BFN Group

[fitzjr11]

hello all, I just received my BFN today and am devastated- we had gotten preg last yr 2 embies and ended up w/ triplets and miscarried and 2 different times, it was horrible! so this time around, our last time we only put 1 embie in and ended up w/; nothing. I am 33 and DH is 50, 51 next month- this was our last attempt

[summit]

fitzjr - Welcome! I am so sorry to hear about your news, but I am glad that you have joined us so we continue to support one another.

DJ-BJ - It is good to hear from you! It was difficult for me as well to visit our previous thread and I was so longing to vent with others without being a Debbie Downer to those with good news. I too have had an egg quality issue with my 2 previous cycles. Doctor is recommending to continue with antagonist treatment for 3rd cycle b/c we are producing 2-3 grade A embryos in each cycle, but for whatever reason it hasn't seemed to work. We are going to move forward with 3rd and probably final cycle in a few months. I am excited for you and you egg donor news. Please keep me posted.

[annashope]

Hi girls

Went to the RE today since it has been 3 weeks since my m/c and the beta is very slow to drop and found out that it was twins and we lost one and the other one also stopped developing after week 7. I am shocked I thought that the worst was behind us now but it seems we will miscarry twice this month.... this is so unfair. RE thinks we will miscarry this anytime now since the beta is down to 444 and my lining is down to 7mm. I cannot believe this one held on I was so shocked to see this on the ultrasound and I can't believe we didn't see it before...I am just in total shock...there are no words

[summit]

annashope - My heart breaks for you Be well.

[margi26]

Oh Anna....I am so very sorry. There aren't the words to express the extent of how you must be feeling. We are here for you. What a difficult journey indeed.

[annashope]

Thank you girls so much your support really means a lot especially this week as my now 12 week pregnant sister gets married (I am the maid of honor) I don't know what I would do without you girls At least the beta is still falling steadily so it fills me with hope that there is an end to this sad saga

Margi how are you doing I have been thinking about you

[jencas75]

Well girls it just seems that the hits just keep on coming. I went for my ultrasound last wednesday and the dr said it looked like there was either a polyp or large clot in my uterus and the lining was still thick so I had to go back for another ultrasound yesterday. So after 4 weeks of bleeding my dr proceeds to tell me that my uterus doesn't look right and I have to have surgery. I have to have a hysteroscopy and he said "I'm not saying its cancer". Really? So my surgery is scheduled for Monday to see if there are any fibroids, polyps and of course to check for cancer. So we now have 1 BFN, 1 pregnancy with miscarriage that has somehow lead to this surgery. It just shouldn't be this difficult.

Anna - I feel for you. I can't even imagine having to miscarry twice from one pregnancy.

[margi26]

Jencas--I'm so sorry....how frustrating, sad and scary rolled into one. You are right--it shouldn't be this difficult, but clearly it is for so many. I am sending you strength and positive energy...I hope that your DH is supportive and helpful during this time.

Anna--I am hanging in there...slowly getting better with time. I stopped crying--mostly. My beta is dropping, although still 400s. I am being followed now by my OBGYN who is ultra-nice and very supportive so that really helps. He has been quite encouraging and supports us trying another time. He said IUI isn't the ideal way to go, but if that is all we can afford, he thinks we should give it a try...he even joked about being careful about multiples. AS IF. Sigh. But it helps me heal to think forward...I have appt scheduled the middle of next month with new RE.

Is your sister's wedding this weekend? How is that preparation going? How are your emotions? I hope that you are doing lots of "self-care"...you deserve it with all you are going through...try to think positively and think ahead. I hope to be joining you with a Fall cycle group...I hope..I hope...

Best wishes and positive energy and prayers to all the BFN ladies...not easy in the least, but venting, supporting and listening to each other can certainly help. It is definitely helping me.

[annashope]

Hi Margi

I am so sorry that we are both here but I am so happy to hear that you are doing ok, moving forward and trying to stay positive you are such a strong woman and you have my thoughts and prayers and If you have to do an IUI then maybe that was always how you were destined you have your babies I am here to talk if you need to anytime

I am doing pretty badly these past couple of days. At first after the initial m/c I was so optimistic and ready to move forward but now almost a month later and still in this limbo I find my strength failing me a bit. I have spent the past couple of days crying a lot and even the usual methods of cheering myself up are not working. I just feel like this will never happen... that there will always be another massive obstacle which will knock be right back down. I didn't mention this before but DH and I also started the adoption process 1YEAR AGO and now are finding out that the company we used is not very honest and does not deliver on its promises but only takes your money and so we lost that 20k as well. I just don't understand how people can take advantage of people in our situation...it is just unthinkable. so here we are 30k + spent and I can't even get my hcg down low enough for my RE to discuss trying again while we still don't have the money for it either..ugh sorry for bringing you down I just needed to vent to someone who understands. My RE cannot tell me anything except that because of my abdominal cerclage a D&C is not advisable and that it may take me another 3 weeks to bring the hcg down....I cannot believe that I managed to make it 9 weeks without being actually pregnant with a baby. So Mon HCG was 444 lets see what next Monday shows. I just wish I could see an end but every time I find a little bit of renewed energy more crap happens to know all of my hopes off balance. Anyways once again sorry for being a Debby Downer but I am just really upset. Its DH and mine 4 year anniversary and all I can think of is that 4 years ago I could not have imagined being here and still no baby.
Anyways thanks for listening love you all

