Summer Board 2011

[WeHaveHope]

Wishing-DH came how and he is visibly sad but trying hard to keep his spirits up. Mostly, I think he is doing it for me and I love him for that. Did you also have the blood clots? I am so scared. This was alot of blood. I just went to the bathroom a few minutes ago and there is still blood but a bit on the darker red. It is also not dripping like it was initially but i am still having cramping I think that's what it is. The bleedibg has slowed down after expelling what I think were two blood clots. God, I pray really hard that everything is ok. Please, please, let everything be ok. Why does this have to be so difficult? And, God I know others have gone through worse and I know you have a plan, I do. I just wish I knew what that plan was for us. Sorry guys.

[Wishingandhoping]

We- With the cervical bleed I definitely had clots...large ones. I had some cramping, but not awful. When I had the miscarriage I had pretty severe cramping and the bleeding did not slow down until about 48 hours. I also know that lots of women on here have had subchorionic hemorrhages that have caused pretty severe bleeding, but after some bedrest, babies have been okay. If you are really concerned you could go to the ER and see if they could do an ultrasound. When I had my cervical bleed, my RE was nice enough to meet me at the clinic after-hours. I hope this helps. Do not lose hope!!! Prayers and hugs!

[WeHaveHope]

Wishing-thank you. I dont know what i would do without all if you. Who coykd i possibly discos these things with if not with you ladies. I know my RE and nurse are still trying to remain optimistic because if the great Beta I had on Tuesdsy. My nurse said that doing an u/a tomorrow would more than likely not show anything and that would just upset me more. I don't know. I wish they could just do the Beta and get the results right away instead if having to wait all day for them. I also wish they could do a preliminary u/s tomorrow but like they said, to see what? God, please help me get through this. Please let everything be ok and just this just be one of those things that happen.

[easley4]

WeHaveHope~ When I had my twin M/C in Jan the pain/cramps were very bad as was the bleeding. I was doubled over in pain. There was no mistaken what was happening. I am praying for you, please try and hang in there.

[teachergirl]

Hi Lauren,

Thanks so much for getting back to me so quickly. I was just talking to DH and he is super supportive. He is willing to do whatever makes me happy and is safe. I am the opposite of your marriage situation. I'm catholic and DH is jewish. That's so strange how we have that in common too. I would absolutely never judge. In fact my middle sister had the same situation. She was pregnant with a girl as well. They said she would have been severely retarded. She was not in the position to take care of a baby then and had a horrible boyfriend at the time.
I talked to Dr. Hughes at the PGD clinic. He said that we had better odds sending more embryos and the goal was 8. It took me 3 cycles to get 8 embryos. I got cyst 2 times inbetween with no eggs. After the second cyst, with only two embryos in the freezer, our IVF Dr. said we should consider alt. options. We decided to do again and finally had a "good cycle" where we got 6 eggs and 4 fertilized.
Now that we know that our embryos were all bad and none were transferable, we are going to meet with our RE sometime next week. We're not sure if he really wants us to do another cycle. He keeps telling me that my ovaries are shrinking: half the size on rt. and 1/3 on the left (which what they say happens to girls w/ fragile x: early menopause). Where should be looking for research in case our RE tells us to stop trying?

Thanks sooooooo much!
Krissy

[Ninde]

This is my first opportto log on and Im so saddened by the pain and distress that so many are going through.

Mcast : I dont live in the States but as was mentioned, check the stats. And also go with your gut. I know there are no guarantees no matter how good the doctor is but you have the right at least to be respected. Maybe some of your feelings are the natural stage of grieving but allow yourself the questions too.

Frogers : I'm so so sorry. This is just awful for you. You are in my prayers.

Lyd10: you are having a crappy time at the moment. I hope the happy exercise hormones lift you a little.

Lauren319: wow what a brave lady you are. I cant imagine anyone on this board judging you and if anyone in life does, dont take it on. That's their fear talking and its no reflection on you.

Lauren : you poor thing! Try not to worry about the fight. Let your dh be a bit pissed. Doesn't make him right and you wrong. Makes you both human and stressed. Give yourself some space and remember you are doing the best you can.

Wehavehope: how are you doing? I dont know anything about the physiology of what you are going through but sounds like others do so listen to them if you can. I'm going to pray really hard for you now.

I'm sorry I didnt include everyone but I'm going to go do some serious pleading from heaven.

Afm

[WeHaveHope]

Ninde-thank you for asking and for worrying about me. You have no idea what it means to me, especialy now, to have the support of such a bunch of wonderful ladies. I have stopped crying, for the time being. I am sure I will start up again soon. I can't help but feel despair. We have come this fat an I don't want it to end this way. DH is trying to hold up for me and keeps asking me about the bleeding and saying that maybe it's just one of those freak things. So many feeling and emotions right now. It's overwhelming. I feel like I have hit bottom and can't possibly get up one minute and then the next minute I am thinking about never giving up and finding the strength to move on to the next cycle. I love you all and thank you.

