Post IVF Failure Behavior
Post IVF Failure Behavior
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Last edited by pbell75 on Thu Jun 25, 2009 8:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Hi Pbell-
It sounds like you guys are going through a really hard time and it could be for a number of different reasons at this point. As far as meds go, when she was on the medication that is usually to blame for moodiness and irritability because it is literally messing with her hormones. But after stopping the meds, I haven't heard anything to confirm that her mood would change as a result, except that maybe she got used to all the hormones and is having a difficult time adjusting being off. It really sounds more like emotional pain. How long have you 2 been married? You may be the easiest person to direct her anger at because you are the closest one. Especially because she is still saying she loves you. Have you given up on children at this point? Have you guys talked about that? Maybe there needs to be official closure of some sort or maybe to explore alternatives like surrogacy or adoption. Its really traumatizing to go through infertility, more so when you see your friends having babies and starting families so that might be why she is hanging with her single friends-the pain isn't so evident. Infertility is really isolating, and as much as my husband is there for me, as a woman it is truly devestating and life consuming. I would really try to get things out in the open with the 2 of you. Thats great that you are reaching out for help. Hope I could be of some help. Gluck! Keep us posted
It sounds like you guys are going through a really hard time and it could be for a number of different reasons at this point. As far as meds go, when she was on the medication that is usually to blame for moodiness and irritability because it is literally messing with her hormones. But after stopping the meds, I haven't heard anything to confirm that her mood would change as a result, except that maybe she got used to all the hormones and is having a difficult time adjusting being off. It really sounds more like emotional pain. How long have you 2 been married? You may be the easiest person to direct her anger at because you are the closest one. Especially because she is still saying she loves you. Have you given up on children at this point? Have you guys talked about that? Maybe there needs to be official closure of some sort or maybe to explore alternatives like surrogacy or adoption. Its really traumatizing to go through infertility, more so when you see your friends having babies and starting families so that might be why she is hanging with her single friends-the pain isn't so evident. Infertility is really isolating, and as much as my husband is there for me, as a woman it is truly devestating and life consuming. I would really try to get things out in the open with the 2 of you. Thats great that you are reaching out for help. Hope I could be of some help. Gluck! Keep us posted
Hi Pbell
I'm sorry to hear of your struggles on conceive. I know it is a very emotionally draining experience. Last summer my husband and I were going through the same thing. We had one last shot at IVF and if it didn't work accept that we wouldn't have children. But I was very worried that my husband would resent me because I was the cause of the fertility issues.
I know while I was on the meds I was moody and irritable. I too don't know of any info of this causing the same when the meds stop. She probably is emotional about not having any children and having a hard time accepting that. It also sounds like she may be resent you for it. (Which you should not feel bad about because you cant control it)
I would just try talking to her more. I'm sure she will come around. Keep us posted.
Amanda
I'm sorry to hear of your struggles on conceive. I know it is a very emotionally draining experience. Last summer my husband and I were going through the same thing. We had one last shot at IVF and if it didn't work accept that we wouldn't have children. But I was very worried that my husband would resent me because I was the cause of the fertility issues.
I know while I was on the meds I was moody and irritable. I too don't know of any info of this causing the same when the meds stop. She probably is emotional about not having any children and having a hard time accepting that. It also sounds like she may be resent you for it. (Which you should not feel bad about because you cant control it)
I would just try talking to her more. I'm sure she will come around. Keep us posted.
Amanda
IVF # 1 Chem preg Beta #1 49 Beta # 2 33
IVF # 2 Chem preg Beta #1 9 Beta #2 22 Beta #3 168
IVF # 3 BFP!! 1st beta - 565 2nd 995 3rd 9,269 It's TWINS!!!!
[img]http://bd.lilypie.com/WJKcm4/.png[/img]
IVF # 2 Chem preg Beta #1 9 Beta #2 22 Beta #3 168
IVF # 3 BFP!! 1st beta - 565 2nd 995 3rd 9,269 It's TWINS!!!!
[img]http://bd.lilypie.com/WJKcm4/.png[/img]
Hi PBell...
I have to say that I am so thoroughly impressed that you have reached out to really try to understand the what, why and when/how with your wife's situation - its such a lovely gesture and truly loving.
With that said I have to say I totally and completely agree with JandC33. Everything she said echos my thoughts as a woman and esp a woman who had secondary fertility problems for YEARS!! You ARE the closest and safest person on which to take out her hurt and disappointment and we all can understand the psychologically ALL hurt eventually winds up as anger. She sounds confused and doesn't know how to make sense of her world. Please find a way to put some sort of closure to the situation on being childless - try again, adopt, stop all attemps - but do something for her in the "closure" dept. I am absolutely positive she hangs out with single friends so as not to be reminded of her plight (these woman have no children to remind her of her "inadequacies" as she believes). As women I believe the worst possible plight is infertiity (except for the relatively few women who choose not have children). I do hope this all works out for you... keep us updated...I hope you can try again - surrogate, donor egg, donor sperm are all available now days along with all the other fertility treatments.
xxxCocoa
I have to say that I am so thoroughly impressed that you have reached out to really try to understand the what, why and when/how with your wife's situation - its such a lovely gesture and truly loving.
With that said I have to say I totally and completely agree with JandC33. Everything she said echos my thoughts as a woman and esp a woman who had secondary fertility problems for YEARS!! You ARE the closest and safest person on which to take out her hurt and disappointment and we all can understand the psychologically ALL hurt eventually winds up as anger. She sounds confused and doesn't know how to make sense of her world. Please find a way to put some sort of closure to the situation on being childless - try again, adopt, stop all attemps - but do something for her in the "closure" dept. I am absolutely positive she hangs out with single friends so as not to be reminded of her plight (these woman have no children to remind her of her "inadequacies" as she believes). As women I believe the worst possible plight is infertiity (except for the relatively few women who choose not have children). I do hope this all works out for you... keep us updated...I hope you can try again - surrogate, donor egg, donor sperm are all available now days along with all the other fertility treatments.
xxxCocoa
1 son b. 1993 -TTC (again) for 12 years
BFP!-8/22-9dp5dt - 485 8/24-1272 8/27-4636
B/G TWINS!!! Due 4/30/08 Born Friday April 4th, 2008 at 36w 2d Baby girl A 6 lbs 7 oz Baby boy B 6 lbs 3 oz
BFP!-8/22-9dp5dt - 485 8/24-1272 8/27-4636
B/G TWINS!!! Due 4/30/08 Born Friday April 4th, 2008 at 36w 2d Baby girl A 6 lbs 7 oz Baby boy B 6 lbs 3 oz
I was cold on two consecutive times my icsi failed to my husband, practically, some women isolate themselves when their hope is dimmed. What you need to do as someone else suggested on this board, is to find an appropriate time to talk with her and assure her of your love and your willingness to work together towards attaining your dream of having a child. She should not give up now, because you both may be closer to having a child done you thought. Best of Luck.
Mally-Age 35 - ok
DH- 40 male factor
ICSI May 2008 - BFN
ICSI Nov 2008 - BFN
FET NOV2009- BFN
DH- 40 male factor
ICSI May 2008 - BFN
ICSI Nov 2008 - BFN
FET NOV2009- BFN