BFN Group

[summit]

Another tough day... sister in-law had her baby today. Happy for them, but sad for my husband and I. Just when I feel like I am okay something pops up to remind me how saddened I am. Ahhh... tomorrow is another day to start out on the right foot.

[fitzjr11]

so last night a good friend of mine calls to tell me she's preg- they got married about a yr ago- just bought a house and went off the pill this summer thinking if its ment to be its ment to be- she's due in May!!! and a week before i was due last yr!!! im very happy for her, did a great job pretending- she even appologized but wanted me to hear from her
hung up w her cried and had a glass of wine- i know my friends are going to get preg- but is stinks i cant join them

[summit]

fitzjr - Wine is always a good solution to a bad day Are you a red wine drinker or white wine?

Next list we should start is a wine list! I am always looking for new ones to try.

I just tried Cupcake, Chardonnay it was very good:)

[fitzjr11]

i am a mix wine drinker- i like sweet wines, but am happy w/ just about anything Im doing a wine tasting party next month looking forward to it- i know 1 friend is going to ask if she can bring her 1 yr old, followed by if i dont i cant come- i will be sticking to no- its a girls night out, everyone else is coming out to get away from husbands and kids, no 21 an over only!

[syanna]

I so don't wanna have another BFN!! It'll be my 5th one! I am 10dp3dt...neg HPT!! My beta is tomorrow morning, but today I have an appt w/my PCP for a yearly checkup, so Im gonna ask them to test me! Such a cheater...i know! : )

[annashope]

syanna

I am so with you even though I have not been through 5 cycles but I understand that at some point it becomes so hard to get any kind of a PMI. I feel like we have tried everything. Regular ttc, iui's, donar iui, IVF we even went throught the whole adoption process only to end up on an indefinite waiting list- in the meantime ALL of my tests are coming back perfect so WTH? I am starting my FET this month (transfer in 3 weeks) and I am so afraid that it will be another BFN

[summit]

fitzjr - The wine club sounds fun! I am in a book club that meets monthly and is essentially a wine club... we talk about the book for 30 minutes or less and the rest of the time we drink wine and shoot the shit! I hear you about the friend wanting to bring her kid, haven't people heard of babysitters??? I used tolove it when my parents got a babysitter for me and my brothers! I have friends who do the same thing. I am sorry, but we all need adult time and some things are just not meant for kids.

syanna - good luck on the beta will keep my fingers crossed.

annashope - good luck on the FET!

[margi26]

Hello ladies,

I am feeling kinda down today, and I don't know why! I started stimming today and I have been so excited to get started with this IUI and the new doctor. I have been so hopeful and positive and then today: crash. Makes no sense. I guess it is just the worry about the BFN or worse.

I tried to talk to my sister some today: BIG mistake. She just turned 40, no kids, married one year and about to start trying. She is all pumped up and --in my opinion--very unrealistic about her odds. Despite her debilitating endo (similar to me) and knowing all my history she thinks that she and her DH will get pregnant within 3 months. She goes on and on about how so many women over 40 are having babies without ART, etc...so if I start with any insecurities, she just tells me not to worry, it will probably just happen naturally. That doesn't help me when I am feeling stressed because I think the doctor is stimming me too low. (The nurse says they will cancel my cycle if I get too many follicles.) Too many?!?! How many would be too many for a 43 yr old with only one tube?!?!? I think I could have 12 on one side and still not guarantee a pregnancy and she wants to talk to me about trying for 3 follies? Really?!?! We are self-pay at this point....at that rate, my guess is I'd need to do about 5 IUI's and believe you me, I don't have the money, nor the emotional energy to go through that much more.

Stupid Jon and Kate and Octomom make everyone terrified of crazy multiples....which just gets in the way of my chances of getting one baby. I've had 4 embies put back in me 3 times. 1st-ectopic. 2nd-BFN. 3rd-miscarriage. If that is the result with 4 fertilized embies, what good are 3 follies?!?! Oh wait, let's not forget the chances of miscarriage at my age: 50-effin-%. So even if I do get pregnant, I have a 50% chance of losing it...yeah, conservative seems the way to go....NOT.

I'll see the doctor on Tuesday--when I have my next u/s, bloodwork, and HSG and so I will talk to him then. He seemed really reasonable and sympathetic. Hopefully he will understand. Sigh.

Sorry to be Debbie Downer today, but I really need to vent. There really is no one in my life I can just let it out with in regards to this topic..except here. I so wish I had discovered y'all during my first 2 IVF cycles!!

Take care all. And thanks for listening. Really.

[summit]

margi26 - So sorry to hear that you are having a bad day, but we can all empathize with you. I know your sister is excited about her new adventure, but as you and I both know nobody really understands the stress that goes along with fertility treatments unless you have been through it yourself. We all try to be optimistic, but the truth of the matter for us is that we know our odds are slim as we approach our next treatment cycles Thankfully, we are all here to support one another and we truly understand what everyone is going through. You will be in my thoughts as you go through your IUI, I wish success!

