BFN Group

[summit]

fitzjr11,
It is okay! We are all great women and have lots to offer the world even we do not get to be a mom to a biological child. I have had lots of emotions and realizations as I have gone through this process that maybe it is just meant to be and God has another plan for my husband and I. I will be doing my 3rd and final IVF cycle in January for it will be the last cycle covered by my insurance. Honestly though, I do not think that I can continue to put myself through this emotional roller coaster. I do not want fertility treatment to be my life and who I am, because I have so much more to me than that. Going through fertility treatment puts strain on every aspect of your life and I just don't want to live like that. I want to be a good wife to my husband, a strong friend, and a great teacher for my students. Who knows things could still happen naturally on their own for both of us, but life is too short to be sad and disappointed all of the time. My husband and I have had discussions about a child free life and it doesn't sound all that bad. Yes, it is hard to see friends and family have children, but hey... we get to take really awesome vacations and and sleep in

You are a strong person!

[to_have_fun08]

Vacations, sleeping in, taking naps. Going out whenever you want to. All the pluses without children. Plus think of all the money you won't have to spend on diapers, clothes, childcare, school. I have been thinking the same way, maybe life without kids isn't so bad. yes, it is very hard to deal with friends and family. one of my good friends just had a baby in August. My BIL is due to have their baby in Dec. Its hard to hear them talk about being PG and to see their little baby.

[fitzjr11]

I have to say this place has been a god send- only place i can vent and get support i looking for, school started so im busy getting beginning of class stuff going so that helps. Being back to a schedule and not sitting home is good- my neighbor starts ivf this month as same clinic i gave her all my extra meds and will offer her support- silly i am more exceited for people i know who have done the ivf route to get pregnant n hope for the best for them then i do for my friends and family who just get pregnant- they annoy me

[summit]

Glad we can all be here for each other! I think we should a positive list of things you can do with a "child free" lifestyle to help keep our spirits high!

So far we have a good list:

sleeping in
naps
awesome vacations
going out whenever you want
no diapers
no daycare to pay for
no college to save for

I would like to add the following after hearing about the sex talk my friend had to give a 15 year old!
Not having to give the birds and the bees talk

[to_have_fun08]

Summit - LOL - the birds and the bees talk would not be fun. and if you had a girl... a guy I work with his wife is PG with a girl. He said someone told him that with boys you only have to worry about one dick, with girls you have to worry about all the dicks. I had to laugh.

other things to add--
quite dinners
warm dinners
uninterrupted movies
listening to your own music and not kiddie music
not having to watch barney, teletubies, sponge bob or whatever the newest cartoon is.

[summit]

I love it to-have-fun!

Here is another one... You can say shit and damn as you please with no worries about receiving a call from the teacher to report your little one has a potty mouth:)

[to_have_fun08]

Summit - LOL!! know you just made me think of another one.
You can go pee, go # 2, take a shower and not have to worry about someone banging on the door and interrupting you.

Plus there is Quietness... hehe my 2 yr old nephew b-day was yesterday so we had a family b-day party. there were 9 kids between the ages of 8 and 2 and it was so noisy.

[fitzjr11]

to add: Do what you want when you want- not have to worry about getting babysitters or doing things around kids schedules

[summit]

to-have-fun: Both are great additions to the list, but I think my husband is already guilty of interrupting while I am in the bathroom LOL!

fitzjr11: another good item

Here is another... you don't have to be brave about mice, spiders, snakes, and other creepy crawlies

[to_have_fun08]

summit - so true, we only have one bathroom in our house and my hubby doesn't really bug me but I can tell when he is "patiently" waiting for me to finish using the bathroom. I don't like being rushed.. haha

fritz - doing what you want when you want I think is the biggest plus to not having kids.

Ive been thinking about trying to find a board for adults that have lived their lives without children and see what they say. Its so hard to talk to anyone because everyone I know has children. None of them would understand.

[summit]

Feeling a bit cranky today... Celebrated 34th birthday yesterday and today at work someone in the faculty lounge made the comment :

"Teachers who don't have children of their own, don't have a clue! You can have have your degrees and everything, but if you don't have kids of your own you just don't know!"

What a blow to my esteem that was. I guess I should have shared that teachers who have kids of their own aren't has energetic! Who knows... I just don't have it in me to be mean spirited. I wish people were more sensitive with their words.

[margi26]

aw summit...that is not only insensitive, but also untrue!

As a child psychologist I sometimes get that too...as if all the education, hard work, and years of experience I put in doesn't matter....its just, "do you have kids?"

Don't let it hit your self-esteem....your kids--the classroom full of them--are what matter!

And--Happy Belated Birthday to you!!

[summit]

Thanks Margi26!

I just don't understand why having children has to define who you are as a person and professional. You and I both have tons of experience and education and are probably more qualified to be parents a lot of the people that we encounter in our field of work. I just don't get it... You are right, we are great professionals.

When people say "do you have children?" I feel like saying I have 8-12 children with special needs every year!

[to_have_fun08]

Some people just don't think when they open their mouths. No you don't have to be a parent to be a wonderful teacher. Actually you might be a better teacher just cause you don't have to deal with children at work and at home. Just cause you can carry a child in your womb for 9 months doesn't make you an expert on children. Can someone not be a good mechanic, just cause they don't have a car? So many people are just shallow minded.

Happy Belated Birthday Summit!!

[summit]

Thanks for the birthday wishes to-have-fun You are so right!

Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words. I know that I am great at what I do, it is just hurtful to hear people be so narrow-minded.

As always, thanks for all of your support!