It finally happened to me...

[CT_Michele]

Yes, it's official...everyone is pregnant but me!

I read about it all the time here, but have not run into it personally. I mean sure, there have been a random baby shower here or there for a distant friend, but nothing like what I am facing now. I have a sister-in-law at a glowing 7 months, due at the end of January. My other sister in law just reached second trimester, due Memorial day. And tonight at Thanksgiving dinner, my step sister announced she is 8 weeks, due 4th of July. One of them being pregnant was ok, two was still manageable, but all 3 at once is a bit much, no?

Yes, I am extremely happy for all of them. They are all young, happy couples married within the past 3 years and it is everyone's first. I am happy I will be an aunt for the first time not once, but 3 times in the next 8 months. I am excited about having nieces and nephews. I am happy my little Ella will have some cousins around to play with and we will finally not be the only ones with young kids. And yes, I am not childless. I have my beautiful little girl as many of you know.

BUT...oh I am so jealous! I was a little weepy thinking about the baby get together we are having on Saturday for my sister-in-law who lives 6 hours away and is here for the holiday. Now all 3 of them will want to take a pregnancy "bump" picture together and I will feel so left out. And of course all 3 of them are comparing notes on how close their babies will be in age and are going to share each step of their pregnancies together. I so want to be pregnant again, and I would love to share this experience with all of them. I would love my next child to be close in age to all of their children.

*Sigh* I had to come and vent here. I know you ladies understand. My plans were to cycle this upcoming summer, but this REALLY makes me want to go banging on the clinic door NOW. But I shall remain cool headed and hopefully my time will come soon.

[NancyB]

We all totally understand and I"m so sorry. My sil is very pregnant right now too (also due in January) It's so hard but like you said, we are happy for them.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. Hang in there. Hoping the next cycle is your BFP!!!!

Nancy

[DandMe]

Yes, it's official...everyone is pregnant but me!

I read about it all the time here, but have not run into it personally. I mean sure, there have been a random baby shower here or there for a distant friend, but nothing like what I am facing now. I have a sister-in-law at a glowing 7 months, due at the end of January. My other sister in law just reached second trimester, due Memorial day. And tonight at Thanksgiving dinner, my step sister announced she is 8 weeks, due 4th of July. One of them being pregnant was ok, two was still manageable, but all 3 at once is a bit much, no?

Yes, I am extremely happy for all of them. They are all young, happy couples married within the past 3 years and it is everyone's first. I am happy I will be an aunt for the first time not once, but 3 times in the next 8 months. I am excited about having nieces and nephews. I am happy my little Ella will have some cousins around to play with and we will finally not be the only ones with young kids. And yes, I am not childless. I have my beautiful little girl as many of you know.

BUT...oh I am so jealous! I was a little weepy thinking about the baby get together we are having on Saturday for my sister-in-law who lives 6 hours away and is here for the holiday. Now all 3 of them will want to take a pregnancy "bump" picture together and I will feel so left out. And of course all 3 of them are comparing notes on how close their babies will be in age and are going to share each step of their pregnancies together. I so want to be pregnant again, and I would love to share this experience with all of them. I would love my next child to be close in age to all of their children.

*Sigh* I had to come and vent here. I know you ladies understand. My plans were to cycle this upcoming summer, but this REALLY makes me want to go banging on the clinic door NOW. But I shall remain cool headed and hopefully my time will come soon.

In three years I've had over 30 ttc online friends, real life friends and family have babies. Over 30. I was pregnant twice and miscarried twice while two of my nieces went through their pregnancies.... A few weeks ago I would have been right beside you. Just keep your head up and be happy for them.... and keep trying. Big hugs... It hurts to be left behind over and over.

[karenvancouverisland]

michele,

well.. i was thinking about starting a thread tonight called 'feeling left out'...so- you are not alone.. AND i too already have a child through IVF. before i thought that 1 miracle baby would be enough for me, but now i'm desperate for a 2nd. i just had a chemical with the only frosties we've ever made, i'm 38 years old and can't stand my newly pregnant friends. i can't even stand random pregnant people i see at the mall !!

one of my best friends got pregnant at the same time i got pg.. days later mine turned chemical.. and my daycare provider for my son also just got pg. how easy it is for others makes me feel sick, sad, and depressed. ..i'm not as gracious as you cause i don't actually 'feel' happy for them.. i literally don't feel it. i do truly feel happy for IVF woman who get pg.. but no one else these days. i smile and tell them that i am happy for them, and also just let them know that it's hard for me, and then i avoid.

i'm so eager for my next cycle, even though we can't afford it..but i'm going to do 3 months of DHEA first, and the wait to get there feels agonizing.. UGH.

[Ghost]

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I am also not pregnant.

