Adopting we are just starting our journey

[Sara30]

Wow we have a new board that has come at just the right time for me !!!!

We have our first initial adoption meeting on Wednesday, I have lots of questions and fears and concerns about adopting and would love to share this journey with other people so if there is anyone out there who wants to make a friend along the way then I will look forward to 'hearing' from you.

[mally]

Sara30 correct me if I am wrong we cycled together in Novmeber last year, I have not gone for a third trial yet, but I have decided to start the adoption process whilst I wait to try the third time.

I have an interview to attend tomorrow the 10th of September, and it is quite funny because it has its own psychological issues. I however believe that through this our miracles may come in one way or the other.

Best of Luck

[Sara30]

Hi MALLY

I remember we did cycle together, how are you, I have seen your signature from time to time,

How did your adoption meeting go? We have to wait now for our assessment to start, may take a few months before we start tho, I am hoping as we are all ready foster carers that it will not take so long but you never know I am not getting my hopes up too much, It all seems to take so long,

We cannot start the adoption process until we have finished fertility treatment for a year which I think is a little unfair, we went through it for so many years I know my own mind and have grieved for the loss of my children I don't need another 6 months just to be 'sure' I am ready to adopt, but hey ho I don't make the rules and what will be will be.

So tell me what stage you are at, is it different from where you are from, I forget but you are not in the UK is that right??

Lovely to hear from you again,

Speak soon
Lee xx

[mally]

Sara30, sorry for the long delay in responding, I must say I have been caught up in gathering all the necessary doucments, getting tax clearance, and bla bla bla...... lol.

However I have finally submitted all the necessary documents, and guess what they came to inspect our home today, to determine, how friendly the home is for babies.

So we will soon meet another panel for a second interview, and then we know our fate in terms of whether we have approval from the government to link up with an orphanage or not.

I am In lagos Nigeria, but i think the procedures are almost the same, as it has to meet international standards, do keep me posted .

[Welshgirl38]

Hi Guys,

Only just seen this. Hope u dont mind me butting in, we have just started the adoption process here in the UK ... So how is it going for u both? Any news on things.

Just a little bout me, we have decided to adopt after 4 tmt's of ivf and 1 m/c ... cant go thru another cycle - too painful. Sara, i didnt realise until wishful (Carolyn) told me u were adopting! Hows the process going with , where are u at? How u feeling about other side of things hun? xx

mally, hows things going with u? xx

Hope its all goin well and u both have some news to share??

Xx

[Sara30]

Hi Becky

So good to see you again, I have just been on the other thread and everyone is coming back!!!

Like you I couldn't go through another cycle again, enough was enough, the emotional pain was just too much to keep going through, so last April we decided we would go down the adoption route.

We had our adoption information meeting in July and our initial meeting in September then we had a rather long wait for our report to come back so had to make some complaints which was not pleasant as I am closely linked to our adoption and fostering team with the fostering we do.

Well we have about a year long wait until we are allocated a social worker to start the process so potentially not until November this year before we start the home study!! Very frustrating, however we have a little 5 yr old girl living with us who has been released for adoption and we have applied to adopt her so hopefully they will be agreeable so now we wait to see.

So if you are starting your adoption course are you all ready through the home study??

Feeling nervous about adopting, we had kind of decided not to and to have a life without children of our own and then our little cherub came along to live with us and turned our plans upside down. I guess with our knowledge of fostering I know we are not choosing an easy route and there will be difficulties along the way, I am worried about the unconditional love for our child and all the fears of parenthood as well but I guess thats all normal!!!

So what about you, hows it going, would you like boys, girls, one or more?

Mally, hows it going for you would love to hear how you are getting on?

Take Care
Lee xxx

[Welshgirl38]

Hi Lee,

Wow! What a long wait you have had. I think they do it differently over here in Northern ireland. We havnet had any home visits yet, that usually starts after the adoption course here. The course lasts for 3 days every Fri in march, starting 19th ... then after that, we formally apply (if we havent been scared off by the course lol) and wait to see if they accept us, and then the whole home visit starts.

We were told that after the course (last session on April 2nd) it can take up to 2 - 3 mths before the home visits, and they should last about 6-8 mths ... then its panel - then matching u with a child. It all sounds so easy, but we know its not. Its a long hard struggle of which i am really scared.

I keep wondering if we are doing the right thing, and im trying not to look too much into the future, just taking it one step at a time....

Yes, i see people are comming back on the other thread, i did do a list to keep us updated .... its very posh this new site aint it lol ....

Its good to be back

Xxxx

[mally]

Hello Sara, Becky, Welshgirl and all the ladies out here, First and Foremost I am based in Nigeria, and believe me the couples queing up to adopt are so many, that you just don't know when they will call you to tell you they have found a child.

We are only allowed to adopt a child between the ages of 0-1 year, whilst any age above that will go into fostering. Well Thank God, I had a call on monday, that they found a little baby girl, abandoned, so the orphanage is linking up with the social services, and they will call me to after the necessary medical test and formalities have been concluded.

I have started buying the baby stuff, and hope to love this baby girl, when all goes through. Let's keep our fingers crossed, but if all goes well, I may have the baby girl this month.

I am keeping you all in my prayers, and hopefully, God will bless us in a miraculous way.

Maly

[Welshgirl38]

Oh Mally Thats just fantastic news that they have matched you with a little girl
Am so pleased for you ...

