Keeping twins a surprise until delivery...?

[Jill10]

I'm pregnant with twins through IVF after several years of trying and previous miscarriages. I started having major complications starting week 12 (before we had announced the pregnancy) and have been on strict hospital or home bedrest now from week 12 to now week at week 32 and will be for the duration.

We announced the pregnancy after we hit the viability mark at 24 weeks, but not that we're pregnant with twins to anyone except parents and siblings. Every time we thought about announcing the twins, we were faced with another major complication and had to go through more tests, treatments and then told by the Dr. that all we could do is wait and watch and that we won't really be out of the woods until the day we deliver safely.

The baby shower thing isn't an issue since b/c of the strict bed rest we're planning on a "meet the babies/shower" a couple of months after the babies are home. With the exception of all the scary complications, its been nice to have this little secret to share just w/ my hubby and immediate family. The added stress from the hype of announcing the twins may bring more attention and questions than necessary in this condition.

I wasn't able to see a lot of people due to the strict home or hospital bedrest due to being emotionally distraught from all the complications and a couple of my closest friends have been very strangely and basically stopped talking to me. I thought this was pretty selfish as in a condition like this, I would think my real friends should support me in any way I need, even if that means trying to understand the reasons behind our decisions. Everyone else has been very supportive and happy for us, but I'm concerned that hopefully when all goes well and we deliver our twins, our friends may be offended. Even though we certainly hope this is not the case, as I think we would understand given they were in this situation, I cannot be sure how people will react. I feel like I'm doing the best thing for my babies. Would really appreciate suggestions/advice/opinions on this matter?!...

[Stephanieford78]

I can understand wanting to keep it secret because of being scared. Afterall, that is why so many of us hold it in that we are even pg until the 2nd trimester. However, I am the kind of person who believes in positive thinking and I think telling people is thinking positive that everything will be ok. I have had a few scares myself with my twin pregnancy, a SCH and a previa, thankfully nothing else thus far. I am not sure what all your complications have been, but I can only imagine that whatever they were, it was horrible for you to have to go through. I am sorry some of your friends are being selfish and not understanding your complications. I have a friend that I haven't been able to visit and she understands and I am lucky. Though she doesn't go out of her way to see me. lol Anyway, you are going to do what you think is best for you and your babies. Mainly, by not telling others about the twins isn't necessarily the best thing for the babies since they are not harmed by you telling or not telling anyone. So in the end you are doing what is best for you and DH emotionally and if that is what helps you then that is what you need to do! Your friends and family should all understand! I have never heard of anyone getting upset that the parents have kept gender or the baby names a secret so why the outcome of twins? I am sure spite the scares and your worry, both of your babies will be perfect and in your arms crying and healthy! Just keep picturing them happy and healthy and in your arms! Hold on to that image in your head, it will help you get through the rest of the gestation! Take care!

[Jill10]

Hi Stephanie, really appreciate the advice. Our complications include SCH and previa, IC, cerclage, infections, placental abruption and GD scares, cholestatis, among others. The reason I feel its whats best for the babies is that my emotional state is fragile for all the stress questions about complications, twins, etc would add...although I know everyone has the best intentions, I just don't think I'll be up for discussing it until my babies are delivered safely. I agree that keeping an optimistic outlook is the best thing and have been able to maintain that by keeping things low profile and dealing with any issues that come up with a positive mindset.

Also I agree with you as I thought the same thing about the gender, and names, and everyone knows how long I've been on bedrest and have been in and out of the hospital, so hopefully they will understand in the end and be excited for us...my husband thinks this would be the case with our true friends and thats all that matters. In defense of my gf's who are acting strangely, they had offered to come by many times but I had turned them down explaining that I wasn't in a state to have visitors at that point since we were going through some major issues and trying to recover both physically and emotionally. Thanks so much again for the advice. Thank you again for the advice.

