March/April 2010 Cycle Group

[amanda1979]

Hello everyone
I really don't have much going on right now since the failed IVF and in limbo waiting on the next cycle in July. A friend of mine sent me a video of song called "I Would Die For That" by Kellie Coffey. If any of you get a chance you should watch it on youtube. It is so true and I will warn you it will make the tears roll, but in a way it has helped me. The song is what I feel & think down to a T. This weekend at work was hard because everyone wanted to know if I was pregnant and I had to tell them no. I work at a hospital as an x-ray tech, so the people I work with my co-workers and nurses were understanding, but it sucked to say no it didn't work. I am looking forward to July, but scared at the same time. What if it doesn't work? We don't have another $12,000.00 for another try. Anyways, I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend:)
Amanda1979
Me-30
DH-29
4 failed IUIs
1 failed IVF

That must have been so hard to do dear. But hopefully the second IVF will be the one for you. Try and keep it to yourself so you don't have to do that ever again and then when you get pg you can announce it with pride to everyone. I hear ya about teh $12,000 it's a killer for people who have no insurance. We don't have that in Canada so we pay full price too. It's good meds are covered and u/s and ob apts and everything else is though. When we cycled with De it was close to $20,000 so that's why I prefered Embryo Adoption... just didn't have another $20,000 again.

we will be here cheering you on so don't you give up yet dear.

Helene[/quote

It is hard to keep it to ourselves. My DH and I work at the same hospital and same shift for the last 5 yrs. so we are close with our co-workers. Our insurance covers up to 80% of the blood work and u/s, but that is better than nothing. One of the girls that recently joined our shift is out bc she just had a healthy baby girl. I am glad the baby is healthy, but at the same time I have not been to visit her bc I just can't deal with seeing a new baby right now. I know that sounds horrible, but it is the truth. How is everything going with you? It is hard to keep up with everyone on the site. I don't see how you and Angela do it..lol. I can barely keep up with myself:) Amanda

[angelaezra]

Helene - I am so glad that you got in contact w/ your OB and will have your blood test done tomorrow. Please let me know what your OB says.

Yes, my u/s was such a relief. I was very nervous as my DH couldn’t come today as he had to work. But, it all worked out … thank you lord.

I didn’t know you are French. That is so cool. I took French for years in school and my DH always tries to practice speaking French when we go to Canada because he took it in school also. It is so funny. We can follow everyone for awhile but when people speak it fast we are lost. My brother-in-law who lives in Toronto speaks it fluently as he was raised in Montreal.

Amanda – So you did the shared risk program already. I was wondering why your cost was $12,000 but now I understand. Did your RE say if he/she will change anything about your cycling protocol for your July cycle? I think it is a great idea to have a consultation and talk about why they think it didn’t work and what they want to do for your next cycle.'

I understand how you feel about seeing your co-worker now. You will be able to see pictures and congratulate her when you have dealt with things on your own. It takes time. I remember after I lost my daughter, it seemed like everyone was pregnant. Not to mention two co-workers, one was due the day after Ashley and the other was due 1 month before her.

Also, my DH has much older siblings, so one of our nieces is 24 years old and we were pregnant at the same time, so her baby was due 1 month before Ashley. So as you can see I was surrounded by pregnant women, not to mention all of the pregnant women who worked at the physicians’ offices that I had to see daily. I couldn’t go to a grocery store and see an infant without crying because I kept thinking he/she is probably around the same age as my daughter. Then my DH had a family reunion and I had to see my niece w/ her newborn daughter and I was empty handed, which was scheduled 2 days after my original delivery date. I struggled with not attending the reunion but I knew I had to face reality eventually. It does get easier!

Angela

[lycase]

It is hard to keep it to ourselves. My DH and I work at the same hospital and same shift for the last 5 yrs. so we are close with our co-workers. Our insurance covers up to 80% of the blood work and u/s, but that is better than nothing. One of the girls that recently joined our shift is out bc she just had a healthy baby girl. I am glad the baby is healthy, but at the same time I have not been to visit her bc I just can't deal with seeing a new baby right now. I know that sounds horrible, but it is the truth. How is everything going with you? It is hard to keep up with everyone on the site. I don't see how you and Angela do it..lol. I can barely keep up with myself:) Amanda

Yes I understand that. I guess they will be the first ones to know when it works. It's good that people are getting the awaremess though. We don't the stuggles until we are there so in a way it's good for "others" I guess.

The way I do it is during the day at work I am not busy so I have lots of time to read and reply. I also thing it's because my dh and I are so busy at home with other stuff we don't get time to talk much and I go to bed at like 8pm so... But at work I decided to take the time otherwise I would be so bored...

