Fall 2010 Cycle Group

[margi26]

doesn't work when you are


Ryann, Leora, and Tammy

[annashope]

Leora You have been through so much and you are NOT pessimistic or overreacting. People in my "real life" are the same. I had back to back cancer, then infertility, then a m/c and yet everyone always tells me that I should be greatful that I am even alive. It hurts because we are greatful for our youth, health, husbands etc but the pain of losses never leaves and it is nice to get some validation every once in a while instead of always being told to "shake it off" This is hard you are absolutely right. Each attempt is so much waiting and anticipation (months of waiting for you and I) and then it all come down to the moment of truth and yes I agree it is enough to make you nervous and crazy in the middle of the night. It is a shame that most people don't understand this and instead of being a support to us they actually cause more pain. I know the need for validation I have it too and you have every right to feel everything you are feeling but then again you are pregnant again and all your troubles are behind you now. I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug because I know you need reasurance but believe me it will work. I started a new coping technique ---everytime I feel sad, bad or negative about this cycle I focus on one of the many memories in which dh and I are so in love and in some happy place and I feel that my love for him is what will make this work. I think that if I show the baby how much mommy and daddy love each other then the baby will want to come be with us. I know it sounds crazy but it helps me.

Ryan I totally feel you on the POAS it is an addiction of mine. I usually start the night of the trigger and watch the trigger fade by POAS every morning....lol I know I am nuts but I too use the IC tests

AFM Nothing to report. 5 dpo today so 7dp trigger. Still a positive this AM so the trigger is still here. I am using endometrin this cycle and Yuck!!!! what a mess (sorry TMI) I think premetrium was less messy. By the way a huge accomplishment for me!!! I am 14 days Coffee free!!!!!! I did not think I could kick that habit but I did and now I am ready for my bfp.

[margi26]

Krys:

And on Amazon only $6 for 25 that supposedly test down to hcg of 20

http://www.amazon.com/Wondfo-Pregnancy- ... -25-count/

[margi26]

Anna: We must have been posting at the same time...You are also a POAS DIVA for certain! (Never sure whether to catch you here or on November buddy list )

This is for you....

[Cshell717]

Thanks ladies (Amanda, Kynlee, Margi, n Chelle) for the Congratting me being PUPO! Im excited and hoping the first time will be a charm...although also cautiously making my mind not get too wound up with it incase it doesn't go my way.

Leora and Ryann... U gals are already making me want to POAS although I know I'm extra early at this point.. Lol !

Leora, I'm sorry u were down a bit but so glad you're picking yourself back up with PMA!!

Amanda.. I'm so happy your last workday of the year is tuesday!! Woohoo!

Tammy- thanks.. I must be out of the loop with regards to pineapple core..lol. I take it this helps with something? Perhaps implantation?

CJ- Glad u have joined us and good luck with your journey! *Babydust*

Krys- you are doing exactly whet I'll probably be doing during my 2ww. Not only does doing all the Christmas stuff keep u
busy but it helps make that wait go by a little faster Glad to hear you're doing well!

Well I'm thinking of you all and feel blessed to be able to go through this with such great support from you all... Especially going through it together. Big hugs and have a great day!

[klinger13]

Margi - I love the Wondfo's! They're awesome - they've never steered me wrong and I got a faint BFP @ 9dpo on the Wondo IC's while the FRER wasn't a faint BFP until 10dpo (mind you though, I did start out with twins which is probably why they came up + so early.)

Michelle - YAY that your ER is coming right up, WOO-HOO! I like the seasonal threads too. Cycles take awhile, people get delayed, or they do back to back cycles and it allows everyone to stay together longer. It will be sad when our fall cycle thread comes to an end in the next few weeks and people move on to a winter thread, but there will be a lot of familiar faces moving on I'm sure. (And many of us, me included, will be around frequently to stalk you all. )

[leorira11]

Anna - thanks. I really needed to hear that. I need reassurance in my life and I'm only getting it from my husband. My own mother keeps pressuring me to "forget about this infertility/IVF stuff" and go to law school instead. LAW SCHOOL! I don't want to be a lawyer! Sure, I have the grades and the ability to get into law school - but WTF? okay. Vent over. ( I spoke to her today, she doesn't even know I'm PUPO. I'm keeping her out of the loop since it just stresses me out more). Cancer must have been so scary. My biggest fear is that DH will get cancer. I like your idea of thinking about the love you have with your husband when the IF starts to stress you out. I look at some people who got pregnant really easily and think "I am SOOOOO glad I don't have their marriage". Our marriage is so good and strong, I wouldn't trade it for anything. When I think about it, I'd rather be with my husband than have kids with someone else (although, I'd much rather have kids with him!) Someone I know IRL is due in March (2 weeks before I would have been). I happen to know she got pregnant the first month she TTC.... but I look at her life and I would never want to be married to that awful man who is her husband. Thank you for reminding me of that perspective on life.

