Baby blues anyone?

[ann d.]

I hope someone can help me out or share their experience. I gave birth to my DS on 9/20/09. He is now 2 weeks old. Ever since he was 3 days old I have been crying at least once a day. Some days are worse than others. My DH has been supportive and has tried to understand where the tears are coming from, but it's hard for me to explain to him why I'm crying all the time. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm crying. Things that make me sad (such as leaving my "old lifestyle" behind me) will trigger the tears just as much as things that make me happy (such as seeing the little angel we created). Like I told DH, I don't feel like myself anymore. Days seem like a blur. Being home all day can depress me.

I have no thoughts of harming myself or my son. In fact, it can be the opposite. Sometimes I don't want to leave his side. Last night for the first time my DH and I went out for dinner, just the two of us. I cried at the dinner table thinking how am I ever going to get through our DS's first year? I don't want to go to my OB/Gyn just yet. I'm thinking these feelings are common, but my mother and DH seem to think if it lasts longer, we should seek help. The last thing I want to take is any meds for it.

Anyway, sorry for rambling, but if you have similar experiences, I would appreciate you sharing or any tips on how to get through this time.

Thank you!

[rlk1]

Hi Ann D.

I had a very similar experience. It's such an odd thing to go through---here you have this beautiful baby (one that we as IVF girls wait for SO long to have) and yet you're crying all the time. I also didn't have any thoughts of harming myself or the baby, but I was weepy so much that I made an appointment with my OB-GYN. She asked me a bunch of questions and determined that I did not have PPD, but that I "just" had the baby blues.

I can honestly say that the first 3 months were really hard for me. I think what turned things around, for me, was when my son was able to sleep through the night. I was able to feel like a human again and little things didn't faze me as much. Also, I noticed a difference when he was able to smile and interact with me---it didn't feel like such a thankless job anymore! After the first three months, it really was a joy to be around him.

Also, what helped me a lot was that a lot of my friends admitted that it was hard for them too. I felt so alone and like a bad mother for feeling blue, but when I started to ask my friends about it they admitted that they struggled too.

So...please don't feel alone in this! It's really hard being a first-time mom, so don't beat yourself up over this.

I hope this helped a little! I'm realizing that you asked for tips and this is more of an "it will get better with time" pep talk. But....it really will!!

Hang in there. I'm thinking of you and if you need anything feel free to PM me!

[esperanza]

It's all normal sweetheart. you just gave birth 2 weeks ago, of course you're sensitive. The feeling of being a new mom is overwhelming. Don't be so hard on yourself and just go through the process with love and kindness. It will most likely than not get better in a few weeks. My daughter is 5.5 months old and every-now-and then I get similar feelings. It does get better.

Do you have access to a mother's support group? something like La Leche League (if you're breastfeeding)? I know that has helped me, talking to other mommies helps me realize that I'm not alone and that I can only do my best.

Sending healing loving thoughts.

[ann d.]

Thank you both for your reply.

Rlk... you hit the nail right on its head. As IVF girls, we have waited for having a baby for so long, and then these feelings come along and I feel almost ashamed for experiencing them. I sit here trying to figure out why I'm so weepy. I can't come up with one answer. DH and I never thought this would happen to me even though we were told it's common. Thank you for sharing your story. It really does help. I was teary-eyed while reading it. This is just crazy!

Esperanza... thank you, too, for sharing. I know the hospital I delivered at has a support group. I'm thinking about joining it because I'm also having a hard time with breastfeeding... which is not helping with the baby blues. I had read somewhere that these feeling can last a couple of weeks. Well, today it's two weeks exactly and I'm still not through this stage. It's good to know that it's normal for these feeling to linger on longer.

Again, thank you both for sharing. And if anyone else has any other similar experiences, feel free to post them. It really helps to read about others going through the same thing.

[Warren Dew]

My wife was one of the few who did not have the baby blues. But there was a reason for that.

Baby blues appear to be caused by a fatty acid imbalance. A large proportion of the brain - I think it's about two thirds - is composed of a balance of omega 3 and omega 6 fats. Both these fats are also used in signaling in the brain. The standard American diet is very low in omega 3 fats and high in omega 6 fats, so the balance is not good; this problem is exacerbated by pregnancy because a mother's body will cannibalize the fats in her own brain to ensure the child gets enough. I remember one article on this topic said that mothers' brains shrank by an average of 2% during pregnancy for this reason - I wish I could find the link.

At any rate, we took precautions to make sure my wife got enough omega 3s. She had lots of omega 3 eggs, wild salmon, and grass fed beef. Fish oil capsules also have a lot of omega 3s. Our result was, no baby blues - my wife was just euphoric at finally having a beautiful baby.

Okay, I know I sound like a health food nut, so here are some articles so you'll know I'm not alone:

http://www.softecare.com/omega3/omega3-pregnancy.php
http://depression.about.com/cs/babyblue ... partum.htm

Good luck!

[TammyS]

Hmmm...Warren. Now, you have me intriqued. I took Omega 3 Fish oils all through pregnancy...no real reason why, just thought I should since I dont eat seafood. I am a very emotional person by nature anyways, and my DH and I were very concerned that I would have PPD or the Baby Blues...especially since we heard that the older you are the more likely it will occur. I ended up having no problems at all.

