First time single girl

[Rubyd]

Hi there, I am a 35 year old lady & am unfortunately finding myself single and have been for some time. I am considering IUI next year & would love to hear from other single ladies who have gone through this route, Thanks.

[Miracle08]

Hi Ruby,

I know of plenty of single lady's that have done IUI'S to have a baby. A lot of women don't sign on anymore once they have there miracle, but there are plenty of them out there. My DH and I will be doing IUI's as my poor hubby has azoospermia...

Welcome to the site!

[msdizzydolores]

I will be trying ttc sometime in January/February....if I get over-anxious, in December while I'm ok vacation LOL LOL

I'm 37 and I cannot wait for a mate and wait to have a child. I've been waiting a lifetime and my Knight in Shining Armour hasn't come yet...so I will be doing this alone...

We can talk and help one another.

Dolores

[Miracle08]

Hi Dizzy Dolores!!!

Good for you!!! I think it is wonderful that women have the option of having a baby even if they havent found prince charming yet!! I will check back to see if you post again. We can chat!

[msdizzydolores]

Hi,

I'm excited about this process. Trying to line up my ducks (get caught up on bills; getting rid of luxuries; will begin to start saving, etc) so when it's time to get started in the new year, I won't have any problems. I will be excited to just purchase the vials. Once I have that behind me...I'm not turning back.

I still long for a spouse...but in God's time he will supply. I pray every minute of everyday that he brings someone to me...I really don't want to do this alone...but I'm afraid if I don't move now...I will be in worse shape in a few years and regret not having my child before 40.

It's hard financially for everyone...EVERYONE (unless they are wealthy or have a spouse with another income)...but I'm taking steps to get my finances together before i start this road.

If you want to talk my email addy is msdizzydolores@yahoo.com

[BabyJazz]

I am 38, single, and decided 2010 was my year. I went to a RE in late November. I was shocked to hear him say donor eggs is the way for me to go. I have a high FSH (17.3) and low AMH (0.2). I didn't even know what all of this was before. I had not been trying to get pregnant so I had no reason to think I was in such bad shape. I hope to still move forward with IUI and IVF even, despite the odds.

Even if you are not planning to start IUI until later, see a RE and start some testing as soon as possible. You just never know. Just a month ago I was still fretting over The question of known donor or unknown donor, how quickly the cost could escalate, who to tell, etc... Now, none of that matters to me. I just want to get started and try something! I hope it's not too late for me.

[augey]

I'm 38 and single too, and looking to start this process. I am totally lost- what's the first step? Do I need to see an RE? Or start by finding the sperm? I could really use the benefit of your wisdom.

I am a single mom (found out I was pg after I broke up w/boyfriend) and I am absolutely sure that you two are making the right decision-- that's why I want to do this, too. While it would be great to have someone to love to raise a child with, it isn't worth waiting for. Being a single mom is fabulous. Don't get me wrong, it's exceedingly challenging and can be isolating, but it is by far the one decision in my life about which I have no regrets.

Thanks in advance--

[BabyJazz]

WOW! Would you believe I'm currently sitting here with a 4-month old boy! I saw a different RE shortly after my high FSH / Low AMH results and would have worked with him had I not conceived with a known donor over New Years! Per my cycles, I assumed I would be ovulatating and thought WHY NOT TRY? Someone that was was willing to donate sperm was also willing (interested) in trying the "old fashion way" as well. It took ONE TRY! Can you believe it??? I'm very much a single mom but knowing the donor leaves the door open for my son possibly knowing his "father" in the future.

Still, starting with an RE is best, I think. And the RE can get you information on sperm donor banks. Some RE will only work with certain sperm banks.

[BabyJazz]

OH...there's a group know as Choice Moms. There's a website and a book which has a lot of helpful information whether you're in the Thinking, Trying, Becoming, or Being phase of single motherhood. Sorry, I don't know the web address, but if you google Choice Moms and Mikki Morrsette (sp?) - book author, you'll find it.

[augey]

CONGRATULATIONS! That's so wonderful! As I pulled up this thread to check on it today, I saw for the first time the dates, and thought-- this is from two years ago, there's no way there will be a reply. And in the intervening years you had a baby! I'm so thrilled for you!

Do you mind if I ask some questions? I'm wondering if in your research you found out how much more likely pregnancy is with live sperm. I'm wondering if trying to find someone to donate sperm in my area will increase my chances of pregnancy enough to try to go that route. I don't really know anyone to ask, so I'd have to find someone, so it's not as though it's an easier path. I set up an appt w/ an RE but it's a bit away, and I'm hoping to get as much research done as I can in the interim.

Again, congratulations! I'm so thrilled for you. As I know you must be, too! And what luck One time!

