trying for number two--is it any easier?

[carrie17]

Good evening ladies,
I am new to the board but I am an IVF veteran like you all. Currently I am on my 4th transfer in the last year and a half. I have a beautiful daughter from my second IVF cycle and it has definitely been a struggle to go through all this fertility stuff with a toddler!
Is trying for number 2 any easier??? I thought it would be. The intense pressure I felt before is gone, however, it has been replaced with feelings of guilt. Guilt that during all this hormonal hell of down-regulation, stimulation, embryo retrieval, transfer, and the infamous 2ww, I am not being the best mommie. I am tired, cranky and at times completely miserable. I have to tell myself everyday to stand up and smile because that little girl needs her mama. Then every night after I put her to bed, I can obsess over every little symptom I think I have!

Anyway, I am 4dp6dt with 2 frozen blasts. And now I just wait....

Best of luck to you all,
Carrie

[riogirl71]

Hi Carrie!

I agree with you I feel so guilty not picking up our son, plus I got OHSS so I really can't do much for him. I am afraid he will kick me in the belly, which he has, and it hurts so bad. I try to sit with him, I also feel so guilty he has been watching so much TV because I need to stay quiet and can't play with him. He is the sweetest thing and I keep telling myself it is a gift for him because I do not want him to grow up as an only child. Mommy's guilt is tough!

I agree the pressure is not as huge but you still go through so much that you want that BFP. I do think time goes by faster cause we are so busy!

[BichonMom]

Hi - was just catching up and hugs Jen and Karen for your losses. Keep us posted on what you decided to do next.

AFM - I have to tell you that I'm still freaked out about there being 2 so far. Now, I get my next u/s wednesday which will make me 6w so they will look for h/b and see, but I know I should be more than grateful that this work. I know that I'm very lucky, but I guess I just was hoping one more and then maybe a 3rd in a few years. I know I'm just scared. DD had colic and she would start crying at 7:30 every night and continue till around 3 AM. It was so hard and since I was on maternity from work and my DH worked it was all on me to take care of her. I just am worry about the expensive of having 2 at one time but really its having 3 all together. I just really hope these feeling will past soon but until then the most I can do to get through the day is to not think about it. Just tell myself I will deal with everything when I have to which isn't for a couple of months to make sure all this worrying isn't for nothing. Which is could very well be. Do you ladies know of anyone who has a child and then got pregnant with multiples shortly after??

Hugs!!

[karenvancouverisland]

hi all.. welcome carrie, and yes, from your signature you are a veteren too <3 ... wow, it's amazing how much i instantly love someone who's had a hard time like me.

and carrie and rio.. i understand the guilt- i was starting to feel it but then lost the pg... but i still kinda feel it for being so consumed with making this work on my next cycle.

bichon.. i get your fear and i don't think it detracts from your gratitude that it worked.. i think i'd feel the same way.. and yes, i know someone who got pg with twins when her son was around 18 months. yikes... they had a crazy busy life for a while, but it worked. her husband worked ALOT too. and she didn't even do fertility treatment.

so ANOTHER friend of mine is pg. i friggin hate it. put me back into feeling depressed today.

BAH.

[ann d.]

@Jen- So sorry for your chemical! Nothing I can say will make you feel better, I know. Just know any venting you want to do on this board is okay and we all know what it's like to go on this ugly ride.

@Karen- Thank you for your words of support! I know how you feel about pregnant women. I joined a New Mom's Group through my hospital and met many new time mothers. Already 3 have gotten pregnant and another mom I'm close to is trying. I am definitely happy for them but it's hard to hold back the jealousy that comes with it. Getting easy seems to come easy for them. Glad you are trying again! You are lucky to have the opportunity.

@Bichon- Congrats on the twins! I was just telling my DH that I rather have twins than none at all. Well, we know we won't have twins but we're hoping we'll have one!

@Everyone- My RE is very conservative with bed rest. He recommends 3-5 days! He knows I have a little one at home so he encourages 3 days. What do all your other RE's recommend as far as bed rest??? After bed rest I'm worried about doing too much. I have my husband and mom to help me but I want to carry my little guy!

Well, good luck everyone!

[karenvancouverisland]

lol...my RE recommends no bedrest, just taking it easy for a few days.. when i asked 'why', as i knew other clinics did bedrest.. they said that sticking an embie on a lining is like "sticking a fleck of dust in the middle of a peanut butter sandwich"... lol.. it's not going anywhere.

so they rec taking it easy on the off chance a person would take a serious fall or something, but also so that we don't feel guilty if it doesn't work..

so that's their story. i'm not sure why others recommend bedrest. and i work with women clients who are drug addicted and live scary, rough lifestyles.. and gawd, they get pg all the time. so who knows

if i was you- i'd carry my boy around.. but i also wouldn't do anything that later i'd feel guilty for or blame myself if i didn' t get pg.