[sharishu]

Hey Michele-
It's your August 08 bump buddy Shari here ! I know what you are going thru. I am in Israel, far from my family; therefore, my friends are my family. About 7 women in my community are having 2nd and 3rd children now. It's not always so easy to view it, but like you said, I am happy for them. I believe it will happen with just a bit more IVF to endure. We can do it! And you are not alone in your ache for that second precious baby. Since I am almost 39, the second may be the last for me, so just that one baby more and my family is probably complete! Hope we get our baby wishes granted very soon. Chin up, and hugs from the other side of the Atlantic...

Shari xo

[CT_Michele]

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I am also not pregnant.

lol...thanks Ghost. You always knew how to make me smile.

[CT_Michele]

michele,

well.. i was thinking about starting a thread tonight called 'feeling left out'...so- you are not alone.. AND i too already have a child through IVF. before i thought that 1 miracle baby would be enough for me, but now i'm desperate for a 2nd. i just had a chemical with the only frosties we've ever made, i'm 38 years old and can't stand my newly pregnant friends. i can't even stand random pregnant people i see at the mall !!

one of my best friends got pregnant at the same time i got pg.. days later mine turned chemical.. and my daycare provider for my son also just got pg. how easy it is for others makes me feel sick, sad, and depressed. ..i'm not as gracious as you cause i don't actually 'feel' happy for them.. i literally don't feel it. i do truly feel happy for IVF woman who get pg.. but no one else these days. i smile and tell them that i am happy for them, and also just let them know that it's hard for me, and then i avoid.

i'm so eager for my next cycle, even though we can't afford it..but i'm going to do 3 months of DHEA first, and the wait to get there feels agonizing.. UGH.

Karen, so sorry about your chemical. That actually happened to me too. After having Ella, we tried another fresh cycle. It failed, but we froze 4 embies. We then did an fet which gave me a very low beta and turned into a chemical. It sucked big time. I will keep my fingers crossed for you to get your 2nd miracle too,

[CT_Michele]

Hey Michele-
It's your August 08 bump buddy Shari here ! I know what you are going thru. I am in Israel, far from my family; therefore, my friends are my family. About 7 women in my community are having 2nd and 3rd children now. It's not always so easy to view it, but like you said, I am happy for them. I believe it will happen with just a bit more IVF to endure. We can do it! And you are not alone in your ache for that second precious baby. Since I am almost 39, the second may be the last for me, so just that one baby more and my family is probably complete! Hope we get our baby wishes granted very soon. Chin up, and hugs from the other side of the Atlantic...

Shari xo

Hi Shari! So glad to hear from you. It is definitely tough to see everyone pregnant, especially people you are close with. It is bittersweet because you are happy for them and hurting on the inside b/c it is not fair we can't just magically get pregnant. Good luck to you on your journey as well.

[leorira11]

we just met up with friends who live across the Atlantic from us.... they got married 2 weeks before us and have 2 little kids.... it was really hard. I'm sorry.

[CT_Michele]

So it totally happened the other night at the get together. While I was in the kitchen tending to some randomness, I saw and heard all 3 pregnant couples taking pictures together (me being the only excluded party). I even heard them take one picture with just the "sperm donors." All I could do was stand there and smile. I did walk out at one point and say, "Hey, I know I am not pregnant, but can Todd and I get in a picture too when you guys are done."

[annashope]

Oh girls your story on here is like honey to my soul and I so understand how you all are feeling. Almost three years ago DH and I decided to actively start trying and a couple of months after we started trying we mentioned to my brother and his girlfriend that (jokingly) we should have kids close in age and what do you know? 6 months later they were married and pregnant and Dh and I were still "trying" my sis-in-laws pregnancy was hard for me because my whole family was so into it and I felt so inadequate all the time so 2 years later (this summer) DH and I finally took a leap of faith and did IVF and the night of our transfer my young 17 year old sister came over crying with her boyfriend that she was pregnant. At first it was ok because we got our bfp 2 weeks later and I had these amazing dreams of being preggers with my sister and comparing pregnancy notes and baby bumps but our pregnancy quickly turned into beta hell and at 8 weeks we miscarried. My family gave me no sympathy but to say that I should consider how terrifying it must be for my sister. So my sister insisted that I go to every prenatal appt with her which has been so difficult and at her gender ultrasound she started to cry when she found out she was having a little girl (she wanted a boy) it just broke my heart. ALL and I mean ALL of my friends are currently pregnant and I am with Karen I am not sure I am happy for them anymore ( I don't with them anything but the best of course) but they are so ignorant of my feeling and of what I am going through that I just don't feel the need to be all "fake excited for them" I hurt a lot and I feel like other than you wonderful ladies and DH no one wants to see it. They constantly complain about how much weight they have gained or how the baby is the wrong gender or that they didn't want another baby and my patience is just not what it used to be.