You know you don't have to be sorry about NOT wanting to see the new baby. Everyone will understand at work and sure we do here... we are all like that you are NOT alone. It takes time... lots of time. But hand in there girl you can do it too I assure you. Hugs and Love

Helene

[lycase]

Angela - I will keep everyone posted for sure. I can see it now on my DD that the red is starting to go all over but it's too late to not be around her when she is red already... they are contagius only BEFORE the red starts so no way to know they have it when it's contagius.

Bad news - although the districk manager of Walmart said to burn me 2 CDs with my pictures the store manager told me the DM doens't know how it works there and that she can't retrieve the pictures she deleted. Well why did she deleted them then?? So she said you take what we got or too bad. I said forget it I will do a reshoot some place else. So I booked my other apt at Sears Portrait and the CD they give you has ALL the pictures... it's ok I guess cause the photographer was not really good so much we didn't know where to look so some of us were looking down and others up... so ? It's probably better. And I think at Sears they have a larger studio so we will NOT be so crampt. We were so stock together that some of our bodies were cut... I would have taken them not to re-shoot but oh well.

So tonight I set up the office so I got my computer all hooked up and running... pretty neat. The house is still a mess and I have no clue when it will get better... but got to focus on baby

Oh and finally I got my other gender result and guess what!!! They said my result is a BOY!!! Ha Ha... dh says they are just guessing... they can't tell. So goes to show you Good thing we got $7,000 advance on the sell of the house yesterday. NOw I don't feel so guilty. But I will still call my baby HER just cause I would love to have a GIRL!!! It's still nice to have surprises though... it's cool.

Have a good night everyone.

Hugs and love

Helene

[amanda1979]

Helene - I am so glad that you got in contact w/ your OB and will have your blood test done tomorrow. Please let me know what your OB says.

Yes, my u/s was such a relief. I was very nervous as my DH couldn’t come today as he had to work. But, it all worked out … thank you lord.

I didn’t know you are French. That is so cool. I took French for years in school and my DH always tries to practice speaking French when we go to Canada because he took it in school also. It is so funny. We can follow everyone for awhile but when people speak it fast we are lost. My brother-in-law who lives in Toronto speaks it fluently as he was raised in Montreal.

Amanda – So you did the shared risk program already. I was wondering why your cost was $12,000 but now I understand. Did your RE say if he/she will change anything about your cycling protocol for your July cycle? I think it is a great idea to have a consultation and talk about why they think it didn’t work and what they want to do for your next cycle.'

I understand how you feel about seeing your co-worker now. You will be able to see pictures and congratulate her when you have dealt with things on your own. It takes time. I remember after I lost my daughter, it seemed like everyone was pregnant. Not to mention two co-workers, one was due the day after Ashley and the other was due 1 month before her.

Also, my DH has much older siblings, so one of our nieces is 24 years old and we were pregnant at the same time, so her baby was due 1 month before Ashley. So as you can see I was surrounded by pregnant women, not to mention all of the pregnant women who worked at the physicians’ offices that I had to see daily. I couldn’t go to a grocery store and see an infant without crying because I kept thinking he/she is probably around the same age as my daughter. Then my DH had a family reunion and I had to see my niece w/ her newborn daughter and I was empty handed, which was scheduled 2 days after my original delivery date. I struggled with not attending the reunion but I knew I had to face reality eventually. It does get easier!

Angela

Angela- Our RE did call me the day it was negative. He said he would have no problem meeting us if we had questions. He said he would adjust the timing and the meds for the next cycle. My husband and I thought about meeting him, but we really don't have any questions. We know the right side ovary is not producing many follicles bc of the surgery and the left is doing all it can. The one blast they put it was a good one, but not a great one. I feel like I am just stumbling around in the dark lol, but I guess everyone feels that way. Wow that must have been hard for you. Your story has helped me thanks for sharing it. How long has it been since you lost Ashley? My husband is loving & supportive, but he can only understand so much. I have one brother who is 4 yrs younger than me. He can just look at his wife and they are pregnant. they have 3 children and they fight all the time. I have not spoken to him since last September. I miss my niece & nephews so much, but my brother uses people and treats me and my parents like sh**, so I had to make a decision I didn't want to make. He threatened my husband and told me the reason I couldn't have a child was bc I was too selfish. All bc I wouldn't take him to another state to his court date for some traffic violations. We were doing the IUIs at the time and I was so stressed. I just couldn't take him, but he doesn't care about anyone. I am so sorry for dumping all of that, but I have been thinking about him and his children. Okay I am going to stop typing now..lol.

