what do I say to my child
what do I say to my child
I have an 11 year old son, through IVF. I would like to know if anyone has any ideas of how to deal with the issue of how to (or whether to ) tell him he is an IVF child
Gosh Denis ........ 
that's a hard one and really depends on facts which I do not know. Obviously everyone has different opinions and every situation is different. These are only my views (I don't want to offend anyone) I don't know your situation, was your child born with your sperm and your partners egg or did you have donors? This, I think, would play a contributory factor for me on my decision if I was in your shoes.
In my case, we are trying with both mine and my partners sperm and eggs and therefore if it does result in pregnancy, I don't think I would feel it necessary to tell our child/children about the whole IVF thing. That would be something I would have to think about nearer the time but that would be my first reaction to that question. IVF is so common nowadays, it is amazining just how many couples have to have some sort of fertility treatment.
However with donor it is slightly different in some respects (a bit like adoption I suppose) and that would take a lot of thought. I would probably ask people who have had successful pregancies with donors how they approached or are thinking about approaching the subject and also councellors at clinics should be able to assist. It really is an invidividual choice .... sorry I can't be of more help!
I wish you all the best whatever you decide to do!
Regards
Nickie
that's a hard one and really depends on facts which I do not know. Obviously everyone has different opinions and every situation is different. These are only my views (I don't want to offend anyone) I don't know your situation, was your child born with your sperm and your partners egg or did you have donors? This, I think, would play a contributory factor for me on my decision if I was in your shoes.In my case, we are trying with both mine and my partners sperm and eggs and therefore if it does result in pregnancy, I don't think I would feel it necessary to tell our child/children about the whole IVF thing. That would be something I would have to think about nearer the time but that would be my first reaction to that question. IVF is so common nowadays, it is amazining just how many couples have to have some sort of fertility treatment.
However with donor it is slightly different in some respects (a bit like adoption I suppose) and that would take a lot of thought. I would probably ask people who have had successful pregancies with donors how they approached or are thinking about approaching the subject and also councellors at clinics should be able to assist. It really is an invidividual choice .... sorry I can't be of more help!
I wish you all the best whatever you decide to do!
Regards
Nickie
1st Cycle ICSI - Cancelled before E/R due to poor response
2nd Cycle ICSI - April 2004 Negative
3rd Cycle FET - July 2004 - Negative
4th Cycle ICSI - Nov 2004 - BFP (Oh my GOD)
2nd Cycle ICSI - April 2004 Negative
3rd Cycle FET - July 2004 - Negative
4th Cycle ICSI - Nov 2004 - BFP (Oh my GOD)
Hi Denis
I agree with Nickie. To help you we need to know the facts like if any donors have been used. The fact that the laws have changed recently in the UK (I don't know where you are) and the anonymity of donors have changed.
Me and my DH use both our eggs and sperm but we will tell any child that we am blessed with that he/she was and IVF conception. By the time that happens though I am sure there will be dozens of IVF kids in the childs class and a normally concieved child will be the minority. There seems to be so many people that I speak to that have IVF children or know of IVF children.
I am sure your son will be fine with whatever you tell him and I would encourage it as one day it may come out by accident and then he will feel like he's been lied to. A bit like adopted children, they have a right to know.
Again like Nickie these are my views as well and don't intend to offend anyone. I hope you come to a decision which is right for you and your son. Good luck.
Love Dagny xkx
I agree with Nickie. To help you we need to know the facts like if any donors have been used. The fact that the laws have changed recently in the UK (I don't know where you are) and the anonymity of donors have changed.
Me and my DH use both our eggs and sperm but we will tell any child that we am blessed with that he/she was and IVF conception. By the time that happens though I am sure there will be dozens of IVF kids in the childs class and a normally concieved child will be the minority. There seems to be so many people that I speak to that have IVF children or know of IVF children.
I am sure your son will be fine with whatever you tell him and I would encourage it as one day it may come out by accident and then he will feel like he's been lied to. A bit like adopted children, they have a right to know.
Again like Nickie these are my views as well and don't intend to offend anyone. I hope you come to a decision which is right for you and your son. Good luck.
Love Dagny xkx
Me 38 DH 40
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
1st 2nd & 4th IVF/ICSI -ve
3rd +ve DD Katelyn born @ 24wks & sadly died
5th +ve m/c 9wks
6th +ve Twins Sadly DD Leah stillborn @20wks and DS Kieran born @22wks but sadly died too
7th +ve - DD Chloë Mae born @38wks our precious miracle
What do I say to my child
Thanks to both Nickie88 and Dagny for their replies. Just to fill in some of the blanks - I am in Ireland and we used my sperm. The procedure worked on the third attempt (I think) and despite a few subsequent attempts, we did not achieve any further pregnancies. Our son is a wonderful, healthy young person and we are very open with him (possibly as he is an only child - but that's another issue!). I do not want to have it come up by accident and have him feel we were dishonest with him, so on balance, I think it is something that we will discuss with him, but I was interested in views of others on the topic.
best wished to those who have contributed.
Denis
best wished to those who have contributed.
Denis
my thoughts
Denis as your in Ireland like me I thought I give you my 10p worth or 10 Euro. I'm doing IVF at the moment and have no doubt that if we are lucky enough to get a postive result we will tell our child. I am sure there are issues that some people will have with it , I do.nt know any one who has had children by IVF but I dont think its something to hide. After all we conciously decided to bring a child into the world and there are lots of different ways of doing that these days.
I suspect when it comes to it later in life if he found out by accident there might be a bigger problem. Rather that getting him used to the idea from an earlier stage.
Good luck with the reaction.
Bro
I suspect when it comes to it later in life if he found out by accident there might be a bigger problem. Rather that getting him used to the idea from an earlier stage.
Good luck with the reaction.
Bro
Denis
I have a 6 year old daughter conceived by IVF. I think she is a bit young to be told the facts now but I will certainly tell her later on. Although her father and I are now longer together I think you can put a very positive spin on this by emphasising how much you wanted your son and how lucky you are to have him. It makes him very special.
Good luck
Fiona
I have a 6 year old daughter conceived by IVF. I think she is a bit young to be told the facts now but I will certainly tell her later on. Although her father and I are now longer together I think you can put a very positive spin on this by emphasising how much you wanted your son and how lucky you are to have him. It makes him very special.
Good luck
Fiona