[karenvancouverisland]

anna! i'm so glad to hear someone else say they are don't 'actually' feel happy for the preggers out there.. i was beginning to think i was a troll. and , like you- it's not that i don't wish them well.. it's like i'm 'theoretically' happy for them... BUT i don't FEEL it.

your stories help me so much too. i crave to spend more time with women like us..this board is a godsend, but i'd really love it if there was a fertility support group in my city. most people we're close to know what 's going on for us, as after 6 years of TTC, i got sick of lying quite some time ago. but even my dearest friends, just don't get it and still often say stupid shit that just pisses me off

so i finally responded to the messages my prego friend has sent me asking me to get together.. i just told her i need time. this is the 2nd time that we've gotten pregnant together and both times i miscarry. ugh. in a pathetic way i feel like a 'sore loser'. not just heartbroken and devastated, but also like i'm defective. this is the 2nd time she's gotten pg RIGHT AWAY after deciding to have kids. really friggin burns me up.

anna i'm so sorry you had to go through that with your sister, must have been so hard. and SD- i'm sorry- but your SIL is a dolt. that's brutal to say 'i understand'.. and michele, that's awful about the 'exclusive picture taking'.. i sure hope they didn't act like that knowing what you've been going through.

big hugs to you ladies.. you're the best

[Macsi]

Hi, Girls
I am not going to comment on what is right and what is wrong about feeling jealous about other people pregnancies. Of course it is hard for us-we go through hell to get to have a baby-and some of us still don’t after years of not just trying, but actively torturing our bodies to produce follicles, eggs, thicken wombs etc. I just want to tell you my experience.
10 years ago me and my then fiancé at a party. There was this pregnant woman, about 7 months. along . Everyone was fussing about her belly U/s, baby furniture ect. me-(being not in the TTC army at the time)-could not produce a single normal thing to say to her. She was sitting there like a queen Bee, petting her abdomen with an expression on her face saying ”I am so important and above you all”)-at least that is what I thought at the time. I vividly recollect thinking” Well nothing to be so-o-o-o proud and big headed about-everyone can procreate, really”.
Little did I know, did I?
5 years later:
My husband and I at a party. Me-pregnant 7 months. I was sitting there looking at my friend’s fiancés and girlfriends-all glamorous, thin, on high heels, having a good time. I felt huge, fat, not my usual self at all and the only thing occupying my mind was my baby, my furniture shopping thinking” I could be home now with my feet up browsing internet to find that blanket I want instead I am sitting here pretending to be interested at such and such’s office gossip...which is so-o-o unimportant!
My point is-we always have a reason to feel one way or the other. But we do have a choice whether to feel bad or not. It does depend which side of the story you are on. Talk to your sisters, friends ect. –may be they will be more sensitive, may be not. You have to experience something to know how it feels. And that is the beauty in these boards!
I am saying all of this, because I have experienced the ill effect of pregnancy jealousy first hand. I found out months after my daughter was born that my SIL had a miscarriage just before we announced my pregnancy. She comes and tells me that she is still resenting her niece ( my daughter) because of it.I have never been so bemused in my life and just said I wish I knew about her miscarriage and would have probably been more sensitive while sharing news about my pregnancy. So all this did real damage to our relationship- and this is all anger and jealousy does.
Please forgive me about the longwinded post.

[kizmet]

I think most of us have been there, done that in regards to how we feel about those around us getting pregnant so easily when here we are trying our hearts out and pouring our souls into something we just never know if it's going to work for us.

I was just about to do my first FET when my best friend (who didn't know we were doing IVF) sent me a message saying unfortunately they were going to have to change their wedding date from March next year to October this year because "unfortunately I'm pregnant." She was happy but also disappointed that her dream plans for a wedding were shattered by her now pregnant belly (her words). I was thrilled for her but jealous at the same time. What if this FET didn't work for us? Would I even want to know about her pregnancy ups and downs? She then tells me "oh, I can't believe I got pregnant so easily. I went off the pill because I thought it would take at least 12 months to get pregnant and as it turns out, I go and get pregnant the week I stop taking it. I don't know how this could be worse!" I had to stop myself from screaming at her "Don't you know how many people there are out there who would LOVE to be able to say that? That would kill for that? Who would happily swap needles, sprays, pills, ultrasounds, and every other undignified test in the world just to have a baby for shifting their wedding date because they were pregnant?"

As it turns out, I am one of the lucky ones and our first FET has resulted in pregnancy but I still cannot fathom her reasoning or continued lack of excitement over it her own pregnanty - after all, she's ONE OF THE LUCKY ones who hopefully will never experience the disappointment and pain of TTC and IVF. I know when I started IVF that I told myself, I just want to give it a try and if it doesn't work, that's OK, I'll live with it but I don't think there is one of us here that could honestly say that once you try, that "just living with it" isn't nearly as easy as it sounds. Not for one minute.