Hi gilrs, after I grumbled (and commiserated) about the difficult side of pregnancies on various threads, I decided to start a new one to share with you my frustration with scare stories. My hospital which is very good on IVF has this thing about twins being almost a failure (well the head of the clinic does and he publishes some research and interviews regularly in the Dutch paper i read) in the sense that they are 'all born too early' and in danger etc. Also my counsellor the other day - the hospital provides one as part of the IVF cycle and I stuck with her as she was great help when I had my m/c scared me again by telling me stories about people having one baby in an incubator in one corner of the country and the other in the other - because they sometimes don't have enough places here! I was so depressed from all this and did not even tell dp as he is also very paranoid about early birth. I am now really tired of scare stories and the one thing that keeps my optimism up is all of the twin mummies on this forum getting further and further on with their pregnancies. But I am also worried everyone is feeding me so much info about early births (even a friend from the US told me some pregant women were put to lie upsde down to keep the babies in!) I could become obsessed and make it come true subconsciously - its like trying not to think about a pink elephant if you see what I mean...What do your doctors tell you, I have the feeling that in the Uk the idea that all IVF twins hould be born early is not quite so widespread?
Love,
juliana(25 weeks and counting)
tired of twin scare stories
-
helenlouise
- Regular
- Posts: 264
- Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2003 12:15 pm
- Location: Hampshire
Hi Juliana,
i get scared too and have been all along. It's a real shame, as i was only saying to my DP last night that i haven't really had time to enjoy this pregnancy because i've been so worried about getting from one milestone to the next. Now i am 33 weeks and more worried about something major being wrong with one of them than them coming early now.
I haven't had a problem with any doctor or midwife. In fact i think the midwives fight to do a twin delivery! I have been told that due date is around 37-38 weeks for twins. You are over that 'crucial' 24 week stage, so you can reassure yourself with that. Every week goes past so quickly from now on, so try and enjoy some of it.
I've found that finishing work early has definately helped me (i finished at 29 weeks) because i'm not stressed, can get up when i want, nap when i want and not do much all day, so i feel i am giving my babies the best chance of staying put for as long as possible.
For every scare story i read i also read a positive uplifting one, but its so hard to focus on the good rather than the bad. There are probably only slightly less single babies that come early anyway. Try and keep occupied by buying things ready for the babies so you feel organised and sorted whenever they come. Also, although i don't practise what i preach, stop reading the scare stories on other webites or in magazines etc. I get paranoid if i haven't felt them move for a few hours, then they start up again and i am happy. I only have a few more weeks to put my feet up and spend time only with DP, so i am trying to savour it a bit. Try and relax a little, and remember the hospital will do what is best for you and the babes.
i get scared too and have been all along. It's a real shame, as i was only saying to my DP last night that i haven't really had time to enjoy this pregnancy because i've been so worried about getting from one milestone to the next. Now i am 33 weeks and more worried about something major being wrong with one of them than them coming early now.
I haven't had a problem with any doctor or midwife. In fact i think the midwives fight to do a twin delivery! I have been told that due date is around 37-38 weeks for twins. You are over that 'crucial' 24 week stage, so you can reassure yourself with that. Every week goes past so quickly from now on, so try and enjoy some of it.
I've found that finishing work early has definately helped me (i finished at 29 weeks) because i'm not stressed, can get up when i want, nap when i want and not do much all day, so i feel i am giving my babies the best chance of staying put for as long as possible.
For every scare story i read i also read a positive uplifting one, but its so hard to focus on the good rather than the bad. There are probably only slightly less single babies that come early anyway. Try and keep occupied by buying things ready for the babies so you feel organised and sorted whenever they come. Also, although i don't practise what i preach, stop reading the scare stories on other webites or in magazines etc. I get paranoid if i haven't felt them move for a few hours, then they start up again and i am happy. I only have a few more weeks to put my feet up and spend time only with DP, so i am trying to savour it a bit. Try and relax a little, and remember the hospital will do what is best for you and the babes.
Helen
-------------------
me 33, DP 35
ICSI cycle Nov 2003, tested positive.
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me 33, DP 35
ICSI cycle Nov 2003, tested positive.
Oh Juliana - big hug - have also replied to you on my twinnie thread.
