but to our heads...

What keeps me going is that i know when i hold that litle baby in my arms it will all be worth it
Lots of Hugs

NY

[karenvancouverisland]

hi birdie, i know what you're talking about. these feelings have subsided for me recently as i'm PG. but for the last 4 years i've progressively felt more and more 'defective', not feminine, and like my body is the enemy. i'm embarrassed. which i know, intellectually, is crazy- people with other physiological issues/illnesses don't feel embarrassed do they? does a person with cancer feel embarrassed? (maybe they do- i don't know).

the worst of it definately is feeling like i'm not a 'real' woman. i've gone to counselling for this and it's been enormously helpful....but really, getting PG was the most helpful event of all.

keep reaching out. karen

[birdie]

Thanks for the replies ladies. Like you said Karen, the worst of it is feeling like I'm not a real woman which I know in my mind is ridiculous (congrats on your PG by the way!) I know if I compare myself to all the fertile women out there I'm only setting myself up for misery. So, I try to focus on the things that I have going for me but it's so hard when your mind is set on one thing and one thing only. It becomes all you can think about.

[ann d.]

Birdie... Our infertility problem has been a real challenge in our marriage. Luckily, I have a supportive DH and our marriage is stronger b/c of it. It sounds like you have that, too. I always lean on mine when I'm feeling down.

One of the hardest part of this (and there are many) is knowing that this will take time (it's not instant). In the meantime, I have friends, families, aquaintances all getting pregnant with ease. This is what really breaks me down. And after my m/c and my embies not surviving the thaw, I cried and cried. I didn't think I could go through with this again.

The good part is that we took some time off to focus on us. And to enjoy our lives b/c we knew if we ever got pregnant we could never do some of the stuff we do now. That part has been nice. And in between cycles, I've been going back to exercise and eating better just to get myself in the right mental state. This time around, I told myself I could do this and at some point it IS going to work. Of course, I've derailed on that idea a couple of times, but I'm not a quitter. So I've devoted on making this work for me. I'm hoping everything will go smoothly.

I've said this before in another thread, "IVF is not for the weak-minded." It takes a toll on all of us. We go through our lows and highs, but we do it b/c we have hope and one day we know we are going to have our baby. Good luck to you!!