Fall 2010 Cycle Group

[Lauren1171]

Chelle - You are too funny about the leg shaving summer vs winter lol! I am doing the Cetrotide along with the Menopur/Gonal F. I usually mix the Gonal/Menopur then let it sit while I mix the Cetrotide. I haven't had the burning since doing that. Am I the only one whose DH does not give a crap about my meds/dosage etc lol? I asked him to mix the Cetrotide last night while I mixed the rest. He was playing a new game on PS3, so I ended up doing it. I got the "oh I was going to do it". He also has an ex-girlfriend who we split custody with and is cookoo, so I would not be posting my full name either lol!! My facebook is so private I can not be found in a search. I also blocked cookoo and her friends. I could not find Leora though.

Margi - Good luck today!! Is insurance paying for IUI's?

Karen - Congratulations! I know you were hoping for a single!

[turtle0619]

Hi girls!
ok wow its been a long while since i posted on here. Its impossible for me to even think about doing personals, and half of you probably dont even know who i am, but i woke up this morning needing a place to talk. I hope you dont mind.
during my last 2ww m husband was in the hospital, and the day before my BFN he went into major surgery. It was horrible to say the least. I was alone in a hospital in boston while my husband was in a drug coma, and screaming in pain when i had to get my BFN phone call. It was way too much. I was in a very deep dark place, and had to pretend to be strong for DH. After he got home we didnt talk about IVF. I just focused on getting him better, and a few weeks later he was! I am very thankful that my best friend and my soul mate is healthy now.
So after 6 IVF cycles my insurance has run out. There is noway we can afford another cycle, and after 6 tries with such poor responses, and not even a glimmer of a baby, I cant even imagine that spending that kind of money on such crappy results. My IVF journey is over, and i failed. The pain from knowing this makes me numb. i never thought after all of those needles, and meds, and tears that i would end up childless. Over a year of back to back IVF's and i am empty.
We have one lil frostie, but it wasnt as strong as the 3 we put back last time, so i have no idea what we will do with it. It seems like a lot of money to spend on not much hope. luckily our insurance is paying for it to stay put until sept 2012!
The holidays are hitting me really hard this year. Thanksgiving was ok...we went to my parents house in NY, and i kept myself busy/ drunk the whole time. Yesterday was the first night of Chanukah, and it was just DH and i at home. I broke down because last year i thought for sure i would have my baby by now (or atleast be pregnant). I am so lonely, and I have no one to talk to. I can tell that the few people that i do talk to are sick of me, and i know they are thinking that i should get over it by now. they dont know the pain just floors me, and the feeling of hopelessness, and emptiness dont go away.

I think about you girls all the time, and peek in from time to time to check in. I just dont know where i fit in around here anymore, and i needed some space away from IVF to try to get my head straight. obviously that didnt work.
lou, ester, tammy, amanda, ryann, karin, and all my girls I want to thank you for always being here for me. you are all amazing strong woman that i am proud to call my friends. I wish you nothing but love, laughter, and happiness in your lives. My life is better because of you all. I would never have made it through the past year and a half without so many wonderful woman on this board. (katie, claud, gi, chris if you are reading this, i mean you too!!

To all the woman who dont know me...i'm sorry to crash your thread, but i wish you all the best of luck.

****much love always****

[Lauren1171]

Franny - I am sending you a big hug, but I know it won't help! I am glad to hear that DH recovered from surgery well! Have you looked into donor embryos? I know it is ridiculously expensive and I could never afford it myself. But the say the odds of it working are alot better. I know what you are feeling, because I am almost there. I still have a glimmer of hope since it's my last ins cycle, but there is no way we could afford another. If you ever need to talk please let me know!

[Arabsrcool]

Franny,

I don't know if you remember me, but I remember you and all the great support you provided for others, even after your own disappointments. I am kinda at a loss of words to comfort you, I know we all go into this IVF journey and think surely this will work for me. But sadly, it does not work for everyone, even after they do all they can to make it a go.

I would urge you to look into donor embies, check with your RE(s) and see if they have a program within their ofc (remember how well it worked out for Katie) and check with Angels in Waiting, Snowflake etc. They are often much more reasonable then doing a donor egg cycle. I would love to donate to you, but my age does not make me much of a candidate for you (I will be 40 in March). I have struggled with my loss of my baby at 17 weeks in June and have wrestled with the idea of trying again. I have even kicked around the idea of a shared cycle (I cycle and give half of eggs retrieved to another couple for sharing costs (haven't even thought that out loud until now, but its been lurking in my head), but again my age is an issue ). I have been blessed with two wonderful girls, both as a result of infertility treatments, so I often think I am being greedy by wanting more.

