ivf harships

[chrisbaby]

i know that my story is not as bad as some, but l need to vent.... we have been married for 3 years, together 13. all that time we never wanted kids. i was an athelite, running 14km a day, boxing etc and eating no fats etc...hence body fat % very low. i knew the consequences and people told me to slow down but l saud hey l dont want kids its not a problem...guess what we want kids now... my body is screwed. we are now on 4th cycle of ivf and l am not repsonding as l should. i have put on 11kg and am now in the healthy weight range (which is a whole other story how l am dealing with that!!) and still nothing. we start our next cycle in a few weeks and l am on 450 FSH thats the max...and the nasel spray...l have also spent hundreds at a natrupath with all types of herbs..which has caused many fights in our household as the hubby thinks its all a hoax..but i will try anything.....then l find out yesterday that my twin sister who does not want kids is pregnant...am stuggling to keep it together....i had accupuncture last night and had needles in my face...and all i could think about for the 30mins de stressing time was that how unfair life is and that l am lying here with needles in my face and my sister gets preg without even trying...counterproductuve session!!!! ook now l have vented l feel better.. this cycle has to me mine!!!!

[margi26]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It is indeed not easy....I think that anything and everything that you can do--you should. If you feel in your heart that it might help (and there is no indication that it would hurt) than go for it!!

Have you tried DHEA? If used before your stims--for weeks, it is supposed to increase AFC.

As for your sister, that is indeed unfair. Especially with a twin, I can't even begin to imagine the feelings you must be experiencing.

I hope that you try to keep up the positive energy....I know it is so difficult. I am on my 4th cycle--and as you can see from my signature, I haven't had an easy time--even though I have "responded well".

Take care of yourself...and feel free to reach out anytime. This board is filled with the most supportive and strong group of women you will ever meet.

[chrisbaby]

thanks for your kind words...it certainly helps.... what is DHEA? i have not heard of that..

the worst thing that l feel is the guilt. i put us in this situation..i feel i am depriving my husbane of what he deserves because l chose to run...he is very supportive and has never blamed me, but i cant help wondering if we end up with no kids what he will be thinking....its my fault..he told me to slow down and take rest days, and eat fatty food, but i didn't and as a result we have to do ivf....the guilt kills me....

[margi26]

Hey Chrisbaby,

Guilt....I know all about that! But really, what does it help? There is nothing you can do to change the past, and if running made you happy and you weren't wanting children--then it sounds like it was the right choose for you then. I don't know your age, but that can make a big difference....

It sounds like you have a very supportive DH (hubby--DH is the acronym used on this site ). Embrace that and him...your love and connection are really so important through all of this. IVF and any ART can really take a lot out of people and out of relationships. I can attest to that! And feel free to use this site to vent and talk...it can really help to get support from other women who truly understand what you are going through. I have tried to talk some to my family and friends, but they don't really understand, and often say things that they mean to be helpful but end up hurting. Especially since I had such a horrible reaction the first time with IVF and ended up in and out of hospital almost 6 weeks and could have died. My family really doesn't understand why we'd try it again after that! So, I have stopped talking to most of my friends/family about it. But, that leaves one isolated....and there are some parts that I don't even want to talk with DH about, so that leaves this site. There are so many women here with powerful stories....very strong IVF women...women who have been through cancer, 5+ cycles, (one woman is on her 14th!!), cycles that get cancelled, etc. Also, once you get a positive pregnancy test, the stress isn't over. I've had one end in ectopic and another in a miscarriage....those were both very devastating. I had already started using this site for support when I had the miscarriage, and honestly--I don't know how I could have made it without these women's support.

So--sorry for going on so much about myself, but I wanted to let you know that you aren't alone!! Far from it.

My suggestions? Get support from those around you that are able to provide it, and stay away from--or don't tell the people around you that don't "get it".

