August Frozen Transfer

[blairwh58]

kywildcat- So great to hear that things are working out and you will be transfering right before me. As for the stitch it was funny because Kit did exam and said oh we use this jelly it wont hurt at all. Then Homm walked in and said oh its going to hurt. It was such a wierd pain though. Sharp and intense, made my toes curl. Luckily that means we are both set to transfer. Best of luck with your thaw and hope to see you on Tuesday.

[kizmet]

Just poking my head in -

Itsmyturn - congrats on the beta! Yaaay.

JerseyJane - we keep our horses on our own properties, we have three farms which we spread the horses over. We also have cattle (and dogs as pets).

Hope everyone else is well.

Having the worst day ever today. POAS again this morning 9dp5dt. Not sure why I bothered because I know AF is on her way because I've been spotting since last night. Couldn't be in a worse mood if I tried. I've spent the morning tearing DH's head off at every opportunity and bursting into tears at any possible slight or well, anything really. Just had enough of the hormones and want to just go back to being me. I'm tired of sitting on the couch. I'm tired of making excuses as to why I'm not riding at the moment. Tired of having to take pills and the stupid progesterone. Just tired of the whole thing and now I'm asking myself if I even really want any of this? I think I'd make the worst, moody, grumpy mean mum anyway. I'm not even good with toddlers - babies and teens, yes, toddlers I don't even know what to do with them. Right now, I feel like my body just fails me at every turn because nothing ever just goes right. I can't even get this right. See - told you I'm in a bad mood and totally unreasonable today. I think I'm just going to go to bed and hope tomorrow's a better day.

[melmar]

Oh Kizmet!! My heart goes out to you...but realize it is all these stupid hormones we are on right now doing the talking! I POAS this morning (2 a.m. to be exact) 10dp3dt...BFN also. It is the most helpless feeling ever picking up that stick with one line on it, isn't it? I do not even want to make the 30 minute trip on Monday for my beta-for what?? the "I am so sorry" phone call. I would rather wallow in my self misery at home that day. This really was my last chance of adding to my family and it is just sad...sad, sad, sad. So, I say be in a bad mood for as long as you need!! We are here for you!

[Jerseyjane]

Kizmet - I am so sorry, I know how terrible you must feel. I agree with Melmar, all these meds just add to the emotional rollercoaster and you have every right to vent and be angry and upset. I don't want to get your hopes up but how do you know the spotting wasn't due to implantation? I am certain when I tell you my doctor said you would not get a period on these meds. I really have read on other forums where women take HPT's the morning of beta and it is negative, then go on to have a positive blood test. I am just saying don't loose all hope. Plus, you still have another frozen embroyo. We are all here for you.

Melmar - I am sorry about the negatives but as I said above to Kizmet you never know. Try to hang in there and let's hope for the best.

Blair - If you don't mind me asking, what is the stitch for? I have never heard of that being done?

[blairwh58]

kizmet- I am so sorry you are so down at the moment. I know its depressing to see the one line but try and keep your head up. You know you would make a great mom, so dont try to talk yourself out of anything. Just remember its the drugs doing all the talking right now. I know its wierd to think of how much we change our lives to go through this process, but it will all be worth it in the end. We are all here for you if you need anything.

melmar- Monday is still a ways away. I too have heard of people who got a negative all the way until they went for the beta. Stay positive. Try not to wallow in misery since there is still hope. I will be thinking of you.

Jersey- To be honest I would have preferred not to even get the stitch. Last time with the fresh cycle they did the stitch while I was under anesthetia. This time they put some Lidocaine jelly on thinking that would help- it didnt. Anyway, they put a stitch on your cervix as a backup. If they start to do the transfer and need to manipulate the cervix to get a better angle, they will use the stitch to pull the cervix in whatever direction they need. Sounds painful to me but they said most of the time they dont even need it. The NP said mine was a pretty straight shot so hoping they wont need it for me. Whats even worse is that the stitch was left long and still hangs out (TMI I know).

AFM- 1st PIO last night and feeling it today. My hip/butt hurts to walk or sit down. I guess I better get used to feeling this again. Im hoping I have to do this for the recommended 12 wks if Pregnant. Hope all is well with everyone.

[itsmyturn]

Blair, so happy for you!!!not long before the pupo stage!!!how many embryos left have you got? (by the way my due date is the 29 of april)

Yarnista, what a beautiful addiction you got. That s a very good way to keep your mind busy!

Kywildcat, good luck for tuesday!

