Stories we tell

lisa10 · Post by **lisa10** » Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:24 pm

I just started my stims last night and am new to the board. I joined the July/August cycling group. My DH and I are not sharing with anyone that we are doing IVF. I work out of my home with one other girl and we are very close and know just about everything going on in one another's lives except for this. We also share many of the same friends and acquaintances and she tends to be a gossip. I have to keep taking off work for my monitoring appointments, but I can't tell her why or everyone will know.

I created the story that I have a bladder/kidney infection and that on the day of my baseline I was seeing the doctor to get a diagnoses. For next week, to cover all my monitoring visits, I am going to tell her I need to see the Dr. again since I am still having problems and then need an X-ray and blood work several times during the week to follow my levels of white blood cells. The problem she wants details about how everything went and exactly what the Dr. says.

Before this with my IUI's, I had to make up stories about other medical issues, needing to take family members to appointments and tasks related to my other job to cover my visits.

So I am wondering...what crazy stories have you made up to cover all your appointments and procedures or did you just let everyone know you were doing IVF?

littleem · Post by **littleem** » Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:33 pm

Hi Lisa i'm new to the board also! i personally think u r doing the right thing

i chose the other route because i dont no any1 else with fertility problems (which is great) my family have supported me thru my 1st ivf cycle, it's nice to have that support but at the same time it can also b a massive strain on ur emotions! constant fone calls askin how everything is going and nothing but questions u dont have the answers 2! sorry to hear about ur iui's have u started ur 1st ivf cycle?

Wondercat · Post by **Wondercat** » Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:01 pm

I was "fortunate" enough to have had an ovarian cyst burst that I had to miss work for anyway. So I was kind of vague about it being some problems sort of related to that and most people don't want to pry too closely about details. It's a good excuse because it was closer to the truth to openly say they need to run the tests at certain points during my cycle. Also some of the shots like Lupron can be used to treat ovarian cysts anyway so I could be more open about having to give myself shots, and then say they were doing the monitoring to see how it was working. The first time around I was on the brink of overstimulating the whole time, so they did testing every morning... and I had to drive 1.5 hours to get to the clinic! So I just said they were concerned about the effects of the medication, then for the extraction gravely and mysteriously just said that treating it non-surgically didn't work out and I had to have a minor operation.

You are in a tougher position, though, only working with one person whom you are close to and share many other things with - and who is likely to spread any vague hints on to other people in your life who may in turn question you about it. At my office everybody definitely felt too awkward to ask a lot of questions.

The bladder/kidney infection story is a good one, too - have you had one before that you know how they are treated? I wouldn't even begin to know what to say about that one! Good luck with your cycle!!

riogirl71 · Post by **riogirl71** » Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:19 pm

The first time and only time we did IVF, we told immediate family and co-workers. My co-workers were great but the family part wasn't. Too much stress with questions and not enough support so we decided to only tell our bosses next time we do IVF. We will have to come up with a creative story for the family!!!

lisa10 · Post by **lisa10** » Fri Jul 31, 2009 10:56 pm

Wondercat The funny thing was I was going to use that very excuse, but three weeks ago my coworker really had a large complex cyst 8cm big and did have to have it surgically removed. So it seemed a little too close to have the exact same thing. And now she is an expert on cysts and would really ask me 100 questions about it.

The reasons you gals listed are the reasons we did not want to tell people. Too much stress and questions if it's working. We are also having secondary fertility problems, meaning we have two kids already naturally, but then couldn't get PG for the 3rd. We are very blessed with what we have, but have always wanted a lot of children. There are a lot of people who don't understand our desire to go though all this for more kids, but we just don't feel our family is complete yet. We didn't want that judgment either.

jenice · Post by **jenice** » Sun Aug 02, 2009 5:52 am

Lisa, Hi I'm new to this but I know what you mean about secondary infertility. Sometimes I feel people don't understand it @ all. They look @ u and act like you should be thankful for having a child and that should be enough. I had also struggled with fertility before my daughter and had 2 ectopic pregnancies and surgeries. I will always be thankful for my daughter but it still doesn't take the pain away from wanting more children for you and your family. I feel guilty for my daughter not having a sibling yet.I always have to remind myself to take it one day @ a time.

mally · Post by **mally** » Mon Aug 03, 2009 2:13 pm

Lisa, in my case I was doing the treatment in a different state, that means sometimes I had to be away for at least a week, and the questions kept coming. Luckily for me I was also doing an online masters program, so DH and I decided to tell all the those who cared so much to know my whereabouts that I was writing my exams in that state. On other occasions, we told them I had gone to visit a family member or a friend in a different state. Best of Luck to all of us.

Stories we tell

Stories we tell

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