It's over, what can we do?

[desperate]

Hello all,

I've been on here a few times and got some great feed back, but I feel it's time to make another post. Here we are about 4 years since my wife and I tried to conceive and still nada. We did the fertility treatments and everything, but nothing. She has come to accept this, but I'm still, still, having a hard time with it. I even talked with one of my pastors and that did help some, but I'm still struggling. Also, it doesn't completely help when your pastor has children of his own and he's trying to help you, without children, to deal with it. Whenever anyone hears of our situation they immediately come to the same conclusion: "ever thought about adopting?" Just once I want to come back with a heavily sarcastic, "Nooooo, we never, EVER thought of that! I'm so glad you came along to suggest this. Where have you been all this time?!" I mean, how dumb do they think we are? (sorry, had to vent there)

Anyway, my wife has the problems, but they say my sperm is great. It just doesn't seem right because she has the problems we both suffer for it. Anyone have any comforting advice other than "why don't you adopt?" I'd appreciate it.

[gi]

Hi desperate,

Sorry to hear you and your wife are going thro such a tough time, ivf is such a rollercoaster isnt it. You sound as if you are not ready to give up though, as you can see from my signature we are ttc 7 yrs and are in the middle of the 2ww of 6th attempt (though i am doubtful it has worked), i am not going to give up yet not until i have explored every single option and my next step is donor egg. You havent mentioned if ye have considered this considering its your wife that has the problem, i am not sure if you are open to it but for us i dont care where the "ingredients" come from as it would be my body that would be giving it life. If you havent already i would recommened sitting down with your fertility doctor and ask what options are left and leave none unexplored. Please dont give up on your dreams just left not when it seems that you have some fight left in you.

Take care and i really wish you and your lovely wife the best of luck

gi xxxxx

[kbata]

I don't really have any advice for you, but I know where you are coming from. I too have "the problem" not my dh. My dh hasn't had any problems moving on. We did 6 IVFs and 3 IUI--all of which failed. We pretty much stopped because at the time that was all the my insurance would cover and most clinics don't want to pursue it any further (my personal opinion on that is that they think it's going to mess up their stats.) Well our new insurance would theoritically cover more--but not sure based on all my failures, age, etc. It was recommended that I go for another Clomid Challenge Test, which I did and the numbers came out really high--or at least too high for most clinics to touch me. W/ my numbers there is a diminished chance of it not working again, but it's not impossible--but most clinics think it won't work and mess up their stats so they don't seem interested. I get just a good luck. Ghost on here suggested I get in touch with a clinic in NY that specializes in people like me and I've e-mailed them twice already and never got a response. I am not sure if I would do it because they are out of network anyway and the cost would be too high for me too afford (70% after $1500 out of pocket deductible). I tried a lot of stuff including trying TCM--herbs, acupuncture, etc. It doesn't help that sometimes a/f arrives about 5 days, which always gives me false hope. the irony in all this, is that we did get pregnant once naturally (miscarriage).

I go through my good days and bad days. Sometimes, I say it's just not in my cards and other days, I really want to do something proactively to try to make this happen. In our case, adoption and/or donor eggs are not an option. I can't even talk to our priests because I am Catholic and they are "against" any kind of IVF, etc for a bunch of different reasons--ie it's not natural and you are playing God, etc. I recently spoke with someone at our church who had a successful outcome, and they didn't say anything to the priests because they know someone who did and apparently the church pretty much shunned this other couple because what they were doing wasn't within Church teachings....

Maybe you should talk to you re like gi said to see what all your options are--maybe there's somethings you can do that would help with IVF like acupuncture. Sounds like you don't want to give up the fight. But maybe you think the same way me and my husband do--that donor eggs or adoption is not an option for whatever personal reason you have, so certain things they may suggest won't even be an option....

It's really tough to come to terms with something like this--to move on when it's something that you want so much. I wish I had a solution for you on how to move on.....

Best of luck to you. I hope and wish for the best for you and your wife.

[to_have_fun08]

I am so sick of "have you thought about adoption" or "it will happen when the time is right" of course I am hearing this from people who already have children. I don't have any answer for you. It is tough, I know my journey is near the end and don't know what I will do when or if that time comes. I don't care about my genetics so donor egg is an option for me. I have just read another post that you did and not wanting to pay lots of money for IVF. If you don't care about genetics, you might look into donor embryo's. It would be a lot cheaper then doing a full cycle of IVF. Just an idea. Hope that you and your wife can come up with some answers.


Chris

[desperate]

To all who responded to my post I really do appreciate the advice. I never really thought of donor eggs. Hmmm. I'll see how my wife feels about that. Heck, why not? I just don't want to be an old man someday regretting not having children. Things can be SO unfair sometimes.

[jenice]

Desperate- I have a daughter and all I can say is that it is worth the hell sometimes we endure to get there.I had lost two pregnancies before my daughter a couple of surgeries.Now I have secondary infertility with failed IUI and 2 cancelled IVF cycles. I'm into my 3rd cycle which was almost cancelled .My point is it sounds like you are not there in your heart to give up and what I know now is I would have to have a child weither it was biologically mine or not it is a precious gift regardless It is worth fighting for and I hope you find peace in what ever you decide.

[to_have_fun08]

desperate - I feel the same way, I feel that I will be lost later on in life without a child. So I will do whatever I can to get one now. I really don't feel that I have a lot to pass on with my genetics so why not donor egg.? Donor has a high success rate, usually around 60 to 70 % success.

Good Luck to you in the future. Hope you get the child that you want and deserve.

Chris

[expectant-mom]

desperate,

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. This is really tough. You should really try to exhaustively explore all the medical options out there. Do you leave near a major medical center? It might even be worth traveling for a consult. I don't want to give you false hope, but people (including friends of mine) with unexplained infertility have been able to find the right treatments and gone on to have beautiful children! I hope you can find peace and satisfaction in whatever it is you choose to do. (hugs)

[spongebob101]

Try again... Get a second, third, or forth opinion to other doctor... Don't stop on that easy... Just be patient and everything will be in great place and in great time.. Try to look to look at this site http://www.parenthoodatlast.co.uk, I also seen here posted with other member... It will help you both a lot...

[jobygirl]

I feel so sorry for you both, i am in the same boat as your wife and my husband same as you, my husbands side of things are brillant but on me not so brillant, but now i have had lots of tests done by private clinic manchester.

ive been told my blood is thick around the womb and needs thinning and also on steroids and metformin the metformin are to see how much fat i have in my gutt and stomach so should know how that is in two weeks not sure about steriods though but make me very hungary.

i had one early misscarrige and we was so angry and upset but also i had a misscarrige nautrally before second i.v.f, All i can say is keep trying like we are were being optemistic as best we can, i just keep believing that it will happen for both of us soon, i am 35 now and my odds go down but i do know if it fails we will look in to a donar egg but my husband wont think of adoption as its not yours or your blood, i do understand with what hes saying but one day it might be our last chance to have a child, but for now we will keep trying and praying that we get our little dream of our own very soon.

Please tell your wife not to give up keep fighting for what you want and it will happen when your not thinking of it much, my fingers are crossed for both of you with what ever path you choose, just both of you have some faith its not the end just yet.

Take care and my thoughts are with you both. From JoJo.

[woodyanita]

Have u ever considered surrogacy? It can be the best option for you. If you dont know about surrogacy, gather all info about surrogacy at http://www.iwannagetpregnant.com/donore ... onal.shtml

[royalking]

Me and my wife was suffering with the same problem but we have two children now. It was just because of treatment from http://infertility-cure-articles.com. They really provide helpful treatment.