BFN Group

[summit]

Hello all! As many of us have been members of cycle groups and have now received a BFN after a recent cycle... I thought it would be a good idea to have a group for those of us who had unsuccessful cycles. While we are ecstatic for our cycle buddies who got the big positive and we wish them tons of well wishes for healthy pregnancies I feel the need to bond with women experiencing the disappointment of yet another cycle or for the first time.

Received my BFN while on vacation last week and now waiting for follow-up appointment with doctor on August 19th. During this past cycle we retrieved 16 eggs 12 fertilized normally. Doctor called day before transfer to let us know that yet again there was significant fragmentation in 10 of the 12 embryos. We had 2 transferred on day 3.

Looking forward to connecting with my fellow BFN members,

[margi26]

I don't know if my situation "counts" for your group... but I had low betas...and then upon u/s no HB. I go tomorrow to completely confirm, but I was told 99% not viable. I also snuck off to my OBGYN to get an u/s earlier this week--as the uncertainty was killing me, and she confirmed--empty sac.

So I am in complete disappointment--but not a BFN. I had a BFN last Fall, and ectopic previously. We are especially disappointed because we don't think we can afford another cycle.

I will talk with my doc tomorrow at my visit, but we are not hopeful that they will be able to do a different, more affordable protocol as they specialize in IVF. But after 3 tries we have depleted our insurance.

I am just early in the grief stage as I haven't actually miscarried yet....yet again, a wait....

[jamila20]

Margie26 I was looking to hear from you I so sorry, I hope you will find a way to do another cycle, take care yourself.

Summit you are a brave woman, I wish you good luck on everything, and take it easy as you can see on my signature I went trough a lot, but I thought to myself that I have to rebound every time. So take care and best of luck.

[Jessica2723]

Summitt: thanks for starting this thread I received my bfn 8/4. We are planning another fet for 9/1. It has helped me starting right into another cycle. This will be our third try. My RE wants to do assisted hatching this time so we are hopeful.

Margi so sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult wait! Please keep us posted!

[summit]

Margi - of course you are welcome!

Jessica - I am glad to have you as part of the group!

jamila - thanks for your well wishes, best of luck to you as well.

I thought it would be good to have a continuing thread for those of us who received a BFN. Once I got my BFN I kind of felt a little out of place in the previous thread. With this thread we can have continuing communication as we follow-up with our doctors and pursue treatment or take a break. I am looking forward to getting to you know you

[margi26]

Summit:

Thank you so much for starting this...I have been feeling uneasy about continuing with the other thread with all my negative news and folks becoming PUPO, and getting betas, growing follies, etc. I am curious and want to check on everyone and am of course sending prayers and positive messages to all, but don't feel comfortable airing my sadness amongst their messages.

Jessica, Jamila and Summit: You are all such strong women. I am proud to know you all and hope that I am able to provide some support to you all through your journeys. I have gotten such strength and support from writing here...something I never would have thought was possible.

I am really stressed about my appointment tomorrow--because, as I expected, my nurse was not happy that I went to my OBGYN to get an u/s. I wrote about it on the "June Buddies" thread, but my nurse is less than nurturing--in fact, causing me great distress with her condescension and frustration when I ask a question. She didn't even want to tell me my 3rd beta level...lecturing me about how I am not trained to interpret the meaning of the levels, etc. Anyway, you get the picture. So my OBGYN confirmed that for me on Tuesday that there is nothing in my sac. They were very compassionate and my doctor called the next day to check on me. My fertility nurse, however, reamed me out for getting care outside of their office and told me I just should have waited until my appointment on Friday with them (mind you last Friday they told me there was 99% chance it wasn’t viable). She also told me on Tuesday not to stop my medication--which I was wanting to do because I didn’t want to just prolong the inevitable. I hate that I still “feel” pregnant--sore breasts, etc from the medication when I know it isn’t viable.

I am going to try to stay positive because I really want to see if there are any options this practice would be willing to pursue with us that we could afford--although I am quite doubtful. They are my only option in town.

Sorry, my thoughts are a bit scattered--lots of confusing feelings, disappointments and fears right now. I also just started spotting this evening and despite my poor outcomes the last 2 IVF cycles I have never experienced a m/c so I am apprehensive about what to expect.

Thanks for letting me vent ladies.

[Jessica2723]

Margi26: That is awful how the nurse is treating you! You have every right to know your beta numbers and anyother information you would like to know about your cycle. You are the patient and YOU are paying thier income. They should cater to YOU! As if your situation is not stressful enough. I just feel terrible for you! I am praying for you today!

[angelaezra]

Margi -I just wanted to reply to you and tell you that you need to speak with your physician about his nurse. That treatment is just unacceptable! It is your body and your cycle so whatever information that you would like to know is perfectly acceptable! I am a nurse as well and I know she stepped way over the line. If you have to, speak to the office manager.

If you are footing the bill then you are calling the shots!! I would just explain that this is a very emotional, stressful time and you felt like you couldn't wait until Friday for some possible answers. But, also say that your RE is in control of your care right now but you just needed some reassurance of what was happening!

Once again, I am sorry that during a time of extreme stress that you are treated in such a poor way!