[amanda1979]

Angela - I will keep everyone posted for sure. I can see it now on my DD that the red is starting to go all over but it's too late to not be around her when she is red already... they are contagius only BEFORE the red starts so no way to know they have it when it's contagius.

Bad news - although the districk manager of Walmart said to burn me 2 CDs with my pictures the store manager told me the DM doens't know how it works there and that she can't retrieve the pictures she deleted. Well why did she deleted them then?? So she said you take what we got or too bad. I said forget it I will do a reshoot some place else. So I booked my other apt at Sears Portrait and the CD they give you has ALL the pictures... it's ok I guess cause the photographer was not really good so much we didn't know where to look so some of us were looking down and others up... so ? It's probably better. And I think at Sears they have a larger studio so we will NOT be so crampt. We were so stock together that some of our bodies were cut... I would have taken them not to re-shoot but oh well.

So tonight I set up the office so I got my computer all hooked up and running... pretty neat. The house is still a mess and I have no clue when it will get better... but got to focus on baby

Oh and finally I got my other gender result and guess what!!! They said my result is a BOY!!! Ha Ha... dh says they are just guessing... they can't tell. So goes to show you Good thing we got $7,000 advance on the sell of the house yesterday. NOw I don't feel so guilty. But I will still call my baby HER just cause I would love to have a GIRL!!! It's still nice to have surprises though... it's cool.

Have a good night everyone.

Hugs and love

Helene

Helene- so I guess it is a toss up on the gender..lol Maybe the next u/s will give you a definite answer. I with Angela it is so cool you are french. My husband took french, but I took German. I have no idea why I took German living in the states, but it was fun at the time.

[lycase]

Amanda - yes being french is a big advantage here in Canada specially Ottawa where we are. My dh though would prefer the kids NOT to speak french silly him. The reason he has no permanent job is cause he can't speak French but I think it's his ego that bugs him. The kids go to French school and so are bilingual. They are more english but fluent in both. My family is only French so that was important to me but cause he doesn't like us speaking French I never spoke it to the kids until they started talking or even go to daycare so they have the accent but now are fluent so it's ok. My older DD is French first but cause she got it right off the bath she now refuses to speak French and gets mad at me if I speak French to her... go figure??

Sorry you are having such a hard time with your cycle... do you know what you are going to do next? A new cycle?

Hope you can find peace though specially while missing your nieces... so sad. My sister is the same so selfish and mean. I can't stand her... living far is good. Just don't know why I want to visit sometimes it is never a pleasant visit??

Helene

[angelaezra]

Amanda – I am so sorry you and your DH are going through such a tough time.

I lost Ashley last February in 2009. I can’t believe that it has already been more than a year already. But, I miss her like it was just yesterday.

Sorry to hear about your brother. That is so very mean for him to say that about you while you are having such a tough time. I know that it is hard but sometimes you have to separate yourself from people who are negative. You have to think about yourself, especially if others will not and if that means making some distance between you and your brother than that might be what it takes. I know the feeling of missing your nieces and nephew. I am so very close to my nephew. He and my sister actually lived with us when he was first born until he was three years old. I have been there from the minute he was born. I still pick him up from school and daycare and we just spend the day together every once in awhile. I love it but I understand your dilemma also. I hope this separation will be a bit of a wakeup call for him and he stops being so selfish.

Helene – How did your blood test turn out regarding the Fifth’s Disease?

AFM – What a long stressful day it has been today. The rain, thunderstorms, and lightening have made it a terrible day to be driving around for me. I am so glad that I am finally back at home and can relax for awhile. My RE checked my thyroid levels while I was in his office yesterday and the nurse just called and said my level is within normal range, so I guess the Synthroid that they put me on is working!

Angela

[natakia1108]

Hi Ladies,

I hope everyone is doing well. I'm anxiously waiting my first ultrasound. My last beta on last Thursday was great at 2589. But, on Saturday I saw 1 brown spot & last night. I was cramping & have been spotting today (it's just a light brown spotting). I've been cramping since I've had the implantation on 4/19. The cramping is always in the middle of the night. But last night I had some brown spotting. Has anyone else experienced this? Of course, I'm paranoid because I had a M/C @ 8wks. However, my BFF said that she had that during her 1st trimester & all over the web I read the same.