[Tiger04]

Hi Augey -

I am doing an IUI with donor sperm. I am not single, but my husband doesn't have any sperm. I was reading your post and just wanted to add that while it's great to know the donor, please make sure that you are safe. I would recommend that you at least go to a dr to have the donor if known screened for certain things. Obviously STD's, but also CVM. I think that's right. If you, the mother, are CVM negative, which I am, this limits the donors. You should only have a CVM negative donor. If the first time you come into contact with this virus is during intercourse or through an IUI, it can cause birth defects. You might also want to test for CF, and other serious conditions. There are many sperm banks that test for all of these conditions. A few are Cryogenic Laboratories, Cryo lab, Fairfax, and California Cryobank. You can google search these. I am using an RE to do all of the IUI's. Good luck! Just be safe

[BabyJazz]

One would think "fresh" sperm is best, but hey, there are A LOT of women that are conceiving with frozen / thawed sperm. And there are plenty that do it with donor sperm, with and without meds. I know my story sounds short and sweet but there was a lot more to it. I've known my donor for several years and we had MANY conversations about him being a donor. I had pretty much ruled him out as a donor because if you're not married to the sperm donor, the sperm has to be quarantined for 6 months if you're doing an "office procedure" with a doctor. When I was told I had less than 1% chance, I didn't want to postpone my first attempt for six months; so I had picked out two sperm donors from California Cryobank. I had even purchased extended profiles, medical histories, and hand written essays from the donors. Because of my high FSH, I found and read the book "Inconceivable" in one day. It was that book and subsequent googling for High FSH / Low AMH success stories that had me feeling that my chances were just as good naturally as they were with IUI or IVF and I decided to try with my willing known donor. It was really a special and unique relatationship / arrangement that the donor and I had / have. I couldn't have gone through it with anyone else. Should you go with a sperm bank...when you're feeling overwelmed over all the information available and all the reasons to NOT choose a particular donor, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you would not be THAT particular or THAT MUCH IN THE KNOW if you had a husband or boyfriend that you were trying to have a baby with. The previous poster mention CVM. I didn't catch the part about birth defects but it's true some sperm banks will not let you choose some donors depending on your status, BUT...do people know their CVM status when they fall in love and ultimately marry their partner? Do women know the CVM status of that person they intentionally or unintentionally got pregnant by? It's just one example. Of course you want to be safe but don't stress yourself over EVERY little detail about the potential sperm source.

There are some good websites out there where you can start learning a lot about your body and your cycles before your RE visit. Fertility Friend (dot com) is one. Even before I knew which route I would take I was tracking my basal body temps and using a couple of different ovulataion prediction kits just to become familiar with what was going on. (I consider myself pretty educated, but there was SO much I didn't know because it's not something we're taught much about!) That site as well as this one has TTC (trying to conceive) message boards. They can be overwelming because there are numerous fertility issues, approaches, and protocols. You may not want to dive into those too deeply until after you have seen an RE.

[augey]

Thank you all for your help. I had-- and still have-- no idea what CVM is; I'm hopelessly lost in the variables. And I had no idea about the 6 month quarantine. That rules out live sperm for me; the only real benefit was the higher success rate because that means a faster pregnancy, but the 6mo wait undercuts the advantage. I have a friend with benefits who might be willing to help me out, but a) I am currently going through custody wranglings* with my 3yo dd's father, and do not EVER want to go through this again, and b) he's 42, and if all I am after is genetic material than perhaps I should go for the young stuff. Crass, but true. I'll take any input you all have. Someone who just went through this process had 5(?) unsuccessful IUIs and then got pg via IVF and she suggests jumping straight to IVF. Any thoughts on that?

*I was dating someone for around a year, constantly breaking up and rekindling. I finally broke it off for good and discovered I was pregnant. I decided to keep the baby as I had always planned on going it alone if need be. I've kept him involved in her life (at first against his will, sort of) so she can have a father. He's never paid a penny in child support, not even a box of diapers. Then, six months ago he started dating a woman with a child the same age. Now he is suing me for custody. So, while I know your situation is different: put it in writing if you haven't already. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. And thus my desire for donor sperm.

[BabyJazz]

I think a visit with the RE and the results of various tests which are pretty routine as you go down this path will help you decide if you want to try IUI or jump straight to IVF. Also, there's the cost to consider. My second RE thought jumping straight to IVF was the way to go but I was planning on doing a couple of IUI's first with meds / stimulation of my ovaries. What was driving my decision was the fact that I was seeing an RE out-of-state and wasn't sure I could swing the IVF without telling my employer what was going on right away. I'm not sure I could have managed the IUI either, without telling them. I have heard of something referred to as mini-IVF. I'm not sure how it differes from regular IVF, but I think it's a little less expensive than regular IVF. Do you have health insurance? That could be a driving factor as well. My sister worked for a company that paid for about 90% of her IVF (the whole thing...visits, test, meds, procedure). I think she was out of pocket less than $2000 and it resulted in a set of girl/boy twins. (She's married, had blockage in her tubes, might could have gotten pregnanat with the blockage removed, but with her excellent insurance opted for IVF. It took them just one attempt.)

Yes, it's risky to go down the path with a known donor. Getting things in writing is a good idea but know that if either of you changed your mind down the road, a judge could ignore the document and rule for what he/she feels is in the best interest of the child. I think it's good to have things in writing however, to at least have both your intentions known and documented.

Oh and Girl! 42 isn't old for the sperm donor! Mine is in his 40s but young at heart, in great shape, physically active, attractive (of course) and comes from a family with a good medical history.

[alexandra25]

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