Angela

[to_have_fun08]

Wow this is a first. For the 2.5 years I have been on this board, have never seen a BFN group. This is such a great idea. Being through so many cycles, and cycle groups, I know am very familiar with the pain of getting a BFN while so many are getting their BFP's. This was one of the main reasons I stopped being a big participant in cycle groups. I am happy for all those that get their BFP's but it is hard to take in everyone's success when all you get is failures.

Margi- I agree with previous posts, you need to talk to the Dr. about that nurse. You are paying for your treatment and you have a right to know your results. Is there another nurse that you can deal with instead of her?


AFM - Found out yesterday I am not totally out of the game. DH has agreed to do donor eggs. I wanted to do donor eggs last year but DH was always hopeful that it would still work with my eggs so we kept trying with mine. Now it has come to the time that we either use donor or no child, so he is ok with donor. I am taking a very much needed break. Not going to persue donor till next summer.

Good luck to all!! just want to let you know that I have cycled with lots and I mean lots of gals. I am on 3 IVF boards. In all that time I would say 90% of those ladies have become pregnant. Might have taken 1,2,3 cycles or donor cycles, but most all of them are pregnant or have had their children. So don't give up.

[summit]

I am so excited that we are getting positive feedback for this thread. I have to admit I was a little nervous starting this thread... not sure how others would view it. But as many of you have noted it easy to get lost in threads and feel out of place when you have received negative news. I hope that we can continue to support each other through our treatment and then we can graduate to a BFP Group!

margi- I am so frustrated for you to hear about the treatment you received from your nurse. As everyone else has stated you should discuss this with your doctor. As if this process is not stressful and emotional enough you do not need the nurse berating you. Don't feel bad about your decision to see you OB/GYN you know your body and what is best for you.

To-have fun - Good Luck with egg donor and enjoy your much deserved break! Keep us in the loop during your break to let us know how everything is going.

[amaut]

Summit, I think it is a great idea that you started this.
I did my first cycle in June and got a BFN on July 5th. The worst was that the doctor at the ET told me that for sure I was going to get pregnant because one of the embrios was just perfect. So when they told me it was negative I felt devastated and thought that maybe I had done something wrong while waiting. My DH is being really supportive and that´s helping but still once in a while think but maybe I was too stressed, or maybe whatever....
We started July 28 a FET. We have 2 frosties so we are going to give it a try. I have been almost 3 weeks on Lupron (I was not suppressed after the second week) and if everything goes well I will have the transfer on 9/7. We´ll see.

[moorebaby]

chris- i'm so gald to see that you put your quote back into your signature! i'm really glad that dh has agreed to do donor eggs. i definitely think you deserve to take a much needed break...but don't forget to pop back in here every once in a while. you're truly an inspiration & i wish nothing but the best for you, which includes a beautiful baby in your arms!

[summit]

amaut - I am glad you are joining us! I did the same thing when I received my 1st BFN... wondering if there was something I did that I should not have and I have to admit the thought crossed my mind after the 2nd, I think it is only normal to have those thoughts. My husband has been wonderful through this whole process and frankly he is the only person other than the gals on this board who truly understands what I am going through. Close family and friends know about our pursuit of fertility treatment, but I think it is hard for them to truly identify with us and the emotions we have encountered through this process. Some days are better than others... I am a teacher and for the first time in awhile I am counting the days for summer break to end so I can get back to work. I am ready to have something other than IVF on my mind. Best of luck with your FET, we have not had any viable embryos to freeze after our last 2 cycles. I am waiting to meet with doctor on 8/19 to discuss next steps... I think a break may be on the horizon.

[annashope]

summit
thank you so much for opening this thread because I think we all needed it. My name is Anna and I am 28 years old. DH and I have been trying for almost 3 years have had 4 failed iui' and now a failed IVF. I, like margi got a bfp with low betas in July that turned into a miscarriage at 6 weeks. Now one week removed from the m/c I still feel so sad and deflated. Being a teacher myself I chuckled when I read your post because I am also counting down days until the school year starts. I keep trying to tell myself that we will be repeating the process in September but for some reason it feels so far away and I keep feeling very sad over the m/c. We have no frosties because I became over suppressed from Lupron and we only had 4 eggs. It doesn't help that my 17 year old sister got pregnant the day of our ET (4th of July) so now I am seeing all of the challenges she is facing being a pregnant teen and at the same time I am a bit jealous because DH and I are so stable (best friends) both finished our education, have a house and just can't get this part right while my poor sis just has a moment of indiscretion and oops she is having a baby. ( I am very excited to be an aunt just wish we could have done this together) Anyways so here is my story.. went for bw today and everything looks good all of the numbers are falling like they should but the hcg only dropped 200 points from 866 to 670 and at this point I just want everything to get back to normal so we can try again and leave this experience behind.

Thanks for listening to my venting and for making this thread and I agree with soccermom we will all succeed!

[summit]

Welcome annashope! I totally understand your situation... My husband and I have also been TTC for 3 years. My brother and his girlfriend had an uh-oh which produced my beautiful nephew and godson, but it certainly doesn't make our situations easier. When I received my BFN this time around it happened on the same day my best friend had her 3rd child. I was so happy for her, but deeply saddened by my news. It is all just one big emotional roller coaster... good days and bad days. Thanks for being apart of this. I think it is important for us to vent.

P.S. What grade do you teach? I am special education - kindergarten