Well, I called my RE this morning and they told me it was totally NORMAL and that the Progesterone oil shots can sometimes cause this as well. But most likely the cramping and light spotting is from the uterous growing to accommodate the baby. she said as long as I'm not seeing bright red blood, I'm okay. I asked if I could come in for another beta & they said it really wouldn't tell them much because I'm too far along (I told her I was just 6 wks today) she said it really wouldn't be helpful. I then asked why I had to wait for my 1st U/S @ 7 1/2 wks & she said they want to be sure they'll be able to see the baby. So I guess I'm just waiting for another week & half until I have my 1st U/S on 5/24. It's so nice that ny DH is so confident. he keeps telling me that it's done & God's already told him everything is fine. He says the baby is just trying to get comfortable & the light spotting is nothing to worry about. Any helpful words of encouragement or sharing your experience is much appreciated.

Natakia

[Lauren1171]

Hi everyone!
While I was away I was so paranoid that the miscarriage would happen, and I didn't know how bad it would be. I wore panty liners the first two days and started getting light brown spotting. On Sunday I wore a pad in case. We left Monday night just before midnight. I was getting red by then, like a very early period. Since then, I am bleeding like a light period still! I could go all day and not need to change the pad. I had another beta today and the number went from 271 on Thursday to 370 today. Now I am going for an US on Friday to see if it's ectoptic or not and take it from there if they will give me meds or do a D and E. I am still aggravated with RE for not doing US before I went away. If it is ectoptic they could have checked by 5 weeks. If it's not ectoptic I think I should have continued taking my meds. I am thinking about switching clinics. Mine only does 3day transfers. I have been researching and I think 5 days are better. I just wish this would be over with so I could discontinue use of these pads! I hate wearing them!

[angelaezra]

Hi Ladies,

I hope everyone is doing well. I'm anxiously waiting my first ultrasound. My last beta on last Thursday was great at 2589. But, on Saturday I saw 1 brown spot & last night. I was cramping & have been spotting today (it's just a light brown spotting). I've been cramping since I've had the implantation on 4/19. The cramping is always in the middle of the night. But last night I had some brown spotting. Has anyone else experienced this? Of course, I'm paranoid because I had a M/C @ 8wks. However, my BFF said that she had that during her 1st trimester & all over the web I read the same.

Well, I called my RE this morning and they told me it was totally NORMAL and that the Progesterone oil shots can sometimes cause this as well. But most likely the cramping and light spotting is from the uterous growing to accommodate the baby. she said as long as I'm not seeing bright red blood, I'm okay. I asked if I could come in for another beta & they said it really wouldn't tell them much because I'm too far along (I told her I was just 6 wks today) she said it really wouldn't be helpful. I then asked why I had to wait for my 1st U/S @ 7 1/2 wks & she said they want to be sure they'll be able to see the baby. So I guess I'm just waiting for another week & half until I have my 1st U/S on 5/24. It's so nice that ny DH is so confident. he keeps telling me that it's done & God's already told him everything is fine. He says the baby is just trying to get comfortable & the light spotting is nothing to worry about. Any helpful words of encouragement or sharing your experience is much appreciated.

Natakia

Natakia – I am sorry that you are worried about the spotting. I haven’t had the spotting during this pregnancy but I had it during my last pregnancy. By chance, did you transfer more than one embryo? I ask this because women who are pregnant w/ twins often spot.

Is the cramping enough to make you really worry or is just light cramping? My RE actually had me take Advil for the cramping during my last pregnancy and bed rest when it became too bad. You can take Advil until the third trimester; it even says it on the bottle. But of course, you need to ask your RE before taking anything.

I would have demanded that they took another HCG level because the levels do not peak until 8 to 12 weeks. So your HCG would give a good indication of what is going on. I have had 6 betas drawn until I hit 6 ½ weeks during this pregnancy just to reassure myself. And, since your HCG is higher than 2,000 they should be able to see the sac and the fetal pole. I think they wait until the 7th week because the heart doesn’t start beating where it can be picked up by vaginal Doppler until 6 ½ to 7 weeks. So they are just making sure you are past that point. But, when I had my bleeding during my last pregnancy, I called them so much that they ended up doing my first u/s at 5 ½ weeks and found out that I was actually pregnant with twins but I was experiencing a vanishing twin, where one of twins stopped growing. My brown spotting eventually got worse over the next few days and turned bright red. But, Ashley was growing just fine. Once the bleeding stopped, she continued to develop but they told me to not over do it because the bleeding makes the uterus very irritated and causes it to contract.

I say if the spotting gets heavier and red, insist they do both an HCG and u/s so they can see what is going on.

Please keep us updated. I will keep monitoring your progress. My prayers are with you!