For every scare story you should be able to find 3 non scary ones - that is the statistics. Yes they come early but not all of them and you will be conscious of it. I think Helen summed it all up very nicely really - thanks Helen as pg brain setting in again
There is a lovely book called double trouble by Emma Mahoney or Maloney - Mahoney I think which you should be able to get off Ebay or Amazon - it is wonderful and will tell you things but also celebrates twins. If you can get it do - its great! I am very lucky that my specialist at the hospital specialises in risky pg's and twins! She is so laid back - actually I mean relaxed. Juliana at 28 wks they have a 90% chance of survival and then will need some help breathing and feeding. Concentrate you mind on 34 wks and even then over 50 % of twin pg's are still going strong! 34 wks is the magic one she says as chances are they won't need any care. Get this date in your mind and don't worry about anything else if you can. I thought after Oliver dying I would be a nightmare and the first 16-20wks I was not good (he died at 17-20 wks) Since then whilst I do worry about something happening in labour and them being starved of oxygen or dying with a cord around the neck before I get to labour of something being wrong I keep this to a minimum and try and enjoy all the attention.
Do you remember when you had your IVF and we always says "little steps" - try the same here - take each day as it comes and try not to worry about the hurdles not even there yet or some you might not reach. Seems to me they are trying to give you the worst case all the time which can be fine in itself but enough is enough now. There are lovely stories out there - I have listened to Jules have her twins, seen Nikola go through a rotten time with hers and they weren't split up, seen sarah go on to nearly full term, see Helen with her lovely boys not to mention the ones recently. There are some truly wonderful twin experiences out there - why do you have to be the bad case scenario? You could be the good one.
Just rest when your body says it needs it and try and have some fun and laughs along the way. WE are here to chivvy you along.
Helen we are so close in dates - fancy a sweep stake!
Love
Tracey
xxx
For every scare story you should be able to find 3 non scary ones - that is the statistics. Yes they come early but not all of them and you will be conscious of it. I think Helen summed it all up very nicely really - thanks Helen as pg brain setting in again
There is a lovely book called double trouble by Emma Mahoney or Maloney - Mahoney I think which you should be able to get off Ebay or Amazon - it is wonderful and will tell you things but also celebrates twins. If you can get it do - its great! I am very lucky that my specialist at the hospital specialises in risky pg's and twins! She is so laid back - actually I mean relaxed. Juliana at 28 wks they have a 90% chance of survival and then will need some help breathing and feeding. Concentrate you mind on 34 wks and even then over 50 % of twin pg's are still going strong! 34 wks is the magic one she says as chances are they won't need any care. Get this date in your mind and don't worry about anything else if you can. I thought after Oliver dying I would be a nightmare and the first 16-20wks I was not good (he died at 17-20 wks) Since then whilst I do worry about something happening in labour and them being starved of oxygen or dying with a cord around the neck before I get to labour of something being wrong I keep this to a minimum and try and enjoy all the attention.
Do you remember when you had your IVF and we always says "little steps" - try the same here - take each day as it comes and try not to worry about the hurdles not even there yet or some you might not reach. Seems to me they are trying to give you the worst case all the time which can be fine in itself but enough is enough now. There are lovely stories out there - I have listened to Jules have her twins, seen Nikola go through a rotten time with hers and they weren't split up, seen sarah go on to nearly full term, see Helen with her lovely boys not to mention the ones recently. There are some truly wonderful twin experiences out there - why do you have to be the bad case scenario? You could be the good one.
Just rest when your body says it needs it and try and have some fun and laughs along the way. WE are here to chivvy you along.
Helen we are so close in dates - fancy a sweep stake!
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
hi juliana,
the whole pregnancy thing is a huge worry and it isn't helped with people telling stories. helen and tracey know a lot more about twins than i do and i believe that they are usually expected to arrive around wk 37 to 39. hospitals are very geared up for this. it sounds as though your consultant is giving you the worst case scenario. maybe ask him about the best case scenarios too, to give you another perspective.
the story about women lying upside down to stop the babies coming out sound nuts.
your babies are developing well. keep looking after yourself and take some of the stories with a pinch of salt.
phil x
the whole pregnancy thing is a huge worry and it isn't helped with people telling stories. helen and tracey know a lot more about twins than i do and i believe that they are usually expected to arrive around wk 37 to 39. hospitals are very geared up for this. it sounds as though your consultant is giving you the worst case scenario. maybe ask him about the best case scenarios too, to give you another perspective.
the story about women lying upside down to stop the babies coming out sound nuts.
your babies are developing well. keep looking after yourself and take some of the stories with a pinch of salt.
phil x
Juliana
there are good and bad stories to be told about everything in life and when you are in any particular situation you will hear them all.
