Ideas please?

Dagny · Post by **Dagny** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 12:40 pm

Hello girls

I have written to Marcus about having a new forum for us girls who have lost their babies from miscarriage to neonatal or still birth. He is happy to add a new forum and has asked me to find out what we would like to name it. It has to be in the same kind of context as the other forum names like 'Life after ivf' etc. I personally feel that a separate forum would be better than discussing it on this forum when everyone is talking about their babies or babies on the way. Like I have said before IVF pregnancies are so fragile and I for one feel that discussing these sad times on the 'Pregnant after Treatment' board that should be positive and happy is not the best thing to do, I am sure you will agree.

The support I got from you all when Katelyn died was wonderful but I know it upset a lot of people too and thats what made me think of starting this new forum. Our babies will never be forgotten and we can remember them on their own forum when their special dates come round each year.

I have put this idea past Tracey S and she agrees with me that having a separate board to keep our precious babies memories alive (Katelyn and Oliver) and a place to get help and support is a very good idea. I think FF has got one but not sure.

Possible names are: Babies - Loved and lost
Treasured Memories
In Memorium

Any other ideas will be much appreciated. I will let Marcus know as soon as we come up with a name. I will post this on the General Forum and Life after IVF forum too.

Thankyou for listening. I look forward to hearing your views and names.

Love Dagny xx

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 12:47 pm

Dagny

I totally agree with your thoughts on this as I said in my email several times - sorry to repeat myself - sad aren't I?

Firstly thank you so much for doing this - you have been very proactive at a very difficult time and I am so proud of you I could burst! Perhaps in some small way it helps?

Babies - loved and loss I think is my favourite.

We mentioned in our e mails "Babyloss" site and we could look at some title like that but the "loved and lost" one is more special as we need something in the title to reflect the "loved" - sorry rambling again.

I am sure Scorry and Woppa might come up with some ideas or Caroline but not just as the moment I guess.

I will get scratching my head again
Special hugs to you
Love
Tracey
xxx

Wibbs1 · Post by **Wibbs1** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 2:00 pm

Hi
I think this is a really great idea, I for one have been effected, one by my own lost with this pregnancy (twin 1 ), and previous ones, and it does touch everyone who reads such sad news.

I think Babies Loved and Lost is a great idea, because at any stage of our pregnancys to loose our hard fought for bundle's is heartbreaking.

You are both very strong, and are a inspiration to us all.
I still keep bursting into tears, I think it's my hormoans.

Take care
Love Wibbs

xxxx

Amanda A · Post by **Amanda A** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 3:58 pm

Dagny,
I think this is a really good idea.

I have had 2 miscarriages since I first started posting on this site and when you lose a pregnancy or a baby you don't quite know where to post anymore (especially in the early days). This can make you feel even more lost!

You feel that you can't stay on the pregnant side but then you don't want to just hop right back to the trying other side either!

I am sure that you will come up with a good name. It would be nice to have one that incorporates all kind a losses, chemicals, miscarriages (early & late) as well as stillbirths etc.

Thanks for coming up with this! I have read your post re the funeral and have been thinking of you both.

Love Rach xx

helenlouise · Post by **helenlouise** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 4:01 pm

I think this is a great idea and well done for bringing it up. 'Babies loved and lost' is a very apt title.

helenlouise · Post by **helenlouise** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 6:51 pm

Having said that, just read in the general forum too and I think Treasured Memories is lovely too. It should be up to you and Tracey to decide, after all you two especially( and many others i know) know what feelings you need to express.
I must say that it is very compassionate of you to want to set up this forum. Although i want to support everyone and have felt very sad at all the bad news on here, I also felt loathe at times to look as the news sets me worrying again too. Hope that doesn't sound too selfish.

Good luck in the future.
helen

Dagny · Post by **Dagny** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 7:08 pm

Oh Helen

Don't for a minute think that you are being selfish! It's the reason why I am suggesting this new forum. I feel I need to talk about my feelings and about what happened as I am sure many others will need to do and I don't want to do it on a forum that will make others feel sad or insecure about their own pregnancies. People can choose to read whats on the new forum rather than it being on where it upsets them. I fully understand your feelings.

