Makin' "something" out of Nothin' :-)

[Sunshine1576]

I thought moving my post to a "new topic" would be more appropriate....

Kylee, I also too had a BFN on my first round of IVF. I found out last Wednesday. I stopped taking Progesterone on Thursday and AF arrived on Saturday, so usually once you stop progesterone AF will come within a few days. With the IVF, My doctor's assistant told me usually there WILL BE success if we keep trying esp. by the third attempt because IVF has a 33% chance of being successful. But, I told her I wanted to try an IUI with Follistim b/c it is something we haven't tried in combination yet, yet she shot me down. I really wanted something to look forward to this holiday season- so I thought. But she told me we had a REDUCED chance with IUI or naturally and even though the first round of IVF didn't work doesn't mean we should give up. I told her it is ALOT of money, and she said it's not cheap either raising a baby either. I thought that was just plain rude (and did I mention she is 8 months pregnant herself?) I told her it would be worth every single penny, because someone like me would not take being pregnant for granted and I'd give up the whole house to raise a baby or apparrently much more to have one!!! Moving forward, she told me we needed to wait to talk to our doctor in December since he has 3 sattelite branches and the next time he would be in our area will be near Christmas. I thought that is what I want--the doctor to go over the IVF report (of our failed attempt four days) before Christmas! I thought no I cannot wait until the holidays and plus I don't like the way she has treated me and third I need another opinion about all of this...We spent over 11,000.00 with this clinic and I have gained nothing!!!

So instead of staying mad I decided to try to make something out of nothing and as of today, I found out WHO my co-worker had success with, and I called them to set our consultation appt for November 11th!
I think this is the best decision I've made so far and now we can move on to something more promising!
Will keep you guys posted, but we have to stay POSITIVE and more than anything believe good things can happen to those who pray!

[Sunshine1576]

Well it looks as I may be on here journalizing but if anyone wants to respond you are more than welcome to. I spoke with my best firend yesterday and they are looking into adoption next week. Sometimes God does answer our prayers in mysterious ways. My husband is still not on board with adoption, but I know when the time is right something will happen. I'm more blessed that he is has stood by me for 15 years, since we were seniors in high school. He is my comfort, my rock my everything and nothing will tear us apart. Even when we got the disappointing news about our IVF last week, he held me and kept me from loosing my mind. He said lets just go away for the weekend and the next thing I knew he was in the office making reservations for Las Vegas. Seriously I thought my life was over, but he made me realize that we will get through this! Infertility is the only thing we have ever had a challenge with throughout our eleven years of marriage and at the same time I know this alone has made us even closer. So together we hold on to what means the most- our commitment. We are in this together and no matter what we go on loving each other.

[margi26]

Hi there Sunshine: Hope you don't mind my "interrupting" your journaling...I think that was totally rude of your doctor's assistant to shoot down your idea of IUI and to jump on you with her own "judgments". And to make you wait 2 more months for consultation?!?! uh--uh...I have had 3 IVFs--and as you can see from my signature, not an easy or positive time. We are moving on to IUI despite it feeling like a "backward" move. My last doctor told me, when I suggested it, that we had a 0% chance with IUI at my age. How dare he?! And, that was the day he told me there was no HB on my little embie that had been going up and down with the beta levels...absolutely no sensitivity. I left that day and never returned. I went back to my OBGYN who referred me to another clinic and I am so happy.

We are doing it for financial reasons, but I must say, DH and I both agree that we really wish we had tried IUI first.

Yes, IUI has less success rates than IVF, but at 10% the cost....hm...and it is so less taxing on my body physically. This feels like a breeze compared to the pain and discomfort I was in with IVF. I was treated with low stims for this IUI. At first I was discouraged because after the ruptured ectopic--from IVF--I only have one tube, but my RE was right and I ended up on trigger day with 3 follies over 18mm, 4 that were 15-16mm (so they could possibly be mature or become mature by ovulation), 4 more over 10, and 5 less than 10. All on my Left side!! Where my tube is! DH doesn't have issues, so his sperm tested great that day. I realize that at my age, most of my eggs aren't so good, so it isn't a sure thing by any means, but at this price, we can afford 2-3 cycles if necessary.

