For anyone who has had m/c or d&c

[Nick]

Hello again,

I have been away from the board for a while now, after m/c in December.

I was wondering if other people who have experienced this and feels that 'trying' is almost a hopeless cause. I feel so down, inadequate, and almost want to shut myself away from friends and family.

Am I alone?


Nicky

[DebraP]

Nicky, whilst I can't help with your specific question I wanted to let you know that you're never alone. There a whole tribe of people who understand on this board. We've a wealth of experience and advice but mostly we can listen and support when you're feeling low.

There's a story on www.bbc.co.uk in the health section about the stresses and strains put on relationships by fertility treatment. A Swedish study has just found that undergoing treatment puts huge pressure on a couple, they could have asked any of us

If your treatment was via the NHS, did they offer counselling after the mc? Could you look into this before getting back into treatment? It's too easy to say 'throw yourself back into it' because we all know, it doesn't work like that. Talking to a professional counsellor could possibly help.

Sorry to hear you're feeling low, don't shut yourself off though. Support from people who understand, incl. friends and family is what gets us through the rough times.

love
Debra.

[BelB]

Hi Nick,
I had a "missed abortion" (where the bub stopped growing and subsequently died) and ended up needing a d&C. It was truly the hardest life experience I have had to date, so I know where you're at. Is bloody awful, there is no other way to describe it, and yes, it was relly tough going back to treatment.
Things that got me through were:
1. Counselling (truly, an essential for me, just to be reassured that what I was feeling was a normal grief response, and helping me to work through it).
2.Time with dh (we weant to the beach etc)
3. Time away from baby showers etc etc.
You will get through this Nick,
Belinda

[kiran]

Hi Nick
Just wanted to say that one thing i have found to help is acupuncture,
i have started going due to another failed attempt at ivf, was getting really down about the whole thing, but having been to acupuncture it seems to lift my spirits from the inside ( i don't know if that makes sense) but for me no-one really knows outside this message board that we are having ivf treatment so i always have to pretend that we are not ready for kids, or don't want them yet when it is really the complete opposite, we are now coming up to our 3rd year of trying but all i keep at the front of mind most times is that it will be worthwhile in the end.
here is the website for the British Acupuncture Council www.acupuncture.org.uk

take care of yourself and remember you are never alone, truly this msg board is brilliant, keep in touch
lots of best wishes kiran

[Dolly]

Hi Nicky,

You are definitely not alone - I can echo every word you have written, I had my second m/c in December (but third loss as I've also had an ectopic) and it hit me very hard and I felt like a total failure. I didn't want to talk to anyone, see anyone and do anything - I just wanted to be at home on my own feeling very sorry for myself. I was slowly slipping into depression when my husband convinced me that I needed to see a counsellor and I have to admit that it REALLY helped me.

Although I have come to terms with the m/c, I am about to start IVF for the third time and am struggling to believe that it will ever work out for us. But I know that I musn't lose hope and the belief that it will work out one day.

If you havn't seen a counsellor already - it might be worth it - as talking to someone who understood what I was going through really helped me. I really hope that you feel better soon as I know what a lonely place it is.

If I can help in anyway pls give me a shout.

Sending you a massive hug

Dolly