I hope you are looking after yourself and keeping your babies safe.

Take care

Love Dagny xx

Zed2003 · Post by **Zed2003** » Wed Mar 17, 2004 8:22 pm

Hi girls,

What a wonderful idea and I really understand your reasoning behind the idea. I only knew about this website on my 3rd treatment, but I too had a m/c on my second and would have used the board then for support.

I like the 'Babies Loved and Lost' too - what a special board it would be.

You're both so strong to be thinking like this. Good on you.

All the very best. Love
Zoe x

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 12:56 pm

Helen

I agree with Dagny - don't feel selfish. I mean I have gone through losing Oliver and I am pg now but every time I read news not only do I feel sad for the couple going through it but it brings it all back what we went througha nd then to make matters worse I can almost feel my bump shrinking and bad things happening to me again!

As Dagny says it is much better to have it on a different forum and give you all the chance to read it if you want to or can do.

Love to you all
Tracey
xxx
PS Dagny looks like it will be babies lost and loved or loved and lost should I say!

Dagny · Post by **Dagny** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 2:48 pm

Hi Tracey

I think you are right. 'Babies - Lost and Loved' does seem to be the most popular one. I will give it a bit longer before getting in touch with Marcus.

Hope you are well. I have got a date through for Monday to see my consultant at the hospital where Katelyn was born so I will have my list of questions ready to ask him. The top question is why no one tried to stop the labour. My waters hadn't broken and I wasn't dilated so thay should have been able to do something I would have thought. We shall see.
I saw one of my fertility nurses yesterday too as she is a councellor and I am not sure if I came away any the wiser. I think I was expecting her to tell me I can get going asap and that it would deffo work etc etc but it didn't happen. I feel so frustrated.

Love Dagny xx

Tracey S · Post by **Tracey S** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 3:26 pm

HI Dagny

Your ears must have been ringing - Nikola sneaked out with the postman (don't ask!!) to ring me from outside and we were talking about you. She misses you and I said I was very proud of you and what you had achieved etc - she sends her love.

She is the proud owner of a 38cm fundus and is in the process of writing a message to you all so DH will get it then send to me then I will post - phew!

Good luck re the meeting - I am so sorry I had no idea that your waters had not broken - very good question I agree. Just let me know if you need to bounce any questions etc off me!

Re the fertility nurse - I was the same - you need (when you feel the time is right) to take the initiative and I know how good you are at that. They sort of tread on eggshells and leave it all in limbo. Tell them what you want , thoughts are etc and then just come out with it and wait for their reply - that is what I did.

Sending you massive hugs.
Same to the rest of you
Tracey
xxx

Juliana · Post by **Juliana** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 5:20 pm

Hi Dagny,
I think it's a wonderful idea that you've had and I also like best "loved and Lost", however I would miss you on this forum (I can of course talk to you on the new one). I guess it is a strange thing to say and actually I think it would help to share your feelings without worrying about us, so maybe what I really wanted to say is that i've realised you've been an inspiration since i joined the forum and that i admire so much how you have coped with the incredibly unfair tragedy that came on you and David. I must say I also wondered why the doctors did not give you anything to stop the labour and why this was not possible. I can imagine in your place I would want many questions answered. I hope they treat you with the honesty and respect you deserve and explain everything.

Thanks for my mail on my other thread, things have been ok so far for several weeks so I am grateful (found myself a food worry but I am trying to forget about it)
lots of love,
juliana

alison p · Post by **alison p** » Thu Mar 18, 2004 5:59 pm

Dear Dagny,

What a good idea. It's a shame though that these tragedies still have to occur. It's so upsetting to have to read such awful news (not said in a bad way - I think that you, Tracey and Caroline have been so brave writing your posts). It makes you realise just how fragile life is and what ordeals some people have to go through.

Keep strong,

Alison xx

Helen Reid · Post by **Helen Reid** » Fri Mar 19, 2004 6:03 pm

Dagny

I think it is really brave and wonderful what you are doing. Even after what you have been through you are still thinking of others and what you can do to help.
I think the Babies loved and lost sounds perfect and is a perfect way to remember all those who have lost and have been lost.

You are all so brave

Helen

Ideas please?

Ideas please?

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