[summit]

Hello all,
I have been super busy this week with being back to work this week. I have to say I am happy to be back at work b/c I have been so exhausted from setting up my classroom that I have been sleeping through the night for a change, but the sadness still creeps up on me. On a positive note a fellow teacher shared her story with me 4 IUIs and 4 IVFs later she is now on a 2 year leave of absence to raise her newborn daughter. It gives me hope...

Jencas - I am so sorry to hear about your upcoming surgery. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

annashope - You are not a Debbie Downer! That is the point of this thread, to let it all out

I am glad that we can all openly share feelings and experiences here.

[summit]

P.S. annashope - what adoption agency did you go through? Are there any legal ramifications to the agency?

[annashope]

Summit we used Adoption Network law firm which is a facilitator from CA. The problem is we already paid the original fee which was over 10 k and if we wanted to be gender specific we needed to pay another 5k (they said it was for ultrasounds associated with being gender specific.) the promised really quick results but (6-12 months) however it has already been almost a year and we have not been matched so DH and I wanted to remove the gender specific but we were told that the money for the gender specific was non refundable...umm why? well it just isn't. Next we came across a few couples which have been matched and already paid all of the money which is over 25k and at the last minute when the birth mother changed her mind the couple couldn't get a penny back...they trouble is that they are a Law Firm so what legal action can there be at this point our fear is that we give them more money and still no baby....very frustrating especially since we finished the home study and already invested so much into it...oh and btw the home study people they gave us were just terrible...the agent spent 5 hours tormenting DH and I with lectures on how our adopted child would always be sad because she is adopted and need therapy and that there won't be anything we will be able to do to ease her pain and that in general adoption was a sad and unfulfilling process...After her visit DH and I just sat and cried. We will adopt one day but probably internationally and not through that Agency...lots of promises but nothing actual...Just heartbraking

[margi26]

Annashope,

I hope that you were able to enjoy some of your anniversary...things are tough, but you and DH have each other. And you have us here to lean on.

I am sorry to hear about the adoption agency--that is just awful and so unethical. Do you have any recourse against them? Was there any timeline given to you in regards to when you would be matched, etc? I'd see if you could have another attorney's office look at your paperwork....you should not be at their mercy like that! They should either follow through with their promises, or else refund your money. As you said, it is terrible that they would take advantage of people in such an important and emotional decision. And as a child psychologist, I can tell you that there are absolutely no studies to suggest that adopted children are innately sad. That is preposterous! I myself am adopted and had a perfectly happy childhood.

I hope that Monday your beta plummets (isn't it odd how just a few weeks ago we were both praying for rise?) and that you can get in with RE to plan next step for the Fall. The end of this downward turn for us is around the corner...it must be...

Let yourself feel.
Be strong.
Find the positive.
Look ahead.

[annashope]

Margi thanks sweety and I am so glad to get a child psychologists opinion on this matter. I have both friends that were adopted and friends who have adopted and I have never heard of adopted children needing lifelong therapy but it is great hearing it from you.
Thanks for your encouragement I do feel a little better. DH and I have talked a lot tonight about possibly doing a donor embryo transfer and we will bring it up to the RE. I am not saying that we will never try our own and I am not even sure if RE will agree but having gone through cancer at 26 we are more concerned with how soon we have a pregnancy rather than it being our genetic material. If we could at least have one baby...meaning one pregnancy together then I think it would heal a lot of our pain but I am not sure what RE will say since DH and I are both 28. I think it should be our option. I know that usually blighted ovum's do not repeat but sometimes they do and I really want to avoid a repeat of this if possible of course. anyways I am feeling better tonight and I am sure we will both be better soon..we are strong. btw you are so right it seems only 3 weeks ago we were praying for rising beta's and now we are praying for them to fall... ah the irony. Thank you so much for listening and all your help. One of my close friends is a psychologist but for some reason I can't stand talking to her about this and all of her suggestions are so cold but you are great...so easy to talk to.

[Heidi67]

Summitt-Thanks for creating this thread and posting the positive story from your co-worker. I recieved my BFN on Thursday. Worst birthday ever. When The nurse called I asked when the next cycle would be. Right now there's a 8 month wait. She then proceeded to tell me that the clinics cut off is 43 and with 3 failed cycles that I would have to speak to the RE. Totally devistating. We have one frostie from last cycle, so at least we can do a FET. Meet with RE Oct 4. Crazy, but they're the only game in town. Each cycle the embryos were looking better, and my FSH is low, so hopefully he'll say yes to another fresh cycle.