Kizmet, melmar, i am so so sorry!!! cry all what you have to cry and release all your feeling! then concentrate on yourself, do anything that you love to do, clear your head. This is an emotional roller coaster, but you will be surprise to see how strong you are. Just look foward on to your next step. I promess there will be a happy end!!!

Melo, please hold till sunday those stick can be so evils, and looking on internet found out many girls didn t get there bfp before 12dp3dt!

[Jerseyjane]

Blair - All I have to say is "Ouch" about the stitch.

Itsmyturn - Yay for your due date. Your second beta is tomorrow right?

Melo - How are you doing?

Melmar and Kizmet - Thinking of you both.

Yarnista - When is your beta test? Your transfer was 2 days before mine?

[blairwh58]

Itsmyturn- congrats!! April sounds like a great due date! We actually have 6 frosties- this will be our 1st frozen transfer. Hoping they all thaw and look great and we will get 3 cycles of out them.

Jersey- yea very much an ouch. What's worse is they gave us the green light for activity and any twinge I feel I have been contributing to ripping ths stitch out. DH insists its fine but ill just be glad when tuesday gets here and we are pupo. When is your beta?

[kizmet]

Well the good news is AF hasn't actually turned up, so I'm going to try and keep positive. DH says all the negativity can't be helping Bean at all. So I'm trying. Thing is though, until about wednesday I felt I was pregnant, it just felt right, but now, I just don't feel anything. I'm OK with it being a BFN because I know not all embies are going to make it to pregnancy and if we weren't using IVF, then I'd never have even known that bean was there. Maybe she still is (I say she, DH says he, makes it even). I do feel like I'm just losing me in all this - that the hormones and the stress are just taking over. I think if this round doesn't work out, I'll bring my favorite horse back into work and keep riding through the 2ww because I know and trust this mare and she always makes me feel better. I don't want to ride at the moment because the horse I had in work up to transfer isn't really trust worthy. All said and done, I still am happier in 2ww than waiting for the transfer!

JerseyJane - the info my doctor gave is the opposite, than you can still bleed on the meds. I guess it just depends on how well you're responding to the meds? My clinic doesn't do any testing for progesterone or estrogen after transfer, so who knows maybe the progesterone pessaries aren't working for me.

Thanks for the support ladies. It's so lovely having people who understand.

PS. I haven't forgotten to post everyone's pic, just my home computer is so slow, I'd rather do it at work on Monday.

[Melo_P]

Hi Ladies
Just quickly checking in. Thanks first for all the supporting words - to help drag me kicking and screaming out of the doldrums.

Melmar/kizmet - There is little worse than seeing that BFN line - melmar you described in perfectly - even though your head knows 10 dpo is still too early - its absolutely wrenching - I just feel like rebelling against the whole thing too - not going to get my blood test and just wanting to stick my finger up at the whole thing - which I did very pathetically by drinking a cup of coffee - (ooooh scary!!) - stupid I know.

Kizmet - was so bummed to see you feeling low and feel much better that your 'back on the horse" so to speak. It's such a bummer that it does rip so much out of you, and must be harder when this impacts on things that are really a big part of your life. I used to run and play lot of football and touch rugby - and found it hellish stopping - also because all the adrenalin and endorphins and release you'd usually get from it - are all now just blocked and bounce around which must contribute to the frustration and everything else. Goodness - you have 28 horses!!!! Thats amazing - and then I had to laugh when someone asked where you keep them - and you have not one . . . but 3 farms!!! Wow what a difference from city life that must be!! Are you kind of a country girl growing up out of town your whole life - or did you grow up in the city?? My DH's dad manages a sheep farm in NZ (no jokes please) and I love going up there - just a different life - although I am completely hopelessley unoutdoorsey and don't even like driving the quad thingy. Well kia kaha - not long to go now - and glad your feeling positive.

Blair - could they make this any more hellish if they tried? Tell me its not a routine stitch? Is this because your prone to or have experienced "incompetent cervix" they don't stitch up everyone that goes through right? Just one more obstacle on this nutjob journey I guess!

Itsmyturn - enjoy that wonderful feeling! We're so happy for you.

Jersey and Yarnista - hope you ladies are well. Whats going on in your respective corners?

AFM: Feeling better - though still desperado because this feels like end of road and can't see what options are if this doesn't work. I took another POAS on both 11 and 12 dpo (sucker for punishment) both BFN. . . .

.... but if I twist and turn at different angles in the light and hold up to the sunlight (tell me we all do that crazy stuff right??!!) - I am either going out of my mind or there is a glimmer of an impression of a hairline line - its not even a line in fact - and hardly visible to naked eye . . .so I don't know what to think. Seriously I think I could be imagining things - sometimes I can't see anything at all - and at 12 dpo wouldn't there really be something I could actually see . .. so its cruel and crazy to get my hopes up ... but is it a teeny teeny tiny eeny weeny glimmer nontheless?!? I don't know .....

