Help...need advice!

[peonies10]

I posted in another thread about what has been going on but wanted to see if I could get some candid advice. I had IVF and received a positive pregnancy test. At about 5 weeks I started to bleed...just a few hours then turned brown and after a few days it ended. I had an early ultrasound at 5w5d that showed a very small sac. 4 days later I had another u/s that showed a larger sac and yolk sac. Then at 6w5 days they saw a larger yolk sac and small embryo (2.75mm), no heartbeat. The yolk sac was considerably larger than the embryo and it looked like I was measuring a week early. I was given the bad news this pregnancy was a miscarriage due possibly a chromosome abnormality. I was devastated. I was given the option to do a D&E, but was told it was my choice, but they recommend it. That was Monday. I signed the consent and am scheduled for the D&E on Friday. I will have an u/s prior and meet with the doctor to go over the results. I want to make sure there was no change and thought 4 days would show some if there would be. At that point I should be 7w2d. I've read lots of stories online about misdiagnosed miscarriages, which I brought up to the dr. and was assured this was not the case for me. They seem pretty sure. With the holidays approaching, I feel it would be easier for me to finalize the process now then wait for a natural miscarriage. They can also evaluate the contents to see what was wrong. But I don't know what the right this is to do? I would appreciate any advice. I don't know if I'm giving the pregnancy enough time to play out either. I also feel like this has been such a rollarcoaster I don't want to put myself through much more. I feel numb at this point from all the ups and downs. Part of me things on Friday when we do that u/s there is going to be a change, but what should I see that would make me not go through with the D&E??

[LYD10]

wow - that's a tough one! i am sorry you are going through this! I would wait for the U/S on friday and have the doctor look at the U/S and tell you that he is absolutely sure its over. and have him tell you why he thinks its over and how sure he is of that. i know its a tough rollercoaster - but personally i would want to be 100% sure before proceeding with D&E. if friday you dont feel absolutely sure - why not come back on monday or tuesday?

[nicnad1]

Hi, I just went through the same thing. IVF in August with a BFP. My 6 week ultra sound showed measurements that were several days behind, then at 7 weeks, again 6 days behind. At 10 weeks, I had NO signs of miscarriage and was in fact gaining weight and the ultrasound showed no heartbeat and very small measurements. The RE said that it likely wasn't genetically able to continue. I was devastated. You go from one extreme of emotions to another... I had the D & C the next day. That was hard... Just let yourself feel everything... I cried and and cried. Can you believe that at OBS-Gyn resident dr. came and told me as I was lying on the guerney and crying "Well, you knew that with IVF this can happen. I have only one child and it's not so bad". I was livid and reported her to my RE... Comforting hugs from someone who understands...
Nicole

[angelaezra]

Peonies – You certainly have a hard decision and I want to say that I am so sorry that you are put in the position. If I were you and having my doubts, I don’t think I would have the D & E yet because I would always wonder what if. I might wait to see what would happen with the pregnancy but if you think that waiting to the u/s will help you make the right decision then maybe that could be your answer. Going through IVF is already so hard for us but to have to go through this is just so difficult … I hope after you weigh your options you do what is best for you.

Angela

[angelaezra]

Hi, I just went through the same thing. IVF in August with a BFP. My 6 week ultra sound showed measurements that were several days behind, then at 7 weeks, again 6 days behind. At 10 weeks, I had NO signs of miscarriage and was in fact gaining weight and the ultrasound showed no heartbeat and very small measurements. The RE said that it likely wasn't genetically able to continue. I was devastated. You go from one extreme of emotions to another... I had the D & C the next day. That was hard... Just let yourself feel everything... I cried and and cried. Can you believe that at OBS-Gyn resident dr. came and told me as I was lying on the guerney and crying "Well, you knew that with IVF this can happen. I have only one child and it's not so bad". I was livid and reported her to my RE... Comforting hugs from someone who understands...
Nicole

Nicole – I remember when you got your BFP but I had no idea what happened to you. I am so sorry that you had to go through that too. What a complete idiot for saying that to you! I definitely feel that there are so many people out there who think they know how we feel but they don’t have a clue. Good for you for reporting her! I am wishing you good luck for whatever you decide to do in the near future!

