Thinking of giving up

[KarenSmiff]

Hi Jen

Just wanted to say everything you are feeling I feel too. It is just human nature to feel like that. I keep thinking "I CAN'T NOT BE A MUM"
I am sure if you carry on it WILL happen.

I sometimes bring the subject up of donor sperm, but he wont have any of it Dh has low sperm 9mill, after having the snip reversed for me. We have had 3 attempts, I miscarried in May at 9weeks. He now makes comments that we are not going to spend any more money on it (he has two boys), but then we row, & I try and explain, if it was the other way round, there is no way he would give up! Its alright for him, he has sowed his seed. I know, if I turn the taps on and scream and ball he will come round, but then I am soo scared of trying again. Another £3000 and another neg

Anyway, trying to get myself on the NHS list at the mo for next year's freebie! Yippeeeeee. & Ive got him taking loads of vits, get those sperm a swimming!

I have up and down days just like you. To tell you the truth I always end up feeling sad when i look at these boards cus it really hits me then.

Keep trying Jen.
Love Karenxx

[Guest]

Karen

You are an angel, thanks for the encouragement. It is just so bloody hard.

I know what you mean about these boards though..........sometimes it just makes you really think about what is going on.

I am generally someone who has to plan every second of her life....DH is the same.........but it is beginning to hit home that we really only can live day to day because.......someone somewhere else obviously has a big plan for us and nothing we do sometimes is going to stop it. It may well be that there is another plan out there for us, but in the meantime, thanks to all you guys...........I am sticking to this one and going to give it a bloody good try.......

Karen, I wish you all the luck in the world with the NHS or saving another £3000.........either way, it will be worth it because, firstly and most importantly, it may work.......secondly, you can rest easy knowing you gave it your best shot!

Good luck.......chat soon

Love

JenFx

[Fiona L]

Hi girls.

I don't know if this will help or not but I do know people who have given themselves a deadline to work to on getting pregnant, either reaching a certain age or number of fertility treatments. It sounds a bit unemotional but they say it worked for them as it took away the indefinite going on and on and helped them get on with their lives.

I had 3 attempts at IUI to try and conceive my second child which failed. When the doctor told me I would have to try IVF as a last resort I decided to give myself until I was 35 to get pregnant. Partly because I didn't want to miss my first child's childhood by obsessing about getting pregnant and partly for the sake of my marriage. I was lucky, and got pregnant on the second go at 33, but it helped me to have a firm goal to work to.


Sorry if this is a load of complete b******s.

Love Fiona

[Tracey S]

Karen

I really felt for you reading your reply to Jen - My dh has 2 daughters and it's such a slap in the face after negatives especially. Luckily he always wanted more and never had the snip - it is my knackered tubes that's the problem! You need to find your dream and I hope you do.
Regarding plans - you and Jen mentioned them I think - I used to think there was a grand plan out there for each of us but I think not now....... whoever is out there planning must be human of sorts and plans change and evolve............. you can go out there and carve your own great plan. They sort out 60% of people by 3 attempts - that leaves 40% for the 4th and then out of that they sort another 25% of the 40 - so most are sorted by 4 attempts (which if you look at it is right - IVF has around a 25-30% success rate for take home baby) - so each time one person is lucky at attempt one someone else has to have 5 goes to balance it out.
You have been pg Karen - your body knows what to do now and you can do this again - I just hope it's a freebie. Try and not think about the not being a mummy - I did this a lot - try and focus on the how good a mumy you will be - it's suprising how this visualisation works!
Jen - glad to see you up and at them again - you will fight on I am sure and get there!
Fiona - you spoke a lot of sense - having had one child made it much "likelier"that you would conceive again. Time limits do work for some people but like most grand plans when they get there they just do one more................ you know the thing!
Good luck to you Karen and you Jen and Fiona happy pg!
Love
Tracey
xxx

[caz1]

Jen - just to say that I am thinking of you. You know I when through ALOT of soul searching throughout the whole process- still do infact - as do occasionally wonder about what our chaces are of ever getting thsi far again
Just to say (to you and KAren or anyone) - that I am very happy to discuss the donor thing or whatever if you ever want to. As you know I have views on it!!
Karen - my DH was very undecided about the donor thing - in the end we used TESE and by a miracle got PG ( so far!) - but it really was me driving the whole donor thing as I just couldn't contemplatenot being a mother - so so tough isnt it? I bet your DH would feel very differently though once the wheels were in motion.
Good luck - I'll be keeping an eye out and everything crossed for you!
Cazxx