I am now 37 weeks with twins, my hospital had warned me that if there were any problems they MAY be seperated although my midwife told me to stick to my guns and insist that they stay together. However, hopefully that time has passed, I m fine the babies seem fine and the hospital is in no hurry to deliver as long as all is well they would be happy for them to be in until 40 weeks. All hospital policies are different and a lot just give you the worst case scenario to cover there backs, the majority of births will be fine with the babies needing no more extra care than singletons and you coming home before you know it.
Our local paper has just told a story about a lady who didn't know that she was pregnant, went to the doctors with a tummy ache and he sent her straight to the maternity unit. A few hours later she gave birth naturally to 2 full term babies both weighing in at over 7lb each.
No scare mongering for her and they were all fine.
Try not to take everything to heart (says she who watches every baby programme going!!!) and enjoy this special time, ask plenty questions about why they do things and remember there are always more positives than negatives they just aren't discussed as much.
Try and join a local twin club or TAMBA who offer good advice and a good message board aswell.
Take care
Love Lisa x
there are good and bad stories to be told about everything in life and when you are in any particular situation you will hear them all.
I am now 37 weeks with twins, my hospital had warned me that if there were any problems they MAY be seperated although my midwife told me to stick to my guns and insist that they stay together. However, hopefully that time has passed, I m fine the babies seem fine and the hospital is in no hurry to deliver as long as all is well they would be happy for them to be in until 40 weeks. All hospital policies are different and a lot just give you the worst case scenario to cover there backs, the majority of births will be fine with the babies needing no more extra care than singletons and you coming home before you know it.
Our local paper has just told a story about a lady who didn't know that she was pregnant, went to the doctors with a tummy ache and he sent her straight to the maternity unit. A few hours later she gave birth naturally to 2 full term babies both weighing in at over 7lb each.
No scare mongering for her and they were all fine.
Try not to take everything to heart (says she who watches every baby programme going!!!) and enjoy this special time, ask plenty questions about why they do things and remember there are always more positives than negatives they just aren't discussed as much.
Try and join a local twin club or TAMBA who offer good advice and a good message board aswell.
Take care
Love Lisa x
Lisa
Don't we sound like right know it alls - remember when we used to have our flaps?
Love
Tracey
xxx
Don't we sound like right know it alls - remember when we used to have our flaps?
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
Hi Juliana
I haven't posted for probably a year now as have been off line but just felt that I really had to reply to you. I had my twins at 38 weeks in February and I was induced as I had colastasis which is of no relation to having twins and I'd probably would have had it even with a single baby. Anyway it was likely I would have gone past the 38 weeks. Also i went along to twin antelnatle classes and all of us got past 34 weeks which seems to be the magic date for twins. I am sure that you will be just fine. I hope that this helps a bit, I know you can't help worrying but it seems you are doing really well.
Chrissi
I haven't posted for probably a year now as have been off line but just felt that I really had to reply to you. I had my twins at 38 weeks in February and I was induced as I had colastasis which is of no relation to having twins and I'd probably would have had it even with a single baby. Anyway it was likely I would have gone past the 38 weeks. Also i went along to twin antelnatle classes and all of us got past 34 weeks which seems to be the magic date for twins. I am sure that you will be just fine. I hope that this helps a bit, I know you can't help worrying but it seems you are doing really well.
Chrissi
Lisa
Snap!!! They do change tack don't they! You would have laughed - they showed us around the hospital etc the other day and were talking about lavender footbaths and rose massages being very good - I am sure they are I said but need a little more than a foot rub to get me thro this! 
Take care Lisa
Chrissie - hello stranger - glad all well with you - twins ok?
Love
Tracey
xxx
Snap!!! They do change tack don't they!
You would have laughed - they showed us around the hospital etc the other day and were talking about lavender footbaths and rose massages being very good - I am sure they are I said but need a little more than a foot rub to get me thro this! Take care Lisa
Chrissie - hello stranger - glad all well with you - twins ok?
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
Hi girls,
I am so grateful for your replies and words of encouragement, maybe that's all I needed really. I am already starting to feel better about it. I am not naturally a pessimistic person or so prone to grumbling, and of course I am all in favour of enjoying life and this time in particular - the only time in my life after all when I am pregnant! (so Lisa and the rest, please don't take me so seriously when I talk about being tired of having to enjoy
) It is just I have become so easily influenced and panicky after all the hurdles of IVF and m/c and all that.
