IVF is NOT for us afterall...

[Sunshine1576]

So we gave it a good chance, we were hopeful in the beginning... Our doctor told us we had unexplained infertility and after 3+years of really trying, (w/ one natural pregancy but then a miscarriage 10 weeks later), we thought we would be aggressive and try IVF. Come to find out it didn't work for us, and all we feel now is robbed and heart-broken all over again. Sometimes IVF isn't the answer, sometimes it helps cut out the "middle man" if the situation was for instance is medical a blocked tube or endometerious (msp) for example. I believe IVF is not for every single one of us and I know people get so caught up in it and will try again over and over. But the truth is many of us don't have insurance that covers this to get that second chance. We must begin to look at other options. I know it's probably the biggest decision of our lives, and we will do about anything for a baby including giving up the roof above our head. But let's try to be realistic and see this in a different light... I believe there might be other options such as IUI with Follistim, maybe just listening to our support group exploring other ways...Afterall friends who have been through this give us better advice than anyone. This is the toughest journey of our lives, but we have to remain open-minded and more than anything stay positive that at the end of this journey our designation awaits with something even better. I wish everyone the best!

[AuntyPebbles]

Hi there,

have been where you are and can say i'm impressed that you have reached your decision as soon as you have.

not sure im the answer but would like to say so many years down the road from where you are.

i two weeks ago adopted my two girls and couldn't love them more if i had birthed them myself...you are so right to say reaching the goal of being a mommy doesnt always have to start with pushing them out. at leats i think thats what your saying?..but maybe dragging them in...LOL

i wish you well and so much happiness in the future because i can say it is out there every time i look in my babies eyes i see it i am blessed to have them...pray you will be too

[Sunshine1576]

Hi Pebbles,

Wow congratulations on your two precious children. I know adoption is in itself a blessing, because so many kids out there desperately need us! My question is did you go through an adoption agency with legal paperwork? I hear it can be rather expensive but might vary from state to state? I did talk to my dh about adoption last Spring, but could not convince him that it would be a good idea. I knew a customer who had a teenage sister (7 months pregnant) who was needing to give her baby up for adoption and everything would be set for last July. I even had a picture of the young girl, but when I went over this with my dh he listened for a moment but turned my idea down saying there are too many red flags and started giving me many reasons... afraid of the biological parents changing their mind, other factors such as medical history, that we know nothing about this girl. But deep down, he is really wanting this to be his biological child. I was just devastiated and all I knew I could do was just pray that something would happen. Well the very next day after dh birthday, I decided to take a hpt, and when I got out of the shower I looked down and hollered from the bathroom for him to get in here. We both were so shocked and that week alone my emotions were like a rollercoaster.

After the miscarriage, we tried naturally for 3 months and then decided to leap for IVF just desperate for something to happen before Christmas since that was our original due date. Did I mention my sister-in-law and I were only one week apart? She also did IVF but respectfully has so many things going on with a cyst on an ovary and endomet. I'm so happy for them, but at the same time miss getting to experience the whole thing with her.

We though IVF was our best resort to make something happen, but now I'm realizing I cannot be in control of what happens next. We didn't even think we could ever get pregnant in the first place, but I do believe God has a special plan for each one of us and we just have to pray to find our purpose. I would also like to look at adoption again. That is certain another option if I could get my dh on board with it.

Thank you for sharing with me.

[to_have_fun08]

Sunshine - I agree totally that IVF is not the answer for everyone. Heck I have been through 6 cycles with no luck. I have been wanting to do donor egg since after my 3rd cycle. Which was over a year ago. I just couldn't get DH on bored. he said it was OK but when it came down to maybe using my eggs again or using donor he always chose mine. He just wasn't to the point I was at and didn't want to give up the thought of us have a child with my genetics. Needless to say after my 6th IVF cycle, he has come to terms that if we want a child we will have to go with donor eggs or another route. With this, I say give your DH some time. If he really wants a child I think eventually he will come to terms with adoptions. he just might not be in the same frame of mind that you are at this point.

Good Luck!!

[Sunshine1576]

to_have_fun,

During our last visit to the doctor we learned that they don't know nothing about my eggs. He suggested testing the embryos with PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis), and then we would only use the best quality ones for the next IVF cycle. It's a new procedure with the clinic here and said in December they will waive the $3000 cost to a handful that is willing to try it. I told him I'm not confident IVF will work with us, and we needed to go over more conclusive findings first before we tried IVF again. He suggested we could test DH sperm anaylsis and see if the vitamins are helping. If so, we might consider the IUI this time, but I told them we agreed that we would want to wait until after the holidays. before we proceeded with anything further. We are still not certain about changing clinics. Our selection is limited, I have to be realistic and realize with work, we cannot drive 5.5 hours to a clinic in Mobile. Plus the Mobile clinic, my obgyn and friend suggested is not Board Certified in Fertilitiy and Encrinology when my doctor here is and conveniently close. Even though I wasn't happy with our 1st IVF and felt robbed, I have come to realize nothing in life is guaranteed-- but we do have to take that risk.

[angelaezra]

Sunshine – Your post is so touching that I thought I would reply too. I agree with your original post also and I wanted to thank you for posting something that is so encouraging for so many other women out there who are trying so very hard to have a baby because infertility can be such a long and lonely road for some many people. . I wish you so much luck with whatever you do in the future to obtain your dream!

Angela

[Sunshine1576]

Angela,

Thank you for responding tonight. It's really comforting to know we aren't alone in this journey. It is a long and lonely road, but the more we explore options, the more we find so many friends that are going exactly through the same exact thing and that alone is empowering!

This forum had been the best supportive group and I want everyone know how much I appreciate them just being there for one another! As for our dream, we know anything worth having in life is not meant to be easy.

Sunshine

[Sunshine1576]

Today I spoke with my doctor (who we decided to conveniently stay with), and we talked about the "defragmentation test". If the vitamins they recommended work for him, (showing his count has improved), we will be looking at IUI after the holidays. What was nice was when he called to order the test from the company that ships it out, he was told it would be $75.00. Moments later, dh received a phone call from my doctor's office saying they waived the fee for him. Maybe they will be more compassionate with us after everything we've been through. We will only pray and wait and see, but hopefully-- since my options of going anywhere else are kind of limited right now. I feel changing jobs would add stress, but at the same time might consider working somewhere part-time (nights or weekends) just to bring in a little more money to help out with our next procedure. I am very blessed that we have stable jobs-- but lets be honest, the pay is ridiculous. Really don't understand why more insurance companies don't include fertility treatment options!