Amanda - don't tell me 8dpo stories! Now I want to POAS tomorrow! I have internet cheapies that test 10iu/ml.... so tempted..... hmmm.....

Michelle - I agree that I like the seasonal ones more. I joined the Oct thread, then November, before finally making it to December. This way, I'm with most of the same people.

Margi - you are like a drug dealer - pushing your wares! I guess if it's not your time ofthe month to test, you might as well make others test!

I have no trigger, so I have nothing to test out. Maybe I'll break down and do it tomorrow morning...

Chelle - I wish no one had to be a kid of divorced parents. It's never good. I always tell people that getting married isn't forever. You can divorce and never see that person again - but once you have a kid with someone - you are stuck with them for LIFE. Be warned about taking pictures of eggs/embryos.... my ILs wanted us to do that, but we never did. I thought it would be too depressing to have pics of embryos that didnt make it....

[BakersBaby]

Ugh.....I just typed the a big post and lost it. So I will attempt to recreate it.

I apologize for not doing personals. I am so far behind reading, but have been trying to keep up.

I have been majorly MIA lately. We were in California on vacation for over a week....I was sick the whole time. Fun stuff! And now my mom is majorly sick and in the hospital. Things have been crazy busy here at work and my internet is down at home! So enough crying from me.

AFM - Had my first sns on 12/1. On 12/3 I started Follistem @ 225 units and decreased Lupron to 10. Went in for BW only yesterday. My Estradiol level was 129. The nurse told me that it was great, but not sure where it should be. I guess I need to start asking questions, but I missed the nurses call yesterday due to a meeting at work. Last night I started Menopur, decreased Follistem to 150 and kept Lupron at 10. I go back for BW only tomorrow and SNS Friday, 12/6 and Monday, 12/13 from there the schedule is TBD. They expect me to trigger next week for ER late next week. I am starting to have some lower abdominal pains, but I think or am hoping that it's just from the stims. Does that sound about right? I wish I could have the BW done at my OB's lab here because I have to drive 5+ hours for a 2 second test. But....3:50am alarms are becomming my friends.....

I am just so tired. So very tired. I think it is all of it catching up with me...being on vacation and being sick, my mom being in the hospital, work crazy busy, and then all of this. I really don't feel stressed...I don't have time to be stressed. I'm just going one day at a time. That's all I can do right?

Anyway....Baby Dust to everyone. Love, hugs and prayers too! Take care of yourselves ladies!

[x0Heather0x]

Ugh!!! Sorry Ive been MIA. Im really sick and have been in the bed most of the last few days. Finally went to the doctor yesterday and got some antibiotics and so hopefully will feel better soon. Im so paranoid that my CMV has reactivated due to what symptoms I have that I had them run a titer on me. (I picked up CMV last year during pregnancy somehow somewhere and thats why I had PROM and my daughter died of complications of CMV) It takes at least 4 to 5 days for the blood work to come back so Im a basket case. I know that I can still continue with my cycle and that I have a 10% chance of reactivation of CMV during pregnancy but women have healthy babies everyday having gone through CMV during pregnancy when properly monitored. humph! So I wait......
Ive been trying to keep up reading about everyone and please know Im still cheering for you all and saying lots of prayers for all the up coming events in all of your lives! Everyone stimming, getting ready to transfer, Pupo and in crazytown and POAS sisters. All the ladies with beans in your bellies I pray for their health and safety as you carry them to term. All the ladies making decisions about future journey's, I pray for you as you make your decisions. Always remember ‎"Never quit. It is the easiest cop-out in the world. Set a goal and don't quit until you attain it. When you do attain it, set another goal, and don't quit until you reach it. Never quit."- Bear Bryant
Sorry for no time for personals but I am thinking and praying for each and everyone of you! Oh, my u/s is still set for Friday for my lining check. Transfer on the 16th. Question? If I transfer on the 16th when would I start POAS? I just ordered 30 10iu sticks. LOL Gosh! If this transfer actually works, I have so many extra medications so share!!