Second, do things that make you happy and feel peaceful--yoga...light exercise (lol)...acupuncture (I had my 1st one the other day--no needles in my face) and I loved it...massages..gardening..hobbies...pets...etc because it is important to not only be focused on reproduction.

third--make sure you have a good relationship with your RE (reproductive endocrinologist). I have changed clinics three times now. Not because I am finicky, but because the 1st place was so aggressive they almost killed me---literally. The second was so unkind and aloof I felt awful the entire time, until I found my current clinic--great doctor, wonderful nurses and all around positive energy. In fact, I am going "backwards" in a sense right now trying IUI instead of IVF, but am very happy I am, and wish I had tried this first! I am very hopeful...

Fourth--get good support from board like this, or support group, or counseling. (I went to a counselor after I was hospitalized so long to deal with all the stuff from that). Any and all of these are wonderful and there is no shame in it.

Fifth--understand your treatments and options. The first time I was too excited and just did whatever I was told without understanding a thing. The second 2 cycles I was very intimidated by the clinic and was made to feel bad if I even asked a question. Now, I am much more actively involved with my RE and have great communication. I understand, and am active in making decisions, even in what medicine I take!

And finally--take good care of your body. But don't have to be "crazy" about it,

I wish you the best....feel free to share more of your story and any questions you may have.

Regarding DHEA...it is a natural supplement that decreases with age in your body. If taken (75 mg) daily for at least 7 weeks prior to a cycle, there are some studies to show that it can increase your # of follicles. Google it and you can find some studies. I believe there is a clinic in NY that has done some. From on this site, some women swear by it, a lot of clinics don't use it, but the only negative I have heard is that you shouldn't take it once you start stimming or might be pregnant because it could have some negative affects on the developing embryo. Also, some women report side effects. Read up and decide for yourself...I don't ever want to tell someone what they should or shouldn't do. This is such a personal adventure.

Well--my goodness! I have never had a post so long...sorry!

[chrisbaby]

thank you so much for your post!!! i feel so much better just reading it. the most wonderful thing happened today - my mother offered to pay for our IVF - which takes the burden of us from the money side of things. my dad died 7 years ago, and my mum doesnt work, so for her to offer to do this is amazing, specially since l did not react to my dad's death very well and pushed her away...

we are starting the nasal spray in 2 weeks, or should l say the equivalent because there is a world wide shortage of this drug apparantly. l was so happy when l heard about the nasal spray as it was one less needle to use, but guess what the equivalent is - a big long syringe!!! oh well...used to it now...it has become almost a robotic motion to do the needles...something l thought l would never be relaxed with..but now it seems part of everyday life..not to mention the bruises on my stomach!!! attractive!

i am going into the cycle feeling very positive. i have done eveything asked from me this time, ie put on weight, stopped the excessive exercise, eaten fats (the good ones), mixed and chewed all of the chinese herbs (that were gross), followed low carb diet (as presrcribed by the natrapath), and destressed/relaxed where possible. it just has to work this time!!

for the other cycles, i think i was still to skinny and not eating the fatty acids needed to reproduce...surely this time is my time!!!

either way, this place helps, so will continue to write my feelings when l can. is it wrong that l haven't told my DH about this site? he would scoff about how l dont need this because l am a strong person etc....

oh well...

[Sunshine1576]

Chris,

My dh sometimes walks into the room and see me typing away and so I'll minimize the screen just so he cannot read my post. lol it almost feels like I'm keeping a diary away from him in a way. lol Kind of reminds me when I was a so much younger and when I lived at home and my older brothers once found it under the bed and read about the first guy I kissed. But this site is a great place to share your intermost thoughts and you really don't feel judged or grounded at least.
I know what you mean about body mass, I am borderline to where I need to be with BMI and so I wonder if being underweight influences fertility. My doctor says girls in Ethiopia having babies all the time and you know those girls have mal-nutrition. Maybe there is a big difference here, but we can at least try to stay healthy and keep taking those horse pills every night.

Sunshine