I think those of you who told me that they are giving me the worst case scenario are right. The hospital sort of insures itself like this and also they are trying to stop me working early which I am more than inclined to do anyway. Work is hell at the moment and I've decided I am stopping in 2 weks at most (at 28 weeks). On Monday I went to talk to the company doctor (A Ducth institution I guess), i was feeling awful that day, dizzy and pale and breathless and he agreed i should work only a couple of weeks more at most. this is a relief, now I just have to resolve the stupid crisis here at work with some student exams and then I am out of here, cannot stand all the stress any more even if my job is not particularly physically tiring.
I also tried to convey to DP that telling me all the time that I must keep them in does not always help. By the way, we went to an information evening last night in the hospital and they showed us the birth rooms and everything - but guess what - the doctors could not come as they had some difficult delivery and while we were taking the tour they were struggling in the reanimation room - talk about me picking panic up! I had nightmares the whole night afterwards feel like such a wimp! I really have to get my thoughts in another direction. Tracey, i will order that book as soon as possible, need to read up on twins anyway.
Once again, thank you all so much for the compassion and reassurance. I will get the 34 weeks in my mind and aim for even later - as Helen said stopping work should help!
love to all,
juliana
I am so grateful for your replies and words of encouragement, maybe that's all I needed really. I am already starting to feel better about it. I am not naturally a pessimistic person or so prone to grumbling, and of course I am all in favour of enjoying life and this time in particular - the only time in my life after all when I am pregnant! (so Lisa and the rest, please don't take me so seriously when I talk about being tired of having to enjoy
) It is just I have become so easily influenced and panicky after all the hurdles of IVF and m/c and all that.I think those of you who told me that they are giving me the worst case scenario are right. The hospital sort of insures itself like this and also they are trying to stop me working early which I am more than inclined to do anyway. Work is hell at the moment and I've decided I am stopping in 2 weks at most (at 28 weeks). On Monday I went to talk to the company doctor (A Ducth institution I guess), i was feeling awful that day, dizzy and pale and breathless and he agreed i should work only a couple of weeks more at most. this is a relief, now I just have to resolve the stupid crisis here at work with some student exams and then I am out of here, cannot stand all the stress any more even if my job is not particularly physically tiring.
I also tried to convey to DP that telling me all the time that I must keep them in does not always help. By the way, we went to an information evening last night in the hospital and they showed us the birth rooms and everything - but guess what - the doctors could not come as they had some difficult delivery and while we were taking the tour they were struggling in the reanimation room - talk about me picking panic up! I had nightmares the whole night afterwards feel like such a wimp! I really have to get my thoughts in another direction. Tracey, i will order that book as soon as possible, need to read up on twins anyway.
Once again, thank you all so much for the compassion and reassurance. I will get the 34 weeks in my mind and aim for even later - as Helen said stopping work should help!
love to all,
juliana
Juliana
You sound much better and leaving work will do you no end of good it really will. Ypu won't believe how much better you fee about it all I am sure once you can rest when you want etc............
Luckily (
) England are out the footie (boo hoo) and now timmy henman out the tennis so my stressful situations have vanished He will never win it now! Such a shame............. Will cheer on Holland tonight in the footie.
Trust you to have a difficult situation at the hospital - mine was so quiet and calm like no body had ever had a problem there in their life! At times tho it's hectic there so must have been lucky.
Take special care ok and there are so wonderful twin books if you want to read up - give me a shout and I will let you know the titles - it's just the one I told you about is just wonderful and fun - we could all do with that couldn't we?
Love
Tracey
xxx
You sound much better and leaving work will do you no end of good it really will. Ypu won't believe how much better you fee about it all I am sure once you can rest when you want etc............
Luckily (
) England are out the footie (boo hoo) and now timmy henman out the tennis so my stressful situations have vanished He will never win it now! Such a shame............. Will cheer on Holland tonight in the footie.Trust you to have a difficult situation at the hospital - mine was so quiet and calm like no body had ever had a problem there in their life! At times tho it's hectic there so must have been lucky.
Take special care ok and there are so wonderful twin books if you want to read up - give me a shout and I will let you know the titles - it's just the one I told you about is just wonderful and fun - we could all do with that couldn't we?