[riogirl71]

Leorira - You have every right to be scared you have been through so much and life can be so unfair. Yes you have a lot to be grateful for, I think we all do here, but we are dealing with making a life, a baby, and we all want this little miracle in our arms so much that it hurts. We are willing to do anything and go through anything and any negative result crushes us. It is more than natural to be terrified. I am glad that you are so happy with DH and you are getting your PMA back! You will get a baby!!!

Amanda - my US is on Thursday 9:15 PST - and not here soon enough - argh!

Mishell - I am so excited for you! Your embies looked good and you made the right decision on transferring them all! BFP coming up! Come on go POAS for practice

Margi You crack me up! You little POAS pusher you! I love it! Blinkie queen! When is your next SnS?

Annas - I like what you said about feeling negative and then focusing on a happy place! You are such a strong woman and I really admire your outlook in life! Baby dust for you! Congrats on ebing coffee free - I am here sipping my decaf!

Chelle - ER date coming up - woooohooooo! Awesome! Your mom is too cute! You are so lucky to have a good relationship with SD. We share custody of DH's 14 yo. Her mom is bi-polar (who does not take meds) and she hates us for being happy. To give you an idea when DH was going through cancer in 1999 she told him "Why don't you just go ahead and die already" she is a miserable person who loves drama. Unfortunately she has poisoned my SD. My SD treats us like crap, we always take the high road and try to teach her respect and care. We never once said anything bad about her mom to her, even though her mom says horrible lies about us. We treat her with love and she still just cannot seem to care about us. She hates our son and will try to get him to hurt himself. I think she might need medication like her mom, she takes things we pick out with care for Xmas or b-day and throws them in the trash. She even treats our dogs like crap. But DH and I persist in doing the right thing, it is hard but maybe when she is 30 she might appreciate us. It sure makes life hard.

Ryann - how is the puppy? Can't wait to see pics of that second line!

CJ - I also had a terrible ex, but no kids with him and I am so lucky to have found my DH, I am happy you found the right guy too! So sorry about your m/c, I am praying that this will give you your BFP!

Krys - I think you do count your 3dt as if you had had ER, so at 3dt you would be on 3dpo which was your FET. Don't worry about the beta numbers as long as they rise nicely! Not everyone gets high betas!

Kynlee Good idea on the specialist I think L-carnitine helps a lot and I also heard of men being on Clomid. Don't forget the CoQ10 it helps with fast growing cells like eggs and sperm!

Kelly - yeay for stimming and hope your mom feels better soon!

Heather - argh hope you feel better, waht is CVM? Glad you got so many pee sticks!!! is it a 5 day or 3 day embie? Do you trigger?

AFM - Trying so hard to stay sane waiting for my US, I really am praying for good news. I can't deal with another, well... lets do it again next week and see how things progress. Argh - I want resolution and of the great kind! Praying for a yolk sac and healthy fetal pole. Time is dragging by. My OHSS is stable but still here, my ovaries have huge cysts and everything hurts, having gas is like having a knife in my belly, ouch, can't wait to get rid of this fluid and cyst to get my pregnant belly going. Still very scared.
PMA - I have a healthy baby in here! I have a healthy baby in here! I have a healthy baby in here!

[x0Heather0x]

Rio- CMV is like Mono read here-

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/cmv/DS00938

My doctor said its common to pick it up in a daycare or supermarket, ie walmart or hospital (where I worked as a nurse).

5 day embie, its a grade 4AB blast

no trigger.

Im saying prayers for your healthy baby in there and for you to have peace of mind!

[Krys]

So I caved and poas and it was a BIG fat noooooooo!!
I'm hoping it's just still to early for me. Both times I've
been pregnant my tests only had light positive lines the
day before my beta and I have never been one to get a
high beta.. But anyways I did it and now I'm all crazy like
the rest of you addicts!!
I have no symptoms yet either
bad headaches for the last two days but apparently I can
blame the blood thinner for that..
I wil try to get to work early tomorrow so I can do some
personals finally.
Love you all thank you for all the love and support.
Makes this 2ww a heck of a lot easier to go through

[ChelleDe]

Anna - hang in there on the 2 ww. Congratulations on 14 days without coffee! Now are you drinking decafe or just completely cut out coffee?

Mishell - I feel the same. Its my first time and I dont want to get my hopes up too much. Its such a fine line to walk.

Amanda - We'll just meet up in the August / September 11 Due Date Group!!!!

Leora - yeah I am cautiously optomistic. My mom was curious about what it looks like and being excited. We'll see how this goes.

