Thanks Dagny for starting the cradle roll.
This is the first time I have looked at the message boards since Amy died, and it was touching to see her remembered.
It's 12 weeks today since she was stillborn (sometimes it seems much longer and sometimes it seems like yesterday)
In a strange way it was comforting to see other babies listed. I makes you feel less alone.
Dh and I still have good and bad days, but I felt able to pack away the nursery at the weekend. The room seems strange without a cot in it. I also finally took down all our sympathy cards.
We still go to the cemetery every day as we don't feel able to stop just yet. I have also been going to SANDS meeings and find them quite helpful.
I would like to say something to all of you that would make the pain more bearable, but know that there aren't any words that can do that. The only thing to say is that I am thinking of you all.
Take care
Caroline
x
Thanks
Dear Caroline
How lovely to hear from you. Don't worry about not coming onto the forum much as I can understand how difficult it is for some people. I have found it a huge support to be among people who understand what tragic events I have been through. I haven't found the strength to go to a SANDS meeting so we are all different in how we cope with our losses. My SANDS befriender still rings me and comes over for a coffee and a chat and more ofter a cry.
I have been wondering how you are. When I did the 'Angel Rollcall' my thoughts turned to each and every one of us and I said a prayer for all our little babies who are hopefully playing happily together in their heavenly playground.
Oh Caroline it must have been so hard this weekend for you putting Amy's nursery things away. What strength you must have had to do that. In some ways I was lucky that we hadn't got to the stage of having a fully set up nursery room. We were waiting to get our 20/23 week scan over with before buying anything. I still find it hard to go into what would have been Katelyn's room and have only done so a few times in the last 3 months. I just can't look in the box that has got some little bits and bobs which I had allowed myself to buy. It is still too painful. I admire your courage to have done it this weekend, well done.
You are right in saying that you feel like it happened so long ago and then sometimes it feels like only yesterday. I feel exactly the same so I suspect they are natural feelings. We go to Katelyn's grave everyday too. There have been the odd day when I haven't and I feel terrible afterwards but I know she will be safe and sound whether I go there or not. I talk to her a lot during the day and light a candle by her photo every night when I draw the curtains. She knows we are thinking about her as I am sure Amy knows too.
I sent you a private message some time ago I hope you got it? Feel free to contact me if you need to chat.
Thinking of you and your DH. Be strong and take care.
Love Dagny xkx
How lovely to hear from you. Don't worry about not coming onto the forum much as I can understand how difficult it is for some people. I have found it a huge support to be among people who understand what tragic events I have been through. I haven't found the strength to go to a SANDS meeting so we are all different in how we cope with our losses. My SANDS befriender still rings me and comes over for a coffee and a chat and more ofter a cry.
I have been wondering how you are. When I did the 'Angel Rollcall' my thoughts turned to each and every one of us and I said a prayer for all our little babies who are hopefully playing happily together in their heavenly playground.
Oh Caroline it must have been so hard this weekend for you putting Amy's nursery things away. What strength you must have had to do that. In some ways I was lucky that we hadn't got to the stage of having a fully set up nursery room. We were waiting to get our 20/23 week scan over with before buying anything. I still find it hard to go into what would have been Katelyn's room and have only done so a few times in the last 3 months. I just can't look in the box that has got some little bits and bobs which I had allowed myself to buy. It is still too painful. I admire your courage to have done it this weekend, well done.
You are right in saying that you feel like it happened so long ago and then sometimes it feels like only yesterday. I feel exactly the same so I suspect they are natural feelings. We go to Katelyn's grave everyday too. There have been the odd day when I haven't and I feel terrible afterwards but I know she will be safe and sound whether I go there or not. I talk to her a lot during the day and light a candle by her photo every night when I draw the curtains. She knows we are thinking about her as I am sure Amy knows too.
I sent you a private message some time ago I hope you got it? Feel free to contact me if you need to chat.
Thinking of you and your DH. Be strong and take care.
Love Dagny xkx
Me 38 DH 40
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
Caroline
I just wanted to say how touched I was by your thread! Like DAgny said - I often think of us all too and all the special babies and when I read your thread I remembered how I was after Oliver died................. WE all cope in different ways - all right in their own way just different. I hope you continue to find the strength you have shown already and whilst you will never forget Amy there comes a time when you will remember her and smile if that makes sense.
Take care
Love
Tracey
xxx
I just wanted to say how touched I was by your thread! Like DAgny said - I often think of us all too and all the special babies and when I read your thread I remembered how I was after Oliver died................. WE all cope in different ways - all right in their own way just different. I hope you continue to find the strength you have shown already and whilst you will never forget Amy there comes a time when you will remember her and smile if that makes sense.
Take care
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
i wish that i had a cure for us all.
it has all most been a year.
have good days and ok days and sometimes we have very hard days.
but i just keep thinking how lucky i was that i was pregnant and that i got to feel my child move inside me. that is so much more then others have gotten to have.
today is a hard day. i have to go get my check up. the lovely once a year pap smear. i will be going in the room where my son was born.
i will lay there and remember the day i got to hold my son. when the doctor handed my dh his son and said that he was perfect. and we watched him take his 2 little breaths.and what a blessing we have had.
i am sorry that any one has to go threw the pain of a loss of a child but i also find such comfort knowing that our little ones are up in heaven
all playing together. i wonder which ones are the trouble makers
it has all most been a year.
have good days and ok days and sometimes we have very hard days.
but i just keep thinking how lucky i was that i was pregnant and that i got to feel my child move inside me. that is so much more then others have gotten to have.
today is a hard day. i have to go get my check up. the lovely once a year pap smear. i will be going in the room where my son was born.
i will lay there and remember the day i got to hold my son. when the doctor handed my dh his son and said that he was perfect. and we watched him take his 2 little breaths.and what a blessing we have had.
i am sorry that any one has to go threw the pain of a loss of a child but i also find such comfort knowing that our little ones are up in heaven
all playing together. i wonder which ones are the trouble makers
we werent blessed with our babies to raise here but we our blessed with our grandaughter
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!
and all of our many adopted and foster children that touch our lives
and i am glad to add that our 6th grandchild will be born this spring!!!!