[Melo_P]

. . . just dampening my hope a little further - I was trying to find out what level of HCG the ClearBlue HPT actually detested - couldn't find this result - but the search threw up a whole lot of forums and conversations with people saying they'd had the same weird result with CB tests - and were getting false positives (ie. with the lines that weren't really lines) . .... I will buy another brand tomorrow
M

[blairwh58]

Melo- I'm sad to say that it is routine for my office to put a cervical stitch in. Its not so bad with fresh cycle because they do it at the retrieval when you're all drugged up. They said they do it for insurance in case they need to manipulate the cervix for a better angle during the transfer. The RE (who is male) was doing it and when I winced in pain he said I know it hurts. I said no you actually have no idea what it feels like. At least its over with I guess. Now just waiting for Tuesday!! Stay positive and know things may still look up for you!

Kizmet- still no AF is a great sign. My office told me that while on progesterone I shouldn't start my period. It has never started previously until I had stopped the progesterone a few days beforehand. Anyway- remember that the progesterone can cause pregnancy symptoms so just because you don't feel the same way may not be a bad thing. I have my fingers crossed for all of you in 2ww. You have a great attitude so stay positive!

[kizmet]

Melo - I kind of grew up in the city - in the suburbs of a reasonable size city (about 250,000 people) but was always outdoorsy and loved horses. I started riding when I was about 9 on a friend's horse and then it just kind of went from there. My parents certainly never had the money to buy me a horse, so I just rode other people's until an aunt gave me $200 and told me to go and buy one when I was 14! The farm we live on now is 35 acres right on the edge of the same city I grew up in but we are being built out, so will sell in the next few years and move to one of the other farms (350 acres) where we are currently building a house. The third farm is 140 acres and we'll probably put that on the market soon too (at the rate I'm going, probably to fund medical bills!). And in regards to the HPT, lets do a deal? Let's just assume there was a big batch of HPTs that were dodgy (both your brand and mine) and that we both got one, and we do in fact have BFPs and it's not our fault the companies put them out there on the market! NO MORE HPT's before betas OK?

Blair - I'm just going to try and stay positive. I've spent the morning doing girly things - coloured my hair, waxed my legs and eyebrows, stood in the shower til the hot water ran out and now I'm just lying in bed! What will be, will be, I can't change it now!

Thought I'd repost the dates for everyone - I don't have yarnista's though, any one else I've missed?

Blairwh58 - Transfer 8/24

Jersey Jane - 2WW - 8/31

MelMar - 2WW Beta 8/23

Itsmyturn - 2WW Beta 8/21 = BFP!!!

Melo - 2WW - BETA 8/24

Kizmet - 2WW - Beta 8/24

[Melo_P]

Kizmet - hmm sounds like a nice sunday! Sounds neat! Although guess still going to be stress in selling of property off. Do you break/ride horses 'for a living' if thats the term? I daydream about moving out of the city - where I wouldn't have to be tied to my job - though just not so sure how well I'd do in reality! So you're holding out till beta? I was thinking of doing same. But my will power is kind of in the chocolate teapot category . . . useless. Am glad to be at work tomorrow - just to make the time go a little faster.

Blair - jeepers - I'm kind of a little bit suprised/flabbergasted? Why would they want to do more intervention then necessary? Oh well my suprise can't be making you feel much better, so I'll be quiet. Good luck for Tuesday!!!

Melmar - good luck for your beta tomorrow XoXo

[kizmet]

Melmar - Good luck tomorrow! Hoping for a BFP for you.

Melo - I work as a lab technician at a university during the week. DH is a plumber and we fit in the horses in between. DH works for himself, so only does half days usually as he starts early and finishes around lunch time. We do train horses professionally - starting them under saddle for other people and fixing up other peoples mistakes.

AFM - Well after yesterday's BFN with the HPT and my declaration that I wasn't going to POAS again along with Melo (I'm so sorry Melo, my will power is ZERO), I figured since I still had one in the packet and I hadn't even thought about it til my pledge to Melo (really I failed big time there didn't I?), I lasted about 15 minutes, thought I might as well do it now and then not be tempted between today and tuesday...POAS and GUESS WHAT??? I got saw those two little lines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The second line isn't as bright as the first but it is definitely there! So I pulled the one from yesterday out of the bin....and there was the faintest of faint lines on that one too (if you squint and hold it up to the light)!