Kelly - I'm in the same boat with you! I started Meds on 11/29. I am on Menopur / 150 Follistim and now adding in the ganerelix. I should be doing my trigger either tomorrow or Thursday. It is perfectly normal to have back pain. I had backpain for the first 3 to 4 days and then I had some spotting. And yes! you'll be tired!! Hugs!

Heather - thanks for being supportive!! That's good PMA to have already bought your sticks! Love it! I hope the US goes well on Friday!!

Rio - oh how horrible. For her to be diagnosed with Bi Polar and doesn't take medications. That is such a destructive disease. I see it in a co worker and I have friend who's daughter has it. Horrible. But I think as children age they realize. My favorite saying about that.. "When I was a teenager I couldn't believe how dumb my parents were.. Now that I'm 25 its amazing how much THEY have learned over the years" haha

Krys - sending you good PMA !!!!!

AFM - uhm, I just realized something.. I might trigger tomorrow night! If I think ER is Friday then trigger would be tomorrow night... wow... Okay, any side affects from triggering? Did it make you feel any different?

[margi26]

Kelly: So sorry that you were sick—and while on vacation no less! That is totally not fair. I hope that you are feeling better and that your mom recovers quickly. That does seem ridiculous that you have to drive all that way for BW only…but is that the only way they can get the results in time? Aches and pains and being tired, all sound normal for the course. One day at a time sounds like a plan. And try to squeeze in some deep breaths and something that relaxes you—even if only briefly. A silly movie, meditating, reading, acupuncture, massage…something. And hang in there. Looking forward to hearing your results on Friday’s SnS.

Heather: So sorry again for your loss. What strength you have. And thanks for sharing that quote about never quiting. It is a good motto. Good luck with lining check on Friday…seems like a lot of us are gearing up soon! Looks like you are set with your 30 pee sticks! I ordered mine today. When to POAS depends on if you want to watch your trigger fade or if you are going to be sensible and wait until close to beta. I bet you can figure what I do.

Krys: Hang in there!! It is still early…and don’t expect any symptoms other than what you get from the meds.

Tammy: How are you doing?

Amanda (and others) : I totally agree about the seasonal threads. I did finally break down and join the November thread, but it gets confusing to go from one month to the next—especially if you get delayed or something. Its been nice to really get to know folks over so many cycles.

Leora: Law school?! I think you mentioned that before….your mother …I think she may be related to mine. I haven’t told mine that we are continuing with TTC as she doesn’t get any of it either and just stresses me to no end. Sounds like you are weakening on the POASing…

Anna: Testing the trigger out…and caffeine free!: Good for you! For me it was Mountain Dew I had to give up. I never did drink coffee…I haven’t had a Dew in 3 yrs now. I might need a meeting for that. LOL. And I love the visualization with you and DH making a loving place for baby. Nothing crazy about it. Your BFP is on its way!

Rio: My friend. So sorry to hear about SD. You and DH are doing the right thing all the way. And, she will realize someday—she may even now, but just not be able to express it given the dynamics with her mother. It sounds like if she were to “like” you in any real way she would risk being rejected by her own mother. No matter how horrible she is, she is still “her mother” so she has to sabatoge her relationship with you. It will be years before she will likely have the strength to separate from the negativity of her mother. But, it is really unfortunate about how she treats your son. Is she in counseling?

And you. Gas and cysts and fluid. Does DH realize all that you are going through? I understand how scared you are and the losses you have had as well. None of this is easy. It is so hard. But so worth it in the end. Hold tight to that wonderful DH and that wonderful little one that you have and just pray your new little bean will be just fine. I am praying for you—and that this next u/s gives you some answers and peace. Although, realistically, there will be something else to worry about next. But with each milestone let some peace and tranquility slowly expand…


AFM: Not much to report….just started stimming….SnS on Friday to see how things are cooking! If things go as they have the last two cycles, I should expect IUI early to mid-next week…so beta before the new year. I mean, BFP before the New Year

[kynlee]

Annashop- So sorry you had to go through so much... Glad you are ok though after cancer, that in itself had to be difficult and now to have to go through IVF... You have had a tough Journey but now you have better things to come...

Leora- I know it must be real hard for you since you have had a rough journey, but I know when your Journey is done you will be holding that baby that you always wanted... I know you must be nervous but Keep up the PMA it will get you through it We are all here for you to vent to, I tried talking to My sister recently about what I am goin through and would have thought she would have asked more questions all called me to chat about it and its like it didnt click to here that I am going through alot to have a child, I am just so glad I have my DH that supports and helps me through the difficult days...

Thinking of you all