How quickly things change!

[Kushka]

Hello!

3 days ago I was 8 weeks, 3 days pregnant. But on Tuesday I had a scan where my DR said that it had hardly grown since the 6 week scan and the heart had stopped beating. So yesterday I had a D&C - just wanted to get this whole thing over with - and I've just got home from the hospital. I'm feeling totally devastated. My DH is so upset which makes me so sad - he would be such a great dad. My parents are devastated too - I kind of wish I hadn't told them now. We've been TTC for so long, and I'm 37 so I'm really feeling the pressure. I'm trying to take comfort from the fact that at least we have now been pregnant - at least my body has eventually worked out what to do. But it's cold comfort really, given how things have just ended. My RE has said to wait 3 months before trying again, which is fine as I think we really need a break from this. But I have the feeling that time is just slipping by with nothing to show for it. Most of our 30s have been taken up with TTC and it feels to me like the joy has gone out of most things. I am just SO TIRED of trying so hard for so long. It's NOT FAIR!

I've been reading this board and so many of you are so strong with amazing stories to tell. I really hope (but no longer pray - this has ended that crazy delusion once and for all!) that somehow we find the strength to keep trying and to somehow not forget to enjoy life at the same time. I'm sorry if this is too much like moaning. I just needed to share how I'm feeling. I know that so many of you have been here (and much worse) and will know what I'm talking about.

Thanks for listening.

[KJGrant]

Kushka: I am so sorry, my thoughts are with you! Absolutely moan, don't apologize for that . . . EVER, and you too are strong, very strong. I also recently had a miscarriage, one day shy of 8 weeks, we just saw the heartbeat earlier that morning, it was the best and worst day of our life. I don't mean to make this about me I just wanted to tell you that because I now also feel like at least I CAN get pregnant and so can you, and that is something to be very hopeful for, (I still pray for it but I absolutely can see where you are coming from one that topic, it is SO unfair and don't blame you one bit for feeling that way) I bet you are tired, take your 3 months and go from there, the best of luck to you and your DH.

[Kushka]

Hi Kasey,

Thanks so much for your message - it means alot. And it really helps to hear other similar strories (although it's so sad that you and so many others have to go through this...).

Are you going to go for more IVF, and if so, are you taking a break? If so I wish you all the very best of luck.

I'm just taking it a day at a time and at some point will be ready to 're-enter' the world. At the moment I find that talking to friends isn't great - the poor things just have no idea what to say!

All the very best to you Kasey, and anyone else out there going through similar.

Kxx

[KJGrant]

Hi,

I am sorry you had to go through this also. And no rush on "re-entering" the world. I still have not talked to many people about our miscarriage. I totally avoided my best friend for the first week, she did not know I was pregnant and she was heartbroken for me that I went a week without her support. But your right they don't know what to say it's hard. The one person who does have plenty to say is my mother-in-law and I just don't want to hear it. My husband told her our news and made it clear (or so he thought) that I didn't want to talk about it. Every time I see her she makes sure to tell me "whenever your ready to talk" So every time I just say okay.

We started our second cycle last Friday, with a FET scheduled for 11/11 but I got H1N1 on this last Tuesday. At first they said the meds are safe (Tamiflu) and to proceed but they called back later and said to push the cycle back a month because they don't know how long the virus will stay with me so December here we come.
Well hope all is well with you and the best of luck also.
<3 Kasey