Always,

[Heidi67]

Hi Ladies,

Work has been crazy busy for me, too tired togo online until now.

Summit- your co-worker is wrong, after 20 years of teaching/parenting other peoples children I definitly have a clue trust me, when I taught jr high parents came to me for advice. My response to your co-worker would have been "and why would you say that?" Maybe give a clue into what they were thinking. It's not like we live in a bubble, we do have friends and family with children. Hope you had a great birthday. I really enjoyed my 30's, finally figured out who I was.

As for wine list, I enjoy ice wine. Had a really good peach one in the summer.

Flew to my sisters for Thanksgiving, and they found a cool sign at the MCC "We had to get rid of the kids, the dog was allergic" Flying on the spur of the moment, a plus for being child free.

Marg- Hope the dr listens to you and ok's more than 3 follies. Like your sister I too was way more positive when I first started the ART journy 3 years ago, thought I'd get prego with IVF #1 then reality hit me in the face.

AFM Saw the RE last week, am going to try natural FET next month, and if that doesn't work they've agreed to 1 more IVF cycle. 132/170 waitlist so April at the earlyist.

[annashope]

Margi

I am so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I understand you so well. I too have had it pretty rough the past couple of days and I think our summer (our losses) has a lot to do with it. I also get really frustrated with doctors or nurses who don't listen. I am asking my RE to put back 3 embies instead of 2 with this next FET and he is also apprehensive. I mean with IVF we put back 2 and it was a total loss and I know that FET's are less successful I feel like I already have a bionic cervix (TAC) and since I am in remission from my cervical cancer I am always feeling like I am racing against the clock because if God forbid my cancer came back I will probably have to have a hysterectomy. Yet you are right stupid Jon and Kate and octamom- I hate them for what they did to all of us- they turned a serious agonizing and difficult journey we are all going through into a mockery.
As for your sister- as summit said they just can't understand. I get so sick of hearing "oh it will happen on its own" how? when? my DH only has 10% normal sperm on a good day which (as my doctors think) is sub fertile and I have a surgically altered cervix so I know my chances but no one else understands.

I too am so emotional with starting this FET because I just don't know what we will do if it is a BFN. Between fertility treatments and trying adoption (which left us on an endless waiting list-what a rip off) we have spent over 30k this year alone and I am not sure we can continue this emotionally of financially. While my 17 year old sister is now 20 weeks pregnant-a painful reminder of where I should be right now and my brother and his wife already have a baby 1yrs conceived and born since DH and I started ttc and now my brother announced that this month they are trying for #2 and plan to have it by next summer. Ugh girl I am soooooooooooooo there with you.

Sorry girls for venting I had my annual pap smear today which for most people is "nothing" but for me I have to do it with an oncologist, at a Cancer Center and now I wait 10 days for results to see if I have more time to try for babies (normal pap) or if my journey to motherhood is quickly ending. I swear this wait is worse than the 2ww

I am here anytime you need to vent or hear words of encouragement. I am praying for you and we both deserve a baby after everything we have gone through. PM me if you need to talk

Anna

[margi26]

Anna: Thanks for the support and understanding....we may be different in many ways and in our particular issues, but we still relate so well. For the good and the not so good.

I will be praying that your pap smear gives you a perfect health report and that you are on your way with this next cycle soon. You are right...most of us take an annual pap for granted. There are just so many hurdles...it is so unfair.

Let's keep in touch as we continue our journeys.....I am thinking about trying acupuncture this cycle to help me relax, but I am nervous about it, so it might backfire! Hope that you are finding ways to keep yourself distracted, calm and happy.

[summit]

Heidi - Thanks for the words of encouragement!At this point I have decided to to just let the comment from the other teacher go...but if it happens again I will definitely say something to her. By the way, what is ice wine?

Anna - I too have a history of irregular paps. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you that all is well!

Wishing everyone happiness and wellness!

[summit]

I am so excited! I am starting acupuncture on Tuesday! I know that it may not help things, but I will welcome the stress relief and hopefully a good night's rest for a change.

[to_have_fun08]

Summit - I love acupuncture. It was so relaxing. After my appointments I had to drive home through rush hour traffic and the traffic didn't bother me at all. I was kind of in lala land. Wish I could afford to go back.

I understand about sleepless nights. I think I am stressing too much about $$ and doing a donor cycle. We picked out a donor last week. Now i'm trying to figure out how to pay for the donor stuff, medical fees and plus fees from my last IVF cycle. I hate all IVF clinics and their billing departments. All I ever her from them is "I Can't". So needless to say I haven't gotten a good night sleep in awhile. Oh well maybe I did last night but that is because I went out drinking and was a little drunk when I went to bed.


Happy Halloween to All!!!


Chris