[riogirl71]

Bichon, one girls here Mellie had a baby then shortly after twins. I am with you, I will be very thankful for twins but terrified, I am praying for one healthy baby. I would not know what to do with newborn twins since my MIL or mom are not helpful or supportive at all so it is not like anyone would come help. But yes, DH and I said two is better than none and I think we never get deal more than we can handle sometimes. You will be fine especially if you have some help !

Karen, yes, spontaneous I was trying for a month pregnancies kill me. I had a coworker come say she was pregnant by accident and was on the pill and didn't really want to be pregnant, I closed my door and cried. My nephew's new bride who drinks and smokes and does not want children just got pregnant in 2 mos just to please him. The list goes on, I had a friend who means well say "it was almost too easy for us to get pregnant" so I am with you, I get angry at our situation here. We try so hard and so many deserving women here that get chemicals, ectopics and m/c it is just not fair!

ann, my RE was not conservative at all just said no running or crazy things. I can't pick up my son cause I have OHSS now but I think after 2ww you should be able too, cuddle him on the couch, in bed and other things, it is really hard not to pick him up!

jenmink - again I am so sorry hun, huge hugs.

[ann d.]

Thanks girls for your input on the bed rest. I just realized I had a typo on my last post. I meant, "getting PREGNANT seems to come easy for them." LOL!

@Bichon- How many days were you on bed rest?

[riogirl71]

I want to share this, my son rubbed my belly and I said grow baby grow, he said "go baby go" then he said "stick baby stick" he remembered that from a week ago! That brought tears to my eyes!

[carrie17]

My specialist only says about 24 hours bed rest then take it easy for the following 2 days. Can't say if it really makes any difference but I sure don't mind the rest after all the anticipation of the transfer. I send my daughter to daycare and my husband and I have a day of movies together.

Rio- what a beautiful moment that must have been for you and your son. He sounds like a very sensitive and caring little boy.

Karen- so true- I have instant love and admiration for all of you. No one really knows what we all go through. And the pregnant friend thing, it is irritating. In my mom group over half have either had a second baby already or are currently expecting. My sister has 2 gorgeous girls...ONE try for each. It is very isolating to live in our world. God love my family and friends for their support, but they don't get it.

[karenvancouverisland]

oh rio, what a beautiful moment with your boy.. i just love that

i have to say ladies... this is my FAVORITE thread... you brighten my otherwise depressing evenings lately..

[riogirl71]

Karen - hey girl - no depressing evenings allowed!!! You have to get your super PMA back for that next BFP, are you on DHEA yet?

It is really nice to find a group like this. Sometimes I feel guilty on the regular threads where so many awesome women are trying for their first. Not that anyone has ever made me feel that way, i just avoid talking too much about our son. It is nice here cause we can talk about struggling with IVF while having a child, which is different in lots of ways.

OHSS is kicking my butt, never thought there was such thing as late onset, 11 days past ER, and my E2 max was 800 and only 14 follies, certainly wasn't a candidate.

I am going for my second beta, prayers are welcome! I am terrified because of my beta hell last time and ectopic.

Lots of love and baby dust!

[ann d.]

Well, since I've been off bed rest I've been having more of a PMA, probably because I've been too busy with my 14 month old and he makes me smile every day! Of course, I think about my embie EVERY other minute but time is going by a little quicker. I hope you girls have a wonderful Thanksgiving! I'll be praying for all of us that whether we're waiting for our beta, our next cycle or coming to terms with our decisions about IVF, that we take a moment to enjoy the things that are RIGHT in our lives!

Happy Thanksgiving ladies!

[sharishu]

Hey Riogirl, I remember you from when I was pregnant! My little one is very close in age to yours

I am cheering quietly and saying "yay and congrats" on your BFP . Lots of PMA and good energy sent your way for a healthy, happy, smoothe pregnancy .

Shari

[riogirl71]

HI Shari! Of course I remember you, you helped me so much when I was in a panic over having GD and you gave me some awesome tips and advice! Are you trying again too? I hope so! Thank you for all your good wishes! I am now on the dreaded wait for the US! You are a sweetie thanks!

ann- I am glad you have your PMA back!

Happy thanksgiving everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!