Angela

[angelaezra]

Hi everyone!
While I was away I was so paranoid that the miscarriage would happen, and I didn't know how bad it would be. I wore panty liners the first two days and started getting light brown spotting. On Sunday I wore a pad in case. We left Monday night just before midnight. I was getting red by then, like a very early period. Since then, I am bleeding like a light period still! I could go all day and not need to change the pad. I had another beta today and the number went from 271 on Thursday to 370 today. Now I am going for an US on Friday to see if it's ectoptic or not and take it from there if they will give me meds or do a D and E. I am still aggravated with RE for not doing US before I went away. If it is ectoptic they could have checked by 5 weeks. If it's not ectoptic I think I should have continued taking my meds. I am thinking about switching clinics. Mine only does 3day transfers. I have been researching and I think 5 days are better. I just wish this would be over with so I could discontinue use of these pads! I hate wearing them!

Lauren – I agree your levels are still rising so they should have tried a u/s and if not given you Methotrexate to start the process or a D & C back then. It sounds like they were trying to wait to see if you would miscarry on your own. According to the data, HCG levels need to be over 1,500 or 2,000 in order for a sac or fetal pole to show up w/a vaginal ultrasound. That might be what they were waiting for but they just left you in limbo and they should have made some decision by now.

I sure hope you get a resolution soon.

Angela

[amanda1979]

Amanda - yes being french is a big advantage here in Canada specially Ottawa where we are. My dh though would prefer the kids NOT to speak french silly him. The reason he has no permanent job is cause he can't speak French but I think it's his ego that bugs him. The kids go to French school and so are bilingual. They are more english but fluent in both. My family is only French so that was important to me but cause he doesn't like us speaking French I never spoke it to the kids until they started talking or even go to daycare so they have the accent but now are fluent so it's ok. My older DD is French first but cause she got it right off the bath she now refuses to speak French and gets mad at me if I speak French to her... go figure??

Sorry you are having such a hard time with your cycle... do you know what you are going to do next? A new cycle?

Hope you can find peace though specially while missing your nieces... so sad. My sister is the same so selfish and mean. I can't stand her... living far is good. Just don't know why I want to visit sometimes it is never a pleasant visit??

Helene

Helene- our next cycle will be in July, so we are going to Hawaii at the end of this month for some RR. I can't wait. I think we both need the break. Since you live in Canada have you ever seen the falls? I have always wanted to see it. Maybe next year:) I understand about it never been a pleasant visit. When I did go see my brother & his wife they would always argue and say things like f you to each other in front of the kids How old is your older DD? I am guessing a teenager Amanda

[angelaezra]

Amanda – Hawaii sounds wonderful right now! My DH and I have traveled all around the world but we haven’t been there yet. We said we would go when we celebrated our 5th year anniversary … well needless to say I will be celebrating my 10 year anniversary on 6/17 and we haven’t been there yet. My parents are going to Las Vegas for 3 weeks in June and from Vegas they are going to Hawaii. My DH and I were supposed to go with them but since I am pregnant we are going to miss both Vegas and Hawaii. My DH keeps telling me he will send me a postcard and I told him I will send him a postcard of his new residence when he gets back … lol!

I hope you have a great time in Hawaii. I have to find somewhere close to have a vacation as I cannot fly while I am pregnant. Each time I have flown while pregnant I have complications. But, I need a vacation from work so very bad. I am experiencing burn out and then I am so exhausted on top of it.

Angela

[y_ghazaly]

hi everyone
i'm so grateful 2 be on this board with such great supportive ppl thanx a lot 4 all ur kind words i chilled down & thought of how much i luv my DH & wouldn't trade him 4 the world a successful marriage is much more than having a child i guess, it's mainly about love & standing by each other thru thick & thin & i can't imagine being with anyone else other than my DH esp. that he's so good 2 me & i've known him for 10 yrs before we got married & we were best friends in the very beginning we were college sweethearts afterward :):) & i also realized that i'm depressed about other things like my weight gain & how hard it'll b 2 lose all the weight again (i lost 25 kgs before the ICSIs & gained it all back now - depression , no exercise , comfort eating & ICSI medication) & i'm also stressed about my job (an abusive boss) which i'll probably quit in a couple of months & chill @ home till i find something else (maybe even focus on losing weight & just having fun a bit , building up my self esteem again) anyway , we decided 2 try a different route with male infertility doctors then another ICSI ....... but we're on a break from all that crap now .........so just wish us luck and best of luck 2 all u wonderful ppl out there babydust 2 us all!