The Over 40 Crowd

[mrscutter]

tracy,
I am so very sorry. I hate this stuff!! You get so excited and then this happens. I just dont know what to say. Iwill keep you in my prayers.
rhonda

[teachertam]

Tracy: I am so very sorry to hear your rotten news. Life is not fair.

Thinking of you,
Tammy

[sabi]

Tracy,
I am so very, very sorry. How awful! We go through this long & grueling process with our hopes up just to be let down once again. How are you feeling? Take extra care of yourself hon. You & the dh our in my prayers.
I feel terrible.

Sabixxoo

[Catharine]

Tracy-so sad to hear your news. you and dh are in my thoughts and prayers.

Catharine

[teachertam]

Ladies:

Hello Renee. Good luck on your 2ww.

I am currently cycling for my next cycle which will be an IUI, since my
last cycle was a bust. I started taking Femara yesterday and will take it for 5 days. Then I do 3 days of gonal-f shots.

Take care all,
Tammy

[sha1]

Hello everyone sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. My RE put me out of work for 2 weeks, I just returned to work today. So I am not too up to date with everyone.

garfieldtracy: I am so so sorry; it’s a terrible thing that happens and there is nothing that we can even do to prevent or stop this from happening; you will get thru this. I will keep you in my prayers.

teachertam: Good Luck and keep us posted with your BFP.

sabi: Congratulations and Good Luck!

Catharine: Have your started your next cycle?

acrornmom: Hope you’re feeling better; I was sick for the first 4 months then it went completely away.

I apologize if I missed anyone.

AFM - My surgery went well, my RE removed a few polyps (sp?) and was able to open my one and only tube. We are hopefully going to start IUI with medication in August.

[mrscutter]

Catharine , tammy, yasmina. Hope you all are doing well. Did any of you have any numbness in your lower abdomen? I can't feel it itch, but when I scratch i can't feel anything. Total numbness below belly button. Did you experience this?

Hope everyone else is doing ok. Good luck with your up coming cycles. Sorry to those of you with bad news. We all hurt for you because we know how painful the process is. Hang in there and don't give up.
rhonda

[teachertam]

Rhonda: I don't remembered any numbness there.

Yasmina: I hope you are on vacation. I miss you .

Tammy

[garfieldtracy]

Hi guys, I don't know where else to vent my frustration - so you guys get the honor - sorry.

I am just really scared (again) that we will have a problem get PG again, or that we will not be able to have kids. Loosing this PG just brings back my bitterness to loosing the first at 36 weeks. He could have survived if delivered!! The "if only...." is again playing in my head. Having one in my arms might have made this easier, but to have nothing now is just infuriating!! After the D&C tomorrow I was told it will about 4 weeks till my period, then we still have to wait till the next one. That puts us back with an ER/ET end of September beginning October. I am just tired of waiting. I am mad at DH because he insisted on waiting till AFTER we were married to have kids. I didn't care about the wedding - I just wanted kids (we could have started 2 years earlier which probably would have made things better). I am mad that I just didn't do a bunch of ER's in the beginning to get a bunch of eggs (at an earlier age) and then did the ET's later. I am mad that my neighbor (who I love dearly) is PG and is due 2 weeks after I was (I guess I am mad at me for being upset about this - it is not her fault - we going to do this "together"). I am mad that we found out on Monday we lost Pookey (our name for him), but the D&C is not till Friday (going to work has really sucked this week - I can't even think straight). I am mad at people who say they know how I feel because they also had a m/c - but it was after they had one or two kids (no you don't know how it feels to loose a baby with nothing waiting for you at home). I am mad at people who bring up "God" - "it's God's will" - well right now God can shove it for all I care (we can get on better terms later). I am mad at people who say "your strong, you will get through this" - I am just damn tired of "being strong". I don't want to be strong - I just want to have a family!!!!

Sorry for the long rant, but you guys are the only ones that understand the "time pressure" which makes this even more of a disaster to me.

Back to crying (again!!).
Tracy

[sabi]

Tracy,
I'm so sorry. You have every right to be angry. Good to get it out. This is the place to do it. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Life isn't fair & I don't know why bad things happen to good people.
I can't even imagine what you've been through. I know about the timing. I was older & I should of really tried right when we 1st got married. You can't turn back the clock- we must move forward. This is not the end for you. Unfortunately you're going to have to wait again. The waiting sucks. Thinking of you hon.

Sabixxoo

[nidhi]

Hi Tracy,
So sorry to hear about you! It seems so unfair after all these hope and excitement. Its so unfair!

I think I can understand what you are saying, of course no one can feel the pain you in now. I had a MC at week 8. My co-worker, we share the room, has her EDD 10th October, and I had mine on 13th October. Everyday I sit with her, and just cannot stop thinking, why I lost my baby! To be honest, sometimes, I cannot look at her. Everyday, we have people praising her, paople saying how beautiful she looks now, how great to have an extended family, and so on.... I just cannot look at them! Often I bring food for her, buy gifts, but somewhere I am still so uncomfortable! I am not mean, believe me I am not, its just the pain.I am happy for her, but at the same time so sorry for myself.