I know that IUI isn't appropriate for everyone. I don't know your particular situation, but I think everyone should consider all options.

Anyway, I applaud you for moving on to a new RE. I've had to do it twice, and am SO glad I did. My 1st clinic--I almost died, literally. The second was so insensitive and rude to me. This time, this RE is so nice and smart, and the nurses are all great and encouraging...and I feel a complete participant in the decisions that are made.

I am really hopefully. Good luck with your appt on November 11th. Keep me posted!

Oh, and your discussion about your relationship with your DH--it is so beautiful and so important. Love and strength and supporting one another is so crucial not only for IVF, but for your entire lives regardless of the outcome of this particular obstacle.

Praying for the best for you!! It will happen--one way or another.

[Sunshine1576]

My last reply was erased when I tried to send it. Maybe sometimes if we stay somewhere too long, you will get booted off lol or "automatically logged" off. Anyway in a recap, here is my short version of what I wanted to say.

Margi thank you for responding to my post. It's comforting to know we aren't alone in this mysterious puzzle-solving journey. Sometimes we have to find the piece that will fit, whether it be another clinic that will respectively look at ALL options with you. I am so glad you have found that! When do you get to try the IUI? Have you ever dealt with Clomid before?

I know as I was filling out the paperwork last night, I noticed that this clinic was more in depth with personal/medical/family background questions. I really liked that thinking maybe this will help them get a more true picture and help them evaluate to find the best possible outcome? Well that's my thinking anyway More than anything I am looking forward to 11/11. I really don't think we are moving backward in trying IUI, because what IF it is all we need? Like you said why spend tons of money and put your body through everything from physical to emotional stress when we don't need to? My DH has variable sperm analysis, but we got pg last Spring with Robitussin and lots of prayers so anything is possible right? We even tried with my OBGYN, IUI with Clomid, but it didn't work. I'm thinking I read somewhere that Clomid tends to thin out the lining. Besides that, I'm thinking since we already ovulate why not try the IUI with Follistim?

Like I said before we have this mysterious puzzle- and it will take time but we will find the right piece that fits perfectly and see the BIG beautiful picture, the outcome that captivates our heart! But we know when we are praying for each other, He alone will give us strength and encouragement we need to find our purpose in life--which in the end truly is the greatest blessing of all!

Sunshine

[BakersBaby]

Sunshine - Best of luck with your new RE / Clinic. I cannot believe that the assistant at the other clinic treated your so poorly. How can people be so insensitive? Especially people working at an infertility clinic! Wow. You sound like you definately have a good dose of PMA, so keep your chin up. My DH is 100% against adoption too. I know how challenging that can be. We have to remain strong, calm, and keep up that PMA. Good luck on 11/11...Good things come to good people! <<Hugs>>

[Sunshine1576]

Thanks Kelly, I really appreciate the support on here. We all need a good dose of a decent fertility clinic, yes it's where it all starts! Tonight DH and I were talking about the upcoming new year. If we go with the new clinic, it will be a 3.5 hour commute, so getting away from work will be my biggest challenge. Right now I just pray we have something happen before the holidays. My mom and brother are coming down in 2 weeks. Brother is competing in the Ironman competition, and this fertility talk has made us closer. Actually our babies would of been only one week apart if weren't for my miscarriage. But he and his wife did the IVF and they were successful, while I took Robitussin and was very fortunate, so I thought. But they continued being there for me and called and checked on me throughout the grieving period. It's crazy even how we find so many friends out there too that care and can relate to what we are going through.

