miscarriage on 5th attempt of IVF

[loulou123]

Hi

I am 33 years old and had 3 attempts at IUI and 5 attempts at Ivf. On my 4th attempt of IVF I had a miscarriage this was so hard to deal with and thought I would never do any treatment again but some how we managed to and I had my 5th attempt in Nov 09. I had 2 embryo's put back in and waited for the dreaded two week wait.
We did the test day before it was due and it was positive we could not believe it but very scared because of last time.
Things did not run smoothly and I started to bleed a few days later we took the test. We contacted our clinic and the for the next 3 weeks my HCG level went up so they thought maybe it was twins and I was losing one.
Anyway we had first scan and things were not right at all they said that we in fact had three babies one embryo had split and they were not the right size. To say we were devastated would be a under statement i just looked at my husband face during the scan and I tried to keep it together but cried. . I was booked in for a D & C 22 December 09 and went all ok thank god. Where we go from here we don't know we are due to see our doctor early feb 10 to see what are options are.
Just wanted to say that time is a great healer ( I know everyone says it ) but it is so true. Im not back to my normal self not sure if I ever will be to be honest but trying to keep so positive. I have good days and some really bad days but you have to keep going and hoping.

[jenice]

loulou123 - I had 2 tubal pregnancies before I had my DD. I'm soooo glad I kept trying. It is hard to want to continue after a loss. I'm so sorry for your loss, especially after so many cycles of IVF and to get a BFP and to miscarry. I also recently had an early miscarriage after an FET. I was so excited and told everyone. Take the time you need to heal physically and mentally. I'll keep trying I know I can get preggoThey say it is half the battle. It is soooo worth it in the end when you hold your baby in your arms .It is the best reward you could ever ask for. II wish you the best and never give up.

[starwishes]

Am so sorry for your loss loulou. I just know exactly how you feel. It's been about 3 weeks since my second miscarriage after IVF and 1 week since my D&C. After the first miscarriage, I got back to 'normal' pretty quickly and felt really positive about the next round of IVF. This time is unbearable. I am really trying to hold it together, but being surrounded at work by so many pregnant women doesn't help! Also my DH can't seem to talk about it, so I guess I am bottling a lot of it up.

It's so hard, but your post Jenice does fill me with hope. I don't think I can face another round of IVF again, but maybe as loulou says time is a healer and in time I will feel differently.

Prayers and thoughts to you at this difficult time.
xx

[jenice]

Starwishes - I'm so sorry about your loss. I think it is very hard to get over, especially after a round of IVF. It is like salt in a wound. It makes it sting even more. I remember thinking I would never be a mother and it is sooo scary to feel that way. One night DH and I tried only once and now I have a DD. In that one moment of time fate went my way. Sometimes I really think about "why" Why some of us go through all this and what is to be learned ?? Maybe we will always "appreciate" our children a little more. Maybe knowing they truely are a gift, is a gift in disguise ????? Take time for yourself and make DH spoil you. Sometimes men need a little suggestions or @ least mine always need it spelled out for him. Take a vacation or a really good massage. The pain from miscarriage will always be there but time does help you to deal with your feelings. I think sometimes us women do need to really have a good cry. I just try to remember my grandma who had buried 2 babies and then went on to have 3 children. It happened due to illness and medicine not available back then I guess or sometimes they didn't even know why. I wondered how she had the courage to keep trying and then I think damn if she could have gone through all of that, then I can do this. I know right know I need time to take care of my health before I try again, so it won't be awhile for me. I wish you the best and I hope you continue your journey.

[starwishes]

Jenice- your post has been a real comfort to me- especially since you have practically described my DH to a T! That's exactly what he needed- to be pretty much told how to behave, what to say and how to comfort me- we had that talk and now we can now talk about it all, which I guess is so important. I must still be a bit clueless about men, as I just expected him to know what to say and do. It just goes to show how different men and women are!
Your grandmother sounds like an amazing woman- she must have had incredible strength to do what she did. It makes you just live in hope that things can work out. Who's to say what the reason behind all our pain is and why some women suffer and others don't. I guess it's one of the universe's unfathomable mysteries.

Anyway, we must think alike as DH and I are indeed taking a little vacation to Paris for a few days and we have also booked in for massages tomorrow! All done in the name of healing.

Thanks again for your encouraging post and best of luck with getting healthy and right again for the next try.
Have a lovely weekend
Xx

[jenice]

Starwishes - I am sooooo glad your taking a vacation especially to Paris, I'm soooooo jealous !!!!!! Enjoy every minute of it, it sounds awesome As far as men go my DH always says he can't read my mind. But sometimes it would be nice without me telling him but they are curcuited different from us. Men want to fix things, not be all emotional to deal with problems. Just think of men like cavemen, simple minded really (no disrespect to the opposite gender ) Enjoy you weekend

[starwishes]

Thanks Jenice! Had a lovely few days in Paris. You're quite right about men being circuited a little differently to us! Anyway all's well now on the communication front!
Have a lovely weekend too x