Look for September Cycle Buddies

[soccermom]

arrrgggggghhhhhhhh...
totally spotting today...still on bcp (day 9) & i'm scheduled to be on them through 8/12. wtf is going on?? i can't even get this right! i realize that it could be my body's response to the hormones...but still...just doesn't seem right. last ivf i ovulated while on lupron in the lead up cycle....dr had me on lupron for an extended time b/c of that - like 4 wks! i also had a mild case of ohss since my body responded too well to the stim drugs.
so many pieces to the puzzle...i've been on synthroid for a few yrs now b/c my thyroid was ever so slightly underactive. that level has to be just right for everything to work as it should too. amazing. meanwhile my father is one of NINE children. unfortunately never met that grandmother (she passed away when dad was young), but i wish i could have been a "fertile myrtle" like her! ok....maybe not exactly like her...

[lt81]

that doesn't sound good Soccermom - hope you get sorted, will that delay your cycle? Genes are a mystery, get my mum's premature menopause gene but not her size 8 in jeans gene (that's size 4 to those of you in the US)!

[annashope]

oh soccermom I am so sorry that you are going through this. My mother-in-law is on synthroid and I know how tricky it is to get the dosage exactly right. I could not agree with you more that every part of this process is a huge puzzle. Last cycle I never imagined that we would get Lupron dosage wrong and as a result we barely got any follies and the entire stim process was an insane upward climb- We had to discontinue Lupron 3 days into the stimming and for the next 10 days take a MASSIVE dose of menopure (8 vials a day) and only got 4 follies. I could not agree with you more that this process is full of so many questions. Hang in there and we are here for you to vent. btw one of my friends (her son plays football with my son) just gave birth to her 9th child so I know what you mean. She has kids ranging from 24 to a 7 week old. I just look at her and think... I wish I had half of her fertility...lol

AFM Last night was terrible. This was the 2nd day of our m/c bleeding and I did not except this much pain and cramping... I mean it was almost like labor with my son (early stage of labor of course) I spent the night on Codine but a bit better today. We try to tell ourself that we are on the other side of this nightmare now and looking forward with a positive attitude. My RE has made adjustments to my protocol so come September we will be trying something a bit different.

[Jessica2723]

Soccermom- Yes, I was on the July FET cycle. My heart went out to you when I read about your BFP and then BFN. After I had the ectopic with my fresh cycle, I prayed that if it was going to be negative just let it be negative and not go through the roller coaster of an ectopic! I told myslef I am not going to POAS with this cycle.

Welcome annashope! Wishing you much success with this cycle!

AFM: I stopped taking Crinone and Estradiol Wednesday 8/4. Aunt Flo arrived yesterday. I go to my RE today for baseline bloodwork and ultrasound. Hopefully they will be able to give me the date for our next transfer!

Happy Monday to everyone!

[Sher]

I am 33 and my DH is 42... I have PCOS and my DH has "antiboodies" in his sperm. We are just finishing a failed cycle. Last week I was told I was pregnant and now I will lose the pregnancy. My beta level went from 58,47,12 in just 5 days. I am a bit confused as to not considering this a miscarriage but apparently they just call it a failed cycle. I would have been 23 days past ER. During my ER they had a very hard time getting to both the ovaries b/c I had over stimulated so much. They finally retrieved 10 folicles from only my right ovary and left me to ovulate the 12 or so on my left.Out of the 10... 5 fertilzed, 2 transfered and 3 frozen. This was the most horrible experience ever. I was sick and in bed for almost the full 3 weeks after and now I get to have a m/c (which we are not suppose to call it that) I have been off the progesterone for 1 day and just waiting for AF to come. We are suppose to wait until the 3rd cycle to start with the frozen embryos but I have asked and am hoping to start in mid to late September. As long as my ovaries have gone back to "normal" that should be possible. Heres hoping. I would love to find some buddies to share this experience with all the way through this time so here I am.
Wishing all the best to everyone and positive thoughts all around.

Sherry

[Wondercat]

soccermom - My mother is one of 9 also, all born at home naturally. Yet somehow all 6 of her daughters who had children had to have c-sections from never dilating, same as my sister and and several cousins. I dilated OK... and still needed a c-section because the baby just wouldn't come out! Oh and I got my mom's ovarian cyst gene, but otherwise take after my dad's side of the family. So yeah, genetics are a cruel and unpredictable thing!

Jessica - Ha, I so told myself I wasn't going to POAS my last cycle, too. And the one before. Did I do it? You betcha. I think this time around I'm just going to embrace my neuroses and freely admit that I won't have the willpower to wait for my beta.

AFM - Waiting on AF, which according to my calendar should be here tomorrow. I actually am happy that it's Monday because I could use some distractions from personal life right about now. Our hot water heater exploded yesterday which has totally trashed the hardwood floors in our finished basement. $400 for the water heater (which is NOT covered by insurance) + $1000 deductible = NOT HAPPY!!! I also had a long conversation last night with a very ill cousin who proceeded to start crying and tell me that he was suicidal. August 2 last year a cousin on the other side of my family killed himself, so I know first-hand the real possibility of somebody carrying through on a threat like that.

[Jessica2723]

Sher- Welcome! This board is such a great resource for support! Filled with wonderful women and men who know exactly what you are going through! I am sorry you are having to go through so much. I had a similar cycle. I started bleeding about three days after my transfe so I just knew the cycle hadn't worked. I took a HPT the day of my beta (and many more before that) all were negative. Went in for my beta and it came back at 19. It then went up to 46, so naturally we thought wow it really worked. Went in for a third beta and it had went to 49, so my RE advised it was probably an ectopic pregnancy. He then did an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy was not in my uterus. My uterus was empty and my numbers were not coming down so he gave me a shot of methotrexate. Then my numbers went up to 63, which RE said was normal, the next beta my numbers had came down and then it took two more weeks for my numbers to get back down to zero. I wish you much luck for your frozen cycle! I had a frozen cycle in July and it was much easier on the body than a fresh!