Angela

[riogirl71]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I would do what LYD10 said, make him show you on US what is going on and why it is not viable. If you are convinced enough then I would recommend going for the D&C. If you for some reason are not convinced, then ask for another US next week and another appt just to make sure. It is your body and your decision. If you have no doubts and feel it is over than it is important to get it done so you can move on. When I had my ectopic I waited too long to get my methotraxate shot to miscarry and I wish I had made an earlier decision. But it is hard to not hang on to hope after all we have been through. I wish you the best and pray for a miracle!

[mellow4]

I had this very thing happen this summer. I went in for my first ultrasound at 7 weeks. I was measuring a week behind, but there was a slow heartbeat...the problem was that the yolk sac was very large. Went in a week later and the baby hadn't progressed at all from the last ultrasound and the heart had stopped beating. A large yolk sac is usually a sign of a chromosomal abnormality, not always though, I've heard stories that ended on a good note. I didn't have any sign 2 weeks later of m/c, so I opted for the D&C...I felt like a ticking time bomb not knowing when I was going to go off. It's hard to wait on a miscarriage, but you need to be sure before you have the procedure...just to put your mind at ease. If your hcg levels are high, and if the placenta has grown it could take awhile before your body gets the memo that the baby has stopped growing. If you are okay to wait, then by all means try, but know it may take some time. I hope you are able to have that ultrasound just so you have all available information that you need.

When I did my D&C the genetic testing showed that the baby, a girl, had an extra chromosome 15...which is not compatible with life. It was good for me to know what had happened. I pray you get some answers...and I am so very sorry you are going through this right now. Hang in there.

[MamaBoo]

Unless your RE says that you are in eminent danger of serious complications, I would wait. You don't sound ready to make this decision. It may not be a viable pregnancy, but what do you loose besides a week or two from waiting? Once you have a D&E, you cannot take it back. However, you can do the D&E at a later time if necessary. I know it is very difficult, I had to wait 10 days to see if I was miscarrying on my first IVF. It hurt so bad to go through it - not physically but emotionally. At the end of 10 days, it turned out I had miscarried. There had been a sac in the beginning, but it was gone at the next ultrasound. However, I knew there was nothing I could have done differently. I just don't want you to second guess your decision and put yourself through hell later thinking of the what ifs.

[peonies10]

Thank you all for you candid advice. It really helped me to hear what you all had to say. It was comforting to hear from those of you that were in a similar situation and know that my confusion of how to feel is normal. I ended up having my D&E this morning after my confirmation u/s still showed no heartbeat and a very large yolk sac. The fetus did grow about 1mm in 4 days. When I asked the dr. how the fetus could grow I was told that can happen even without a heartbeat but it still doesn't mean the pregnancy will be viable. They were all so nice at my clinic and assured me I was making the right decision and if anyone had thought at all this would work out they would never perform a D&E. I'm still grieving but I guess I feel a little better to have some closure now and know in the new year we can move on to whatever we decide. Thank you all again!

[riogirl71]

Peonies, I am so sorry for what you are going through, I am glad that you were comfortable with your decision. Huge hugs

[margi26]

Peonies, I am so sorry for your loss, but glad that you are comfortable with your decision and that your clinic was supportive. Having that really helps. And the closure. The uncertainty is horrific. Take good care of yourself and best of luck with whatever you and DH decide to do with next steps in the New Year. Remember we are all here for you.

[nicnad1]

Virtual hug coming your way... We know how much it hurts...

[peonies10]

Thank you all for your support! It's so nice to have a community like this with people to talk to that really understand. Happy Holidays to all!