Another pregnant co-worker and I'm so sad.

[snapper]

I can't even count the number of people who have gotten pregnant since we've been trying. Today another co-worker announced her pregnancy. I literally started to shake. Of course i smiled and congratulated her...then, I went to my office, shut the door, and just cried my eyes out.

I don't know why it bothers me so much when other people get pregnant. I just really feel like I deserve my turn at this! I feel like everyone else is taking my chances when they get pregnant. I think jealousy is a horrible quality...but, I feel so extremely jealous!!!!!!!!

Going to work everyday when a pregnant woman is sitting right next to you is SOOOOOOOOOO incredibly hard.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can get through it. Anyone been in the same situation? How do I do this????

[dys24]

Hi Snapper,

First let me tell you YOU'R NOT ALONE. When I started to TTC its seemed like every girlfriend of mine was suddenly preggo. Which made me so jelous but not extremely. UNTIL my sis got pregnant and my sis in law!!!!! I was crying my eyes out and never bothered to ask how the pregnancy was going for either of them. I just couldn't do it. I thought to myself how life is unfair, the fact that I was the youngest out of them all and not only I couldnt get pregnant but I couldn't even get pregnant on IVF.

They all given birth by now and let just say time heals the wounds (at least for me). You get use to it and pray that one day you will be the one holding your own little miracle. I think dealing with infertility is the worst thing for a woman but I'm not giving up hope just yet. That's the only thing that keeps me going forward with another cycle. I heard counseling is good although i never tried it myself. I found that meeting people in real life who deal with infertility helps a lot. I love to listen to their stories and love to tell mine to it kind of feels like the weight off your shoulders when someone who understands listens.

Good luck with everything and don't feel like you'r alone with feeling like this.

[kerpupples]

What you're dealing with is SO normal snapper. I remember shortly after my failed IUI my BF called to tell me she was pregnant with her second. I tried to make my voice sound cheery and I was indeed happy for her - but at the same time it just reminds you more of what you don't have. Then there was the dentist who, when I told him I'd been trying to get pregnant for a long time, told me that it had taken he and his wife 4 months to (naturally) conceive their last child. I wanted to smack him!

The thing is, I really think other people can't relate to the pain that we're dealing with. It's something you just don't get unless you're there.

There were times when even seeing other women announce their BFPs here was too much for me to handle. I was horribly jealous. Your time will come too sweetie!

[to_have_fun08]

snapper - You are not alone. Luckily i work with a bunch of guys so I don't have to worry about co-workers but at times it is really hard to stay on these boards with all the ladies announcing their BFP's. In the back of my mind i am always asking "why can't that be me". I started my IVF adventure last April and it was really hard when the women that I started cycling with started having their children. Yes, I am happy for all of them but I still so much want to get my BFP. Some times are better then others, we just have to take it day by day and just hope and pray that one day we will be announcing that we are PREGNANT. Wishing you the best of luck,


Chris

[lilmd]

OMG what a great thread!!! I feel the same way. A friend of mine met her husband at my wedding and is on her 3rd child... The 1st 2 I was sort of casual about and the 3rd one was a killer. I haven't even spoken to her for about 5 months.. not really because of that but I am sure it didn't hurt the situation.

A girl at work literally was going around announcing that she just had a revelation that her and her husband were going to start trying to have a baby and she thought she could be ovulating that same night and they were going to try.... she literally came in 15 days later and announced to everyone that she was pregnant. Very casual and naive... she sort of knows some of the issues that I have had and had the nerve to tell me in front of someone else. I thought that was very insensitive. I am not sure the best way to deal since I am obviously not doing well in this area...

Not to mention the fact the my husbands ex just had her 4th child by the 3rd father. She doesn't have custody of the other 3 and doesn't support them. She goes to jail about 1 time a year for child support non compliance... are you kidding me? Not to mention that she got pregnant 3 months after her and her 2nd husband for separated... HMMMM what is wrong with this picture???

Sorry for going off.... very touchy subject for me. I just try to tell myself that everything happens for a reason and my time will come.

[wishing4baby]

I soooo know how you all feel!!! Every time I hear of a sister in law, friend, neighbor, whoever being pregnant, I want scream and cry.

My little sister is pregnant, and while I am so thrilled and excited for her, it took her 1 MONTH of trying to get there. We also work together, so everyday it is right in front of me. I went with her to register too. I literally feel like I am either being tortured or punished. It hurts so much, but I try not and let her see. People that haven't gone through the infertility thing just don't seem to understand how painful it is.

While we were walking around the baby store (and my heart was ripping out of my chest), I saw a young couple (probably 18 or 19) registering with the girls mom. While I am not judging anyone, I just don't understand why it isn't happening for my husband and I, when we have a loving, caring, stable relationship and household.

I also hate the jealousy and anger I feel towards pregnant, fertile people.

[pattieh]

I totally understand how you feel because I went through it too. We've been trying to conceive since 2002 and have just begun doing IVF these past two years (after having three miscarriages along the way). I'm now 38 years old. It's been hard and yes, everyone around seems to get pregnant all at the same time. I'm talking about 5 couples in our group of friends all pregnant at the same time.