I truly wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. I am sending you cyber ((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))) and know that you will be in my prayers. I hope you can find a way to your dream and know that you have alot of support here, even though I know its hard to come back to this site. If there is anything I can do, we can have a cyber cry, vent, cuss, shout session if you like. You can email me at rholland@kcgov.com. I don't come to this site much anymore, and when I do its to lurk and check on past cycle sisters. Sending you much love.

Ronda

[to_have_fun08]

Oh Franny. I know your pain. I have been there to the point that I got drunk one night, decided I needed to go for a walk and ended up having a huge breakdown in the middle of my neighborhood. boy do I feel stupid for that. Not many can understand the pain of saying, no I won't be a mom. I am glad to see that your husband is doing good. Maybe just maybe something would come along to give you hope again.
For me I was so lucky to have insurance through most of this. I have really only had to pay out of pocket for my last cycle. I came to terms that I have to try donor if I could feasibly afford it. I figured that I don't want to have regrets later on in life especially if money was the main reason why we didn't do it. My Jeep was paid off last month so that gave me a little extra spending room but I will be paying for this cycle for the next 5 years. Plus taking what I have in my 401K out. it isn't easy and I don't know how I will ever come to terms if DE doesn't work. I think if I get a BFN I am just going to stay in bed and cry for a week or two. Who knows.

Just know we are here from you. You can PM me if you want to talk sometimes. I am also on facebook.

[rypell1985]

I'm all bummed about all this facebook talk! I had to get rid of mine about 4 months ago because of students and parents searching for DH and myself. Just wasn't worth it....but now I wish I could see everyone else on FB! Oh well!

Chelle...Too funny of DH's ex...what a whackO! And so cute about DH. Mine was the same way. He finally lost interest in giving my shots a few weeks into our FET prep since I was on the for-frickin-ever! He is super excited about tomorrow though!

Karen...Congrats on seeing your bean! How very exciting! I can't wait to hear that you got to hear a wonderful little heartbeat!

Klinger...I'm so happy your little one is growing nicely! Little arm and leg buds?! YAY!!! I totally shared your blueberry story with my whole family in the hospital waiting room yesterday and we all got a good laugh. They all thought at least you didn't pour milk over the dog food and try to eat that! Don't forget to add me to the PUPO list tomorrow! Haha I've never made it that far before! I'm so exicted!

Leora...2dpo for me too! You are taking all the work out of this since we are even with eachother! Keep up the good work and let me know when I can POAS! Haha!

Margi...I am so pulling for a great beat for you....big hugs and keep us posted!

Heather...You're dad went through this too? What is his medical diagnosis? I haven't heard of anyone like my dad except my uncle and my cousin! So glad he is well though, huge relief. And YAY for AF being in full force! Funny how that just signifies the beginnning of this whole crazy process!

Cheri...I'm so sorry about the BFN. Big hugs.

Franny...I am so happy that DH has recovered nicely. Huge weight lifted off your shoulders I'm sure. I just don't even know what to say to you because I am so fresh in my journey, but you pain came through your post and my heart aches for you. I know you feel like you don't know where you fit in here, but even if there isn't a board for you to post on, please keep me in mind to PM if you want to talk. Sending HUGE hugs your way.

Sorry I can't back track much further...so I KNOW I missed plenty of you. I read and think about you all many times a day though.

Just got the update that Dad is doing great. They are going to interrogate his new device for a while this morning to make sure it reacts the way it is supposed to and then he should be sent home by lunch time! Thank goodness! Now on to the FET....I'm bringing my babies home tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just told my coworkers to take a good look at me because this is the last time they will see me not preggo....PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA PMA Thanks for all the support these past couple of weeks. You girls have kept me sane so far, but your work is only beginning....2ww here I come!

[leorira11]

Ryann-- It's really nice to have a super close 2ww buddy! I'm counting down the days.... (btw I POAS super early, but I'll let you know when it's normal-people-time!)

Chelle- Even worse than EST ---- I'm in ISRAEL! We are 7 hours ahead of the East Coast - +2 GMT (2 hours ahead of Greenwich) It's 7 pm here - and only 11am where you are!

Franny - I remember you - although I was a lurker and you probably don't know me. I am so sorry that you are in such a dark place. I'm starting to feel despair and desperation myself. We got pregnant our first IVF (which came about a year after starting TTC) and lost our twins at 22 weeks. After the 'unsafe' first trimester, after all the tests came back great, after we knew what sexes the babies were.... we thought we were home free. Now we are coming up on their first "birthday" and I'm still not even pregnant! All of my friends are posting pictures of their babies first Chanukah, and I'm not even pregnant. I'm sorry you feel like you are at a dead end. You posted Happy Hanukah - so I wonder if you are Jewish. If so - would you ever consider moving to Israel? Here in Israel, under the Kupat Holim system, the IVF is completely covered by the national health care system. It can be a pain in the neck to get approved, but we have paid a total of only about $1,000 for all 5 of our cycles (co-pays). I'm glad to hear your husband is at least doing well...