[riogirl71]

Anton. I cannot believe this, we were all sure this was it, i am so sorry and sening huge hugs to you and dh, you are always in my thoughts and prayers for a baby!

Lauren. Sorry dh is doing that, my dh did that too, i think sometimes they dont know what to say or do with us! Keeping fingers crossed for your bfp

Lauren 319. So glad to see you back here, i dont think anyone has the right to judge you on your decision. My dh has an adopted sister with a disability and i see how hard it is. Please dont beat yourself up. I am keeping my fingers crossed that. You will get yr bfp!

[Sunshine1576]

Anton, I was so sadden to read your latest update, I thought for surely this has to be the one, yes it's going to take a little more experimenting. I also know God has BIG plans for you and DH we just have to continue praying hat He will show us the way and lead us down the path of motherhood. We know there are still options out there, it may just take some time to figure out the next best move. I also think it will be good for you to have something part-time, it will help ease your mind a little and be good for you. I say part-time so you can still have time for upcoming appointments.
All the best to you- Christy

[Sunshine1576]

Lauren,
I would blame it on the hormones, but I do know this plays a toll on any relationship! Dh is willing to try anything, sometimes they have a hard time understanding what we girls go through, they want us to be happy and only want the best, but sometimes feel helpless in knowing what to do. Time is the only way to get through this and yes lots of retail therapy!

[Sunshine1576]

Wow this week is getting by me too fast with doctor appointments every other day....Moving along with 4 follicles on the leftside and 3 on the right all measuring around 13. Started Gonarelix tonight to hold up ovulation for a few more days until the "green light" is given. Next scan on Friday.
Sending much love and babydust your way,
Sunshine1576

[WeHaveHope]

It's 5:41am my time and I have barely slept all night. The bleeding has finally completely stopped. I definantely. Slowed down significantly when I passed what I think were two blood clots, but I am not sure what they were. All night I have cried and then fallen asleep for shorp periods of time to only have vivid dreams that would wake me up. My DH is glad the bleeding has stopped and thinks that this is a positive sign that we are still pregnant and everything is ok. I on the otherhand don't know what to think. I POAS this morning and the electronic HPT said "pregnant". But what does that realy mean at this point? My mind is swimming in a sea of emotions. I think I don't even feel pregnant anymore. Which is so hard for me to even think about and brings me to tears everytime the thought crosses my mind. I am usually a pretty strong and optimistic person. It's one if the things my DH lobed about me. I can always see the positive in almost everything. This is so different. So much different that the BFN's I have had in the past. I guess with those I wad mentally prepared for the result, the possibility of not being pregnant. Even this tine, I remained realistic after 7 or 8 HPT because I did not want to get my hopes up. But when the Beta came back positive and with such a good strong level and then the second one as well, it was very difficult to stay detached from the feeling. I suddenly realized I was truly pregnant and began yo enjoy the moment. How hard it is for me after so many years of TTC to just let go of that feeling. God, I wanted this so much. With every fiber of my being. I feel so hurt because I just feel like it has ended. I am staying home today. I feel so absolutely hopeless I can't possibly be effective at work. I've done nothing but cry all night so my eyes are puffy and I must look like hell. I know I feel like hell. I have my appointment for the 3rd Beya this morning. The wait is going to compound my feeling of dispair. I don't want to have yo wait all day yo find out if we are still pregnant or not. My heart can't possibly take that. But that is out if my control. It's all in Gods hands , it has always been. And I know I have to trust, have faith. Right now, God I am really sorry I am struggling a bit in that department. Please pray for me.

[Ninde]

We havehope: it sounds like last night really was the darkest night for you. I'm so sorry you are experiencing all of this. If you can (and I know this is a huge ask) try and rest. I know from earlier posts that you are optimistic and also a woman with a strong faith. Call on both of these wonderful Sparta of you just to support you through this, not to negate how you are feeling or force a sense of onwards and upwards but just to resource and support you just so you can take a breath.

Right now I'm asking arch angel Raphael to be with you and to place his healing hand on your shoulder.

Ninde

[Wishingandhoping]

We- I know that you are just going to keep worrying until you get that beta, but the fact that the bleeding is so much better is a great sign. When I miscarried, the bleeding did not slow down for about 48 hours. With the cervical bleed, it slowed quite a bit after a couple of hours. I'm praying for you!

[sunshine.12]

wehavehope - i know seeing red blood after you get that +ve beta is the scariest thing. but like everyone said, the fact that yours stopped after a while definitely shows that it is not m/c. i had bright red bleeding at 6 weeks which scared the hell out of us. we couldn't sleep until we had our u/s and saw a flickering hb. i still have some brown spotting once in a while.

since you are so early in pregnancy, a good rise in beta will be a good sign. good luck!