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
hey Tracey,
Talk about leaving work doing me good - was stressed again with my exam and studentsand slept so bad I promised myself these are the last weeks I am doing this - a wek more at most and then I will stop (watch me doing - it overly responsible workaholic that I am , I must get myself just to let go!)
DP is going to London on Monday (hope he will not get into transport problems with the tube strike) so I would appreciate very much if you have recommendations on the most important twins books - I will ask him to look for them in the bookshops, easier to find than here (of course there is always amazon, but sunndenly i have the irge to get my hands on some!)
sorry about henman, i was thinking about you when I watched his match, really sorry you were disappointed. As for the Ducth i have to admit I don't midn them losing as people whip themselves into a bit of a frenzy when they win and I find it a bit stressful at the moment when they scream and shout and honk under the windows. i am now supporting the Czechs...
love,
juliana
Talk about leaving work doing me good - was stressed again with my exam and studentsand slept so bad I promised myself these are the last weeks I am doing this - a wek more at most and then I will stop (watch me doing - it overly responsible workaholic that I am , I must get myself just to let go!)
DP is going to London on Monday (hope he will not get into transport problems with the tube strike) so I would appreciate very much if you have recommendations on the most important twins books - I will ask him to look for them in the bookshops, easier to find than here (of course there is always amazon, but sunndenly i have the irge to get my hands on some!)
sorry about henman, i was thinking about you when I watched his match, really sorry you were disappointed. As for the Ducth i have to admit I don't midn them losing as people whip themselves into a bit of a frenzy when they win and I find it a bit stressful at the moment when they scream and shout and honk under the windows. i am now supporting the Czechs...
love,
juliana
Hi Juliana
You are doing well - pat on the back time I reckon Oh well can enjoy the tennis now stress free. holland did not play well and spent most of my life down in Portugal for all the holidays between 4 and 28 yrs old and worked down there so hope they win now. Also they beat us and they are the host nation............
Books for you - these are the 3 I felt gave something in each but balanced between medical and amusing etc if that makes sense:
Double Trouble: Twins and how to survive them! Emma Mahoney
Twins and the Family - Audrey Sandbank (think she is part of TAMBA somewhere)
Everything you need to know about a healthy twin pregnancy - Gila Leiter - this can be a bit American for the UK market (nothing wrong with Americans before I upset Val and BEcky etc) but things are slightly different over in our health service. Had some very useful things in though.
Hope he can get them - very easy on Amazon if not and mine arrived within a few days. WH smiths have some and Waterstones will have the others I am sure.
Love
Tracey
xxx
You are doing well - pat on the back time I reckon
Oh well can enjoy the tennis now stress free. holland did not play well and spent most of my life down in Portugal for all the holidays between 4 and 28 yrs old and worked down there so hope they win now. Also they beat us and they are the host nation............Books for you - these are the 3 I felt gave something in each but balanced between medical and amusing etc if that makes sense:
Double Trouble: Twins and how to survive them! Emma Mahoney
Twins and the Family - Audrey Sandbank (think she is part of TAMBA somewhere)
Everything you need to know about a healthy twin pregnancy - Gila Leiter - this can be a bit American for the UK market (nothing wrong with Americans before I upset Val and BEcky etc) but things are slightly different over in our health service. Had some very useful things in though.
Hope he can get them - very easy on Amazon if not and mine arrived within a few days. WH smiths have some and Waterstones will have the others I am sure.
Love
Tracey
xxx
ttc 9 years. 38 yrs old, dh 8 hrs younger!First IVF in Aug 2002 and had ectopic.2nd IVF neg.3rd FET and negative.4th FET and positive but sadly lost our little boy at 20 weeks.5th FET and Alice Isobel and Emily Charlotte born 5th Aug 2004!
hihi juliana, sorry to hear about the worrying stories u have been told,
i think sometimes doctors like to give u all the facts but sometimes
can be a little insensitive to our situations, but just would like to say
after my scare earlier this week i couldnt fault the hospital with all
their help, yes they had to explain all the facts, but were very
supportive, all i would say is take it easy put your feet up.
alisonn
i think sometimes doctors like to give u all the facts but sometimes
can be a little insensitive to our situations, but just would like to say
after my scare earlier this week i couldnt fault the hospital with all
their help, yes they had to explain all the facts, but were very
supportive, all i would say is take it easy put your feet up.
alisonn