People are also so sick of hearing about it from me. When we first started IVF, people thought it was cool. Now we just sound like a broken record about our pain and our hurt and our fear of never becoming parents. People really don't understand. That's why I find other people like me and talk to them. I really love to pen-pal, so if you want, email me at leorira11@gmail.com

Karen- congrats on seeing a gest sac and fetal pole. I know it's anticlimactic after everyone else is seeing heartbeats - but you are super early! By next week you'lll see a hb for sure! I always want to see more on the u/s! At our first u/s with the twins at 5.5 weeks, my husband asked if we could tell the sexes yet! Oh men! The only thing he knows about pregnancy is what he gets from TV - so he thought u/s meant you could tell the baby's sex!

[rypell1985]

Ahhhh Tammy....GOOD LUCK MY 2ww BUDDY!

[Cshell717]

Ryann..You're a teacher too?? Wow..looks like we have something else in common besides being close in transfer dates

[rypell1985]

Yup....6th grade! What do you teach? I know there are a few more teachers on this board too!

[klinger13]

Karen - YAY for seeing the gestational sac & yolk sac, WOO-HOO!!!

Ryann - I can't believe that tomorrow is your day!! And yes, that would have been even worse if I'd poured the milk on his food and chowed down, YUCK!

Franny - I wish I could reach through the computer and give you a giant hug. I'm so glad Barry is doing well following his surgery. I've thought about you often since his surgery and your BFN and I'm sorry you have been through so much and still don't have that baby you've longed for. I hope there will be a way to try again, maybe this time with donor embryos, so don't give up investigating different ways. Keep looking at the sites others listed above, check out studies, talk to different clinics about prices & options. I want to celebrate your good news someday so if you're still dreaming of it, don't give up. Sending lots of hopes and prayers your way.

[karin1]

I don't have time for personals....I am getting ready to leave to volunteer at the hospital.

Franny.....I have been thinking of you and wondering when you would come back to us. I'm relieved to hear that DH's surgery went well. All of us feel your pain and are praying that you can find a way to make it work. We are here for you and will always listen and try to help if we can. So good to hear from you. Please stay in touch.


Afm.....I'm freaking out a little bit. First of all, I went to get my b/w at Westcliff this morning because it's in network for my insurance. I asked the lady doing the draw when could we get the results? She said Monday. WTF??? I said...really? I was thinking today was Friday immediately. Maybe that's what she thought too. She said unless the DR calls and orders it STAT. So I go home and call my RE office and the nurse said she can't because they could call him at 3am with the results. So....I was about to go back to my RE and get a test and pay the $100. I decided to call Westcliff and ask again. The lady this time said we'd have them tomorrow. I guess I can wait til tomorrow, but what if that lady doesn't know WTH she's talking about? I will call in the morning and if I can't get a straight answer I will go my RE and get it. SUCKS!!! I really need to know. I don't feel pregnant and it scares me. No way I can make it til Monday. I will lose my mind. We've told more people than intended and it makes me nervous. What if something is wrong? I am a complete basket case.....sigh...

Sorry....gotta run...

Have a great day!

[riogirl71]

Sorry for the lack of personals right now. I went for my first US and he saw a sac, it measured about 7 mm, I am only 5w4d so he said it was too early to have seen much. He seemed to have had a rough night and was even having a hard time figuring out my dates (he looked exhausted) he even asked me if my transfer was 12/6 or 11/6!!!
Anyway, I asked him a couple of times if what he saw was normal and he said yes and that next week we should see a lot more. So I have another appointment in a week. He saw lots of cysts and fluids in my abdomen and guess what? My OHSS is back! Great huh? So I feel like I got no resolution, I feel deflated and scared out of my mind that there might not be a baby in there. My betas were even higher than with my son and I only have one sac so I am praying really hard this is a healthy baby in there and I indeed was too early getting the US. Sorry for being Debbie Downer today, I need to try and keep my PMA! I will do presonals in a bit.

[klinger13]

rio - Early ultrasounds are great to make sure the sac is in the uterus, but not much more than that. I'm glad they saw the sac where it needs to be (and you know it's not an ectopic.) And what you saw seems right on track for what you should see for 5w4d! You had great betas and the sac is in the uterus so celebrate those two things. At your next u/s you're going to see a LOT more and you'll be able to celebrate that. Keep that PMA up girl, you're doing great!

[riogirl71]

Amanda - thank you! I neede the reassurance I actually read that the yolk sac can show up from 5.5 to 6 weeks so you are right, there is one sac and it is in the uterus!!!