Am new, having trouble with husband. Help!

[Mollie]

I wish to have IVF after 13 failed rounds of IUI. Here in San Diego, CA the cost would be between $10K and $15K.

My husband does not want to spend the money. I feel like, if I don't try IVF, I'll always wonder if I could have had my own children.

Has anyone any advice on when the husband/partner is resistant solely because of the cost? We're not poor, but not rich either...we could handle the cost of IVF.

Warm regards and many thanks in advance.

Mollie

[bdantonio]

all i can tell you is to sit down and tell him your fears, of regret

[Great Expectations]

First off, I accidently hit "report" instead of "reply", Doh!

Wow, this is very upsetting problem. Yes the cost is very hard to swallow, especially when you multiply it by how many attempts it might take you.

It might be that he just needs time to get his head round the matter of cost. I cannot believe, that if you can afford it as you say you can, cost is the real issue here. It sounds like an excuse.

It's essential you're united before embarking on IVF because it sure as hell will cause a deep rift once the meds start mounting up. I feel strongly that as a woman, having a baby is something of a birthright. It cannot be reasoned away, especially by money considerations. You are not going to be able to reason your way out of wanting a child. Don't even try. You may find that after repeated attempts for example, you come to a place where you are at peace and give up the ghost, but that time is not now.

I think it's a given that having babies is a bigger deal to women than men, but really, when you've got your baby you can scrimp then! You don't need the most expensive gear or a new kitchen or car. You just need the opportunity to fulfil your purpose on Earth! And I am sure he would feel the same once it arrived. Money's not the answer to life!

You need to get to the bottom of this. I can't believe it's money. Unless he really feels that it'll happen naturally in the end.

[bdantonio]

i agree, money cant be the real issue, however you two do need to be on the same page cause ivf puts alot of strain on your marriage. I look at it this was i did 7 cycles and i may pay off all my bills by time my kids go to college but i dont care it was worth it

[punkin]

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[kerrib]

kiaora from new zealand, i feel for ya. !! its a huge expense at the best of times. maybe make some time to go away, give him some attention and communicate your needs and what you are wanting, jeez it doesnt always work but you have to try!! we have children but none together and as a result of med. misadventure we need help, and none of this is easy !! prayers with you

[KeepintheFaith]

Not sure what other types of discounts may be offered but my husband is military and we found a retired RE who gave us a significant discount. I believe he offers to active and retired military personnel. I would do some research and determine the RE you would like to see. If they don't have any special discounts, maybe they can offer a payment plan your husband can accept and deal with.

Also, I would break down the total cost. Sometimes it's easier to see an affordable monthly payment versus a HUGE lump sum.

Communicate fully on how you feel about it to your DH!

Best of Luck!