All of our friends have kids now and whenever they have a get together everyone is there with their kids. Sure, I'm jealous to some extent. But it's important to realize that we don't really know whether all those couples really had such an easy time conceiving. Maybe it just looks like they did it effortlessly but they could've gone through miscarriages without having told anyone.

Hang in there. Your feelings are normal and remind yourself that you're not a bad person for feeling jealous. If it's your fate, you'll get pregnant. We all have to think positively. Too much negative thoughts attract negative results. I know it's hard.

[Melru]

Snapper, it must be so hard for you. I used to break up in tears every time a mum with a baby would sit next to me in a cafe and it really felt like a torture. A lot of my colleagues get pregnant and you just have to smile and wish them well. They are not taking anyone's chances, they are just more lucky than some of us. I'd try and stay close to them and sink in their positive energy.
There is an old wives' tale that having a pregnant friend or relative can 'help' you as well. My cousin had tried for a baby for 10 years with no luck. When I got pregnant, she tried to spend as much time as possible near me and was very supportive... In 4 month she got pregnant herself! And then again two years later! That's when several doctors told her she'd never have a baby. She now have two healthy children.
And recently when my pregnant colleague brought in some chocolates before going for her maternity leave, she declared: "These are for you so you can get as fat as I am!" It was really funny, and I stretched my hand saying:"I'll definitely have some of those then!" That was two days before I started my first IVF cycle and I got BFP!
Please, stay positive and smile at other women's bumps! You are going to have one too!

[pattieh]

Melru, it is so funny you say that - hanging around pregnant women can get you pregnant. My other friend told me the same thing, even going so far as sharing food or drink out with those pregnant friends to soak in their pregnant vibes. My co-worker who sits in the next cubicle is pregnant, and I had totally forgotten this advice, so hope this works out.

[Wondercat]

I have also had my share of pregnant co-workers. But I think that the worst one was a co-worker who already had two kids, ages 10 and 8. Right after I found out we would have to do IVF, she noticed I was upset - so I told her what was going on. Her first response was a very sympathetic, "Yeah, I can see where that would shake up your entire world." Then after a few moments of silence, she then added, "We can get pregnant like ::snap:: - both of my kids were accidents. I won't even TELL you what my husband said when I told him about the first one, he was NOT happy." Wow. Thanks. That's just what I wanted to hear - my husband has talked about wanting to be a dad since we started dating (when he was 21), and assholes like your husband have two beautiful children.

[mally]

Hello Snapper,

It is tough, even two of my husband's neices got pregnant smoe mainths back after two months after their wedding, and a lady working for me on a part time basis, also got pregnant a few months ago.

And it as if every one is wondering what is wrong with this woman. Snapper I am not leaving any stone unturned, I don't knwomuch about yor case, but if I intend to try Eyal politi's herbal medicine the next time around . check on him on google if you want .

Take Care

Mally

[Sari]

Some persons are just insensitive and cruel. A few month ago, our nephew whose 13 years old, call us because his girlfriend might be pregnant. 13 YEARS OLD!!!. And the rumor on the family was, "Ha, Ha, imaging this, the nephew is going to be a father before his uncle". A boy who I use to bath and change his diapers was going to be a father, but the most hurtful was the comments. At the end, it was false alarm, and the boy was extremely punished.

[tryinginsac]

I can truly feel all your pain.. I just miscarried @ 5 months after 1 failed IVF and failed FET.. After coming home from the hospital after 4 days of bed rest and 1 day of recovery, my girlfriend tells me that she was pregnant BUT she had already scheduled an abortion becuase it was too soon after her first (he's 6months) and it wasn't in their plans & just not the right time!!! WTF I'm spending THOUSANDS of dollars trying to have a baby & your killing one & you feel like now is the right time to tell???!!! Sorry still alittle irriated by the whole situation. I just felt that maybe she should have kept it to herself. Now being home and back out and about I swear there are pregnant women EVERYWHERE!!!!! I'm at the point where I feel it will never be our turn..

[JBird]

Snapper, I can't tell you how happy I was to read your post. I have just gone through my 3rd loss in 3 years (M/C after 2nd failed IVF) and have all those same feelings running through me. I hate hearing about everyone else's happiness (so sad to admit, but the truth) and now -- since everyone knows about out struggles -- i hate the pity that comes along with the news. To top it off, I totally understand where they're coming from and would hate having to tell me good news, too. It just sucks.

My lowest of low points (and let's hope this is as low as it goes), my sister-in-law and I were pg at the same time. Then we found out my pg (#2) was ectopic. She delivered a week before my due date. Every second of her pregnancy was agony for me (and she is the nicest, most considerate person in the world, so I feel nothing but guilt for having these feelings) -- finding out the sex, the baby shower, the birth, etc. And now it's really hard to look at my nephew without thinking that he should have a cousin.

Last thing I'll say is that one of the biggest feelings I have (in addition to sadness, frustration, jealousy, et al) is being left behind. I feel like my friends are moving onto different stages of their lives, stages that I can't relate to and I notice the gap that's growing as a result. It makes me sad.

Anyway, I'm sorry I'm not more uplifting and motivational for you. Please know that your post and all the great responses have really helped me out.