[Jessica2723]

FET is tentatively scheduled for September 1st. That is our wedding anniversary. What a great present that will be if it works!

[Wondercat]

Jessica - Congrats on getting an auspicious FET date! My anniversary is the day before, August 31. 8 years this year for us - how many for you?

[Jessica2723]

Wondercat thanks! I am trying not to get to excited about this cycle, but it is hard not to! This will be our 3 year anniversary!

[Wondercat]

We put in an offer on our first house on our 3rd wedding anniversary. I am normally a very pragmatical person but I do believe in signs like that... Have you found with starting IVF young that people can be weird about it? A lot of people in my family, particularly my mom, were so stuck on "you have plenty of time." Now that I want to try for a second one I'm getting the same thing again. Result is that I'm just not telling very many people which makes it a relief to be able to talk about it here. And nothing wrong with getting excited about it!

[Jessica2723]

Wondercat: Everyone has been so supportive and excited with us about our cycles. Sometimes I think my work and family is more excited and anxious than I am Everyone will ask about my appointments and then on appointment days I have e-mails and texts asking how things went. It is wonderful having that much support until you have to tell everyone bad news then it is pretty rough, but I am thankful for the support I have. However, I do not have anyone in the support group that knows anything about IVF since we are the first in both of our families to have trouble with fertility.
I have heard stories of people being so rude and saying hurtful things to others going through IVF. I think you just cannot understand what we go through until you have been through it!
So hopefully Aunt Flo visits you tomorrow! Then will you go to your RE for baseline bloodwork and ultrasound?

[Wondercat]

Jessica - The strange thing is that I am not the first person in my family to have problems with fertility. But none of them seem to feel as comfortable talking about it as we are so I haven't been able to get much support on that front. My sister is very supportive but used to have a way of accidentally saying incredibly hurtful things. She's better now. It's mostly my mother who never seems to think it's "the right time" to have a baby, which is pretty annoying. Part of the problem is that IVF is so micro-planned, and the uninitiated seem to think you just walk into the clinic, get a shot in the butt, and leave with a baby!! At work I have a few younger female co-workers who are excited for me but mostly I work with older, childless people. I think my boss is happy for me, but she really wanted children herself and doesn't have them because of a long-term boyfriend who has recently dumped her now that it's too late for her to have a baby. So I feel bad getting too excited in front of her.

I kind of hope AF waits another week because I can't see my RE until September and that would make the timing perfect for my next cycle.

[lt81]

How supportive are people's partners?

My DH is quietly supportive, but its all happened so quick he hasn't really had much to say about it so far (despite me asking him how he feels about it all). I bought a book off Amazon second hand which was a complete guide to IVF, but whilst it was good in explaining the process, didn't feel it went far beyond the science. So then ordered the Zita West book on assisted conception. The arrival of books together with my activity on this forum means my husband has now raised his "concerns" with me that I am becoming "one of those obsessive women"! I thought it would be helpful for him to read the books too, but he's not interested. He thinks we should just leave it all to chance, despite the fact we can't afford to pay for a second cycle.

I've tried to explain that I am just trying to find out as much as I can about what I am about to go through and that I think it is healthy to want to speak to people who understand what you're going through, but he doesn't seem convinced. Also it was our first weekend at his families last weekend and I'm a pretty open person so happily telling anyone that was interested what the deal is. He's apparently upset that I was telling people that he had lower than normal results so we are having ICSI (I was telling them all of the reasons we are having to do this, and that was just one part of the whole explanation). I feel like he was happy to tell everyone I have low AMH levels and erratic hormones but not the full picture. I hadn't realised he was so sensitive about it, so didn't want to upset him, but equally why only tell people the half truth??? I guess men deal with these things differently. Anyone found a good way for their other halves to get to grips with the process?

[Wondercat]

I'm not sure how he felt about it at first, but my husband loves that I use this forum. He actually was just telling my cousin all about the message board this weekend and how glad he is that I am able to get support in ways that he doesn't think he would be able to offer. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be well-informed! Since my looking up stuff on the internet led to getting our infertility properly diagnosed, he's very proud of how much I know.

I understand what you're saying about your DH's discomfort about his role in your infertility. We have to do IVF because of my husband, and I know that it has been an ongoing struggle for him to cope with that. In his case, he was born without vas deferens; we can only conceive with ICSI. Some of it is feeling embarrassed or like "less of a man." He also felt incredible guilt that because of him I would have to go through this long and painful process. It hurt his pride deeply. He would be quiet about it for a while, then suddenly burst out with something along the lines of "if you were with somebody else you wouldn't be having to do this." He would talk about it with friends and family, but usually in a very flip manner trying to make light of it so people couldn't see how much it bothered him.

For us, we finally had a really good talk about it and I told him with finality that I don't think any less of him or have any anger towards him because of this. That he is the only person I love and want babies with. IVF is what we have to do to have babies. And that I am entirely at peace with that, because as far as I am concerned my life has to have him in it and if IVF is part of the package (no puns intended) then so be it. That opened the door for him to be able to accept the sympathy and support from others that he was unable to before. Obviously, this exact speech might not work for you! But I think a heart-to-heart is in order. Tell him what you feel you need to get through this - which sounds like being open about it - and ask what he needs. Then try to figure out a balance until he is able to feel more comfortable about it. Maybe he doesn't mind talking about it with parents or siblings but doesn't want Aunt Caroline hearing about his defective sperm over dessert. You'll figure it out! Men just need more time and delicate handling. They aren't as tough as we are!!