[Stephanieford78]

Jill - That's exactly what I meant by, if it helps you and DH emotionally then keep it in. If it helps you to feel better by telling people you are a hobbit and have to carry a ring around then so be it. You are the most important thing and you need to be taken care of physically as well as mentally and emotionally. I'm sorry t hear about all your complications. It gives me an idea of things I might have to face in the future, I have been thinking about asking my OB about a cerclage. I also have a history of placental abruption in one pregnancy. I wish you all the luck in the world! I have faith that all will be great in the end which the babies and your friends. You may not be able to tell everyone about your twins, but here you can tell all of us and we can be here to support you!

[Jill10]

You had me laughing out loud with the hobbit analogy! I didn't mean to scare you with all my issues...I hope what you've already been through is he worst and last of it for you. What my OB told me everytime we ended up w/ an issue is that they see it more often twins and IVF patients...but there seem to be so many twin mommies out there who have completely non-eventful pregnancies.

I agree, this and other support forums out there provide such great support and helped me get through a lot of the complications. I hope you're right about things turning out ok w/ the friends in the end, so I'm not worried as they have been amazing so far with their support. For now, I'm just concentrating on the 4+ weeks to pass to deliver my babies safe and healthy as that is all that matters at this point.

[angelaezra]

Jill – first I would like to say congratulations on your BFP w/ twins!

I think what you and your DH are doing, is what you both feel you have to do considering the circumstances. I understand not wanting everyone to know the entire situation as you are going through so much and already have enough to deal with besides others asking so many questions. I strongly believe that you have to do what is right for you and DH right now and worry about other people later.

I agree with you … if they are true friends they will understand and support you when you tell them. But, I think the fact that you are concerned about other people’s feelings just goes to show what a considerate person you are!

I wish you good luck through the rest of your pregnancy and delivery! Please keep us posted.

Angela

[Stephanieford78]

Jill - I am glad I could make you laugh! And don't worry, you didn't worry me with your issues. It is just good for me to hear what "might" happen or could happen. That way I can be somewhat knowledgeable. Angela is right, you are very considerate to be thinking about others as much as you do. Especially in yor condition when thoghts should be focused on yourself. Just a few more weeks and you will be there! You will be in my thoughts. I hope to see updates on your progress!

[karenthescorpio]

Jill- congrats on your wonderful babies! You are very blessed and I know you will have two wonderful babies on delivery day. Regarding the possibility of offending some of your friends...I suppose it is kind of you to be concerned about their feelings, but honestly, I wouldn't give it another thought. This is an experience for you, DH and immediate family. You owe no one else are darn thing. I can't imagine ever being offended but such a thing. You are on bedrest for Pete's sake!!! Anyone who would be offended should stopping thinking so much of themselves and be happy for you and your family! You hang in there my felllow twin mommie-to-be! xoxo
Karen

[Jill10]

Thank you all so much for the supportive responses! I am 34+ weeks now and the next 3 weeks couldn't go by quick enough!!

Question for you ladies while I have your attention...I've been getting tested weekly for ICP/Cholestatis since week 29 due to severe itching. My results have been as follows...12, 12, 10 and awaiting the latest test results from week 33. Although the tests keep showing up negative, my itching is getting more severe. No rash, worse at night, severe all over the body and recently started on the palms and soles a little bit.

Has anyone gone through this or has any insight on the matter? I know the resolution is early delivery and med called URSO.
They have me scheduled for c-section at 37 weeks 2 days, but I'm not on any meds for it, so I'm really concerned.

[lisadcb]

Jill - I had severe itching the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy and had to beg to be induced a week early. They always said my test results were normal...but I am still convinced there was something wrong. I stopped itching within an hour of my son's delivery. They didn't give me meds, other than benadryl...which didn't do a dang thing. And...I forgot about the itching on the palms and soles...it was horrible. I remember sitting in the bathtub everynight and sobbing. I would make myself bleed from all the scratching. I feel for you...and wish you all the strength you need to endure that horrible itching.

[Stephanieford78]

Itching during pregnacy is called PUP's, it usually shows up later in pregnancy and the only cure is delivery. For some people it is mild for the unfortunate ones it can get pretty bad. Now there could be other causes of the itchiness, let me know what your test results end up saying. Hope you are well!

Lisadcb - Sorry to hear how awful your experience was with being itchy. I am surprised they never told you what it was. At least delivery helped ease your pain.