My brother lives in S.C. and their doctor told them this would be their ONLY way they could have kids so I am happy it worked for them. My sister-in-law has major reproductive issues and has undergone surgeries. IVF worked for them on the first attempt, so we are thankful they had success. Maybe this alone is probably why we were encouraged to try IVF last month, but I think we were rushed into it and maybe we weren't quite ready.
My mom is driving me crazy and I must say I am a bit jealous whenever I hear her talk about my brother and sister-in-law's upcoming bundle of joy. Funny I don't mind talking so much to my brother, but I get jealous when I hear my own mother. Maybe it's because my mom has no clue to everything that we have tried or how many times I've cried. Maybe It's good that we live in different states and we don't have to deal with the family coming, but how do we escape when they come down here and how do we tolerate our short comings? How do we even think about the upcoming holidays is probably my biggest question.

Today at church in our Sunday School class, we prayed for another friend, her water broke at 27 weeks while she was on vacation in Orlando. She has so many of us praying for her that she can deliver this baby to full-term and gets to take her home. We've made a gift basket for her family, and delivered lunch and today we filmed a video of all of us with our remarks wishing her well. My husband has this warp sense of humor...He takes out his letterman and brings the knife close to his wrist. I quickly take it away from him and put it in my purse. Sometimes I wonder if he is going to be okay. I know we all get those thoughts in our head, but it's not something you want to jokingly do in front of others. Sometimes I'm concerned about him and we talk over our long walks with our two labrador retrievers. He blames himself for everything that has not happened, while I tell him how blessed we already are with so much to be thankful for.I remind him how important he is to me, because he is the world to me. I couldn't ever love anyone ever again like I love him.
"Sometimes if we stop feeling down and we look up for the goodness in life, we will see the enrichment, that we already have much to be thankful for."- Sunshine

[Sunshine1576]

Today was rather an easy day at work and I got all the paperwork for the new clinic filled out and called my obgyn and the fertility clinic here in town and got everything taken care of. Medical Forms releasing everything on us will be sent to the new clinic in Mobile sometime this week. I feel somewhat guilty for giving up on the clinic that was conveniently close to us and I realize the new one is going to be quite a commute. Some important decisions will have to be made about my job. Sometimes you get into a comfort zone at work and it's hard to think about what if we have to resign to focus more on our goal. Will one income be enough for a little while and will me getting on my husband's insurance be reasonable? I know I wouldn't change anything or resign until the first of the year if this is something we need to do.

Anyway, more than anything I'm hoping this will be a normal 28 day cycle. Not sure if the IVF treatment (b/c and all the other drugs) from last month will effect ov but we will soon find out. Doing the OPK every morning, today is day 10 so we will see hopefully sometime this week.

[Sunshine1576]

Wondering out there if it's possible to ovulate the very next month AFTER a unsuccessful IVF cycle. I'm still doing the OPK smiley test every morning, and we are bding every other night. I know anything is possible and don't want to give up!

Today I spoke to my sister-in-law who is 36 weeks along...Doctor has her on bedrest for the next month since she is carrying him really low. She asked how I've been doing with the treatment and I told her everything from the IVF cycle to changing doctors next month. I think alot will be changing in the next year. Thinking I might have to quit my job since the new clinic is sooo far away. Really don't understand why things have to be this way, but pray God will provide us some light and guidance.

[Sunshine1576]

Begining to think the opk is a "no go" this month since my body is still recovering probably from IVF. Seems like everything is off course this month, but maybe our new specialist (consultation on 11/11) can give us some hope and direction.

[Sunshine1576]

CycleDay 15 and no sign of ov even with the opk this month, still DH and I are BDing every other day, which in itself is very addictive. Absolutely cannot hardly wait until 11/11. This week should go by whether quickly not only working full-time but some of my family are coming down next weekend for my brother's Ironman event. ***Just trying to decide whether or not I tell my mother anything about we are going through.*** She knows we had a miscarriage last Spring, but it seems like all I hear her excitely talk about is my brother and sister-in-law's upcoming baby son due on Thanksgiving Day. I must remember it's just 2 days that I will be spending with her, and I haven't seen her since last April, which was exactly when we told her "our news" at the Airport. I told my dh today that we would have to try to overlook my mom, because she is excited about my brother's first baby and she should be, but at the same time there is a TIME and PLACE for everything.