Ann....how you are feeling is very very common. I would call your OB and let them know. Hope you are feeling better soon.

[ann d.]

Thank you Warren for your input. That is very interesting. The odd thing is that I took a prenatal vitamin that said it had omega 3's. I think maybe some of my baby blues may be due to sleep deprivation. The other day I took a 3 hour nap and felt so much better. Today is the first day that I haven't cried. I'm hoping that this is a sign of good things to come.

Thank you TammyS for the advice. I will definitely contact my OB/Gyn if things don't get better.

[TwinMommy]

I think a lot of us have been there! And yes, as a lot of people stated, being IVF mommies then having these feelings is hard to deal with! I will say mine were in the NICU for 6 and 7 weeks (preemie twins) and when they came home and the sleep deprivation hit is when these thoughts hit as well. Looking back I know it was because I was not getting enough sleep. However, this is not the case for all women and some need to seek therapy/medication. Most have what they call "baby blues" and you can get over these feelings on your own within 6-8 weeks. If it goes on longer than that it is usually depression. I would say, if you need to rest, rest when the baby does. Get some help. But if these feelings keep coming you need to speak with someone and get the help you need/deserve! No one ever tells you how hard it really is once the baby is here and it is a shock to all, in my opinion, how much work they really are.

[cornybaby]

Ann! First off, congratulations on your beautiful baby boy! Every once in a while I have been searching for an update from you (I can't remember your blog), and I am SO happy to hear that everything went well and you finally have your baby. Now, as for the baby blues...I had them too, and I must admit, after fighting it for a while, I finally gave in and took the meds...prozac to be exact. I think I hit rock bottom when we were on our way to a follow up appt with my doc and the elevator was broken. I literally stood at the bottom of the stairs and wept. And I couldn't stop myself....all through the appointment I was bawling. Once it got that uncontrollable, I finally agreed to take the Prozac. I only took it for a couple of months and I was really ok after that. I am not saying that drugs are the answer for you. But I did learn that it does get better, these feelings are totally normal (after all, your hormones are raging), and please, don't feel bad or guilty about it. Don't be too hard on yourself. Mommyhood is a big adjustment and it's not always easy. I know it wasn't for me. Ok...I'm done now. Congratulations again! And hang in there girl!

[ann d.]

It's good to hear from you Cornybaby! Thank you for sharing your story. I feel better knowing I'm not alone in feeling this way. I can't tell you how guilty or ashamed I feel for crying. I think DH is wondering if I'm regretting having a baby because I seem so sad, but I keep trying to explain to him I'm not sure why I keep crying and that I wish it would stop. Anyway, I'm getting better, I think. Getting more sleep is helping although I still tear up here and there.

Congratulations on your current pregnancy! I read about it on your blog awhile ago. What a blessing!! (I haven't been as good about updating my blog.) Anyway, I am so happy for you and your family. It gives me hope that anything is possible. It's so good to hear from you!

[loopie]

Dear Ann
Congratulations !

Even though it's what we all wish for, there are times it is overwhelming.

THis is normal! Not only did you go through an amazing year of hormones- both injected and of our own making, but now you have this little person who needs you 24/7 and your hormones are adjusting back to what they were prepregnancy - it's quite a leap. Give yourself time to heal- physically and emotionally. Ask a friend or relative to come by for a few hours- you need not even leave the house- just take a nap, read, cook, sew or whatever it is you enjoy- and let your mind wander for an hour or 2.
It takes a while to feel like yourself again, and after nearly 1 year, I think I'm close- though i know i'll never really be the same- but i'm sure that's a good thing, too!

take care, talk to a counselor or your doc if you think that will help-

many good wishes coming to you

xxloopie

[Warren Dew]

Thank you Warren for your input. That is very interesting. The odd thing is that I took a prenatal vitamin that said it had omega 3's.

You cannot get enough omega 3s in a prenatal vitamin pill to make a difference. Big as it is, vitamin pills just aren't big enough, given everything else they need to contain. Plus, the vitamin pill doesn't help the other side of the balance, which is cutting back on omega 6s.

Usually people who take fish oil supplements take several pills a day just of fish oil. Maybe TammyS can say how much she had.

Lack of sleep certainly doesn't help, but my wife certainly had that problem too! If you can manage just on more sleep, though, more power to you.

[sharishu]

Loopie-
Your feelings are totally normal! I knew I would have PPD, as I have been on antidepressants for a few years now, and weaned myself during pregnancy (as per doctor's instruction). The hormones that built up in me during pregnancy allowed me to not feel depressed, hence no need for the meds, esp. towards the end. With the loss of the pregnancy hormones, my depression was really bad. I am not saying you WILL need meds, everyone is different. If you do, though, do not feel bad. If you are not prone to depression normally, you should be fine taking them short term to get past this hump of feeling really bad. Don't feel guilty please! I think the worst feeling I had wasn't even guilt, but rather that here I had this beautiful child, and I couldn't even enjoy him! Well, trust me, that will all dissolve with time. I am so in love with my baby now, it's crazy. He gives dh and I so much joy, and I could NOT have imagined feeling that way in the beginning.

Good luck, and don't be hard on yourself.

Shari xoooooo