Need advice on responding to boss about IVF success

[pattieh]

So I've gone through a couple of IVF cycles and an IUI in the past 6 or 7 years. I chose to keep my boss in the loop so I wouldn't have the stress of coming with excuses if I had to suddenly be out of the office for an appointment (e.g., retrieval, transfer). She is the head of our office so sort of a big honcho in our small company so she always feels the need to be in control of everything.

We had our last cycle (the last two were unsuccessful due to no embryos surviving to blast) recently and the transfer was last Friday. I was out of the office yesterday because I woke up with a migraine and nausea but still managed to log in from home. She was understanding and e-mailed me to say "Maybe it's a sign of good things." Anyway, I saw her have a meeting with our head of Office Support today behind close doors. I have a feeling that they might've been talking about me and what to do if I were to be pregnant. I really didn't want anyone else to know. (FYI - awhile back when I told her I was pregnant (this was before all the IVF cycles), she already began to worry about who would do my job and suggested that I start training someone on how to do my job so I complained to HR. The pregnancy ended soonafter with miscarriage and I turned to IVF cycles after that)

So back to my story - after her meeting with head of Office Support she sent me an e-mail saying that we should go out for a nice lunch tomorrow (October 26). Now she VERY RARELY asks me out to lunch - at most, we have one meal together for Admin's Day and that's it. I have worked with her for 10 years now and know her personality well, so I'm thinking that she will probably ask me what my plans are if I were to be pregnant (my first Beta is this Sunday). (Will I want to work 5 days a week, be a stay-at-home mom)

I feel uncomfortable planning so far ahead of time - I don't even know if I'm pregnant yet and even if I were, I wanted to wait until the end of the first trimester to start planning and telling anyone. What should I tell her if she asks me what my plans are? I know that I've been open with her all throughout but this is really our last IVF cycle and I don't want to jinx anything by talking about what we're going to do when I'm pregnant. And if she's nice enough not to ask questions, how should I respond if she asks me after the 2 week wait on whether it was a positive or negative result? Keeping her in the loop has made it easier to take time off as needed but at the same time she has a way of stressing me out when she starts planning far ahead of time.




She has a habit of planning way ahead of tim

[LauraN]

Hi. My first question, is, are you in the united states? That would make a difference to me.

[blueeyedreamer]

Patti- I don't see anything wrong with telling her that you don't want to discuss it right now. If you are in the US then that is your right. But, since she is in the loop about the IVF, then you can just tell her that you will announce any success when you are ready. You can tell her that you appreciate her concern for you and can appreciate wanting to plan ahead, but this is a personal decision that you hope that she can be supportive. Hopefully that will make her quiet. Good luck.

[Happy Bunny]

I was in a similar circumstance when we started IVF. My boss asked similar questions... I understood her wanting to know what my plans were but I also wanted to protect my job status. My fear was that they'd start preparing to replace me and the IVF wouldn't work and I'd be in an odd position.

What I did wasn't the most straight forward... I knew that I planned to leave to be a SAHM but I told my boss that I planned to stay and that if I did change my mind, I'd be sure to give her several months notice (you're pregnant for a looooong time so this is reasonable). I left when I was about 6 months pregnant and I did give months worth of notice. They had adequate time to replace me, they did and the company didn't burst into flames when I left - they are fine. I was a department manager and I had a lot of responsibilities but everything still worked out.

[MamaBoo]

Frankly, in the US it is hard to fire a pregnant woman. Especially if you have good reviews. If they replace you, you can show that they didn't eliminate your position for financial reasons too. However, having you train someone to take over temporarily is a reasonable request. I had to leave my job unexpectedly due to complications. They did have a hard time at first because we were just starting to talk about who would fill in during my maternity leave which should have started about 20 weeks later than it did. I would encourage you to sit and talk it out if you have any trust in your boss. I was lucky, my boss & his wife had been through IVF too. He was very understanding.

[pattieh]

Thanks for your replies. Yes, I'm in the US. Not so worried that she'd try to fire me or anything like that. Just didn't want her to start panicking and asking me to train someone before I even know that I'm pregnant or in the first trimester. Her admin was 41 when she was pregnant with her second child. I remember my boss worrying that her admin could have complications and have a premature baby. She's a real worry wart. She's one of those types of people who attract negative energy - example, the whole company can go through a computer upgrade and she'll be the one person that it doesn't work smoothly for. Happens every time. Also, if she's on a flight, there's ALWAYS a problem with it.

I would love to be a SAHM but I won't tell her that.

[brit1612]

I was in this position with some coworkers that knew what was going on. I had found out that I was pregnant but was very nervous I would miscarry ( I had already before). I took advantage of the fact that they didn't know much about when the results would be. I told them that I couldn't test until later because I had an hcg shot. Which was the truth I just stretched it a little bit good luck with your cycle!

[stupidzebra]

I was in this same situation not too long ago, but since I am in the US I was not fired. Good look with your cycle.