How long have u been on the waiting list for hun? Here in the UK it normally takes from start of home visits to actually being accepted, around 8 -10 mths - then its a waiting game for themt o find you a child. Also here we would be very lucky to get a child aged 0-1 - and are more likely to be matched with a child from the age of 2 - 5 - every country is different. I would love to have a 0-1 yr old ... but hardley likey, so am preparing for a toddler 2-3 years .... i dont care what it is (girl or boy) i do belive that if i was pregnant i wouldnt have a choice on what i had - and i feel the same about adoption, it rally doesnt matter to me, i will be happy with anything

Btw - I am Becky & Welshgirl (sorry for the confusion lol)

xxxxxx

[jenice]

Hi, I was wondering if you ladies can tell me if their is a standard wait to adopt after fertility treatments ? I do have a DD, does that make any difference when adopting ? I've gone through 2 cancelled IVF cycles, 1 failed and one miscarriage from IVF. I will try again but the end of my road is near. How long does it take from start to finish with adopting ? Is there an age cut off for the parents ? Thanks ladies for any information you have.

[Welshgirl38]

Hi Jenice

Welcome aboard

Are u from the UK or the US. Reason why i ask is cos i only really know about the UK ... so i'll blabber on about how it works in the UK an hopefully it will be of some use to you lol.

Having your own children will not make a blind bit of difference to adopting. In fact my SW tld me it would fair better as you have some experience of being a parent, and having a sibling for the adoptive child will be good for it. But your childs needs will be taken into consideration also. They wont want you child to feel left out in any way etc.

I have 2 grown up DD's (21 and 19) one whom lives at home (19 yr old) and the other has just moved out. The 19 yr old who lives with us will have to go thru this adoption process just as much as us, cos she is a 'grown up' so she will be interviewed, and have the police checks etc. And cos the adoptive child will be living with my DD as a sibling and regardless of age, everyone living in the same household will be interviewed. (Obvisouly your DD is a lot younger, so there wont be police checks etc)

As for fertility tmt, they do like u to have been tmt free for at least 6 mths. The reason why they do this is they have to be sure that u have finished tmt and accepted that u wont ever become pregnant again. They need all ur focus on the adoptive child. He/she is the priority for them and they have to be sure.

We had our 4th ivf tmt last Aug which sadly failed (our 3rd resulted in a pregnancy but sadly no hearbtbeat @ our 8 weeks scan - devastated) after having the 4th we decided enough was enough. I couldnt go on no more, its so drainng and heartbreaking when it doesnt work. Also had to pay for our tmt so our bank balance was crying out for some tlc too ... we turned to adoption in Novemebr, had visit from SW and a chat in Jan and we start the course in a week Fri

Now about the age thing .... there isnt a cut off age at all. Obvisouly the older u are, they prefer u to take an older child. Here in the UK most adoptive children are aged 2yrs+ because they will live with foster parents from the stage they are taken into care, and then the system tries to get them back with their birth parents etc, if this is not possible, then they go up for adoption. Very rarely u will have a child from birth, its mostly toddlers ... you can yourself deide on a cut off age, say u will accept 0-2 years, but then they wont consider u for a wee 3 yr old and that wud worry me. I think our cut off point is going to be 0-4 years. Will wait an see what happens.

Hope this is of some help to u .... looking fwd to keeping up with ur journey

BTW: DH and I are both aged 41 (42 this year ) so we are classed as 'older' parents, but hopefully - 'wiser' lol

[mally]

Hi Welshgirl,

Thank you for the questions. Over here in Nigeria, it is run on a state level, so I applied through the lagos state. The take applications twice in a year, so I was on the August board when it comes to those applying. I went through all the necessary requirements, ( administrative), home visits and a final interview, with a panel. So in all it took me three months from the start date to get the approval letter which was in November 2009.

i then begun visiting orphanages, immediately, because the queue is quite long, in these orphanages, and it is a first come and first serve basis. So I visited as many as possible, i.e recommended ones by the government, and finally I got a call that they found a baby girl, so hopefully, I may be able to take her home next week after the necessary medical test is done. Then after 3 months I can begin the legal process of adopting her fully. So I still have a long way to go.

I hope this may helps in one way or the other.

Mally

[jenice]

Welshgirl - Thanks for all your info. I am in the States though, but I'm sure it is similar though. I am getting very tired of all the treatments with IVF. I also put on tons of weight, did you ? I've lost 3 pregnancies, numerous surgeries, and procedures. It gets to be soooo tiring, I just want my DD to have a sibling, plus I would of course loooove another baby. I still have all my baby gear and right now I am a SAHM, so I am sooo ready for a baby. Unfortunately been trying for 2.5 years now for a second child. We will try another cycle with a new RE, who is supposed to be good. I just wish life could be easier but if I get a baby out of it all then the torture won't even matter anymore Good luck to you also on your journey to Motherhood !!!!

[babyluv]

Hi Ladies!

Thought I would jump in. DH and actually adopted our kids before starting IVF (right now on try #3, hoping it works - well, duh). I am one of 6 kids, with two of my brothers being adopted, as well as an SIL. Let me just tell you...there is NO possible I could love a bio child more than the two I already have. They are amazing and make the BFNs pretty bearable. I would LOVE to get pregnant for the experience, we have always wanted both adopted and bio kids, but I know that may not be in the cards for us. At any rate, just wanted to wish you all luck on your paths to motherhood (whether the first or second or third time). If this IVF doesn't pan out, our plan is to start adoption #3 this summer.

[mally]

Hello Babyluv,

Thank you for sharing, and for encouraging those of us thinking of adoption. I hear it is a wonderful feeling, and we hope to experience it as well. All the same we pray that God will let his will be done in our lives; and if he wishes he will add to these lovely children our biological ones.


Mally