I'm doing everything I can to come home for Christmas this year. We know life is too short to be bitter and it's not my family's fault this happened. I know it sounds bad but I convinced my husband to come to my family's get-together this year only because I have a grandmother that I would never forgive myself if I missed seeing her for the last time.
We both know my grandmother is truly the only reason we would be coming home this year. Being around everyone else is so competitive, yet without kids we feel like the outcast, as though we don't fit in with them.

'

[Sunshine1576]

Don't understand why some people have to be insensitive maybe it's because I work with an idiot, but today she asked my boss (who recently got divorced( if he planned on having any more kids and of course I was sitting directly across her when she said that. I'm like if only it was really an option!
So my question is really why can't people think BEFORE they speak... Are they really inhumane afterall?
Oh ten more days to go...I want more than anything to turn in my notice and put 100 percent into making things happen, but I only know how obsessive I really can get and the only thing right now that is keeping me from going off the edge is reading novels right now. Someone please go ahead and shoot me!

[Sunshine1576]

Well today I received a call from the clinic wanting us to meet TOMORROW night with our fertility specialist. They found out we are seeking a second opinion up in Mobile next week and want to move up our appt (that WAS originally Dec. 21). Sounds to me like they don't want to see us go? But it's tough to stay somewhere that wasn't compassionate and determined to help you reach your goals. I mean I was only requesting an IUI next month (after our first IVF failed) and she told me looking at our chart that we wouldn't be good candidates for IUI.

Therefore all I'll probably get out of tomorrow's appt is a copy of our IVF results. Nothing more, but why would they tell us we are good candidates when obviously we weren't for IVF. Ok it might of been our clinic or something that wasn't monitored. I mean we had 13 eggs in the begining and 7 of those were fertilized, only 2 made it it blastocyst, meaning none were frozen. For those who read this blog, please research your clinic and ask others around for feedback. Most of all don't jump into something way too fast. I myself was simply obsessed about wanting to be pregnant before the holidays so much. Come to find out, it's something that will take more time and now I keep myself busy with other stuff such as work and reading novels- anything to get my mind off of this for just a little while. It's just not healthy to dwell on TTC all the time if you know what I mean.

[Sunshine1576]

After much thought and talk we've decided to stay with the specialist we have local in our area. We found out the doctor my friend recommended in Mobile is NOT Board Certified in Reproductive Encrinology, therefore we will be cancelling our upcoming appt. Please do make sure you look into this for you want only the best qualified specialist. I know there are others in Mobile, but I'm also thinking the long distant drive plays a bigger role. For now my dh is taking lots of vitamins to boost his count and IF it shows that his count is better we talk about trying an IUI in February being that would be when I could take my next vacation. I feel hopeful for 2011 with ALOT of exciting changes!
Wishing the best of much baby dust to all my buddies out there!
Christy

[Sunshine1576]

Time is flying by especially getting ready for the holidays and not to mention working full-time and looking for a second job. Anyway AF should arrive sometime this weekend, and hopefully next month will be a better cycle! It just seemed that after the negative IVF in October, testing with the ovulation predictor kit this month didn't work for us. Usually have pretty good luck with the OPK, but not for Nov.-- ov didn't happen. Hopefully everything is back to normal next cycle...Praying for a miracle that might, just might be wrapped up under the tree this year!
The good news we have the defragmentation test coming next week to test dh to see if the vitamins are working and this test will determine if we might be good candidates for IUI. More than anything, we have to explore other options!

[Sunshine1576]

Maybe I'm making something out of nothing right now but I was due to start day1 of AF today and she hasn't arrived, (not that she is welcomed here. lol, I know corny right?) But seriously I am always 28 days apart, unless my IVF cycle from the Sept.-Oct. affected the timing. Anyway, I started to do a hpt this morning, but thought there is no way! Will definately do one in the morning since one day late is all I can take! Wish me luck, I have been feeling kind of bloated today, but no cramps, like I usually get right before time to start. We will see, but definately be praying tonight!