My next door neighbor also conceived in the same month! And often reminds me how nice it is to have the 4th baby!

I just keep thinking .. why me ... ! And I also regret everyday, why I haven't tried earlier.

I am just praying my waiting will be over soon. I pray the same for you.

Lots of Love
Nidhi

[teachertam]

Tracy: I'm so sorry to hear about your pain. I have no idea how you feel, as I have never had a m/c, at least that I was aware of. I think that would be very cruel and painful to get pregnant and then to lose the baby.

Nidhi: Sorry to hear about your situation too. That would be very difficult to have to see your office mate pregnant and be reminded of your loss on a daily basis. I hear you about waiting to get pregnant. As for me, I did not get married until I was 40.

Hello to everyone else.
Tammy

[mrscutter]

Hey everyone,
I was wondering if anyone on this board had too much amniotic fluid? Or do you know of anyone that did. Did they go into labor early?
Thanks.

[sha1]

garfieldtracy:

I completely understand how you feel. I had 4 IUI’s and 4 IVF’s. I had my first miscarriage at 8 weeks and lost my twins (boy and girl) at 22 weeks on 3/7/09 due to Pre-Term labor at 19 weeks. I was in and out of hospitals for 3 weeks hoping to make it to 24 weeks where they can do something to keep them alive. They were each born about 12 hours apart and lived for about an hour each. They were beautiful baby’s .

I was also mad at the world and God. Why is this happening to me! I have three sisters, one has three and one has two; never a problem conceiving and only minor problems during pregnancy. I also was told from many people that they know exactly how I feel. First of all know one in my family or friends have ever gone thru IVF or infertility and went on to have a miscarriage and lose two children.

I will be 42 in August and my husband is 49; I got married when I was 38 but waited a year to start trying to have children; but that was my fault I wasn’t ready; my husband always says we should have started right when we got married.

I had a doctor’s appointment about a week following my delivery. He was wonderful and told me I would come across people saying that they know exactly how I feel; he said to ignore them; people are going to say this because they have no idea of what to say.

My due date would have been tomorrow 7/11/09; I can’t stop thinking that I would have had two babies by now; but no; I have to wait and see what happens again. I will only be doing IUI’s four times at the most, we really can’t afford to do IVF again. The only thing that kept me insane was to look forward to the next cycle and when that is done I really don’t know how I will be.

Tracy, My writing probably didn’t help you at all; I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone; I share your same feelings.

[garfieldtracy]

Thanks everyone for letting me rant and rave. Yesterday was a bad day - closed my door and cried for about 2 hours. I am tired of people "feeling sorry for me". I know life is not fair, but come on - for those of us who put in the time, trouble, effort, and money to have a baby - why can't we all just have one our first time!!

This board is the only place I truely feel "understood".

Sabi - thank you for the kind words. It is nice to hear that I am not the only one who wishes they did the timing differently.

Nidhi - I thought having a neighbor being PG at the same time was bad. I don't think I could have handled someone at work (especially if I had to share the room with her on a daily basis). At least at home I can hide if I want to.

Tammy - you are right. I would rather see a BFN then the positive and then lose the baby. I guess I beat you on marriage - I got married 2 weeks before my 40th b-day.

Shai - yes your writing helped. Just knowing that I am not alone (I know selfish again) helps a lot. As for tomorrow - it will be a tough day. I went to Scott's grave and put flowers down to remember his due date. I am EXTREMELY gratefull for the fact that I have insurance (even though they are sometimes tough to deal with) so that we can try again. Don't know how many more times - I have a call in to see what we have left. We seem to have had the same things happen, but opposite. I am so sorry for your loss. This past one is something that nobody should have to go through. God should make it a rule that once you enter the 3rd timester - all will end good !!


AFM - today was a looooooong day. I went in an hour early to do an u/s. DH has never seen Pookey (that is what we called him/her). Because of traffic we actually arrived 1/2 early (7:30 am). D&C was sheduled for 10:30 am, but because of 3 emergencies (yes, count them 3), we got into surgery at 3:30 pm. After all was said and done we left at 4:45 pm (yep, a 9 hour day at the hospital). The only "good" thing was that they said we could get Pookey's remains. I thought he/she was too small, but it turns out it is required in IL to offer the remains back to the parents. That was an easy "yes". So now after the testing they will have the remains cremated and will will bury them by Scott. Since we have not done the head stone yet for Scott, we are going to have them engrave "Pookey" on the bottom corner. Nobody will know why execpt for us and our families. It does put me more at ease knowing that we will get back the remains and Grandpa Miller will have another grandbaby with him to watch over. So now I am back on the waiting game (YUCK).

Thanks everyone for all the support on this board. I sure you all know what a HUGE effect is has on me and I am so, so, grateful that I joined this tread because I don't know if I could have done this without you guys.

Again, my deepest thanks to all of you.
Tracy

PS - Ms. Cutter - did not forget about you. No, I have never heard of too much amniotic fluid - sorry. And please, please keep everything going OK. I need you an Sabi to have the little ones so I can at least keep my hope going!!